pictures

People said that among my members I was the most delicate person. They believed me was the most concidering member. And in their theory I was the man with brain and heart. But today I proved them wrong, I wasn’t those. This trembling man wasn’t that brave Yang Yoseob.

With holding my own smartphone, and Doojoon’s PC wide opened in front of me, I knew that I was lost. I would lose my fans’ trust also their love. I knew, the world which I had built this long would turn their back on me. I was shaking - so obvious - in this couch with my leader’s angry gaze and Hyunseung’s confuse daze.

“I don’t know that you can be this careless!”

Doojoon had said it twice, and he did it again. He was disappointed, I knew, I was indeed disappointing him, them. He didn’t even seek for my explanation. I deserved it, that glare, that angry gaze. I should have explained to him first but I didn’t have – I meant, I cound’t make any reasonable explanation. I was trembling, shaking and my brain was numbed. I had no power to make any explanation, I couldn’t even think straight.

I tried to avoid his gaze. I tightened my grip, wishing to get strength from my smartphone. But all my wish were merely wishes.

“What will you do Seob?” Hyunseung sounded cared, but I still didn’t have a gut to look at him.

“I believe he doesn’t have anything!”

“But we should have it before meeting Sajang-nim”

“We? Do you mean him?!”

“Doojoon-ah, come on! Aren’t we here to help him?”

“I wish,” he emphasized his word, and I inhaled hardly, “I do wish I can help this rascal if only he didn’t do stupid thing like this!” Doojoon rose his voice. It shocked both of Hyunseung and me.

For the first time I raised my gaze and it met his. His face was so red, his anger was too bare. I didn’t think I ever seen that gaze before. And it scared me more, the image of the disappointed fans could be seen so clear through Doojoon’s eyes. I hurt him, them, this family.

We were on process to make a comeback. A comeback which we had prepared a year. We had even launched our first teaser yesterday. Just last night SNS kept talking about how great our teaser. Yet today with only a news from Dispatch I ruined everything. Yes, me. I had ruined everything.

_____

BEAST YOSEOB AND APINK EUNJI CAUGHT DATING AT S. PARK!

1. [+35,675 / -2,893] HUL! IS IT TRUE?! OH MY GOD! I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT!

2. [+24,852 / -1,652] DAMN! OPPA!! YANG YOSEOB YOU BETTER HAVE EXPLANATION ON THIS!

3. [+23,990/ -1,396] JUNG EUNJI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!

4. [+20,509/ -948] IS IT TRUE?! I know they’re friends, but .. hul! Still cannot believe it!! Menboong!! .. I really need Cube right now!

_____

“I’m sorry,” low, and cowardly

Just then I heard a sound of opened door. Doojoon’s gaze didn’t leave me though, so I decided to leave him. I looked at my smartphone again.

“Hyung!”

“Did you guys...,” Kikwang didn’t continue his sentence, he could already picture the answer, I guessed.

The six of us finally gathered here, in our studio in the middle of dawn. Just an hour ago Dispatch released my pictures and with only a call Doojoon brought us here. Once I heard his voice, I knew it wasn’t a good thing. I had that feeling, yet I didn’t expect it would be this bad. So bad that it took my sanity away. It was me who made it happened.

I hadn’t checked SNS. There was a part of me who suddenly afraid of anything, every possible thing my head had expected. It was true that I turned into a coward. I was too afraid of what people thought. It was probably something so big and it was out of my control. I was scared, what if it was something I couldn’t take care like the usual me could do. And Doojoon proved it true once I came here.

_____

YANG YOSEOB AND JUNG EUNJI BEING THE NEW COUPLE IDOL?

1. [+17,980/ -769] 2014! The worst year ever! I wish 31th December comes fast!

2. [+17,662/ -705] Hahahaha, hahahahahaha, what is this? Is this because they’re having comeback? Cube, good job!

3. [+17,438/ -767] Eunseob is true?! EUNSEOB IS TRUE?! WE’RE NOT DELUSIONING ANYMORE! HATERS GONNA HATE!

4. [+11,989/ -408] I’m laughing so hard. Such cliché! Nice work Acube!

_____

Kikwang sighed loudly, desperately, intentionally. I could sense another disapointment, “ige bwoya jinja! Has Sajang-nim called you?”

I shook my head weakly. He will, soon.

“Hyung what your plan?” the maknae asked, I looked at him without an answer. He sat right in front of me, putting his two elbows on his knees, crossing his hand and leaning his head on it.

“Ya! We’re preparing this comeback so hard! How can you enjoy your date like that?!”

It was a month ago. I wanted to say it out loud and defend myself but I stopped it. They didn’t want to hear it though. But it was true. These pictures told me that it was taken a month ago. And since that day I hadn’t met her, or precisely I couldn’t make it.

I told her we couldn’t meet often since the comeback was nearer. She understood it, she nodded with her usual wide understanding smile. She told me she was fine, she even told me to straighten my mind, she told me to take care of my body, to wear thick clothes, to not forget taking my daily vitamin. That girl didn’t even complain when I said we wouldn’t meet often, how I could just let it pass without a kiss, which made things worse.

_____

@itskpopstar are they kissing? DAMN! THEY WERE KISSING! DAMN! KPOP GOODBYE!!

@sickygurl HEOL! THEY WERE KISSING! AND THEY ARE GONNA DENY IT! God please bless their fans! Hhahahahahahaha!

@porepakpopers I bet they’re gonna deny it. Well, yeah, I wish you well Cube fam!

@rightguy Dating or not it’s their right. I just don’t understand why reporters posted this photo. Isn’t this intruding their privacy?

_____

“Mangaesso!!” Kikwang added another sigh with it.

“It has happened though. Let’s stop blaming Yoseob. Let’s just think”

I looked up at Hyunseung. Today he sounded mature than the rest of us, I didn’t know why he hid this side of him. It surprised me, yet it did help me, a lot. That man stood leaning his back on the wall, facing me with head furrowed, maybe thinking for a solusion. I didn’t know.

“And Eunji?”

I turned my head weakly to the right, Junhyung there sitting on his working chair, looking at me with another angry gaze. It reminded me of one thing. No, his anger and the kids’ anger were different. Those eyes of him told me another reason to be angry.

I wished I could reciprocate his anger, I tightened my grip on my phone. I did need to straighten my mind. I wasn’t in the position to be angry at him even though I knew he was thinking of my girlfriend right now. He used to like Eunji, we knew that, the three of us. And I could sense that gaze wasn’t asking about the comeback thing, how to confront Sajang-nim, or how to handle the media but one thing. He was thinking of her. His concern was too obvious.

True, his eyes stabbed me the most. It looked like angrily asking me what the hell I had done to her. Why I ruined her image. How I would save her. And he was right. If only I was careful, I wouldn’t screw everything this way.

But through his gaze I remembered one thing. And it woke me up. I hadn’t called her. I didn’t even know whether she had known it or not. I was trembling again. What had I done to her?! I could picture her scared face, her trembling hands, her stuttering, her shaking voice. She would blame me too. She would hate me.

“Has she called you?”

I shook my head.

“Hyung!”

I looked up again, meeting Dongwoon’s eyes. “Your phone”

It was my sign, I thought.

Sajang-nim.

_____

Only Doojoon, Junhyung and me who joined the meeting, the other members stayed at the studio. We gathered in Cube’s meeting room, the biggest meeting room in this building. It was 5 in the morning, yet none of the attendants hadn’t been prepared. They all had document in their hands. There were some people who I knew and there were people I first met.

“Where is Eunji?”

“She’s on her way,” one of Apink manager replied the CEO fast, the CEO of Cube, uri sajang-nim. “She was supposed to have three days off, she has been at Busan since yesterday.” That hyung explained longer, I looked up at him. And apparently that hyung was the coordinator manager of Apink. Sitting next to him was Chorong. She came with their manager, being so clueless once they entered this room and I believed my expression was not much different than her. She was trying to hide her startled, just like me.

We heard a loud sigh from Hong sajang-nim. Rather than being afraid of him, my guilty was more than it. I was so embarrassed of what I had done. Of course. I couldn’t even raise my face. The entire clean image of Beast was ruined by me in one night. Damn!

In time being, the room seemed getting smaller and it was slowly suffocating me. I felt so tiny and so weak. I couldn’t even speak a single word.

There were about ten people here when I entered this meeting room. Cube and Acube sajang-nim sat next to each other and they had been talking seriously, discussing things I had no gut to hear. Sitting next to them was Mr. Kim and Mr. Lee. It was our first meeting and they were introduced as Cube consultants. They had paper in front of them, and they had been talking, or explain what on those papers to the CEO before showing it to us. They seemed had already had solution for my situation. Yet still, I couldn’t control my anxiety.

Lee Hoo, my coordinator manager sat next to me, and he was busy talking to my perso