Chapter 1: Cold Shoulder

Amidst the spine-chilling cold winter—in streets with piled up snow, a lone eleven-year-old child cried as she crouched by the concrete wall of an old building. Despite the cold, she wore no gloves to keep her stubby little fingers warm. Holding her trembling knees close together by her chest was the only way to keep herself warm. She swore that she felt almost numb, yet she stayed there in the dark shadows hiding her tear-drenched face with the mess of her dark-brown hair. What a pitiful sight. Why was the little girl crying here all by herself? Where are her parents—her family?

On the small blue lunchbox sitting beside her were characters in Hangul spelling out, “Kim Tae Yeon”—her name. Every few seconds, her stomach would grumble and complain about being empty, but her wishes of food magically appearing in that lunchbox were in vain. She had already eaten the last of the special kimbap that her mother made for her earlier in the morning. She ate them all in school and proudly shared some with her friends on that last day of school before winter vacation starts. Actually, she had come home from school many hours ago. How long ago? She already lost track. All she knew was that she arrived here at the building of her house apartment when the sun was still up. Usually her mother would welcome her home and make her more snacks, but today things were different. She entered the passcode and came home to an empty house. Her parents were not home. She sniffed once or twice to keep her mucous from dripping, but she did not wipe away her tears. Her mother usually did that for her whenever she cried. Now she was saving some of it for her mother to wipe away. That is if her mother would be around to wipe them away. If.

Earlier in the day, while she was about to go home from school, a tall, young, handsome policeman came and told her something she could not understand. “Your parents are dead,” he said. “They died in a car accident,” he said. Yes, she understood what those words meant without consulting the dictionary, but her heart was too young and naïve to even process such a devastating event. She had been living happily for as long as she could remember. Death did not make any sense to her. In silent disbelief, she ran homeward like she usually did, only to find that nobody was there. Despite the evidencing absence, she waited for her parents to return, constantly assuring herself that everything will be alright. Hours passed, yet they never returned. Finally she went outside to wait until they would arrive, because if they wouldn't arrive, well she'd rather not think of such a horrible situation. Now the sun was long gone, and the cold had attacked her fragile little body while she waited for her parents to come back home. She was hungry and cold with nothing to eat. Cursing herself silently for her bad luck did not make the situation any better either.

“No, no, no, it’s not true,” she cried. “This is all a bad dream. My mom will wake me up and comfort me soon.”

“Oh, there you are!” exclaimed a familiar deep voice. It was the policeman. “I searched all over the city and now in the apartment but did not find you. Why are you hiding there in the shadows of the alley? Come now. You’ll get sick out in the cold like that.”

The kind policeman took her by the hand and led her to his intimidating police car. Though the heater was on high, her heart still felt the stinging pain of the cold that burned her whole being. No, this can’t be true. My parents can’t be gone forever. If so, what happens to me? What happens to me now? Tears began to form and trickle down her rosy cheeks again. She used to be always so brave. She rarely cried. However, now a crack has formed on her glass surface—a wound that will stay as a scar. There in that cold winter night in a police car, she had never felt so alone.

“Do you know any other family besides your parents?” the policeman asked that he may be able to help her.

Taeyeon just stared into the policeman's big kind eyes and shook her head. She doesn’t know any of her faraway relatives. She always believed that none of them really existed.

“What about your parent’s close friends? Do you know how to contact them?” the policeman asked another question.

She shook her head once more. No, she doesn’t know a thing about them. She had always been too young to care about her parents’ business anyway.

The policeman just gave up and sighed. “I will work on getting you to a safe place, alright? I guess for now, you’ll have to stay at the orphanage until a relative can claim you.”

Then the policeman motioned for her to follow him again into the apartment and allowed her to pack some of her belongings to bring to the orphanage. He advised her to bring extra warm clothes, gloves, and sweaters. Then she saw a familiar item lying down by her bed. It was a warm, hand-knitted light-blue scarf made by her mother.  For a moment, she began to cry again.

Taeyeon has never been to an orphanage before. In fact, she probably has never thought much about them. From what she knew, orphanages housed children with no parents or family. What a pity. She has never known a life just like that. But starting tonight, she will live among the distraught abandoned children and be just like them. The table of her life was overturned. Things are different now.

When she arrived at the orphanage with the kind young policeman, she was afraid of stepping out of the car. She still could not believe that this was truly happening. She wished so hard to just wake up from this nightmare, but it seems that everything occurring right now was very real. After wrapping the scarf around her neck, she stepped out with her backpack and ventured into the uninviting brick building with a sign that says, “Home for Children.” How ironic. This old edifice doesn’t appear to be very homey from the outside at all. Hopefully it stays true to its name on the inside, she tried to think optimistically.

“Oh, officer, can I help you?” asked the old, wrinkled, overweight woman sitting behind the counter upon entering the building reception. Her thick-eye glasses made her eyes and eye bags look unusually huge, and her puffy gray hair looked like an appalling fur ball. She wasn’t very friendly-looking at all. In fact, she even talked like she was terribly sick of her position in that wretched place.

“This is Taeyeon,” the policeman said as he patted her tiny head. Taeyeon could see that even the policeman was quite hesitant at leaving her here but he really had no other choice for now. “She will be staying here for the time being while I look for anyone who can take her in. Her parents just died in a car accident, you see, and it seems like she doesn’t know any other relatives. The night is getting late. I cannot leave her alone or let her stay in the police station. Please take care of her.”

“Fine,” the old woman snapped. “You there,” she motioned at Taeyeon with her fat, toad-like fingers, “Come with me.”

The old woman led her to a small room with unpainted walls and drab drapes covering the windows. There were two double-decker beds and one open closet by the corner for her to place her belongings. It was supposed to house four children, yet six were already staying in the crammed room. Three slept peacefully in each of their beds, two slept beside each other, and one lay down on a thin sheet of cloth laid out on the cemented floor.

“Since you’re tiny, you should just share a bed with someone,” the woman sternly told her. “Now go to sleep and avoid being a bother.”

After the door was shut, she asked one of the girls lying on the beds to please scoot over that she may be able to rest. However, she was met with a disappointing, “No, go sleep somewhere else.” When she asked another girl, the girl just ignored her and continued sleeping. She asked everyone, including the one on the narrow floor, but they all refused her and told her to “get lost.” Giving up, she just took off her jacket and laid it down on the small corner near the closet. She used her jacket as a mat and her back pack as a pillow. If she had just known that the orphanage would be deprived of such comforts, she could have at least packed her pillow with her. But don’t worry, Taeng, she thought to herself as she closed her eyes, This won’t last for long. The policeman will help me find a new home.

Although she tried to console herself over and over in her head, she still could not fall asleep in such an uncomfortable place. The other kids snored loudly, and the heater did not work very well. Finally, she just sat up, leaned by the wall, held her knees together, and began to cry again. She even tried to stop crying by staring at the cracks on the walls, but it did not work. The walls resembled her heart—broken and cracked. So then she continued sobbing in the cold, silent darkness. No one heard her distress. No one was there for her. She just felt so alone.

The next morning, she found herself going to the cafeteria for breakfast. She just tagged along with the other kids so as not to get lost, but even with a group, she still felt lonely. No one wanted to make friends with her. For one reason, her clothes were better than everyone else’s considering she came from a well to do family. Everyone else had been abandoned and had to wear the old worn-out donated clothes. Plus, she was new, while everyone else grew up there after being abandoned as babies. No one bothered to talk to her, but it was okay. No one here can probably heal her aching soul.

Upon arriving at the cafeteria, each was rationed a small portion of rice and a bland, lukewarm soup with few contents. It wasn’t very appealing, but since she had been hungry since yesterday, she could not wait to eat. However, all the tables were full, and no one wanted to make space for her. When she tried to come closer, someone rudely pushed her away. Crying and feeling so unaccepted, she just sat by a corner and tried to eat her food in peace. If nobody wants her around, then she might as well just stay in the shadows.

As she was sitting in her little corner, two bigger children decided to come closer to her, but not for friendly reasons.

“Well, well, who is this new kid?” one of them asked. “You look rich. What’s up with the scarf?”

“Let’s check the pockets of her sweater her and see if her dead parents gave her pocket money.”

Then they yanked her by her collar and pulled her scarf and jacket until they got it from her. She tried to fight them, but she was too tiny and weak.

“Hey, give me back my scarf!” she whined. “My mother made it for me!”

“Tch… there ain’t no money in here,” one of them grumbled.

“Aw, her mommy made it for her, how cute,” mocked the other one. Then he sadistically took out a pair of scissors and laughed. “She’s gone, kid, and so will this scarf be after I’m done with it.”

“No!” little Taeyeon ran toward the bully with the scissors and tried to grab the scarf from him, but she was just too short to reach it when he held it high above his head.

 While the two older kids made fun of her, a small skinny girl slowly approached them and yelled in a high-pitched voice saying, “Leave her alone!”

Taeyeon and the two bullies stopped. The skinny child immediately grabbed their attention. She was quite pale and her hair was of a foreign light-brown; her expression intimidated even the toughest of bullies. That scary cold aura and spine-chilling high-pitched voice stopped the bullies from bothering Taeyeon immediately. Although the girl was about Taeyeon’s age and height, they were scared of the girl.

“Give her back that scarf,” the light-haired girl demanded. Her piercing stare made the bullies’ knees wobble. Then they immediately threw Taeyeon’s jacket and scarf before Taeyeon and left. Taeyeon got back her belongings safely, but the scarf had been damaged on its ends.

“Thank you,” Taeyeon said with sincere gratitude.

The girl just turned a cold shoulder and left. She did not even bother to look back at Taeyeon.

Finally, Taeyeon wanted to take courage. She should at least learn the name of the girl who saved her. In all honesty, she did not want to stay alone. She wanted to make friends, and this light-haired girl was the first to show her kindness even though she was a cold fish.

“Wait!” Taeyeon called out and approached the girl. The girl stopped walking. “I’m Taeyeon. What’s your name?” Taeyeon asked awkwardly.

Without even looking back at her, the girl just answered, “Sooyeon.”