Chapter 7: Last Wish

          When Taeyeon realized that her friend Sooyeon had a fatal sickness, she cried for what she felt to be so long onto the doctor’s chest. Sooyeon was not gone yet, but just knowing that she will leave her someday just crushed her tender spirit. She already knew that pain of losing someone; she knew it was unbearably more painful than having a scraped knee or a broken arm. In fact, that excruciating pain of losing someone was more agonizing than anything she had ever felt in her whole life. “No, no, no, no…,” she kept saying, as if her cries could stop the inevitable. Alas, there was nothing the powerless little girl could do. Sooyeon will have to die like Taeyeon’s parents, and leave her all alone again in this cruel, crooked world.

          Later, the police officer found her again because of a phone call from her grand-aunt. After much begging and convincing through the phone, Taeyeon asked for one more day to stay with Sooyeon in the orphanage. She did not want to leave Sooyeon at all, for she feared that Sooyeon might suddenly die without her being there, just like her parents. So then, by some miracle, Taeyeon’s grand-aunt let her stay at the orphanage to be with her friend even for one last day. After that, she will never be allowed to run away like that or she’ll be sent to boarding school overseas.

          There in that same room number 9 in the orphanage, Taeyeon and Sooyeon went back to their life together for one last day, but this time, Taeyeon knew the truth. Back then, she did not realize immediately why Sooyeon acted the way she did—why she was ignored by the other children, why the bullies wouldn’t fight her, why she slept alone, why she wouldn’t play in the snow, why she wouldn’t be adopted, why she was so pessimistic, why she kept a daily planner with a calendar, why she wouldn’t eat much, why she walked so slow, why she easily got tired, why she didn’t want to be friends with her… Sooyeon was slowly dying all along.

          The next day, when Taeyeon woke up, she realized that Sooyeon, who was right beside her on the orphanage bunk bed (Taeyeon decided to sleep next to Sooyeon last night to make sure that she was warm because the heater doesn’t work quite well in the orphanage), was already awake and was staring right at Taeyeon with her sad, cold eyes. Though it may have been scary to see such a hostile looking expression in the morning, Taeyeon was quite used to it. Nobody understood the lonely and detached Sooyeon any more than Taeyeon now. In fact, whenever she saw Sooyeon’s cold look, all she saw was a pitiful girl with a broken spirit, abandoned and tossed away, yet still waiting to be fixed.

          “Sooyeon, you’re awake,” Taeyeon greeted while rubbing her eyes.

          Sooyeon, who was looking even more abnormally pale than ever before, continued staring at the teary-eyed fellow. Sooyeon was wrapped in blankets and the blue scarf covered most of her face except her eyes. Taeyeon even had her wear a bonnet while she slept to warm her ears and thin-haired head. Dr. Seo was right; it wasn’t a very good idea for Sooyeon to be discharged from the hospital at all. This orphan institution cannot provide the fragile little girl essential warmth, food, or care that may prolong her short lifespan. It only made her feel worse. Despite that, Taeyeon still tried her best to keep Sooyeon warm.

As she lay there, she spoke to Taeyeon in a soft voice, “Taeyeon… I’m very numb and cold…”

          Taeyeon sat up, gently patted Sooyeon’s legs and arms, and folded her portion of the blanket over Sooyeon. “Is this better?”

          “Taeyeon…,” Sooyeon said in a sorrow-filled whisper. “I’m very sad… because I know I made you feel sad. I’m still sorry…”

          Upon hearing those words, Taeyeon felt an overwhelming rush that almost made her bawl out like a kindergartener, but she tried to keep it from flowing out. After a few seconds of trying not to cry, the tears still managed to seep through the cracks on her emotional barriers. Finally, she just cried, because she just couldn’t help it anymore. She only found out about Sooyeon’s sickness yesterday, and all she did was cry about it. She may have already felt so ashamed for not being stronger than she should be, but she really cannot help but just cry.

          “Taeyeon…,” Sooyeon spoke once more as she stared blankly at the crying girl before her. “This is our last day together…”

          “You won’t die today,” Taeyeon cried. “This isn’t the last time I’ll see you.”

          “Oh, but you’re leaving with your grand-aunt later in the evening. Even if I don’t die today, I don’t think I’ll live long enough to see you again after this. The winter is quite cold… I’m so numb… I might fall asleep while I wait for the warm summer to come… but I don’t think I can wake up anymore by then.”

          “Don’t say that! You’ll live at least three more years, or two more, or if not, at least one more… Please?”

          “Maybe. But I don’t think I can endure this cold world anymore. How many winter days must I endure? I don’t know… It’s getting more and more difficult...”

          “What about me? What will I do without you?” Taeyeon asked in frustration.

          Just like the way she had always been, Sooyeon stayed silent when a question was too uncomfortable to answer. She just blankly stared at Taeyeon, her heart filling with empathy. After a while she whispered, “I guess we won’t see the ocean after all.” And with that said, a tear fell from her eye. “I really wanted to see the ocean though.”

          “Do you really want to see the ocean?”

          “Yes.”

          “Why?”

          “I see it in my dreams. Would you take me there if you could?”

          “It’s too cold. What if something bad happens to you?”

          “It doesn’t even matter anymore. Today is my last day with you. Besides, you promised.”

***

It was late in the afternoon and the sun was about to set beyond the waters of the horizon. The rays of sunlight were fading into the drabness of the gloomy world. The sky was painted a shade of gray, yet with slight tints of orange and red under the thin sheets of clouds—signifying a touch of hope for the two children. The wind by the sea was chilly and strong, making them both hold even more tightly onto each other. Slowly, they approached the cold, crashing waves that from foam every time the water gets back. There was not a person in sight besides the two of them, for it was not permissible for swimming due to the large rocks and nobody usually went there except for the occasional campers during the warmer seasons. Most people would just find the secluded place too cold and uninviting, but to Sooyeon, this moment was a joy.

          “Sooyeon, we’re almost there,” Taeyeon said as she supported the weak Sooyeon’s frame.

          “Wow,” Sooyeon said in awe as her eyes feasted on the wide open roaring waters before her.

          “It’s amazing isn’t it?”

          Needless to say, the two of them made that one last journey together. They knew that it wasn’t their wisest decision, but audacious and headstrong as they are, they went anyway. This took a toll on Sooyeon’s health again, as it was a bone-chilling negative eighteen degrees Celsius in the city and even lower outside the city on that day. They took a cab to the bus station and waited there until their bus would leave to that beach area outside the city. Throughout the two hour ride, Sooyeon just fell asleep since she couldn’t help it. Taeyeon watched over her though and silently wept beside her. Every time she looked at the poor little Sooyeon’s face, she couldn’t quite comprehend how her friend will eventually leave her. Even though she was scared of taking her friend out to the see the ocean, she still agreed to do it. It was bad enough that Sooyeon grew up with nothing. Taeyeon did not want Sooyeon to die with nothing either. She at least wanted Sooyeon’s wish to see the ocean come true if that’s what she truly wanted. She wanted Sooyeon’s last moments with her to be happy.

“Well, there’s nothing much here at this time of the year, and swimming in this beach isn’t allowed either,” Taeyeon said, shivering as she faced against the wind while standing there before the vast shoreline. Taeyeon snugly wrapped her scarf to cover her face below her eyes because her nose was beginning to feel that prickly, tingly sensation before it finally went numb from the coldness. This below freezing temperature was pretty difficult to handle even for a healthy child as herself. She knew this might have a bad effect on Sooyeon and was actually regretting their decision to come here now. January was definitely not the best time to go to the beach, that’s for sure. But Sooyeon seems happy though…

          “It’s really as far as my eyes can see…,” Sooyeon remarked in a soft, trembling voice, seemingly not worried about anything at all. In fact, she seemed to be at peace with everything. She looked genuinely happy even though she was exhausted from all the travelling and cold from the winter winds. The waters really extended to as far as her eyes could see, and that alone satisfied her enough even though the journey was bad for her frail body.

          “Yes, it is.” Taeyeon continued supporting Sooyeon with her strength. “Are you happy with what you see? Is it just like the one in your dreams?”

          Sooyeon went on, even though her footsteps had become so heavy and her legs trembling in cold. “I am happy. Thank you, Taeyeon.”

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

“But in my dreams, I was lonely… and I was scared that I would be swallowed by the strong waves. Now you’re here with me… and I’m not scared at all. If I would dream about the ocean one last time… I won’t be scared anymore… because all I need to do is to think about you. I hope you won’t be scared anymore either. ”

          Taeyeon forced a smile to show her friend some strength. I need to be brave. I need to stay strong.

“Look… at the v-vast ocean,” Sooyeon said in a weak, hoarse, quivering voice. She did not sound at all too well by now. Her breath was becoming too shallow and fast. Her eyes seemed to be in a daze. This was no longer normal. “I heard… that the ocean… appeared to be endless. It’s hard for me… to picture something… that stretches on forever, and I thought… nothing like that may ever exist… except in my dreams. Now that I’ve s-seen it with my own eyes… This ocean… c-can never be… as vast… as… my f-feelings of gra-ti-tude f-for y-you…”

          “Sooyeon, are you alright?” The concerned friend still kept holding up the sick girl, but now she felt the weight getting heavier. Something was wrong.

          Sooyeon bent down and tried to catch her breath. Taeyeon could clearly see the puffs of Sooyeon’s short, quick breaths like smoke in the air. This looked troublesome. Her body was uncontrollably shaking from the cold, eventually making her fall down on the wet, muddy sand.

          “Sooyeon, I think we better go find our way back,” Taeyeon said, not noticing her own limbs stiffening and trembling from the biting cold wind. She crouched down to help Sooyeon up, but she had trouble lifting her up because her own arms had gotten too stiff to control. Then the winds picked up even stronger, giving them an even more difficult time.

          “I f-feel s-s-so n-numb…,” Sooyeon whispered.

          “We… we need to get out of here,” Taeyeon panted, still trying to help up her friend, but instead, she just stumbled and fell down on her knees beside Sooyeon. I knew it. We shouldn’t have come here…

          Sooyeon looked up at Taeyeon and slowly, she fumbled through her coat. With two trembling hands, she handed Taeyeon the notebook that she never bothered to show to anyone. “Please t-take it.”

          Taeyeon, though cold and shivering, forgot all her physical discomforts and held the notebook in her hands, her eyes still not leaving Sooyeon’s exhausted face.

          “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Open it,” Sooyeon told her.

          “No, I can’t open this,” Taeyeon said, beginning to cry again as she remembered what exactly was written in that book.

          By now, Sooyeon’s eyelids were slowly drooping, and her quick breaths got weaker and slower. It looked like she was about to fall unconscious, but she was fighting it for Taeyeon’s sake.

          “Is it the note? The note you wrote? I already read it, Sooyeon…,” Taeyeon cried. Then she opened the notebook and flipped to that page. “I already read it Sooyeon… I already read it…”

          “There’s more…,” Sooyeon whispered. She was running out of breath.

          Although Taeyeon was scared of flipping to the next page, she did so anyway. On that page, Taeyeon saw a rough, childish drawing of two girls standing on what seemed to be dotted sand. There were wavy lines that resemble water right behind them and the sun was high up at the upper-right hand of the page. In the drawing, the two girls appeared to be smiling—they were happy. Taeyeon couldn’t help but smile at the adorableness of the simple artwork.

          Down below at the bottom of the page was a short note saying, “Even if we never see the ocean together, you made me feel like I am strong enough to cross vast oceans when I am with you. Thank you, my beloved friend.”

          When Taeyeon finished reading the last sentence, she closed the notebook with tears freezing on her cheeks before she could wipe them away. Then she placed the notebook in her thick jacket.

Looking at Sooyeon once again, Taeyeon noticed something odd. Sooyeon was now lying down on the damp sand with her eyes closed. The visible white smoke coming from her breathing was gone too. In a sudden rush of panic, Taeyeon shook Sooyeon’s body, trying to wake her up.

“Sooyeon, Sooyeon, wake up!” she cried, but there was no answer.

Taeyeon lightly slapped Sooyeon’s face, still trying to wake Sooyeon up, but there was no response at all. “No, no, no… please…”

Then Taeyeon stood up and quickly ran out. “Help! Someone?! Anyone?!”

The winds were getting stronger, and the last rays of sunlight disappeared and left a brief glimpse of twilight. The darkness of the evening was slowly encroaching, and nobody was there besides Taeyeon and the motionless figure on the damp sand. The bus stop was quite a ways too far; she can never carry Sooyeon with her weak arms all the way there. Oh, but no, I need to find help…

Taeyeon quickly ran back to Sooyeon and shook her once more. Still, there was no response. By this time, Taeyeon was recalculating ways to get help that her eyes stopped producing tears since she was too preoccupied. In her mind, she kept convincing herself that everything will be alright, and that she will be able to find help before things turn for the worst. Oh, but even her healthy little body was also starting to feel numb from the cold…

“Sooyeon, it’ll be okay,” Taeyeon spoke to the unconscious figure on the sand as if she could be heard. “I…I’ll stay with y-you… I w-won’t leave you…”

Without even thinking about herself anymore, she took off her thick layers of jackets and placed them over the inanimate Sooyeon. She fixed the light-blue sweater that her mom made for her to make sure that Sooyeon’s neck and chest would stay warm. But despite all her efforts, Sooyeon’s face stayed cold and hard as ice.

“I’ll k-keep you w-warm, S-s-s-ooyeon… It’ll b-be alright…”

Throughout that process of warming Sooyeon’s cold body, the notebook fell down on the sand and opened up on the page of the note. Then she stopped and stared at the note before her.

“...I wish Taeyeon’s wish would come true…

…thank you for making both of our wishes come true. You did that on your own by staying by me and making me happy even though no one wanted me. I want you to know, that you are my one and only precious friend. Please don't cry. Please don't be sad that I am gone. Thank you for all that you are to me…”

“No…no… Sooyeon…,” Taeyeon cried once again. “You can’t leave me… I’m still here… I’ll s-stay b-by you for-ever… I wish to be with you f-forever…”

Thinking that none of her efforts to keep Sooyeon warm were enough, Taeyeon, who was now emotionally and mentally confused, just lay over her friend’s body to keep it warm. Her tears fell over her friend’s spirit-less body, as the agony from her grief shook her like the winds. Under-dressed as she was, Taeyeon’s fingers were starting to develop frostbites and her lips were now so chapped and cracked. She had trouble moving too. Hypothermia was taking its toll. But even the terrible cold was not as painful as losing her friend. So then in that cold winter, she held on to Sooyeon for hours into the night, still trying to keep her warm, until the blustery sea winds and the misery of heartbreak blew out the last bit of life’s warmth in her. That last wish she whispered took her far away into the loving warmth of paradise, where she would never be separated from her parents, not even from Sooyeon, ever again. That one last dream of the ocean was void of fears—they no longer had anything to be afraid of.

~끝~

THE END