Chapter 6: Stay Strong

          Taeyeon rode the bus to the railway station early that morning. Walking around on her own, she had to keep looking for signs because she had never been there before. It eventually became obvious to the other people that she was lost, since she was just a young eleven-year-old with no one to accompany her. She honestly had no idea where to board her train. Her “detailed plan” forgot to include studying the map of the railway station.

          “Excuse me, little miss,” said someone who happened to tap her shoulder while she was staring at the railway station map. When she turned around, she saw an official of the railway station. This man looked different from the other officials though, because his hair was strangely bleached white. “You seem lost. Are you looking for your parents?”

Right beside him was a lady who had pretty almond shaped eyes and long, beautiful, straight brown hair. Although she wore a classy navy-blue winter coat, she had a childish grin across her face that made her look immature. She was quite skinny too, like those high-fashion models on the runways. Taeyeon thought that the lady looked like a younger version of her own mother.

          “No,” Taeyeon truthfully answered. “I’m going to Seoul.”

          “On your own?” The lady’s mouth was gaped wide open. She seemed to be shocked that a kid was going to Seoul on her own.

          “Yes.”

          “Gosh, how headstrong for a lost child… You can go with this nice lady right here, since she’s going to Seoul too. You shouldn’t be walking out here on your own,” the guy said, seemingly disappointed by Taeyeon’s recklessness. “Well then, the boarding the train to the next city should be straight ahead and after that you need to transfer to another railway to get to Seoul. Try not to get lost again.”

          After saying what he had to say, the official looked straight at the classy looking lady and winked. “Take care of this child for me,” he said to her. Then he left the two of them there.

          “Come, we still need to catch up to our train!” the lady said with an enthusiastic tone as she patted Taeyeon’s back. The lady really oddly reminded Taeyeon of her mother. Little Taeyeon felt relieved though, because she just got lucky to have a kind stranger take her to Seoul safely.

          “So, what’s your name?” the lady asked upon sitting on a subway seat.

          “Kim Taeyeon.”

          “How come you’re heading out to Seoul on your own?”

          “I need to see my friend. She was sent to a hospital because she just collapsed. After that, I don’t know what happened next, but I want to know that she’ll be alright.”

          “Ah, I see,” the lady nodded. “You must really care for your friend, do you?”

          “Yes.”

          As if touched by Taeyeon’s warm heart, the lady offered, “Tell you what, I’ll accompany you to the hospital to make sure you get there safely to see your friend, okay?”

***

          “Sooyeon, you have to eat. It will sustain your strength,” said the hospital dietician lady since Sooyeon has been losing her appetite again. “You’ve gotten so skinny. Come on, please?”

          Sooyeon just stared at the pretty, bright-eyed dietician sitting right there by her hospital bed. No matter how nice these people in the hospital were, she just cannot force herself to eat anything. She did not feel hungry. In fact, she was too upset to actually eat anything. Besides, this dietician was also pretty skinny so what right does she have to call Sooyeon "skinny"?

          “See, look, it’s actually pretty good,” said the dietician as she took a spoonful for herself to show Sooyeon how good the hot porridge tastes. Eventually, after “showing Sooyeon” how delicious the porridge was, she finished it without leaving the patient anything left to eat. “That was yummy… Well, it’s so yummy that I finished it…,” the dietician awkwardly said. “I’ll go cook you more so stay right there.”

          A few minutes after the ridiculous dietician left, Sooyeon’s doctor, came into the room.  She was a sweet-looking woman that seemed to be quite intelligent and well-mannered. Her beauty made her look like a lovely angel sent to dispel all sicknesses away. Her bubbly cheeks also made her look so friendly, unlike most doctors who seemed to be so detached to their patients. She was genuinely caring about her patients’ health too.

“Sweetie, are you feeling better?” the sweet lady doctor asked.

“I guess so,” Sooyeon nonchalantly said in a soft, low voice, almost like a whisper. Honestly, she just felt depressed and disheartened right now that it did not even matter to her how she felt physically. Her emotions hurt her more now than the awful sickness progressing through her frail little body.

The doctor frowned at Sooyeon’s answer. “You know, you don’t have to act so independent all the time. If you are hurt, you can say so. Sometimes, even the strongest people know when to ask support from others. We as humans are not meant to go through life all alone.”

“Am I going to die soon?” Sooyeon asked so seriously. She was just honestly so depressed at the thought of leaving Taeyeon all alone. Thinking of the pain and burden she will leave to Taeyeon really burned in her mind. Maybe knowing how long she will last can at least give her the opportunity to plan well before she officially says goodbye.

“Sweetie,” the doctor said as she gently combed Sooyeon’s light-brown hair with her long fingers, “that depends on you. If you don’t take care of yourself, you obviously won’t last long. Being sad and lonely all the time will make it all worse for you too. Please smile and try to live life as much as you can.”

“But what if I don’t want to leave yet? What if my friend gets hurt? What if my friend will never see me again?” Her voice was about to break.

“Goodbyes are a natural part of life. You can never stop them from happening any more than you can stop the snow from falling. But you can tell your friend that you will always stay in her heart, and it will be true for her. If you stay in her heart, you will never have to say goodbye, even though that place in her heart might hurt her for the rest of her life.”

“Is there any way for me to keep her from hurting at all?” Sooyeon eagerly asked some more with tears about to flow down from her eyes.

“I’m afraid not.” The sweet doctor caught Sooyeon’s first teardrop and gave her a look of empathy. “But look at it this way, the pain you both feel is the whole proof that you care about each other. Because if you never cared and loved each other as true friends, you will not get hurt when a separation comes.”

          Sooyeon sat there in silence, contemplating her and Taeyeon’s ill fate. Taeyeon, if only you didn’t make such a wish that would tie you to me, you might not hurt so much when my time to leave comes.

Once again, the hopeless little child grabbed her notebook and flipped through it. Then, she took her pen and wrote on the first note page after the calendar pages. She promised on showing Taeyeon the contents of the notebook when her wish comes true, but now, she just thought that she should have someone give it to Taeyeon after she dies. She might not be able to have the courage of showing it to Taeyeon at all while she’s alive.

To Taeyeon,

          You said you wanted to know my wish, but I never really told you what it was.

          My wish was...

          Later that noon, Taeyeon finally arrived at the hospital. She bid the lady who accompanied her goodbye and came to check with the nurses.

          “Excuse me, is Sooyeon still here?” Taeyeon asked one of the nurses.

          Before the nurse could answer, another nurse came around skipping to Taeyeon’s side and said, “Oh, hey, aren’t you Sooyeon’s friend?” She was Sooyeon’s attendant nurse—that cheerful one with a slight tan. “Are you visiting her? Come, come! I’ll take you to her!”

Soon, the visitor slowly and quietly stepped into the room. Inside, the lights were out and the window blinds kept the sunlight from seeping through. Only a small side lamp illuminated the place.

“Looks like Sooyeon is sleeping,” the nurse whispered. “You can stay in her room and wait for her to wake up if you want. I’ll ask my dietician friend to prepare snacks for you if you’d like.”

“Thank you, Nurse…,” then Taeyeon read the nurse’s name tag, “…Yuri.”

“Now, I’ll go get you something to eat, okay?” Then Nurse Yuri patted Taeyeon’s back comfortingly and said, “Don’t worry too much about Sooyeon. In the end, it will be alright. You’ll both get through this.”

When Nurse Yuri left, Taeyeon sat on the chair close to Sooyeon’s bed. There she watched her friend sleeping with a distressed expression on her face. Sooyeon was dressed in a lab gown, dextrose tubes were still attached to Sooyeon’s wrist, and her heartbeat was still being monitored. At that moment, Taeyeon just realized how unnatural Sooyeon’s frailness and pale face actually was. She still did not understand what happened, but seeing Sooyeon like this cut a painful wound in her heart. Sooyeon, I hope you feel better soon.

As her eyes drifted around the room, she saw the clothes and the blue scarf that she lent Sooyeon neatly folded on the sofa across Sooyeon’s bed. Taeyeon went over and ran her fingers over the smooth scarf. Then she took the scarf and laid it neatly over Sooyeon’s neck to keep her warm.

Since she had nothing else to do now, her eyes wandered once more. This time, she saw Sooyeon’s notebook lying by the table next to her. Tempted again to open it up, Taeyeon took the book and flipped through the calendars.

Huh? Taeyeon saw the little mark on the day they both toured around Seoul together. 좋은 날? (Good Day?) Then the curious Taeyeon flipped to the next page and saw a whole page with a full note addressed to her. This wasn’t here before…

To Taeyeon,

          You said you wanted to know my wish, but I never really told you what it was.

          My wish was “I wish Taeyeon’s wish would come true.”

I know that wish was just so simple and yet I kept it from you. Sorry for making you so curious for such a simple thing. I cannot make myself tell you my wish because when you told me what you wished for, I immediately regretted my wish. I truly wanted to be your friend, but I can’t put you through such a burden. I was sick and I know I won’t get better. I feel really bad that I have to leave you like how your parents left you all alone, and I did not want you to feel that awful pain all over again, but I see that it’s too late. Even though I was nothing but cold to you, you still tried your best to get closer to me. I never really understood you for doing that, but thank you for making both of our wishes come true. You did that on your own by staying by me and making me happy even though no one wanted me. I want you to know, that you are my one and only precious friend. Thank you for all that you are to me. Please don't cry. Please don't be sad that I am gone. Please continue stay strong even when it gets tough.

From Sooyeon

“Wh-what did she mean by that…?” Taeyeon mumbled to herself, not really understanding—or not wanting to understand—what Sooyeon just wrote. From the way it was written, it almost seemed like Sooyeon was saying goodbye. To keep herself from having any more pessimistic thoughts, Taeyeon closed the notebook and pretended that she did not read any of it.  “...I was sick and I know I won’t get better. I feel really bad that I have to leave you like how your parents left you all alone, and I did not want you to feel that awful pain all over again, but I see that it’s too late..." What did she mean by that? No, there has to be a mistake…

The longer she stayed there watching Sooyeon sleeping, the more her thoughts bothered her. Sooyeon, what are you talking about in that letter? You’re going to get well; you’re eleven. The nurse said it’ll be alright. You still have a long way to go…

 Later, Sooyeon’s eyelids slowly opened. Realizing that the blue scarf was warmly covering her neck, she knew that someone had come for her. Taeyeon was there sitting on the chair beside the bed with her head resting down on the white bed sheet. Sooyeon was a little surprised to see her there, since she hasn’t seen Taeyeon in a week.

“Taeyeon?” she whispered in a soft voice.

Upon hearing that high-pitched, soft voice, Taeyeon immediately lifted her head up to see that the once-sleeping patient was no longer asleep. This brought a wide smile on her face. Nothing could feel better than seeing that her friend was still alive. Although the sick Sooyeon may have written an awful forecast on that notebook, Taeyeon still refused to believe it. Sooyeon was awake now. That could only mean the best, right?

“You’re awake!”

Sooyeon just smiled and brought her hand to touch Taeyeon’s hand. “Can you help me sit this bed thing up?”

After pressing some buttons on the hospital bed, Sooyeon was now sitting slightly upright.

“I’m so glad you’re alright!” Taeyeon held Sooyeon’s frail hand in her tiny palms. “I’m sorry for taking you out to places. I didn’t know that you would get too tired and fall sick. I’m really sorry for even running away from the orphanage and taking you with me. I have been careless and stupid…”

“Taeyeon,” Sooyeon gazed at her friend with sympathy. Her voice sounded to gentle and caring. “You don’t have to be sorry. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it kind of is…,” Taeyeon said, trying not to cry again.

“Look, I really enjoyed that day with you. It was probably the best day of my life and I don’t regret anything. Thank you for treating me so kindly and making me happy when I had nothing else to be happy about. At least I can look back at that moment and realize that my life had been worthwhile because you cared about me.” At this point, Sooyeon’s eyes began to water and her lips began to tremble. But then, she held back her tears and asked in a more enthusiastic tone, “What about you? What happened to you?”

“I was adopted by my grand-aunt, but I ran away today just to see if you’re alright.”

“I can see that,” Sooyeon said with a slight giggle, not even surprised that Taeyeon would do something reckless again.

After a while of chuckling together, they both stared into each other’s eyes, both worried and concerned for each other. Both had heartbreaking fears, but neither could say anything to the other. If only they could stay friends like this forever… That lasting look almost made them read each other’s minds. It was their power of empathy.

“What happens when they find you?” Sooyeon asked.

“I already accomplished my mission of seeing you anyway. That was all that I wanted.”

After a long silence, Sooyeon faced her friend and gathered all her courage. She needed to tell Taeyeon something very important. The truth may hurt, but if they were going to be true friends, Taeyeon deserved to know. “Taeyeon, I need to tell you something very important.”

Oh no, here it comes, Taeyeon thought. What she read in that notebook may as well be the scary, inescapable truth.

“Taeyeon, I… I hate to break it to you but…” Sooyeon seemed to be having trouble getting her words out. She knew that her words could possibly hurt Taeyeon.

“You’re very sick, aren’t you?” The sadness in Taeyeon’s tone was just too evident that the hearer’s throat instantly grew dry.

Not knowing what else to say, Sooyeon eventually broke down to tears. She used to be so good at hiding all her deepest, darkest feelings, but now it all came flowing out like rainfall.

“Sooyeon… don’t cry,” Taeyeon said as her own eyesight flooded with tears.

“I’m so sorry Taeyeon for putting you through this. I’m sorry that you became my friend…”

“What are you talking about?” Even though Taeyeon knew that this was all leading to the same thing she read on the notebook, she still tried her best to make herself believe that it was not true. It cannot be true, not when Sooyeon hasn’t admitted it. She can’t lose anyone ever again. She doesn’t want that to happen ever again.

“No, I’m dying,” Sooyeon finally admitted. “I’m sick and I will die soon. Maybe today, tomorrow, next year—I don’t know. But can you now understand why I tried so hard to push you away?”

Taeyeon sat there aghast at what Sooyeon had finally admitted. Death… why did it have to happen again? “Don’t say that. You’ll get better, right? Tell me you’ll get better. You’ll get better, won’t you?”

“Taeyeon…”

“No, I can’t lose you…,” Taeyeon cried, looking into her friend’s eyes, still hoping and wishing that what Sooyeon said wasn’t true—that it was all a joke.

Then, someone knocked on the door. It was Sooyeon’s physician lady along with Nurse Yuri. The two adults do not seem to be quite happy about something. The two girls immediately dried her tears and stopped crying.

“Hello children,” the doctor greeted. “Sooyeon, you will be discharged from the hospital shortly. Although I absolutely do not think this is a good idea, the orphanage lady insisted because of the hospital bill.”

“Dr. Seo, should I take the dextrose off now?” asked the nurse.

“Yes.”

Taeyeon watched as the nurse and the doctor did their job. Soon the tubes were no longer attached to Sooyeon’s body.

“Sooyeonnie, are you okay?” asked Nurse Yuri. “Can you sit up on your own?”

Though Sooyeon still felt rather weak, she sat up just fine. “I’m alright.”

“Will she really be alright?” Taeyeon asked, just wanting to make sure once more.

Dr. Seo and Nurse Yuri looked at each other and then to Sooyeon and Taeyeon. The doctor immediately took note of the two children’s red eyes from all their crying and realized that Sooyeon might have already told her friend the painful truth. Finally, Dr. Seo walked closer to Taeyeon and leaned down to meet her eye-level.

“Listen, you need to be very brave for your friend,” the doctor told her. “She needs you through these times. When that one sad day comes, you’ll have to stay strong.”

“So she’ll really leave me and never come back?” This time, tears began to flow down Taeyeon’s soft, young cheeks once more.

Since she looked quite pitiful, the doctor felt the urge to hold little Taeyeon close to her chest. “That’s why you have to keep staying strong.”

As the doctor tried to reassure the devastated Taeyeon, Sooyeon just sat there watching her friend hurt. Nurse Yuri sat beside her and gave her a comforting hug too. The nurse and the doctor knew that the two young children really needed the comfort from a strong adult figure. The two children were in for some diffucult times where they may have to be more mature than they actually are. But really, what do you expect from two naive eleven year olds?