Sehun POV

I walked downstairs as fast as I could…out of the apartment, away from this skyscraper. I want to be far away from him. I don’t deserve his love and warmth, his tenderness, his sweet kisses on my skin, how he looked into my eyes and improved my behavior.

STOP!

I need him, but he doesn’t need me.

I walked through half Seoul. The more I was away from him, the better it was. He wouldn’t find me and he shouldn’t do this. This despair in his eyes… No, I cannot deal with this anymore.

How happy he smiled one day when I did the breakfast. We had jam and bread rolls, his favorite breakfast. Mandarin jam und the best rolls in Korea. Afterwards we had , the whole morning long.

I moved my tongue in my mouth hopefully, as his taste would be still there. The only things which stayed in my mind were the sweet memories…

Damn it…

I hit a road sign. “Sehun, stop thinking about him.” I screamed mentally. My hand cracked as a finger broke. But I didn’t feel anything. Absolutely nothing. I took my hand away from the iron rod and let my hand hanging around. Also, I didn’t have the strength to get out my last joint. But … but I needed it. So, I collected my last strengths, get the joint out of my jacket, put it between my lips and kindled it.

Three drafts were enough to be calm and jaunty again.  

Four drafts changed the world.

Five let me “sleep walking”.

After six my ardent desires were satisfy.

The next ones consisted of laughing and crying until I fall asleep. I could forget for a few moments until I find myself in bushes or on the street with harsh headache and depressions.

The marihuana-high was gone.

I need him.

No, not him.

I need IT.

The ecstasy. I wanted to forget and wanted to dream again and wanted to fly jaunty. Fly away.