If I could win your heart
If you'd let me in your heart
I'd be so happy, baby
Just for these arms to be
Holding you close to me
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't try
No limit to what I'd do to make you mine, 

I could see the smiling forming on my face through my rear view mirror. The soft melody humming in my ears, bringing back memories I held in deep within that I cherished so much.

If I could taste your kiss
There'd be no sweeter gift

Reflecting back on those times, going after her was worth it in the end. I never thought that she would be the one to hold my heart, but she came around and knocked me off the ground almost from the start. September soon became my favorite month of the year. When the air was getting crisp and the trees started turning colors. Days were still warm enough to play and lounge by day, yet cold enough to give me an excuse to huddle and cuddle with her at night. After that first initial trip I did everything in my power to raise money so my mother and I could return year after year, always in september. To me autumn meant, the year's last and lovliness smile. 

I didn't realize how strong my feeling had grew for her until it, oh I'm sorry I mean, he came along three years later, when I recieved my first kiss.

Seunghyun watched Bommie pace back and watch impatiently as the train pulled into the station. He couldn't help but grin watching her from the window as the knowledge coursed through his mind, knowing some things never change. From what he could see she was now a head taller since last september. Her hair was brushed and shiny, longer then he remembered and for the first time that he could recall, she wore a skirt.

He himself had changed as well. His voice had become deeper and he had grown over a foot since their last departing. Seunghyun wondered how she would react hearing his voice, Would his deepening voice make her swoon, laugh at him or would see even notice he wondered stepping off the platform.

In a flash Bom was running towards him at lightening speed. She almost choked him to death squeezing him as she wrapped her arms around him. Not that he minded, he was too busy feeling her two other new changes pressing against him. Grinning to himself at this new discovery and chock full of hormones, he fully became aware she was now becoming a woman. Unwilling and semi reluctant he let go of her as she pushed him off .

"I'm so happy your back. I have so many things to tell you." she squealed planting a kiss on his cheek.

Silly as it sounded, the gentle feeling of her lips on his cheek left his body tingling inside.

"Tabi," she sighed tisking. "When are you ever going to learn some manners!" she growled. "Here Mrs Choi let me help you."

Making faces behind Bom's back he grinned grabbing the two suitcase's. Bom helped his mother off the train and into her mother's car.

"I didn't know you had a driver's license already?" I questioned closing the trunk.

Her sheepish grin gave her away. "I don't yet, just my permit. I kind of just borrowed the car for a bit without permission." she whispered.

He should of been mad but her sweet adorable face made it difficult. 

"Trust me , it'll be fine. I'm not that bad." she said as she accidentally pressed down on the accelerator instead of the brakes almost hitting the car in front of her.

"Is everything alright?" his mother asked.

"Just peachy mother." 

"Sorry. A cat crossed my path." she foolishly sounded.

After that she cautiously drove barely going 20 miles an hour. At that rate he thought he could of walked it and probably be there before her. Still he was in her presence and that kept him cheerful.  

"So what's your big news you won't to tell me?"

"I have a boyfriend." she giggled.

Happy until now!

In a matter of seconds his pleasent mood was replaced turning sour. Why did it feel like a ton of bricks just landed on him out of the blue. He fumed in silence, half listening as she babbled on and on about the perfect Siwon for the rest of the trip. He was clas president, he was popular, blah, blah, blah! He grew tired of listening tuning her out. His displeasure growing more as Siwon greeted them upon arrival. The whole afternoon he felt irritated as she laughed at his lame joke's, sighed as he smiled at her and held his hand whenever possible. This was his only week with her and Siwon was ruining it.

Yes, he was nice. Yes, he was good looking if you liked the whole preppy, I'm a saint, jock like thing. To be honest he thought she would have better taste then that and go for someone like him. Not that he liked her that way. 

He snapped out of his thoughts feeling her place her head on his shoulder. "Are you mad at me?"

"No." he lied.

"What's wrong then?" looking a little nervous and concerned. "You've been awfully quiet today."

"I'm fine." I lied. "I'm just tired." he lied again.

To be honest he wasn't sure himself why he was so agitated at her, he just was.

"Oh." she said.

He could hear the disappoint in her voice. Why was she the only girl other then his mother who knew how to make him feel guilty?

"It's okay Bom, it's understandable. He had a long trip, it would only be natural for him to be tired."

Seunghyun had a sudden urge to punch him in the throat and laugh as he choked on his own blood.

"I guess." she answered gloomy.

"Bom why don't we go swimming while we let him go rest." Siwon winked getting her to giggle.

Once again the urge to drop kick him flashed through Seunghyun's mind. Seunghyun glared at Siwon watching him undress Bom with his eyes. He didn't want to sleep, in fact he wanted nothing more then to protect her from slimeballs like Siwon. It was just brotherly insticts he told himself. That had to be the reason he was so crabby.

Bom tenderly placed her hand on his arm and warmly smiled at him. The same tingling sensation washed over him as it always did whenever she touched him. Despite the fact that Siwon was in the room with them, gazing at Bom with her loving gaze made everything feel right again.

"Go get some sleep Tabi. I want you to be wide awake for tonight. My daddy bought fireworks to for us to see since he knew you would be here."

"I'm not a cat." he reminded her.

Bom laughed punching him lightly in the arm. "Are we going to have this arguement again Tabi." she laughed.

"As long as you keep calling me Tabi then yes." he argued back.

"I can't help it, your cute and cuddly just like a cat, and you know I've always wanted a cat, and you know I'm allergic to them. So deal with it! As long as your here, you're my cute, loveable, cuddly cat person." she gushed, closing her eyes as she cuddled into him.

"Weirdo!" he teased enjoying the moment.

Glancing at Siwon, he couldn't help smirk seeing the death look he gave him seeing his smiling angel affectionately cuddle with him .

"Bom since I'm your boyfriend," emphasizing the word boyfriend. "You can use me as your cat and hold onto me."

Bom shivered against him and carried on smiling. Seunghyun could see the discomfort in her eyes and hear the uneasiness in her voice as she answered him.

"I'm sorry Siwon, it's just that I've called him that for three years now. So I don't feel right calling you that." she answered.

"Besides that I like my nickname." Seunghyun stood firm sending silent signals to Siwon.

"You just said." Siwon started to question using his words.

"I like teasing her." he stated cutting him off. HaHa! That's right B..itch, I win, you lose he giggled in his head.

Maybe he was secretly a cat. The look he gave Siwon felt like he was secretly marking his teritory. Seunghyun easily pictured in his head himself raising his leg and peeing on her, marking his territory as Siwon watched. A wide grin plastered on his face as he watched him to do.

Siwon smirked glowering him receiving the message loud and clear matching Seunghyun's cold challenging eyes as he smiled at him.

"I understand. Well Bom we should go now before the sun set's and let Seunghyun sleep," he smiled winking knowing he still had the upper hand.

Bom once again grinned happily, getting up and energetically waved good-bye. Seughyun sat there seething spotting Siwon's gloating crooked smile as he winked good-bye. He might of lost at the moment but the war was only just beginning.  The bitter pain, the loathfull emptiness. It consumed him watching her leave his side. This was the first time his heart felt ice cold despair. For the life of him he couldn't understand why he was feeling like this.  Was he feeling jealous? No. That couldn't be it, could it? he questioned. Maybe he was just jealous because this douchebag was monopolizing his precious time with her.

Yes! That was it! He was just mad because Siwon was breaking into his time.

Getting up he followed behind them. He remained behind a tree in the distance and watched them swim. Bom looked like she was having the time of her life kicking and splashing water at him. He remained glued behind the tree watching them. It was like watching some rally bad flick, were you want to turn it off, yet you can't because you want to see how it ends even though you know it's going to be terrible. That was the feeling he had right watching them. He was torturing himself, he knew that and in the end it would only leave him heartbroken. Giving up he finally walked away and headed for the small barn they had in the back. 

Seunghyun told himself while he was alone in a small dark corner of the empty barn. He couldn't take watching that scene by the lake anymore. He had no right acting like a jealous boyfriend when he couldn't even accept his own feeling toward her. The joy, love and the giddy feeling he felt inside. He never once thought it was because of love. Now, He had to accept the reality that Bom was never his to take. Now, that he felt love in his heart, his heart was covered with pain. His broken heart ached for her as his brain processed the fact the she was his first love.   

Seunghyun blinked his eyes trying not to cry. He didn’t want to cry. It would be really embarrassing if someone see him crying over a girl.

"I will not cry." he told himself. 

As if telling what a pathetic loser he was the goat occuping the barn baaaa at him as it tried to eat his shoe. Chicken's clucked at him as if they were agreeing. 

At least he was secluded so if he wanted to look emotional and pathetic he could. Bom didn't like him because of Siwon, that idiot that was probably out kissing her down by the lake at this moment instead of her. He wanted to stop his tears from falling but couldn’t stop them. He succumbed to his trembling knees and sat down covering his face with both hands and cried.

“Weak, weak, weak.” he heard the goat mocking him.

"Yeah. I can't help it. I'm heartbroken." he shouted at the goat.

"baahhhh!" it answered back staring at him blankly. Sighing Seunghyun grabbed some loose hay laying scattered on the floor and fed it to the goat.

"Baahhhh! he answered accepting the hay.

"You think I'm pathetic don't you? I have no reason to be mad right?"

"Bahhh!"

“Weak.” someone coughed.

"I'm not weak goat, okay well maybe I am. But still don't you know it's impolite to tell somebody that. Even if it's the truth." he scolded the goat.

Seunghyun heard Bom's voice voiced out. He was more pathitic then he thought. The voice he pictured the goat having sounded as sarcastic Bom usually did whenever she was teasing him.

"Dummy look up."

He raised his head to see Bom standing next to him. Why was it that he didn't see her familiar worn out lime green converse before. It would of saved him from utter humiliation if he did. Now was she going to think he was a weirdo who talked to goats.

“Okay. This is embarrassing.” he said out loud while wiping his tears. “Please don’t tell anyone that you saw me here like this.” he asked her.

“Which part? Talking outloud to a goat that you thought was answering you, or the whe whole crying over me thing? she giggled sitting down next to him.

Sure, tough girl.” He answered and sat down at a chair across mine.

"All of it." he smiled continuing to observe her. He watched her take something out from her bag handed it over to him.

“Chocolate?” he clarified.

"Yup! Chocolate." she grinned.

“What’s that for?”

"For you to eat. Duh." she scofted.

"I mean. Why would you give that to me?"

Bom glared at him lime he was stupid. “For you to eat.” she stated sarcastically.

Seunghyun laughed sarcastically. That was obviously a silly question he thought feeling his cheeks warming up again. He didn't know what was more embarressing having a conversation with a goat or asking what chocolate is for. His brain was really failing to think today.

She gave him a really sweet smile. “Relax rhe chocolates aren't going to kill you?”

"They could if you laced them with poison." he . His heart began racing as he watched Bom laugh at his stupidity.

Seunghyun remained silent trying to tell his body to act normally. He was blushing badly. If she asked, He’d blame it on his hormones!

“The sweetness of the chocolate will help you cheer up.” She explained. "Chocolates are a girl's best weapon."

Seunghyun frowned hearing those words. "Are you indicating that I'm a girl?"

Bom looked away, she puffy cheeks burned turning her as red as tomato making feel a little better.

"No. I dodn't mean it like that." she mumbled. "That’s not what I meant at all."

Silent washed over them as they stared at the ground. The only one that felt like talking was the goat, now chewing away on some pop can it snifted out.

"So where's Siwon?" he finally asked.

"I sent him home."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"I'm not stupid you know. I saw you behind the tree watching us and saw the hurt and anger on your face and knew something was wrong. So I told him to go home."

"I'm sure he wasn't too happy." he scowled.

"Nope! In fact he seemed irritated at first but then he said the funniest thing to me. You know what he said to me."

"No." he scowled again. He was pretty sure that it was something he didn't want to hear.

"He told me he would be the bigger person and stay away for the week."

"Wow. That was flattering. I mean the compliments came from a guy like him. That must mean something." he forced a smile. “Geez… Thanks.” he said out of anger and embarrassment.

Looking at the chocolate that she gave me. He took it out its wrapper and ate it. Wow. Chocolate has never tasted this good before.

Bom ignorned him and continued on. "At first I was confused and had to ask him what he meant by that. He gave me his biggest smile, kissing me on the forehead and told me. I have you for thr whole year, he only has you for a week and walked away. I stood there dumbfounded trying to figure out what he meant and then it all dawned on me." 

“This is good.” he said.

“Well, what can I say? I’m a genius.” She said with a contented smile on his face.

He couldn't help but smile back as she grinned at him.

“What?” He said defensively.

“Chocolates are sweet. It has endorphins also known as happy hormones. See? You are already feeling better. I like to give myself a tap on the back.”

"Whatever!" he smiled at his statements. “Thanks for the chocolate and for making me feel better.” he said wholeheartedly.

“You are very much welcome. I love saving pretty damsels in distress.” She answered with a teasing look.

"Did you just call me a woman?" 

"Yes! And by the way did you even here what I said about Siwon."

"Yes and so what. He'll be gone for a week. Who cares." Suddenly, his heart that was aching with pain felt numb. Then felt relieved.

"Sometimes I think you really are stupid." she frowned.

"I am not dumb!" he defended himself.

"Oh, really?" she argued. "I beg to differ. Do you even understand what he meant by that?"

"No!" 

"It means he knew you liked me and now I know too dummy." she shot him daggers, getting up and walking away. "On that note sir, I will see you tonight, so don't be late."

Stunned Seunghyun sat there in silence. For some reason he wanted to run, screaming at the top of his lungs and hide. After dropping a bombshell like that on him, how could she just casually walk away like it was nothing. Maybe it was nothing, maybe he was nothing to her. The thought of that was depressing.

Eight o'clock soon arrived as Seunghyun paced back and forth in his cabin. 

"Just act natural." he chanted over and over combing his hair for the millionth time in the miror. "Everything is cool. She just doesn't like you back that's all. Don't get all emotional and mopey in front of her. After all you are not a girl. Got it!" he scolded himself in the mirror.

Nervously he walked down the path to the lake taking his time. He could hear laughter and other patron's talking having a good time as they sat around the bonfire glowing bright. He easily spotted his mother chatting away, eating gooey burned marmallows by the fire. Her smile and laughter radiated through her as he watched. This was the first time he had ever seen her so happy.

"Follow me." he heard a voice whisper.

Before he had a chance to respond Bom yanked him, pulling him away from the scene. She dragged him to a different remote part of the lake. A smaller bonfire burned in the sand.

"I thought you wanted to watch the fireworks?" he asked baffled.

"We are." she said still holding his hand as they sat down.

"So why are we here instead of there?"

"Just be quite and enjoy the sunset."

Doing as he was told, he looked up at the pinkish purple sky. Stars started twinkling lighting up the sky above them. It seemed a little romantic for we're only friends zone.

"Marshmallow." she giggled holding a stick up.

Taking it he looked at her purplish hand's frowning. "Where are your gloves?"

"I was in a rush and forgot them."

Shoving the marmellow in his mouth, he took off his gloves and grabbed her hands, putting them on her. He could of sworn she blushed at his gesture but wasn't sure.

"Bom, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course.

"Did you have your first kiss with Siwon?" he had no clue why he asked. For some reason he just needed to know.

 Shyly they both looked down at the sand, unsure what to do.

"No." she finally answered moving closer to him as the fireworks started. Fireworks popped and exploded right about them. The reminate's fell around them sparkling against the glowing fire. He stared in awe at the wonderful sight, then felt something being slipped into his hand. Distracted he peeked at Bom who looked like she wasn't even breathing. She had placed a folded piece of paper into his hands. Unfolding it he was pleasently surprised by the content.  

Things I like by Park Bom

Rainy days

A good book

Scary movies

Junk food

hugs

good music

comfy t-shirts

Seunghyun Choi

Next thing he knew her lips were on his making his heart exploded just like the fireworks above them. Her lips on his, the taste of for the first, the feel of fingers intertwined with his left him on cloud nine. And just like that the world had felt right once again.

Even if I lose my memory, I'll never forget that first kiss and the feeling it imprinted in me. They say the best kind of kiss is the unexpected one's. They also say true love's first kiss happens when two hearts beat as one and is the most magical sensation you'll ever experience and I believe it.