AUTHOR’S NAME: Nubci4

STORY TITLE: Counting Days
STORY STATUS: COMPLETED
CATEGORY: NORMAL 
GENRE: ANGST
RATING: PG-13

TITLE

Your title sounds a little angst-y, which actually suits the genre of your story. Though, actually, the title is somehow quite typical to find. However, it’s just fine. If you can find something amazing and more impressive, it’ll be better but no worry, this one is okay.

DESCRIPTION

Your description is quite short but it succeeded in bringing the angst mood to the introduction of the story. The description suits how the person is counting the days like doing a countdown on how an impactful event occurs in his/her life. It’s just perfect to me. However, I can’t see the relevant of “Good Night.” in the introduction yet. I’ll assume that perhaps, I’ll be clarified later in the story. I see, maybe, most of the synopsis is told in the trailer. Seeing that I can’t watch the trailer (due to its unavailability in my country), I can’t really say anything about that. Nonetheless, I think the three-line synopsis that you previewed is ample to tie the readers to your story. A little hint of the length of the story is a clever one. At least, the reader is prepared if the story is too long. Next, a short author note won’t hurt much.

FOREWORD

Now, this is something that I like; an image of the characters and their names. That can aid the readers to imagine things later in the story, especially for those who aren’t familiar with EXO members. Everything is just fine here.

FIRST IMPRESSION

In my viewpoint, your story actually gives a good impression; perhaps, a really good one to EXO-L (since I’m not one). I’ve a feeling that this story is going to be something captivating and worthy. The GIF that you used as main image is faultless. It gives off an anxious vibe. In overall, this story has good impression, one that attracts the readers to enjoy your story. Nice job!

PLOT

Honestly, this type of plotting is sort of clichéd. I’ve read many stories with the plotting of a boy being cold to his girl when she is actually suffering from fatal illness. To me, it’s okay to have a clichéd plot but you need to have a great twists and turns later on in your story. Make it somehow really worthy to be read and not the same repeating ideas. Sadly, that’s what I can’t see in your story. Next, for the fatal illness, I’m not sure what illness are you using. Is it weak heart? Punctured heart? What I can understand is Miyoung has heart problem. Now, why don’t you describe more on that? Give more ideas to the readers. I know this sounds burdening but make a research about a non-typical disease other than cancers, leukemia, anemia and whatnots. This is a suggestion. Since the illness is connected to the heart, why don’t you make as if, in the final days of Miyoung, she swears that with every beat of her heart, it is all for Kai only? She has been counting the days with the beat of her heart just to make Kai happy. Okay, I think my hand is itchy to write an angst story now. In overall, I think you should have a great plot twist to knock your readers off their seats like BAM!

GRAMMAR

Your grammar is just all right. I don’t see many mistakes in the story; just slight blunders which you can mend with proofreading. I suggest you do a proofread of your story carefully to fix the errors.

You mentioned this in your story:

“A frown fought its way onto her lips, but she hid it.”

Now, you see, a frown is supposed to be on the eyebrows. If you’re using lips, maybe a pout would do. So far, this is the most notable mistake I can see.

WRITING STYLE

Your writing style is simple but at times, I think it’s too simple. But it’s okay, actually. Your choice of words is understandable. However, I think, if possible, don’t repeat the same words. Enlarge your vocabulary. You can try this slowly, it’s okay. In overall, I like your writing style. It’s just easy and comprehensible. Good job!

CHARACTERS

The characterization of the story has a little confusion to me. I can see how huge Miyoung’s love is towards Kai. Miyoung is alright to me, I think. However, Kai is a bit odd. He is all cold and un-touchy at first but suddenly his characteristic turns 180 degree completely different at the end of the story. Perhaps, you can make it that he is exhausted after working with EXO and stuffs. Don’t make him too cold and suddenly, he is caring. It feels… weird. It’s okay to be cold but there must be a reason behind it.

FLOW

The flow of this story is steady. That’s good, you know? The countdown is a good idea to make your story flows well. I like it, really.

MIRRUE’s NOTE:

I’m deeply sorry if you’re offended by any parts of my review and for the late service. I’m just being honest and strict. Now, you know, I’ve a suggestion for your story. I happened to be listening to a play when I was reading your story and I highly recommend you to put up this play before the readers start reading your story. The play really sets readers on mood and I think it really suits your plot. Here’s the link of the play. (Cold by Jorge Mendez). I'm reminding you this; please credit my shop in your story. I don't want to create a blacklist in this shop. (I'm just upset now, sorry.) Anyway, thanks for requesting in my shop. I hope you can accept my review with open heart. Comment if you’ve any dissatisfaction. You may unsubscribe now if you want. :)

-mirrue-

“One’s work should not be graded by numbers.”