Jackson sit on the couch at GOT7's dormitory, the tv is on and show some random program, which he ignore since he sat down half an hour ago.

He little bit bend over while browsing some pictures on his phone. Her pictures for more precisely, thought him as he slide his thumb to see the pictures one by one, Noona was refuse to gave these to me at first, but what's the point of showing these to me but not allowed me to have it? continued him to himself, I mean, that's her point of showing it to me, right? so that, I can have it? thought him as he keep his eyes on his phone, exploring her "will never publish" pictures, just like noona told him.

"What do you mean by "never publish" pictures, noona? Is there even such a thing?" asked him when noona's showed him her pictures right after they were finished with their last session and Youngji has returned to her own dressing room to change her clothes. 

"I made that up, but basically is bunch of pictures that didn't passed my judgment or I thought wasn't good enough to be published, but," cut Mina noona fast as soon as noona saw him frown because of her choice of words, "in this case, when I almost sure that both of your agencies will refuse these pictures to be published when I showed them, which I will do after this."

"Do you mean these pictures.... won't get published, noona?" asked Jackson as he pointing his finger to the screen.

"More likely, but I'm not quite sure until I contacted both of your agencies," answered noona non chalantly. "There's possibility they will miraculously give their permission."

"Even if they don't, can I.... can I have these anyway?"  asked him bravely which make noona quiet but look at him with intense gaze.

"What for? You know I can't give you my work, will publish  or not, beside," noona stop as she squinted her eyes. "you never ask for it before, why now?"

"Well, because...." He stop and try to think of an excuse. "because I never have such a thing as "never publish" photos before," said him quickly.

"That is the lamest excuse I've ever heard," said noona as she shake her head. "Are you sure it's nothing to do with her?"

Of course it does! shout Jackson in his own head. I just don't wanna admit it! "Nope, not at all."

But apparently, after few years known each other, noona know him better, as she suddenly raise her right hand and flick his forehead with her fingers which make him squeal. "Don't try to be smart with me, Jasshik-ga (you punk!)" said noona as she scolded him. "I'm pregnant, not stupid!"

"Ow! noona, is that even necessary?" asked him annoyed.

"It was! Because you so d**n stubborn and pissed me off!" said noona as she little bit shout. The way she scolded him is just like how Sunny noona or Nana noona scolded him or even Gukjoo noona who still call him to give him piece of her mind, not to mention, Jong ok noona, basically every "noonas" he got close to, even so, he know they all are care for him., like he know that Minami noona is scolded him because he refuse to admit why he want to keep her pictures.

"Mianhae-yo (I'm sorry), noona," answered him in the end. "Okay, I want the pictures because.... because... " he stop and turn to see the screen which display the picture of him sleeping obliviously while she caress his face caringly, something he never thought would happen, not in the million of years and there are so much words he want to express just to justify his demand for the pictures, but in the end he can only say, "... because I want it."  Because I want her! added him in his mind.   

Maybe noona saw his sincerity or maybe she just had enough to deal with him, because she take a sigh all of sudden and look tired, "Fine, I give these to you," said noona finally. "but, on one condition." 

"What condition?" asked Jackson. 

"Don't let anybody see these before the publish date," said noona. "just in case both of your agencies allow us to publish it." 

"But," added noona as she raise her right hand and touch his shoulder. "If after that you want to put these pictures on any of your social media, don't forget to credit the photos to me, okay," continued her as she tap his shoulder several times before turn around, leaving him standing there with "microSD"  card in his hand. 

And now, here he is, sit down alone while browsing the pictures of her on his phone.

Just like the first time he got it, which is shocked him by the way, the pictures still give him the same impact, no matter how many times he browse through it. 

Amaze, but at the same time, disbelieve. 

It put him into different perspective. Her perspective. 

It's not that he don't have her pictures at all, in contrary, he somewhat manage to collect some amount of pictures during their stint few years back. Almost all the house members love to take pictures, so does he, either it be selca or in group, in his phone, her phone or one of the member's, but, if she and s sometimes like to share it to social media, he prefer to keep those pictures for himself, especially, her pictures, whether her selca, her with one of the members or their own selca. Sharing it to the rest of the world never an option of his and he somewhat manage to keep some of it from their stint's PD, because PD hyung sometimes "love" to share the pictures they were taken. 

I didn't remember she ever looked at me like this, thought him as he stop to one particular picture from their first session together. I didn't remember feel her touch neither.

But according to the picture, she did and from the way she swept his face and caress it with her finger, she did more than just touch. How come I didn't realize when this was happened? asked him as he can't help to scold himself for being oblivious. How come I didn't woke up when she touched me like this?

That's why, when she came to his dressing room to return his jacket, he tried to find the trace of her from these pictures to the real her, but he couldn't find anything there, as if it never happened. She was already return to being herself, no matter how hard he try to "read" her but never he succeed, not before and obviously not now and being apart with her didn't turns him into an expert neither.

Call him dense or insensitive and people may think that he supposedly expert to this kind of things, but it didn't change the fact that trying to understand how girl's brain works is harder than memorizing his own part, moreover when you suddenly have bunch of noonas whose monitoring all of your actions and try scraping your "bad boy" attitude which already run through your vein. Is not like he flirt with every creatures with chromosome XX.

Well okay, he might flirt to one or more along the way, but he rarely step up to the next level, not because they are less beautiful or less pretty but because he can feel is not the right time nor the right place for him, not yet. At first, it applied the same with her, but the more he know her, get close to her, he realize he want more than she can offer. 

People might think and assume that all he care about is having fun or spread his charms to all genders, thinking that he don't have something deep to think about, but he does. He do think about life, about his work, about his music and how far he can push himself to grow as an artist, a rapper especially. Not to mention that he worry too, about a lot of things. Worry about his mother, and family of course, like all the time, worry about s and his group, worry that he might come to the end of his career everytime he got stuck with some composing, worry that he's not trying hard enough or practicing enough and any other stuffs. 

The motto his hold high is not just some motto, he is really put it as high as he can, that's why he always can back on track whenever he feel down and of course because the people he love, his parents and all of his friends.

At least, before they were being apart she was one of them and somehow he have a hunch that by getting in touch again with her, she will rise to the top of the list of the people he hold close to his heart., well, deep down he know, he never really forget about her in any way, no matter how hard he try to make it "wither", and believe it or not, he really try.

Jackson sigh and lean his back against the couch and rest his head there, he put his phone aside and raise his hand to massage his forehead. He have mix feeling right now. Not just because the sudden encounter with her few days ago or their "semi intimate" photoshoots but also because all those photos he got from Minami noona.

All the things about her that he already put behind, comes back unknowingly, take him to time he start to notice what his heart wants. The exact time is unclear, he don't even know when it begins, he may as well never aware it, but when the realization hit him, it hit him really hard. When he first met her, he's hoping they can be friends, maybe not in daily basis, but at least when they working together during their stint, but when they were become friends for real, never crossed in his mind that he want something more. 

People who close to him, pretty much know that he is man of action. Impulsive and spontaneous, little bit reckless but not careless, some screw might come off from his head, but he always can put it back, or his leader could, or Jr, or Mark hyung. So when everything seems out of its place and he can't comprehend what is wrong with him, they knock some sense to his head, literally, in order to keep him on the track that they've plan together. Sure they ask him what he wants and what he's going to do with their commitment if he decide to be selfish, but he know better there's nothing to decide nor to think about. He have his responsibility, she have her's and they both are just start their path to their dream and goal. Beside he know somehow, that even if he decide to explore whatever this is, they both most likely not in the same page.

But, even so, there once or twice he let the depth of his feeling showed unintentionally and make people still questioning the nature of his relationship with her, but he can't help it, is not like he can't hide it all the time, well, okay, most of the time, moreover, when the feeling get stronger and eating him alive, while she "save" in her oblivious world.

He admit that they were bicker almost all the time in the past and judging from their encounter few days ago, they probably will still do it in the near future. She still as beautiful as I remember, thought him as her images cross in his mind. Not that I never saw her nowadays, how couldn't I? when she's all over the place, the screen, commercial, magazine, drama even variety shows. continued him as he remember seeing her everywhere, but to see her in person, turns out little bit overwhelming, even for him.

He always wonder where this is started, is it during their bickering that he enjoyed more than he should? or maybe it's because the continuous teasing from the people around him?

No, wait, it must because of that night.

The night he bare his soul, to the camera and later to her.

Jackson move his hand away and staring at the ceiling as his mind wander away to that night few years back. 

He was standing alone on road side, watching the car that brings his parents, drove away to their hotel. He can feel his eyes swollen from the tears, he admit it little bit embarrasing but he pretty sure if time can turn back, he will shed his tears again, because the yearning of the woman who give life to him its too great and watching her and his father driving away, didn't calming his feeling at all. People will think he still a brat or even mama's boy from then on, but he don't really give a d***, because he always will.

He sigh and he turn around when he couldn't see the car's taillight anymore. Close the gate behind him and enter the house in heavy step, he's about to walk toward his room but he not sure he want to close his eyes anytime soon, so, he walk toward the backyard instead.

The PD already informed him and the casts that he have enough footages for two or more episodes so he decide to turn off all the cameras and give some break to the casts and his crews. Somehow he know the real reason behind those decision, moreover, when PD hyung give him more understanding gaze when he look at him as if he know what is going through in his head, that's why he know, there will be no camera recording his miserable, swollen and less handsome face now. He open the glass door and welcomed by a cold breeze from upcoming winter, but since the snow not likely to come down tonight so he just close the glass door behind him and put some slipper. He put both his hands to his pocket and walk randomly on the backyard. 

The big lamp for night filming has turn off and make the backyard darker than usual, but he have nothing to complain, because he want it that way. Jackson look around before he decide to walk toward the swings which look rather secluded among the dark spot in the backyard. He take a seat and rest his head to head bench while start to move the swing slowly. As he rest his head, his eyes turn and look up, realizing how clear is the sky tonight and he can even see the stars from a far. 

Maybe because of the silence, maybe because of the swing or maybe because of the stars in the sky, eitherway, he can't let go the mix feeling he felt, try to get the fact that his parents is here didn't change his feeling for the better, he dream about this too many times and he can't get rid of