Zico's PoV

No... nonononno this cannot happen.... I'm not ready, hyung, kajima, HYUNG KAJIMA!!!

I woke up sweating and looked around. I was still in my bed, in my room, in my house. I was freezing. It was cold outside even though it was summer.
Summer... soon trip with class...
I rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and saw my hair full of sweat. It was plastered to my forehead. I sighed and washed my face. I dragged my hand along my smooth face.
Jiho-ah, you'll be fine
I turned away from the mirror and took my bag.
"Jiho-ah, do you want some breakfast?" My mum asked and I smiled tiredly at her.
Take care of umma neh?
"Aniyo Umma, I'm not hungry," I said and her smile fell.
"Okay Jiho, have fun today," she said and kissed my forehead. I smiled and went out  the door. I made my way down the hill and stopped as I came to a crossing. I stopped and pressed the button.
Hyung... Don't leave
The thing made a sound and I went over the street. I decided to take a shortcut through the forest. Trees were blooming and it smelled wonderful. The flowers were dancing beside me in the grass. I bent down and picked one up. A white lily.
Hyung, saranghaeyeo
I went up the hill and saw Kyung walking in front of me. He was wearing baggy pants and a sweater which was too big for him. He looked cute. As always.
Kyung bent down and tied his shoe. Should I say Hi? I slowly approached him and gently tapped his shoulder. He froze in shock and slowly looked up and met my gaze. His eyes widened and he quickly looked down on the ground. Clearly to shy... or hurt to even look at me.
"Hi Kyung," I said with a gentle voice.
He looked at me.
"Are you going to hurt me?" He whispered and I shook my head.
"Aniyo Kyung, I-I wanna apologize" he looked at me.
"W-what?" He stuttered and I blushed.
"I've been feeling really bad for hurting you. Please forgive me?" I faced palmed myself. Really Zico... you call that an apologize.
Kyung didn't said anything, he just looked at me with his brown eyes.
"N-no, stop j-joking," Kyung said and started to walk away from me.
I ran to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.
"DON'T TOUCH ME" he screamed as he started to run. I was left dumbfounded by the road.
 

"Zico!!!!!!!!!!! Please listen to me!" Daehyun said as he shook my shoulders.
"What?" I snapped and he looked at me with big eyes.
"Well sorry mr Grumpy, but we need to fix this assignment today" He said as he wrote down stuff on his computer.
"Yeah, I want to finish as soon as possible," Jonghyun said as he typed in his speech on his computer. I opened my computer and looked at the empty document.
"Oh come on! you haven't started yet?????" Daehyun said as I shook my head.
"I have been busy," I said and Jonghyun looked at me.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
Jiho! Let me go! Run! Don't look back! I can handle this!
"I need a break" I said and rose up. The class looked at me.
"Can you excuse me teacher?" I asked and she nodded.
I looked into Kyung's eyes who were staring directly at me. I looked away and went to the bathrooms and opened the door. I looked into the mirror and saw my face. It was pale and I looked broken.
Hyung! Hajima!!!!!!
I clutched my stomach as memories of the past came back to me.
JIHO RUN!!!!! RUN TO UMMA!! I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT!
I looked into the mirror. Don't cry...
I looked at my reflection. Don't cry...
I looked into my eyes. Don't cry...
I looked away. Don't cry...

"Jiho, what took you so long?" Jonghyun asked with a concerned voice. I sat down quietly and started to type on my computer.
HYUNG!!!! NONONONON DON'T LEAVE ME
The words were typed quickly into my computer as more memories started to flow through my veins.
"Zico are you okay?" Jonghyun asked as he put a hand on my shoulder.
Say something Hyung... don't be so quiet.
I ignored  him and typed and typed.
Hyung open your eyes
I felt my sight becoming blurry. Don't cry...
I it up and typed in the last words. This speech.. will I be able to hold it without tears?
I stopped for a moment and clutched my stomach.
Hyung? Why is your hand so cold?
"Zico you don't look so good," the teacher said to me and I put on a fake smile.
"I'm fine, I'm soon done," I said with a gentle voice and she nodded.
I looked at Jonghyun and smiled. Obviously he didn't trust it but... he let it slip.
 

"Let's go!" Daehyun said as the class ended.
I faked a smile and rose up.
Hyung take a picture with me
I took my bag and followed Daehyun and Jonghyun.
Of course Jiho-ah
I felt someone drag me to the side.
"Zico how are you?" Jonghyun asked.
I looked into his brown eyes. Why fake anymore... why not tell Jonghyun about my fears... about my past...
"It's nothing Jonghyun, I'm fine.. I'm just tired,"
Hyung? Why do you need to go?
"I'm here for you Zico... You can tell me everything,"
"Some things are meant to not be said" I said. "I need to go to the bathroom, you guys can go."
I went to the bathroom and sat down on the ground.
Jiho, do you wanna go to the store with me?"
I pulled my legs closer to my chest.
Yes Hyung, let's go!
My hands started to shake.
Why is they looking at us hyung?
I felt something wet rolling down my cheek.
Hyung I'm scared
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Jiho-ah, go and get the soap please
I felt more tears streaming down on my cheeks.
HYUNG!!! WHY ARE THEY HITTING YOU????
I hugged my legs tighter.
JIHO GO
"Hyung... Hajima" I whispered as I felt the tears streaming down my face without control. I felt sad, broken. I felt so many emotions. So many emotions. 10 years later,  I still see that gun. I still see Hyung's face... I still see him... I-I still see his face full of pain... I see him.... I see him smiling... I-I... all the memories... Why Hyung.... Why did you leave me hyung... I was not ready... Why hyung.. I was not not ready.... I can't... I miss you... I still miss you... I can't move on... You're not dead right? Y-you're still alive right?
I rose up. Looked at myself. Crying. Like a pussycat. Weak.
I dried my tears and went to the cafeteria where my friends were seating.
I sat down beside Jonghyun.
"Zico are you okay?" Chanyeol asked and I nodded.
"Yeah.. I'm just tired" Jonghyun looked at me and dragged me away.
"Crap sake! Just tell me what's wrong?" Jonghyun said.
"I can't"
Jonghyun pulled his hair.
"Why? Why can't you. I'm your freaking best friend!"
I watched him silently.
"Is it about your brother?"
I looked down.
"Haven't you forget that. It was such a long time ago."
I sighed and felt my tears coming.
"I don't want to be mean... but you're weak for still thinking about him"
That was the drop for me.
"I give up! There's no point! there's just distraction! I-I can't do this, I can't, I can't move on and I don't want to! If that makes me weak then fine, I'm weak but I can't handle he being gone! I can't handle feeling like this any longer." I said and ran away.
"Zico I'm sorry, I didn't meant it in that way! You're not weak!!"

I ran to the bathroom again. I'm weak? Is it weak to miss your brother?
I stared at my reflection.
"YOU'RE WEAK!!!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT YOUR BROTEHR DIED!!!! YOU WANTED TO GO WITH HIM TO THE STORE!! YOU MADE HIM DIE!!! YOU'RE STUPID YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT? AND YOU DID NOT ONLY KILL YOUR BROTHER! YOU ALSO HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE" I shouted at the mirror. I felt rage in my body. I'm ed up...
I sat down and sobbed. You're pathetic...
"Hyung.. I miss you"


A/N: I'm sorry for short chapter... Life is tough right now.. but that's kind of good because now I have things to write about in this fiction. Please comment, it makes me happy.