Disclaimer: We are very sorry for the delay, as we have made a few changes with the reviewers concerning this shop. You had requested before we had changed the shop's rubric, but I do hope that it'd be fine if we incorporate the new one instead, as it is more lenient than the first one.
 

Story Title: 2.5/5

For your title, it's not very engaging nor original. I have seen many stories on asianfanfics and published books with the same title so I wasn't instantly interested by your title because it wasn't unique and my first impression was that it was going to become a very cliché fanfic throughout the plot lines. It's a very direct title in my perspective but after reading multiple stories and having read your description, it seems like there is more meaning than just a simple stranger next door. As I said, it's a very cliché title and the phrase is many times over used and it doesn't emit much meaning from it when you look at it. There's nothing wrong using a title that other's have used but I don't find it intriguing and interesting at first sight. 

 

Appearance: 6/10

a. Poster and Background. 3.5/5

I find your poster fitting for this story although after reading your request form, it seemed a bit out of place as you described this story to be more gore, horror and angst. It did create a nice, romance-y atmosphere which helps and the pink hue adds more of the romance into the mix. The only thing that made you lose some marks was because of the picture of Kyuhyun, it was blurry and distracting to the eyes as it didn't match the colour theme that was used in the poster and it didn't do anything to enhance the poster so it's quite useless. If you feel like you still want him there, I would suggest putting an ulzzang/actor/idol on the other side but only half showing and Kyuhyun's body, half showing because I feel like it will add more mystery into the mix about Illiana's past. None the less, your poster and background is matches well with each other; complementing each other as the background is very basic and it doesn't clash with the poster. 

b. Lay-out and Formatting. 2.5/5

As I said, the picture of Kyuhyun was very blurry and clashed with the poster; not complementing it at all, so I would suggest getting that fixed but it's entirely up to you! From the top to the bottom of the poster, the pace within that area seems very blank and wide apart. Although that isn't much of a problem because of the layout you used underneath I just thought I would point it out.  Your layout in the description is alright, the layout coding seems a little messed up for the boxes but I'm presuming it's just the version of AFF I'm on. For your foreword the presentation isn't too bad. There's a lot of images and credits and unnecessary categories. I think the 'facts' and storyline/story idea should combine together just so it doesn't take up as much space and it's more or less that same thing. 

 

Description and Foreword: 5/10

Your story summary in the description wasn't exactly engaging either. I find the first line has to be interesting to pull readers in or else they'll exit the story. I found some mistakes or questionable lines in your description which I will explain. 

- She doesn't know much about the world anymore, because of lack of communication in the past two years. 
= Saying that is indicating that she cut all connection from the outside world and was basically confined within a small world with nothing to do. I find it exaggerated especially at the 'she doesn't know much about the world anymore,' because she's only just been in Africa which I know doesn't have much connection - internet, texting on phone, signal, etc. - but I think she'll still have some slight idea. I would say that she didn't know much about Korea anymore as saying she doesn't know about the world is just a vast topic to focus on. 

I liked how you mentioned about the other main character instead of just focusing on the OC which many tend to forget (*cough* me *cough*). I liked how you kept his real life occupation the same in the story, Kyuhyun's seems pretty realistic as you keep his side in the description quite real and true to the real life version of him. 

Then ending line hints a little something while still hiding what the story is about what is great but some may think it's going to be a cliché title from the title and now the description. Other than this, I find your description alright.

 

Character Development: 10/15

a. Unity of the Characters and Their Actions. 2/5

The way they met was something you would see a lot in movies, books, mangas, animes, drabbles, basically I'm saying it's cliché. I could easily predict that something was going to happen and them meeting because of Suzy dragging Illiana to a concert was the easiest route to Kyuhyun and Illiana meeting. I liked the different POV's of Illiana and Kyuhyun so you could understand how they felt when they met each other. They way of meeting, how Kyuhyun and SUJU knew Suzy was quite genius at a point but still very cliché. 

b. Evolution of Characters. 3/5

In the foreword, you gave us some small description on the characters within the story so that really helped boost the readers interest instead of putting bits of it within the story. It's also a straightforward method to let the readers know the character's personality, appearance and characteristics.

The OC, Illiana seemed mary-sue in the beginning. I know there are some people who easily remember languages but I think you just went way over the line on how many languages she knew. It didn't seem really realistic and give me the impression that she was 'know-it-all', I have zero evidence why but it's was just like a back thought feeling. Her character is one which I've seen in many fanfics. A typical girl who doesn't know much about k-pop and meets an idol without knowing and is creeped out while slightly confused when she meets one (without him being in his group or in TV)

Kyuhyun was the typical idol character portrayed similarly to those with a similar fanfic plot. He expected the OC (Illiana) to know who he was and it gave this slightly cocky air around him. The second chapter was his POV and that made me understand his character more and how he felt about idol life (and crazy fans) so that changed my mind about air around him which I felt about him. You hinted that he had a lot of problems and scandals with girls in the past which I find interesting and it also tells the reader that he is kind hearted and wouldn't leave someone injured, hurt, etc (referring back to Illiana's fainting incident). 

Suzy's character didn't really shine out in the beginning (or within the story) at all. The only reason that sparked some interest in my about her was when Kyuhyun recognised her in the second chapter. That made me wonder if she was an idol as well and how she came to know Kyuhyun. But soon that interest in me was lost, I'm not saying Suzy is a boring character but some things I think would be better said later to keep that excitement and wonder in a reader for as long as possible. 

c. Point of View Used. 5/5

I liked how you had a whole separate chapter for Illiana's and Kyuhyun's point of view instead of switching to and fro in the same chapter as that can be annoying and confusing.

 

Plot: 17.5/35

a. Originality. 1.5/5

Every story has a cliché part in their story so please don't feel upset or negative about your story because I keep saying it feels very cliché. In the beginning, it does feel very cliché and overused because there wasn't anything that would differentiate from other stories that have similar story plot lines. I find the overall idea of an ordinary girl meeting an idol unexpectedly, not knowing, then finding out, has zero interest but soon does is something that's overused in recent fanfics. There has been many fanfics where the story plot is similar to yours. Honestly, because of the beginning of the story, it gave a sour taste in my mouth and my mind automatically thought 'not original, quite boring.' 

b. Setting of the Story. 2/5

I felt like you describing the scenery and the basic background was lacking. Normally, one would describe the airport, talk about the house when they arrived - the nostalgic scent, the homely feel, etc - but you didn't write any about that. When talking about going from a country to another country, it's like a basic (at the beginning) to talk about airport, house, etc. Your story was lacking in the description about scenery area so I would suggest focusing on that a bit.

c. Theme of the Story. 4/5

I liked the story's theme as it progressively went on. It seemed basic and boring at first but soon there was the plot twist and that's when everything got really interesting. The theme is interesting. It has romance (obviously) but it also has the feel of those scenes in k-dramas which is pretty good coming from me.

d. Flow and Pattern of Events. 6/10

Because of the chapter rotations, Illiana having a chapter and then having to explain Kyuhyun's side of view without having to stay on the same scene, it was slightly slower than using 3rd point of view. Times, I felt like the chapters was a little too long and skipped it because to me, there was enough information for that chapter. My flow for this story got disrupted because of the errors and also me forgetting who's side of the story it was on. Other than that, I think everything was going smoothly. 

e. Conflicts and Resolutions. 4/10

Your story lacks tension in particular scenes. The scene where Illiana had to hide from the manager so she wouldn't get caught would be a good scene to create tension and suspense. Sometimes it's good to add tension at the start so it engages the reader more.

 

Grammar and Writing Style: 9.5/20

a. Choice of Words and Use of Language. 3.5/5

I would say you're the type to use more simple words which is a positive thing I'm going to be talking about in this review. Personally, I'm not a big fan of books that have long words or a writer that has a vast amount of vocabulary because I, myself, is something who is too lazy to search up the meaning of long words and don't have much interest if the vocabulary in the story is over the moon. I liked how you kept it basic and simple. You used the right amount of humour in the story and at the right parts, you overuse the word 'YA' and I know it's a typical Korean term but I would prefer it if you wrote 'Yah' instead as it sounds more like you're slightly annoyed at someone. 

b. Grammatical Errors. 3/10

There as some basic errors in the story and easily made mistakes so I don't blame you for some of them but I would suggest proof-reading over older chapters after a large number of chapters. The majority of the errors come from punctuation but that's mostly it.

Chapter 1:

Original: I agreed to go because it’s been two years that I saw her.
Revised: I agreed to go because it’s been two years since I saw her.

Original: I’ve been in Africa for 2 years, had to leave friends and family behind.
Revised: I’ve been in Africa for 2 years, and I had to leave my friends and family behind.

Original: Mom sent me back, with my little brother, Lucas, to go to school and sent him to school as well. I promised her I would take care of him, I wouldn’t get into trouble and get back to a normal life again.
Revised: My mom had sent me back with my little brother, Lucas, to attend school, and sent him to school as well. I promised her that I would take care of him, and that I wouldn't get into trouble and return back to my normal life again.

Original: So I went to my aunt, who lives just around the corner, and asked her to babysit my brother. She agreed and said to sleep over at my friend her house
Revised: So I went to my aunt's house, who lives just around the corner and asked her to babysit my brother. She agreed and told me to sleep over at my friend's house

Original: Suzy, that’s my friends name, was overexcited. The day of the concert I would meet her in the morning and catch up with her.
Revised: My friend, Suzy, was ecstatic. On the day of the concert, I would meet up with her in the morning and catch up about our life without each other.

Original: “I didn’t do anything, I just went out for a bit. OO and I saw Suzy, couldn’t say hi”
Revised: “I didn’t do anything. I just went out for a bit. Oh, and I saw Suzy, but I couldn’t say hi.”

Original: “sure”
Revised: “Sure.”

Original: I told her lots about Africa, where I’ve been, what I saw, she told me she went to ZERA University, she spilled a lot of things that I can’t remember what she told me. She told me to not be surprised when we see the idolgroup at the concert, who had like 15 members. Which group has 15 members that’s just too much, well that was what I thought. She told me the group was Korean, good that I was fluent in Korean (not that I am Korean), I know sseveral languages French, Dutch, German, Korean, Spanish, English, let’s just say that I know al ot of languages, some more fluent than the other one.
Revised: I told her lots about the place I lived in for a while; Africa and what I experienced. She told me that she went to ZERA University and spilled a lot of things that I can't remember. She told me to not be surprised when we see the idol group at the concert, who had like 15 members. Which group has 15 members? That’s just way too much, well that was what I thought. She told me the group was Korean, good that I was fluent in Korean (not that I am Korean), I know several languages such as French, Dutch, German, Korean, Spanish, English, let’s just say that I know al ot of languages, some more fluent than the other one.

Original: “Hey, stop daydreaming, will you! and just go in, we almost need to go.”
Revised: “Hey, stop daydreaming, will you? Just go in. We almost need to go.”

Original: Europian
Revised: European

Chapter 2:

Original: [...] would I have known Suzy was here I would’ve asked her. I entered the hat shop.
Revised: [...] If I had known that Suzy was here, I would've asked her to come. I entered the hat shop. 

Original: But I didn’t see her pull out her cell phone. SAVE.
Revised: But I didn’t see her pull out her cell phone. SAFE.

Chapter 3:

Original: Maybe I was away for to long to remember how it felt in the early days 
Revised: Maybe I was away for too long to remember how it felt in the early days.

Original: I had to phone a lot of people, companies, feeding and raising Lucas. And I still had to find a school for us two, not to far apart from each other. Well, I thought I could attend the same University as Suzy. My brother would be in the middle school then.
Revised: I had to phone a lot of people, companies and feed Lucas. And I still had to find a school for us two, not too far apart from each other. Well, I thought I could attend the same University as Suzy. My brother would be in the middle school then.

Original: I was reading something on my friend’s twitter, cause she said I could use the her computer to look up some stuff. I was reading about the band not that I was very interested but this had my immediate attention.
Revised: I was reading something on my friend’s twitter because she said I could use her computer to look up some stuff. I was reading about a band, not that I was very interested but a little something soon had my immediate attention.

Original: Little that I knew about anything yet. 
Revised: Little did I know that something was about to happen. 

Original: “Front row, joy ” I with a slight tone of dislike. I mostly said it to myself.
Revised: “Front row. Joy, ” I murmured with a slight tone of dislike. 

Original: “wow, yes, tissue, tissue!! Where are the damn tissues?.”
Revised: “Wow. Oh my god. Tissue. Tissue! Where are the damn tissues?”

Original: “thanks.” 
Revised: “Thanks.”

Original: [...] It is safer anyways, she worries to much.”
Revised: [...] It is safer than getting crushed by crazy fans. She worries too much.”

Original: “O! that’s a thing I don’t need that, I have this other card you saw at the parking lot.”
Revised: “That's something I don't need. I can use the card you saw at the parking lot.”

Original: So I pepping myself up, trying to forget I wasn't feeling to well, trying to get through to the end of the concert.
Revised: So I it in and tried to forget I wasn't feeling too well. I just hoped I could get through to the end of the concert without fainting.

Chapter 4:

Original: I was at the left flank with Leeteuk and Sungmin not far away from me.
Revised: I was at the left (?) with Leeteuk and Sungmin not far away from me.

[Honestly, I didn't quite understand what you meant with flank? Is that the name of the stage or what?]

Original: “move please” 
Revised: “Move, please.”

Original: I wasn’t aware that the Suzy she knew was the same one I knew to.
Revised: I wasn’t aware that the Suzy she knew was the same one I knew as well/too.

Original: I could catch her right before she would hit the floor.
Revised: I caught her right before she could hit the floor.

Original: As leader LeeTeuk gave Sungmin the assignement to sing the last line. 
Revised: As the leader, LeeTeuk gave Sungmin the assignment to sing the last line. 

Original: I carefully laid her in the black sofa.
Revised: I carefully laid her on the black sofa.

Chapter 5:

Original: Curious about who was in the door opening I forgot to note. 
Revised: Curious about who was at the hallway/door (I'm unsure on what you meant), I forgot to check the note.

Original: “I’m not, my friend is; and if I had known where I was, then I shouldn't be asking you, should I?” why am I getting mad? Now I had to apologize for my rudeness.
Revised: “I’m not, as you can clearly tell. I just learned Korean because of my friend, and why should I need to share this information with you?” . Why am I getting mad? Now I had to apologize for my rudeness. 

Original: There that wasn't so hard was it?
Revised: There. That wasn't so hard, was it?

Original: “Are you ok? She probably doesn’t understand a word that we are saying”
Revised: “Are you okay? She probably doesn’t understand a word that we are saying.”

Original: “I do understand” I said the same time Leeteuk said “She does.”
Revised: “I do understand,” I said and at the same time. Leeteuk replies back to 's comment with, “She does.”

Chapter 6:

Original: “They will get in trouble, if that man finds out that I’m here. I think this Kyuhyun will get in real trouble if the man finds out. Why are you smiling?” I started to smile when I heard my name, she really didn’t know who I was.
Revised: “We will get in trouble if that man finds out that I’m here with you. I think this Kyuhyun will get in real trouble if the man finds out as well. Why are you smiling?” I started to smile when I heard my name, she really didn’t know who I was.

Original: it sounded like Suzy.
Revised: It sounded like Suzy.

Original: “Suzy” She whispered.
Revised: “Suzy,” she whispered.

Original: “heh? , curly blond-brown hair.” Suzy continued.
Revised: “Huh? And curly blond-brown hair,” Suzy continued.

Original: “Nope no mother around, just came here to see these guys off, where are you staying we can meet up tomorrow, the next concert is in two days.” I was happy that Suzy played along.
Revised: “Nope, no mother around, just came here to see these guys off. Where are you staying? we can meet up tomorrow, the next concert is in two days anyway.” I was grateful that Suzy played along.

Original: “Suzy you know that’s difficult, right?” 
Revised: “Suzy, you know that’s difficult, right?”

Original: IShe has been always found of Kibum.
Revised: She has been always fond of Kibum.

The rest of the mistakes are similar to the ones which I have already pointed out. I think you should look over the chapters one more time and correct the mistakes. Or you could get a beta-reader. 

c. Writing Style. 3/5

Your use of English is quite basic compared to some author's on this website but still, it is better than average writers who don't speak English (in my opinion). At times, the amount of mistakes makes the chapter look like a 12 year old has written it. I like that your writing style contains basic and easy-to-understand words as some stories can have some long, not understandable, need-to-search-but-too-lazy-to words which can be annoying so because of that, it wasn't very hard to read through the story and lose myself in it.