Hour after hour, the short hand moved. Each minute, each second..it was all making it too agonizing to wait. I had no idea how Taemin was. I had no idea if he made it alive, I had no idea if he was already dead. My body wouldn't stop trembling in fear, my veins wouldn't stop pulsing harshly, and that sharp stinging sound that muted everything around me wouldn't stop ringing in my ears. I was too anxious, too scared, because if I waited and the doctor comes back out only to give me news I would never want to hear, I wouldn't know what to do. Maybe if I lose it I might just kill myself. Or I might just live on miserably with a woman I'm supposed to love. 

Speaking of her, I know I'm supposed to love her, but I don't really know if I ever loved her to begin with. I think it was all an illusion with her beauty. Simply me, being attracted to her looks. Now that I think about it, I have done nothing but compare her to Taemin. Even during our first kiss at the wedding, I only thought of Taemin, and how his lips weren't like Yuri's. How his lips were soft, and naturally sweet, while my wife's tasted like sticky lip gloss. And at the same time all I did was avert my eyes constantly to him and the piano he loved the moment he had seen it. Taemin's kisses were so..different. They made me feel like I was on drugs, like I could just melt into liquids the moment our lips touched. Even the kiss we shared when he was dying in my arms never affected the warm loving feeling it came with. It was more like it was enhanced greatly, with much more affection pouring through his lips. 

But with her, I felt like I was just kissing. Like I was simply placing my lips on a plastic doll before pulling away and pretending like I enjoyed it. It was strange because just this one kiss with her already defined the fact that I wouldn't want to do it ever again. As harsh as that sounds, I'm only telling the truth. And in all the seconds our lips were pressed together, I only thought of him. I only wondered if he was happy for me, if he was proud I found someone to spend the rest of my life with. But no, what I was oblivious to was of how horrible he felt. How his heart was in so much pain seeing me kiss somebody else besides him. 

It hurt me even thinking of how stupid I was to propose to her. And on that time, after I had pulled away from that dull kiss I immediately looked at the piano, only to find that Taemin was gone. My heart shook in my chest the moment I didn't see him. Words couldn't even describe how hurt I was. But I managed to get lucky enough in spotting him just when he was almost out the door. I had excused myself during the loud cheers, telling Yuri I had to do something and I was thankful they didn't stop me. 

Considering how I was a fast runner, I was able to catch up with him quickly. And the sight of him hit me so hard I felt as though I'd faint. I was really dumb in not understanding why it hurt, but now that I knew, I only wanted to beat the out of the old me. I saw him cry, those sacred tears running down his cheeks, something that I had never witnessed before. And hell it left me in pain hearing him say that he hated me. It was all so confusing that time, but all I knew was that I never wanted to hear him say that ever again. That's one of the reasons as to why I pleaded him to never say it, but he didn't completely agree to it. Which only broke me more, regardless of that I didn't push him, even when I knew the excuse he gave me was a lie. 

"Mr.Choi." 

My head whipped to the sound of another's voice, my heart getting caught in my throat as I bolted up from my uncomfortable seat, still trembling. "Yes?" He was about to tell me something, but I panicked, I just needed to know everything..anything. "Is he okay? Is he alive? What am I saying, was it all successful? Please tell me everything is fine." 

"Mr.Choi." He repeated, this time firmly. 

I took a deep breath to settle down my sudden pants, sitting back on the chair and burying my face in my palms. "I'm sorry..I..It's just.." 

He let out a long breath. I could tell he has had a lot of these experiences before and that at this time of night, he was just tired. "It's fine, but I just need to know, are you a relative?" 

"N-No. I'm his...his..husband." It was a white lie, if I wasn't related or anything like that, I knew they would keep the information confidential to me. Although it was an intention to use as an advantage to getting details, it felt nice claiming I belonged to him. No..actually, it sounded perfect. Taemin and I being married..that sounds absolutely wonderful. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I saw him raise a brow in suspiscion towards my answer, but no matter what I stayed confident and repeated it sternly. "I'm his husband."

He cleared his throat, "Does he have any other family members?" 

 I nodded, "Yes, a single mother, no siblings." 

"Where is she?"

"She's traveling, on her job." I said, getting impatient with all these irrelevant questions. 

He sighed, lifting up his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "Well I guess I have no choice."

"W-What's wrong?" 

"Right now the moment is crucial. Since his mother is busy, like you say, I'll need your permission on whether or not you want us to perform surgery."

Surgery? Are you kidding me? Why are they even asking? They should just do it so he won't die! "What do you mean?" I asked. 

"We've been able to stop him from bleeding and to get out the bullets that weren't too deep in him, but there is still one more that requires surgery to be performed in order to get it out, and I'll have you know it luckily missed his heart. If the bullet had been aimed any more to the left, he would've died."

My own heart was relieved, but I still didn't understand why he was asking. "Why exactly are you asking?"

"Well as you've seen, some surgeries don't end successfully, and because of much blood loss, giving him surgery is risky. If he loses too much he might just not be able to wake up." 

No. No..This can't be the only solution. 

"This is really the only option. Either that or keep the bullet in his damaged lung that will fail to work properly in his body once he is conscious."

Great. Just great. Guess I have no other choice either. 

"Well?" 

I sighed a shaky breath, boucing my leg up and down with the complicated situation. I didn't know what to do. Would it have been better to let him suffer until he dies quickly? Or for them to perform the surgery that could either save or kill him? Taemin..my dear Taemin, why couldn't have I been the one to suffer the pain? He did nothing but watch and cry. All I did was hurt him. I hurt a person who absolutely didn't deserve anything like this.

I just-I just don't want him to suffer anymore. I want him to live, I want me and him to be able to love one another once he wakes up, I want everything to be changed once he's back in my arms. I'll marry him, and I'll raise a family with him, no one else will ever get in the way again. I just know he won't die on me...not when he knows I'm waiting for him. I know that there is hope. "Do it." I said firmly.

"Are you sure? There is no going back you know." He reminded me. 

"I've never been more confident in my answer my whole life. Please-just save him. His life is in your hands-his last breath is something only you can keep from happening. I beg you..don't let him die." I said after standing up and holding onto the shorter man's shoulders. 

"We will do our best Mr.Choi, but know that there are no promises of him staying alive. The choice you made, if it's either the cause of his death or not, know that we tried our all."

I nodded, never faltering with my decision. With that he gave me a pitiful smile, going back after telling me to go home and get a good night's rest. If only he knew that that wouldn't happen so easily. If only he knew I wouldn't be able to go back without knowing if my Taemin survived, but with no other choice I walked back home. I didn't even know the paths I was taking, but luckily I was able to catch a cab. 

He had willingly drived me to my destination and for some unknown reason, he told me that the charge was free. I guess he was having a good day, considering how he was smiling the whole time we were together. It wasn't long until I reached home, and once I entered the house, I saw my wife waiting right in front of the door with panicked eyes. She looked like she had just seen a gun pointed to her head. I mean, I could understand how she is feeling-it's just at the moment I couldn't really care. 

The only one who was in my mind was my lover. Regardless of my thoughts though, I gave her my full attention. She was crying, her face contorted into strong frowns. "I'm sorry.." I whispered, pulling her into my embrace and patting her head softly. 

"You idiot..Where h-have you been?" 

I felt the guilt-trip playing by my stomach, the sound of her sobs killing me more for even having to let her know how I won't be willing to stay with her once he's back. "The hospital." I answered softly. 

She instantly pulled away from my chest, looking up at me with tear stained cheeks, "W-What? W-Why?" 

As soon as she said that, images of Taemin dying in my arms played inside my mind. A stray tear that I couldn't even control, was falling down my cheek. "He was the one who buzzed the gate." I started. "And when I came out, he was barely able to stand. Yuri..he had three gunshots in his body-he was  practically dying within the seconds he was talking to me, and I didn't even notice until I saw his blood."

Yuri held a hand to , gasping in horror. "How? What happened?" She always knew how close we were, and was actually fond of Taemin. This only made me feel worse.

If I told her that, she would probably slap me for two reasons. One, for making him feel pain, and two, for loving him behind her back. Might as well just give her part of the truth. "He did it to himself, with a gun he owned.." 

"Why?"

Well because of the stupid I did. "I don't know.."

"I-Is he alright?"

I sighed, "I was able to catch up to a hospital-like I mentioned as to where I was before-and they asked me for permission to give him surgery, since his mother is still traveling." 

Her eyes suddenly widened. "Oh my god..Minho."

"W-What?" I said, hoping she wouldn't catch the hesitation in my voice. 

"His mother! She has to know! Everybody does!" 

". I forgot! Yuri, go call and inform the others, I'll go tell his mother."

Of course, how could I forget the most important thing? His friends, his mother. His mother. I didn't even let them in on what just happened! Key--Key is gonna freak out. He might just kill me after finding out I was the reason why Taemin was hurt. And Onew, well he knew quite alot about Taemin, as well as Jonghyun. I've told them so much about him, and they absolutely loved him from my explanations. They thought he was such an angel, they even assumed I was in love with him. But the moment they heard about my wedding with Yuri...well let's just say they weren't happy about it. 

I got a three hour lecture from Key, a punch from Jonghyun, and beatings from a pillow by Onew. It was pretty obvious they weren't fond of my decision. That time I was a bit clueless, hell I had been clueless until I came to realize I never stopped loving him. And what pissed me off even more was how I only realized that when things were at their worst. Like the saying, you don't know what you have, until you've lost it. Damn right I didn't know. If Taemin had died in my arms..I don't think I would be able to live. Even through the years I didn't notice his changes, signs of showing how deeply stuck he was in the hole of despair. 

And still I didn't know just how precious Taemin was to me. I was so stupid. A ing ignorant . So oblivious to how skinny Taemin became during the two years we'd occasionally bumped into one another. How the smiles he wore became different, and less frequent than before. How the hugs he gave me, no longer had the same affection I felt in his embrace. How his eyes no longer lit up whenever he saw me, instead darkening in..in sorrow. 

"Yeobosaeyo?" 

I hadn't even realized I was holding a phone in my ear, one where I had already dialed his mother's number. It was surprising she actually answered, considering how her traveling took place on ships that usually didn't have any signal. "..It's..It's Minho." I said softly. 

"Minho! How has it been?" She said, an obvious smile in her voice.

"There's no time for small talk right now. Taemin..he's in the hospital." I felt the tears prickling at my eyes, the words I was saying even suffocating my own heart. 

"What?" She whispered in disbelief.

"Umma.." I usually called her that, she was very close to me when I was younger. "..He was shot three times."

My own words were threatening to be choked, but somehow, I managed to speak calmly without breaking down. I heard no response in the other end of the line, and I just knew what was going on in her mind. Her own child, shot. What could get any worse than that? "B-By who?" She said, almost so quiet that I wouldn't have been able to hear her if it weren't for my house being so silent. 

"He..he did it himself." 

"Why?!" She suddenly screamed, the loud sound causing me to wince and to pull away the phone momentarily.  I stand corrected, I guess it could get worse. 

"Umma please, calm down. Right now he's okay, but they still have to perform an operation to remove one of the bullets that went in too deep. If they succeed, then I guarantee Taemin will be back on his feet." 

"My Taemin.." She whimpered. I heard her suddenly scream, a foreign language being spoken beneath her tongue before she came back to the phone to me. "I'm coming back. Wait for me Minho, and please..make sure Taemin is okay."

"I'll do anything for him Umma." I reassured, knowing my words were only facts being restated aloud.

With that we both hung up, my heart shrinking smaller with the image of her face when she finds out I'm the reason of why he is in the hospital. I just hope that he will stay alive. If not..who knows how mad I'll turn. Because I love Taemin, I would do whatever for him. Absolutely anything. And whatever may come in my way, will only be pushed aside, until I finally see Taemin back to his old self. Until that smile is as bright as it was before, until his hugs become suffocatingly warm around me, until he rises from that hospital bed to be welcomed by me and my love. Like how it was supposed to be from the beginning.

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A/n: First Chapter~ Hey lovelies! Like it so far? Oh my god, okay since some of you guys have already seen it, I will just leave the chapter the way it way TT.TT *sighs* It was hidden and I was working on it but I guess I somehow accidently updated it when I wasn't supposed it. *Sobs* HOWEVER, As I read it again, it kind of looked good the way it was so what he hell, why not. I'll let you guys have the chapter like this c: Sorry for the false notification! I'll be sure not to do that mistake again. But for now, enjoy this short chapter ^.^ The next one won't be as short!

Special thanks to bluemoonluvkpop0596 for being able to read it first and making me realize I had updated on accident <3