WA: heart, mind and seoul
REVIEW COLLECTION
Worlds Apart
BY writerFairy
CHARACTERS: Jin Ari (OC), Luhan, Suho, Lay, Xiumin
STATUS: Ongoing
STATUS: Ongoing
DESCRIPTION:
Jin Ari is the next Alpha to take over the position as head Alpha and lead the pack. She lives in a small village taken over by two packs of wolves. Werewolves. The east and the west. West and East don't work together yet her father has made a packed with the other leader before she was born. His son and Ari would unite the packs when they were old enough through marriage. Ari and Luhan hate each other guts, living in the same village with one neutral zone was the school. As both alphas were brought up with certain rules and tasks. A dangerous evil lured behind the corner.
Tresspassing the others turf was strictly prohibited. But as Luhan one night crossed the border to attack an unknown omega. Ari comes to the rescue of the omega but screws up big time without knowing. Because you never ever come between an Alpha and "his" omega. That was what they were thaught.
>> STORY LINK HERE
story title: 2/5
The title ‘Worlds Apart’ would’ve sounded more interesting if there wasn’t a thousand fantasy fictions with nearly the same name. Reading the chapters posted till now, the title doesn’t seem relevant. But this title does give out a vibe of sad romance, which might be interesting to some.
description, foreword & tags: 7/10
The description is pretty good, with about the right amount of information. But the ‘characters’ part totally ruined it. It’s better to leave the characters hidden and mysterious then have the readers figure it out themselves. Also, the characters doesn’t really make sense. How can someone be murderous and caring? The idea of keeping track of the updates is cool though. The tags are alright.
appearance - graphics: 4/5, display: 3/5
The poster is just awesome. It does suit the story but there’s a grave mistake. Suho is supposed to be the blue Prince. But in the poster, his eyes are green. The background is alright, but the layout doesn’t look neat. That might be a problem.
characterisation: 3/10
This is the largest problem. The characters are behaving differently every chapter. One minute Kyuhyun is a caring father the next he’s a demanding, selfish alpha. It is very confusing. Also, they aren’t very eye catching. Some seem a little dull, like Kris. The characters could be brought in line but that would require some hard work.
plot: 16/20
The idea is amazing. It could be an awesome, intriguing ‘romance, angst, action, drama’ fiction if the small faults were corrected. Finding the Blue Prince, then the Yellow Prince and the Green Prince. Then fighting the vampires, there could be more suspense and actions, romance too. But here’s another large mistake. They are packs of wolves. But there are hardly any mentions of other wolves who are in their packs. It seems like only these families are packs all by themselves. So it’ll be better to make up some other wolves. You can add more kpop stars in like that.
consistency/flow: 4/10
Too fast. Before you could properly understand the incidents, more start happening. It seems like that all of the story is being jam packed in some chapters so that the sequel could start soon. It would be more fun to read if the events were slowed down a bit and explained properly.
grammar, spelling & punctuation: 10/15
Mostly everything is fine, but the mistakes are really confusing. The grammar is nearly alright but in some places there are silly mistakes which can be corrected if someone proof read them. Same with the spelling, some silly mistakes changed the meaning of a whole sentence. The punctuation is okay.
structure: 4/5
Paragraphs, conversations, everything is there but some of these paragraphs are a bit confusing and hard to understand so it might be soothing to the eye if they were divided in two paragraphs or explained with more details.
readers' response: 3/5
A loyal regular commenter. But only one. It looks like most of the subscribers are the silent reader type.
overall enjoyment: 4/10
total grade: 60/100
DATE REQUESTED: 19/03/2015
DATE COMPLETED: 22/03/2015
REVIEWER: Nayeera
COMMENTS: I’m sorry if I seemed too harsh, but I tend to be like that. I’ve read many good stories, so the faults stand out too much. This is a good idea and a good story, so keep writing!
REMINDER
Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owener or the reviewer via PM.
Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owener or the reviewer via PM.
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