"Mr.Choi.." I lifted my head slowly and came to face the same doctor I met last time. His face. There was something wrong with his face. 

"..What's wrong?" I immediately asked after standing up. Everyone stood behind me, except for Taemin's mother who was in front of us all. 

The doctor sighed. "I have good news and bad news." He lifted his glasses, "Taemin is alive." My heart could breathe the second he had said that, but then I had just remembered, there was bad news as well. "But the bad news is..he's in coma."

"A-A coma?" My heart immediately sank. "So..he won't wake up?"

To my displeasure he had shaken his head. "It could take weeks, months, maybe even years before he wakes up."

"B-But this doesn't make sense, he wasn't shot anywhere near the head-" Taemin's mother had barged into our conversation and was absolutely devastated. The proof was in the way her eyes were drowned in pure sorrow. I couldn't feel anymore worse about this.

"That's true," He lifted his glasses to the bridge of his nose again, "Usually gun shots to anywhere on the body that isn't the skull or head would most likely not lead to a coma, unless of course they lost enough blood to compromise brain function, which in this case, Taemin has unfortunately gotten. I mentioned before to Minho that he lost a lot of blood. I had said that Taemin could die or live, but with how much more blood he would lose after the surgery it made it a definite higher possibility of him not surviving. However, we were all surprised he did. He's lucky he's even in a coma right now."

The others and I could only gawk at his words. Not once did he mention to me that there was a higher possibility of him dying, so now that he said it I instinctly felt better he was alive. The only thing that hurt was not having him here, awake and healthy so I could just take him into my arms to tell him I loved him. So that we could be together like we should have been. "But is he okay?" I decided to ask. "Can we see him?"

The doctor looked at me and nodded. "Yes that should be alright but you can't stay for long."

"Wait-Doctor-" Before we could all rush to the room to which the doctor would lead us to, Taemin's mother stopped him. "Is there anything we can do that could help my son wake up?"

His mother looked desperate, and in no way was I judging her because I too felt just as desperate. Maybe even more. I looked at the doctor and waited for a response, but the only thing he could give us was a pitiful smile. "The only one that could help Taemin right now is himself. His will to live is probably the one thing he needs to hang onto to live. Anything else would have to be a miracle."

I was broken. There was no way Taemin had the will to live. He was the one who put those bullets in his body because after all, he had meant for himself to die in the first place. "Please. Bring us to the room." I heard Taemin's mother say. I frowned hearing her sad voice, and trailed behind her while the others walked ahead of us. I suddenly felt her snake her arm around my own, stopping my steps as well as her own so that we would be isolated from the group.

"What's wrong Umma?"

She remained silent. And just as I was about to speak she looked up into my eyes with much pain. It looked as if she had had her treasure taken away from her, and I don't blame her for looking that way. I knew exactly how she felt; Broken. "Minho.."

"Neh?"

"Taemin..he shot himself because of you didn't he.."

My eyes widened slightly while I gulped at her question that sounded more like a statement. "Umma..I-I..I'm so sorry.."

"That pabo.." Her grip on my forearm became painfully tight, but I didn't think about it. "H-He should have never fallen in love.."

I suddenly felt slight anger at her words and held both of her shoulders. "No don't say that."

"Why? If he hadn't fallen in love with you h-he would've never turned this way-"

"Umma." I said harshly. I looked down and in the tears that were threatening to spill out. "I..I lo-"

"Honey, there you are." I turned at the sound of Yuri's voice. "C'mon Taemin is just around the corner. You want to see him right? You too Mrs. Lee, your son is waiting."

Both Mrs. Lee and I looked at one another for a split second before breaking the eye contact. I let go of her shoulders and nodded before following Yuri who held my hand. I could hear Taemin's mother quietly dragging her feet behind me, and if it weren't for Yuri's presence I would have told her right then and there that I was deeply in love with her son. That everything is my fault and not Taemin's at all. That I should have told him and admitted to my feelings long ago instead of burying them somewhere deep inside of my cold stone heart. But I couldn't..and I didn't.

Not long after, we finally went inside a room. I was able to smell the air filled with the scent of medicine and medical alcohol. Then, when my eyes finally landed on the bed that had been surrounded by friends, I felt my heart crack more. "Taemin.." I whispered, loud enough for only myself to notice. Everyone made room for Taemin's mother and I to come closer. I could feel myself getting teary, most especially since I could see Kibum crying into Jonghyun's emrbrace while Onew remained seated with his face in his palms. Their reactions were only stirring mine up more. Not only that, but as soon as I saw Mrs. Lee start sobbing softly, I felt even more worthless and couldn't hold the one tear which escaped me. I let my eyes land on Taemin and before I knew it, I was a mess.

He was lying there on the bed so helplessly. His eyes were shut, his oxygen mask fogging slightly as he breathed oh so slowly. His skin was pale, and his whole body was so skinny. Everything about him protruded all the things I had caused with the two words I had said. My 'I do' to the wrong person was the cause of all of this and I couldn't do two s about it. I could only cry. Cry and watch hopelessly while Taemin slept so quietly on that hospital bed. I couldn't feel my heart beat, I couldn't feel my breaths..I could feel nothing. Looking through my blurry vision of tears, I could see Mrs. Lee shakily kiss Taemin's forehead. I tried everything I could not to hold Taemin's hand in mine, because I still had my wife in the room. She was teary too, but in no way was she as depressed as me or Taemin's mother.

It was completely excruciating.

For some reason something had suddenly made me look up. It was like it was an instinct, and as I did I noticed that the heart monitor suddenly sped up slightly. It went back to normal almost the second it had started, but either way it didn't stop me from crying. I pushed aside the questions that popped up in my thoughts before walking to the other available side of Taemin and sitting down on a chair. I had then rested my head on his torso. By doing this I would be able to cover the fact that I just needed to feel his skin on my lips again. So with this in mind, I continued to cry softly and kissed his slim fingers ever so gently.

They felt so cold.

I scrunched my eyes tight and felt my tears smearing on his pale flesh. "Oh Taemin.." I sniffed. Then without a second thought I intertwined our hands. His hand fit so perfectly in mine. My heart could only continue to ache greatly in my chest while the memories of the past of how he was growing unconscious in my arms played slowly. I didn't know how long I stayed in the position I was currently in, but next thing I knew the nurses had come in to tell us we had to leave. I had let go of his hand quickly, standing up but not leaving my spot as the other five started to walk out. Taemin's mother was the last one to get out because she had stayed just a little longer to give another kiss to him.

I watched her quietly before she had looked at me. A sad smile shaped her lips. "You know.." She said quietly. "He loved you so much.."

"I-I.."

"I was  so happy to hear that you were getting married. I guess it was my fault to have assumed when Taemin said you were getting married that it wasn't with him." So she thought were going to get married too. "Mianhae Minho..but can I ask you for a favor?"

"Yes..anything Umma."

"Please..take care of him. Even if you're married to that beautiful wife of yours, please don't ever leave his side. Treat him as you would a brother..because I know that's the closest you two could ever be. And I know for Taemin that would at least be enough for him to live on."

"But..You have to know he tried to kill himself even with me treating him like this." I held onto her hand but was shocked to have her pull away from it right away.

"If that's the case, then let me change my request." I watched as she looked at me now with slight anger. I could even describe it as hate. "Just stay away from him. He's had enough..and I don't want to see my baby suffer like this ever again."

I was hurt. Even more than before. "B-But I love him.."

"Yes Minho. You love him..but clearly it isn't the same way he loves you."

"N-No I-"

She interupted my sentence. "I'll help you Minho. Because once he wakes up I'll take him with me. Him and I will live together in our house and as a mother I'll do everything I can to find him a person who will love him back. Boy or Girl I wouldn't care..as long as my baby can smile again..then I'll do whatever it takes. Even if that means taking away your friendship with him." No she can't do this to me. I can't have him taken away from me again. "Promise me for now..you'll take care of him. Until he wakes up, I'll keep my trust of his health to you. Now that I know I'll have to provide for another besides myself I'll have to work extra hard to earn more money." With this she started to walk away but paused at the door, "You know my number..so if anything happens. Please let me know." And just then she was gone.

I looked at Taemin and bit my lip. When I had blinked several tears traced my cheeks before softly falling on the floor. I closed the door just to make sure no one would walk in and instantly made my way to Taemin. I sobbed quietly seeing him sleeping so still. If his chest wasn't moving I would have considered him dead. "Taemin..please..don't stay away for too long." I whispered. Then as gently as I could I moved away his oxygen mask. I caressed his sunken cheek, only to have another sound of cry leave me. God I couldn't have felt even more pain. But I know that this was nothing compared to what Taemin had gone through. This pain I was experiencing now, and the other times of when I felt like , all of that gathered together was probably like a pinch while Taemin had gotten a punch.

"I'm sorry..I'm so sorry you had to end this way." Leaning in, I placed my lips on top of his slightly cool ones. They were just as soft as ever. Although they remained still and lifeless against my own I still felt more butterflies in stomach than I ever did with Yuri. I really am in love with this man. And my heart would never really belong with another person besides Taemin. What a sad thing to admit to only now. "I love you so much." I said once I pulled away, putting the mask back to kiss his forehead. "So please..come back to me soon."

-

I dropped off everyone to their homes, even Yuri. I had told her I needed to go somewhere, and she didn't disagree because I knew for a fact she saw that I was in no mood to have my future intentions disturbed. So after at least an hour of driving, I was finally alone in my car. Something just made me feel as if I had to visit the place of where Taemin and I used to live, and I didn't object to it. To be truthful I felt as if that if I just went, maybe I would see him. I would see him there sitting on the couch like always. I would be able to see him get up on his two feet before he smiles so beautifully in happiness with how he's just so glad to see me come home. And just as that happens, he would wrap his cute arms around me and give me that warm hug of his before finally kissing my cheek saying the words, "Welcome home Minho." Likewise, I would hug him twice as harder and kiss him twice as sweeter whispering, "I'm back."

If I had known any better back then, I would have seen us as a real couple. Even my parents thought we were dating. They too had no problem with it which had gotten to me since I had no reason not to date him except for the fact that I was too much of a coward to do so. Sighing, I parked by the driveway near our place. I then got out of the car, hurriedly making my way to the door. I got out my keys which still held the key of which Taemin and I had picked out together. I held away the memories for the sake of myself not bawling my eyes out and went inside. Once I shut the door I was shocked to come to our home which was trashed and broken apart. For some reason I felt as though it was a replica of my heart. But then the thought of how horribly lonely Taemin must have felt living alone here came to mind, and made me realize, Taemin was just as broken.

This was the face of his heart. This was the result of the night of when he had finally broken down after being so strong. I put a hand over my aching heart and squeezed my shirt tightly in my balled fist. My vision was going blurry again. This was so horrible to look at, especially since it was the place of where we had become closer than ever. It was the place where we lived with one another and created memories..wonderful memories. But now all of that was gone. It was shadowed with what must have been hatred towards me. ".." I cursed under my breath.

I started to walk around after turning on the lights to the house. It was then I was shocked to see things shining all over the floor. I realized they were pieces of glass that were shattered and sprawled out all over the floor. A frown pressed on my lips, my hand still squeezing my shirt. I spotted all the cabinets which were probably punched and kicked to bits, not to mention knives that were thrown to the walls. All the precious glass cups we had planned on getting together were all broken. We had spent so much time just picking them out back then. I bit my lip and moved through the hallway, surprised to see that even the bathroom was torn apart. However, when I had reached the bedroom I had become speechless.

All my clothes which I had left, all the clothes I had bought for him, his bed, the furniture in there, they were all ripped. But the weird thing was that my bed was the only thing completely fine and untouched. Not just that, but once I had approached it, there was the two pictures him and I had taken together. They were ripped apart, seperating the two of our bodies but seemed to be taped back together shakily. Confused, I moved to the second picture and saw it had the same thing done to it, except it was our faces torn away from one another. But just then, I felt a third. Only, it wasn't a picture, but a piece of paper folded small enough to hide under these two pictures. I gently laid them down on the bed, taking the mysterious paper and unfolding it hurriedly. My heart ached even more, but I pushed the thought aside once I saw the picture we had thrown out long ago. But I guess he never threw it out.

It was a picture we modeled for our friend. She was really into this stuff, and she had an assignment due for her highschool work. We hadn't really understood what she was going through back then, we were still middle schoolers, so we just did her this favor since she was the best noona we had ever had. So we had gone to the park and modeled this. Only, the drawback was how both him and I admitted we were really into it. It was almost as if we were going to kiss, and I was just about to do it too, until we had heard the snap of the camera that brought us right back to reality. I was still a little bit in love with him back then, so I knew there was no way I could tell him how I really felt. Instead, we both threw it out together so there was no funny business that would happen that could ruin our friendship. It was shocking to see he still had this.

Just how long was he in love with me? How long ago was it?

Upset at the thought of not taking my chance back then, my hand held the paper tightly enough to wrinkle it.

However, as soon as I looked past the picture my eyes widened. It was a letter..from Taemin.

It must have been meant to be his suicide letter.

My heart shook.

Dear..

Whoever may read this..I'm probably dead. I'm sorry to whoever is upset..but two years added on the others is enough for me.

I love him too much..

When Minho had gotten married, he had taken all of my heart with him and had ripped it with his bare hands..but it's not his fault. I know it's not yet I can't explain it.

All this anger, all this sorrow that has gathered up inside of me. I can't hold it any longer. I'm such a selfish person. I should be happy for him. I should have smiled more..tried harder to stay the same. But my heart still loves him. I still love him. So even if I try, my heart just can't accept the fact that he is married to someone else.

Does..Does he not remember? Did he really only see our promise as kids as a joke? Because I didn't. I was in love with him. I was waiting for him to propose to me.

How foolish of me.

I was the one who insisted we live together so we could be together. I was the one who didn't throw out this picture that I treasure oh so much. I was the one who failed to be the best friend I should have been by developing feelings I shouldn't have had to a friend, more so a man.

I was the only one fighting for his love because I thought he too loved me. I was the only one. And now, I just can't handle this anymore. I can't live without him. I'd rather not see him with her anymore.

Why did my heart choose him? Why couldn't I be normal and just like a girl like all the other guys. Why him? Why must I have to be here suffering still? I don't want to be a bother.

I can't handle it..I can't. I won't.

If Minho ever reads this..please know I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything and all the troubles I have and had caused you through the years. And most especially I'm so sorry for falling in love and thinking of that promise we made years ago as something more than just a joke. Please forgive me and please be the one to speak for my funeral. It would be my death wish. I'll miss you Minho..and I promise I'll love you forever even after death. Even if I don't want to..I can't help it. So please..just this once, allow me to love you the way my heart yearns. Even if it means eternal sleep for me.

-Lee Taemin

I didn't even realize it, but there were wet drops painting the paper. And next thing I knew I was sobbing like there was no tomorrow.

I did this to him.

I ripped his heart out, it was all there written in black and white.

And yet, he still didn't blame me. He still blames himself for doing this. How could he..How could he still love me? Why would he?

Slowly, I lay the paper on the bed and started crying on the sheets. It hurts.

Everything hurts.

"T-Taemin-" I sobbed, "I'm sorry-I-I'm sorry..I-It's my f-fault. Not y-yours..not..yours. G-God I f-ing love y-you.."

I can never forgive myself.

Never.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A/n: This was how Minho looked.
 

I cried reading this damn it. I had written this a while ago and had it prepared already, so all I had to do was reread it and fix any errors. So I cried reading it. It really hurts to think of this in Minho's perspective. I've been in this situation before, from Taemin's situation to be specific, but it wasn't all good. The other didn't love me back but it was okay. Time really did heal me, and I'm okay now. But it brings back the pain from back then and I also have a good feel from Minho's side. Losing a loved one is never fun. GAH. I'm so sorry if this is all so depressing so far, but I swear to you, good things will happen soon! (: Muahaha, stay in touch! And don't forget to comment and subscribe, it really helps this Pabo right here c: Annyeong~ Happy reading my Lovelies~! \(^.^)/