"The Mighty Five "
By: writingFairy
REVIEW BY:jessie101/ Sakura
Brew duration: (1/7-1/19)

TITLE (10/10)

The title immediately caught my attention. It has a nice ring to it. It encompasses what the story is about. It is interesting enough for a reader to click on. Good job!

FOREWORD & DESCRIPTION (9/10)
The telling of the prophecy was unique. It hooked me and I wanted to read the story right away. You gave sufficient details. Even the format you wrote the prophecy in gave an authentic look. Usually, I dislike it when the traits of each character are revealed in the foreword. I dislike it because it took away from the characterization of the story. Since the traits of the characters are already pre-determined and listed, I already knew how they would think and act. I suggest you reveal these traits in the story for the readers to figure out themselves instead of just placing it in the foreword. It would have more of an impact. However, I enjoyed the pictures of each character.

SPELLING & GRAMMAR(9/15)
There were many typos and the grammar/ vocabulary needs to develop more. The typos and grammatical errors distracted me from the scenes that were taking place in the story. There are times when I would get into the story but a typo or error would ruin the mood of it all. These errors confused me at times and I had to re-read it multiple times before I could understand what you were trying to say. This is very crucial and needs to be fixed. Most readers stop reading a story if there are lots of typos. So to ensure that this doesn’t happen, I suggest you get a beta-reader or read over your work and fix the typos. Also, dialogues should be separate from your paragraphs. Each dialogue needs to be on a line of its own. As for your vocabulary, there should be a multiplicity of enticing words that help the reader to visualize the scene more. Use adjectives, figures of speech and idioms. They make the writing more colorful and enticing. Here is an example: Luhan changed into his wolf – Luhan morphed into his wolf form But unfortunately, she couldn't even in brought daylight everyone was scared – Unfortunately, she couldn’t even do that in broad daylight since everyone was scared Excrusiated- Excruciating I shouldn't be learning you this - I shouldn't be teaching you this. By changing that those few words and fixing the errors, the sentence has more in life in it and is easier to understand. I was happy to see that your writing improved in the latter chapters. There were fewer mistakes.

CHARACTERIZATION (15/20)
Joonmyun has clearly grown throughout this story. He found out what he was and he embraced it. Luhan’s character changed as well. From what I read from the beginning story, he was just basically a killer wolf who killed anything he wanted and hurt who he wanted. If he is doing something like this then there should be a reason. A deeper meaning behind the way he acts. Why does he feel the need to physically hurt people? No one just kills for the hell of it. There is always something that steers them in that direction. Also, he was actually concerned about Ari and this shows that deep beneath this façade he has created, he actually likes her. As for Ari, her character developed. She defied he father’s orders and trained Joonmyun, despite him being and omega and she could have gotten punished for it. Each of the characters continued to grow throughout the latter chapters. No doubt they will grow in the chapters to come.

PLOT  (20/30)
It was a solid plot, but there were a few downfalls. It was a cliché storyline but the prophecy made it stand out. The plot fell a little flat at times. I got confused so many times by the way some of the details were explained. It was very vague when it came to details and the scenes happening when their minds linked together. By the words you used, I couldn’t quite picture what was happening in the scene. Especially when Ari’s mind linked to Sehun’s and the vampires came after them. You need to make it seem real. The hard part about a fantasy story is that the details need to be put in such a way that it seems real to the reader. There were various parts of the story that seemed unrealistic due to the words you used. Scenes should be explained in depth and if the person is suddenly transported into that scene then there should be sufficient visual imagery and actions to back it up. Not just vague words about what is taking place. There were a few shocking scenes. When Joonmyun said he was going to kill Ari just like that, it took me a few minutes to take it in. The plot gained more momentum coming down to the end the chapters. Especially when Joonmyun had the unstoppable range and attacked Ari. Now that was something I didn’t see coming! Harmless Joonmyun turned into a monster. Then Luhan stepped in and saved her! Epic. However, in the first few chapters you mentioned that werewolves had mates, but the concept shifted in the latter chapters.

FLOW (3/5)
The flow was off at times. Especially in the beginning. I understand that you wanted to show the readers how the characters interacted throughout the years and how it all started, but the many gaps in time seemed drawn out. Especially in Suho’s case. You time skipped a lot with little details in Prologue 2. There were times when you would give a vague summary of the days that passed and skipped details that needed to be written.

WRITING STYLE (2/5)
Your writing is was good but needs to improve. The constant errors/typos took away from it. I suggest you add in literary devices and try to rephrase your sentences. Some of the sentences were very long and some were too short. There were some that were hard to understand because of the placement of the words.

OVERALL ENJOYMENT (5/10)
After reading the title, I was excited to read the rest of the story. However, the typos and grammatical errors threw me off and I found it hard to focus on certain parts of the story. I know that you might think this review was a bit harsh but this story has so much potential! While reading it, I saw it! I just want you to fix these errors so the story can be easier to read so people won’t overlook it.

Tips & Advice: 

Getting a beta would help you out a lot. Once those errors are fixed, the story will be easier to read. I suggest you add more adjectives and widen your vocabulary. There are many synonyms you could use instead of other common words that would make the writing more refreshing. Literary devices such as similes and metaphors would make the writing more enjoyable and the reader would be able to identify with it. Put yourself in the readers’ shoes and read over the story. That always helps. Good luck!

score: 70/100

   JK