After Chanyeol'd been resuscitated a bit by a bored-looking medic, it was time to go back to the dorm and explain how anyone could possibly half kill themselves buying crisps, for goodness' sake. At least, that was how Kris put it.

Seeing as Suho was...'indisposed' (c.f. the great Frozen massacre) Kris had taken it upon himself to lead exo, him being the second leader and everything. He thought he could prove his vast superiority to Suho and become the true leader. He was mainly proving that he should, never, ever be elected anything, even dorm washer-upper. He was also emphasizing every third word and referring to himself in the third person whilst invoking the rule of three.

"So, might you kindly explain to Kris why you almost killed poor Chanyeol in a grocery store," said Kris, sitting on his golden llama throne with his queen pet Ace. Ace, sadly, was the brains of the outfit. 

"Um," Sehun paused. "Um. Wait, you're Kris. You're referring to yourself in the third person? Dude, that is messed up. And I didn't kill anyone!"

"Whatever," Kris got out his smartphone, "As a citizen of the republic of Kris, Kris orders you to give him your crisps. Case dismissed, right Ace?" 

What the actual goddamned . As an active supporter of democracy, Sehun clutched his snacks tighter, stuck his tongue out at the dictator, and ran like the llamas of that big ol' firey place were at his heels, growling and . He found asylum in the nearby country of Wehatekris, currently occupying the living room and kitchen. Sehun was greeted with sympathy and cookies.

"So what do we do? I mean, this madness cannot actually have anything to do with the fic. I know we lost all semblance of continuity after chapter one, but still." said our hero through a mouthful of chocolate-chip jalapeño-pepper cookie.

The rest of the room nodded in agreement. They too were fed up living in a crack fic where unicorns dropped out of rainbows, they were all massively stereotyped, and had no chance to engage in meaningful romantic relationships.  It was almost as bad as Harry Potter/ a/b/o verse/ tokyo ghoul crossover.  Which does, sadly, actually exist.

It was time to take back their destiny!

This was where Kyungsoo pointed out that he didn't believe in destiny, and Baekhyun agreed because he believed in eyeliner, and someone started shouting about idiots putting jalapeño peppers in chocolate-chip cookies. And then Jongin had to grab the fire extinguisher. The curtains were -  annoyingly - on fire. Fortunately, the dorm didn't burn down, though a few pairs of glittery socks were irreparably scorched.

The 'Take Back Our Fate' group, or TBOF, had their first meeting the following tuesday. With Suho still in a coma, Lay took charge of the meeting. The members looked on horrified as he seemed about to bunglingly fumble their carefully placed plans.

"I drew unicorns over these diagrams to make them prettier!" he exclaimed to the group's horror.

"Don't you think this glitter makes the paper look so smart? What a shame that it covers all your writing...." Gasps were heard from the audience.

"I retyped our manifesto in this cute white colour! It's still readable, right?" People fainted.

So, because the plans were so bunglingly fumbled by Lay, the republic of Kris had an unchallenged rule for over three days. Kris then decided that he was homesick and wanted to go back to China, and seeing as this is fanfic SM waved him off with some fluffy bunny rabbits. Kris' departure had nothing to do with Suho's return, of course!

Kris, however, took Ace with him, so Luhan had to go back to China to be near his husband. Sehun followed Luhan to China in the hope that he could convince him to get a divorce. Tao followed Sehun in an attempt to make him 'more emo'. And so on and so forth until everyone - including SM and the fluffy rabbits - were in China, and because I can't speak Chinese, this story ends here. Bye!

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Well, that's all folks! If you enjoyed, please take yourselves over to my other, less insane, fics, links to which I believe are provided at the bottom of the page. Comment, subscribe, upvote please! Thanks to y'all that have been here from the start ;)