Luhan. Where were you for the past three days? Why aren't you visiting me? You left me waiting each morning, each afternoon, each night. It's not fun sitting alone. It's not fun watching the bowl of chicken soup (I made it yesterday especially for you, your favourite soup) turn cold. I hate walking around the house by myself. 

I hate it all. Where are you?

You weren't home last night. You're not responding to my texts, not picking up my calls. I can't believe it. You're never like this Luhan, what happened? 

I'm so angry at you. I've already poked through the page three times in this entry. When am I going to see you again? When can I talk to you again? I want to know where you are, Luhan. What's happening to you?

This is the first time I've felt so angry about my love for you. I've never felt this feeling before. It's like my blood is boiling, and my heart is screaming to beat faster, beat out of my body. I can't write properly, my handwriting is becoming illegible. 

Why Lu? Why do you have to do this to me? You know how much I love you, you know how strongly I feel for you. So why did you just leave me like that? 

Why am I feeling so much pain? Why are there so many tears cascading down my cheeks? Maybe this wouldn't be so difficult for me if I didn't love you so dearly.  I've told you, so, so many times. You hold a pernament place in my heart. You're my home. You're the only one I can and will ever trust. I love you, I love you, I love you. 

I still don't understand why you can just walk away like that! Just disappear from my life. . .

I'm not ready for this Lu, I'll never be.

I can't help it anymore. This is torturing me. So much anger is pulsing through my body. Your absence is the cause of this. Your words are the cause of this. Your final look to me is the cause of this. 

I hate this, so much. This. . . is this what I get for trusting you? Is this what I get for offering you my smiles? Is this what I get for loving you? 

Because if it is, I don't want this. I don't want any of it. I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to wail anymore, I don't want to put up with any of this. You're a horrible person, and I. . . and I. . . I hate you for that.

fSSAFASDLPHSA

ANSWER MY CALLS YOU IDIOT. 

I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

DAMN YOU LUHAN.

I WISH I'VE NEVER FALLEN SO HARD FOR YOU.

Don't come back. I don't want to see you again. Are you content, knowing the pain I'm going through? 

What am I even saying. You will never understand just how much pain there is. 

Get out. Get out of my dreams, my nightmares, my mind. Get out. You're not welcome anymore. I'm banning you. You're forbidden. 

I hate you so much. I want to erase you from my memory. All those moments we shared, I want to transfer them onto a CD and break it. I'll collect all of our photos and shred them. I'll rummage for every present you've ever given me and burn them. I'll do it now. I'll do it as soon as I put this bloody pen down.

You're not welcome in my life anymore, Lu Han.

Get out.