Luhan POV

The first sun strikes stuck into my face like a stab with a knife. They wake me up very ungentle. I noticed that I am on the ground in the glory-hole room. Slowly I started to stand up and held me on the door frame. My head hurts. But...but why?

My memories from the last evening come back in pieces and my headache rose. I couldn’t move and I stared through the open window from which the many bottles were gone last night. I remembered how this sounded was when the bottles hit the asphalt and I can hear this sound. This shrill tinkle tore my eardrum. But it even wasn’t here. This phantom noise let my head break into thousand pieces like the bottles.

Stump I collapsed like a shabby folding chair and as a “highlight” I collide with the door frame behind. Then everything was dark for hours.

In the evening when I recover consciousness, my headache become worse than before, I noticed that he wasn’t back and I felt the first tears running my cheek down. Tormented I crawled into the bed and lay down on the side on which he slept otherwise. I sniffed on his pillow hopefully as the sweet smoky smell would be still there. But the only thing I could recognize was a soft breeze of blood which mixed with the intensive smell of my Perwoll detergent.

I pressed my head more into the pillow and started screaming. Eventually I cried me into the sleep.

Five days passed by.

Five days this felt like eternity.

Five days … and Sehun still wasn’t here.

I didn’t know what I’ve done the last five days out of taking medicaments and crying. It got worse day by day.

I needed other medicine. Otherwise I couldn’t forget. Contentiously I thought about him and waited that he’ll come back. I didn’t care whether he will yell at me or will be in ecstasy. I just wanted him to be here, by me.

But he didn’t come at all. Someday in the early evening (I guess) I put on new clothes, washed the blood from my face, brushed my hair and made up my bruises strewn face and my dark circles under the eyes to go to the supermarket. I took 150 000 Won which I hide into a tea package into my cupboard as a case of need. Afterwards I went my apartment. I didn’t feel that good walking alone through the streets and I felt myself observed. The cold wind went through my bones and let my legs being heavy.  Because of the winter time it was still dark at 6 a.m.

I walked faster.

Not any second I thought about what could happen if Sehun crossed my way. But now I asked me how this situation would turn out and how he would react. Had he saved me?

After a few minutes I arrived at the supermarket. Without looking around I went straight to the alcohol regal and was looking for something high percentage. Liquor, Vodka and the good old Gin.

Oh, how often he made me sleeping… Memories came back.

I took the three bottles and went to the POS. I was the only one here, so it didn’t take too much time.

“You want to drink that much again?” the cashier asked serious. She knew me. I should change the supermarket…

“Haha, no. I want to celebrate a bit with my friends.” I lied with a fake smile. I was good in playing this role. She looks at me. “Really.” I lied again.

“So, if you say this…” she said and cashed up the bottles. “I cannot forbid you this. It costs 70 000 Won.” I gave her the money and put the bottles into a plastic bag.

“See you later.” She said friendly but depressed.

“Sure.” I returned and smiled at her. Then I went home.

At the half of the way, three guys crossed my way. I thought nothing bad… Boys in my age, enjoy their lives, getting drunk, laughing together and having fun. When I passed them by, one held me.

I wanted to break away from him but it didn’t work

“Hey, what do you want from me?” I asked loudly. I noticed that two guys took my arms and held them, the third stood in front of me. I didn’t recognize him first until he came closer.

Tsuki. Oh no.

“I was right.” He breathed dangerous. “Gay Luhan.” We went together in the same high school and he was the school bully. When he found out that I am interested in men I was his victim number one.

“Aww, where is your sweet boyfriend? He doesn’t want to save you this time? Oh, is he gone? What a pity. I am sure, you were a bad boy.” He sulked feigned. These words hurt me, more as he will do it with his fists. I collapsed in the arms of the two guys and started crying. My tears let my make-up burring and then he could see my bruises strewn face. Tsuki squat down next to me and looked into my face.

“What the ?” he whispered and was shocked. “Don’t tell me that he did this!” he whispered again. But I nodded slowly. “Guys, it isn’t funny. Let him go, we will go.” He commanded and stood up. Promptly the two boys let me go and I banged with my knees on the street. Then the three guys were gone.

>Later I found out that Tsuki was gay as well and his father hit his mother. Because of this he let me go.<

I made myself sure that the three guys were definitely gone and then I walked limping to my home.

There I locked the door and barricade myself in the apartment.

I sat down on the chair in the kitchen and put down the bottles of alcohol.

I had reached this situation again, the right drugs at the wrong time. But the helped me, at least a bit…