I N N E R C I R C L E

PART I I

H E A R T A M E S S

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4.

Hello, my name is Lee Seung Hoon. I just turned twenty one the other day.

“You’re twenty one? Oh that can’t be.” Some interviewers said, they genuinely looked surprised. “For the fourth time,” I said with a smile, then everyone in the room bursted out laughing. People are really simple, they love those tiny little wits. They never expect anyone to be smart. A fifth grade level humor would excite them, yet they would react as if it was the most intelligent thing they’ve ever heard. I received applauses from the audiences, bowed humbly, then went on with another joke.
 

“WINNER has been a hot issue for the past two years. What changed for you, Lee Seung Hoon – ssi?” Questions like this got asked a lot. It’s funny that reporters, reviewers, MCs and the general audiences always ask the same questions yet they expect different answers. To prove that idols got brains too. What changed for me? Let me see. Everything? I got tired of my everyday life. Music to me nowadays is like a cheating first lover, you love deeply and regretfully yet you hate them so much. My dreams were achieved and that got me question why they are my dreams in the first placae. I yearned for being loved and yet love I lost. I feel lonely in a crowd, lonely amongst my brothers. Most of all, I feel lonely when I looked at that boy I once had. Of course, those wouldn’t be what should be my answers.
 

“I really wish anything would change, [insert the interviewer’s name]-ssi.” I made a face. Wait for thirty seconds so that people start giggling. Now punch line. “Especially the dorm.” People were a little confused. That was a generic answer. I breathed in and looked straight at the camera. “YG seonsaengnim I beg of you. We have made a lot of money for the past two years can we at least get rid of those bunk beds now?” Now this is fifth grader’s level. People started laughing like crazy, even the members. Mino only smirked at my remark. I lied again for the sake of entertainment.
 

“You guys sleep on bunk beds, are you serious?” That MC, whoever he was, asked another question. I smiled, “of course not.” People laughed again. Once you made them laugh and injected the image of yourself as a humorous person in public imagination, it stayed. “Then why did you say so?” – “I was making a joke,” I replied.
 

“Seriously?” He laughed.
 

“This is [insert the name of any variety programs designed to entertain general audiences at night after 9pm], what do you expect?” I responded with a dramatic expression. “On that note, I actually ran out of jokes lately.” Tips: make fun of yourself and look sincere doing so is the best joke of all. People are too insecure, they love anyone who has no problem laughing at oneself. Everyone in the room exploded with laughters. I kept my facial expression and looked around, couldn’t help but noticing that Mino didn’t even twitch his lips for one bit. I withdrew my smile.
 

That twenty-one-year-old joke got old fast, and the last time I was pulling it, a female MC asked me, “You always said you are twenty-one for the third, fourth, or fifth time. Why twenty-one?” She might be a fan, I thought. Generally people would assume that was how old I was when we debuted, and to be honest, they don’t really care. Nobody would ask a question to follow up real informations from a joke.
 

“It’s 2-N-E-1.” Suddenly Mino answered the question, and I was taken aback. That was good, I thought. I didn’t even think of that. As a matter of fact, I didn’t really have an answer, and my fifth grade level of humor didn’t allow for such seriousness. “Ah, yes. At YG we make sure we advertise for our artists always.” That was such a bad joke. I thought as I continued. I should have let the MC come to the conclusion by herself. But looking at her uneasy eyes, I know she didn’t like this joke one bit. Oh, I thought, love, so did I.
 

* * *
 

“That was great! Thank you everyone.” Kang Seungyoon patted on our backs, Mino and I, as he cheerfully mentioned how well the interview went. “I was surprised at that question, Hoonie no one ever asked a question like that did they?”

“Yeah I didn’t anticipated that.” I replied while putting his hand on my shoulders away.

“Mino came up with a great response. Did you guys plan that ahead?” Clueless Seungyoon asked another question and I avoided looking at Mino. “Yeah kind of. It was his idea.” I didn’t even look but I was sure Mino was smirking again. I lied, not for the sake of entertainment this time.

“I’m glad you hyungs are working together so well.” Seungyoon grinned. “Mm,” I mumbled, then rather awkwardly walked back to my room, bumping into Taehyun who was standing next to the water stand. Our eyes met, but he quickly retreated. “Mi ahn hae,” I heard his soft voice. Not responding, I kept on going. I could feel him staring at me until I closed the door. After a few minutes, I heard some footsteps and Jinwoo’s voice getting louder outside.
 

“Knock knock.” He said while knocking at my door.
 

“Who’s there?” I