Sehun had always led a relatively normal life. Well, except for the alien abduction in third grade. His psychologist had assured him that it happened to everyone, y'know? Oh yeah...the other non-normal thing in his life was EXO. Not the 'I got into SM ohmigod ohmigod' bit (though he fangirl squealed when he got the letter. Totally normal for a nineteen-year-old guy.) More the 'I now have eleven goddamn stalkers' thing. That was definitely not normal. He'd asked the Shinee guys and everything. No stalking.

It was handy when they all wanted to buy him bubble tea at the same time though...What? No! He was getting Stockholm syndrome or something! Sympathizing with the oppressor! Ok Suho, Jongin et al. weren't exactly the oppressor, but they were. THEY WERE. THEY SO WERE. It was ethereal.

He assumed that meant crazy.

He vaguely contemplated leaving SM and getting a job in McDonalds or whatever. Nah. He'd miss his luxurious 300 thread count egyptian cotton sheets way too much.

But. Butbutbutbut. Everyone in EXO - excepting himself - were complete and utter fruit loops. Tao was definitely lime flavor. Sooo...that meant Baekhyun was blueberry? Apparently so. Should Kyungsoo be orange, or Chanyeol? Hmmm....

Sehun postulated this, the great question of the ages, in the bus on their way back to the dorm (aka the hellhole where they can all mob him at once dear lord save him). He didn't think a sleepy Jongdae would attempt to sneak up on him - that was why he always volunteered to drive, despite being the worst driver in Korea. He should have though, because the bastards were always pulling this kind of general weirdness. 

"Sehunniee....."

GAAAGH! What the what the ! Jongdae. He should have known. Thank god there was no traffic around right now. He was going to get PTSD from this crap, he just knew it.

Phew. Nothing had been run over, squished or even dented. Sehun's nerves were just getting back to normal when - you guessed it - Jongdae mysteriously materialized from somewhere. Presumably Jongdae-land. He wouldn't be surprised if that actually existed. Some mad Chen planet with pink bubbles and ice ducks. 

Jongdae, fed up with being ignored, picked that moment to start yelling.

"Aaargh! " Sehun could see a lorry out of the corner of his eye - the corner that wasn't full of Jongdae, that is. Later he would very much regret the next thing he said, but it wasn't later yet. Sorry Sehun!

"Orange!" was what Sehun said next. "Orange! we're going to get run over by a lorry! Orange!" Cue VAST regret. The truck driver was - fortunately - a better driver that he himself and they didn't crash. Sehun would frankly have rather they'd crashed.

Kris chose that moment to suddenly appear from wherever the hell these people came from - and make a query. "Orange? Do you like orange, Sehunnie? Well?" Kris had the patience of a four-year-old child. Did they have pills for that?

Then Jongin arrived - bloody hell! "Sehun! What's orange?" Did these people have no respect for personal space? Also not getting run over? 

Suho warped in too - hey it's a better explanation than most - probably to demand that in his capacity as leader that the evil minions (Jongin, Chen and Kris) leave 'his darling Sehun-ssi' alone. Sehun usually objected, but frankly if Suho could get them all to just sod off, he'd kiss him. Good job the leader couldn't read minds, eh?

Sadly Suho did not tell them to sod off.

"What is orange? Does it have a hidden meaning? Tell me all your memories related to orange over the last ten years." Bloody leader and his bloody obsessive weirdo-ness! He even had a notebook!

Sehun had had enough. He was driving, for god's sake! Did they have a death wish?! Suicide pact?  Tao was definitely emo enough to do that. Well, he wore eye-liner. He was totally an emo. Next thing he'd be wearing shredded tutus and claiming he was 'in touch with his inner cupcake' or something. Emos.

Back in la monde réelle, yet another car had appeared to be run over by Sehun - who to be fair, was being yelled at by four incredibly hot people at once - and he wasn't exactly avoiding the other vehicles. More almost killing everybloodyone in the goddamn car. He pulled over ("You fail", said the driving instructor in his head).

He stopped and turned round to the invaders of his peaceful happy driver's seat of Freedom From EXO. "Orange is just a color I like! You guys are just complete numptys! WE COULD HAVE DIED!" he screamed.

No-one paid him any attention as they were all too busy mentally registering this new Sehun information. If EXO had been computers, it would have looked like this: Opening folder: 'Sehun information (for getting in his good books with)'. Updating code..... New line added! 'Sehun likes orange! Get him orange things whenever possible!' Saving...

Except in Lay's brain/computer, which as usual read: Shut up, I'm busy being high. Thanks, brb. It was the mental equivalant of Granny Weatherwax's "I AEN'T DEAD'' sign. For those of you who don't obsessively read Discworld books (seriously, who are you guys?) it's the equivalent of a lil' 'Out To Lunch' sign. Only more permanent and more brain-destroying.

Meanwhile,  absolutely everyone in EXO - yes, even Lay, though he was so absent he might as well have been in Chen-land with the ice ducks - was neatly taking down the news. Hey, they had nothing else whatsoever to do! Oh, and they are obsessed with our maknae hero. Might have something to do with it. Potentially. You never know.

"Bastards...." Muttered Sehun. You could surely sympathize with him.  All of EXO have professed undying love at some point, yet only Kyungsoo seems to actually listen whenever he says anything. Then it's only because he's cooking. Not that Sehun often interrupts Soo when he's cooking, seeing as how even the cutest puppy can turn feral and kill you horribly in your sleep. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Soo also listens to REALLY LOUD ROCK MUSIC when he's cooking. So he might just be singing along to Jello Biafra. Maybe. Or maybe he was a really nice guy. Let's go with the second answer, children!

By this point,  Luhan (aka the guy who wears very cute rabbit jumpers when he thinks he's alone) is here too, and that's when Sehun knows there's no way out. That and Kris offering to paint his room orange ("It'll look good, promise! Go on let me let me let me let me ! Please!"). He faints. There is a slump. Jongin has to drive them back.

(That's how you know it's a real emergency, because Kai thinks 110 MILES AN HOUR is slow. He is never allowed to drive.) 

When he comes to, they've arrived. Sehun isn't quite sure if that's good or bad. On the one hand,  they do have a very comfortable couch. On the other, Kris has paint on his jeans. Definitely bad. Kris has probably painted right over his f(x) posters. Okay,  he only has them because Krystal is his type, but WHAT. EVER.

Reassured that he's alive,  EXO disperses. Most of them head in the direction of the kitchen - Sehun notices, rather woozily, that Kyungsoo is absent from the group and he can smell chili ramen - though Baekhyun stays. He's on his PSP. 

They stay that way for a while. It's a comfortable silence. Baek isn't usually quiet - he only shuts up when he's playing Mario Kart® or is eating,  he actually talks in his sleep - and it really is nice to have a break from the whirlwind of noise that is Byun Baekhyun on a good day.

After a while Sehun starts to take an interest in the game. He hates Mario Kart® but he's incredibly bored right now. Baek's well pleased that Sehun is paying attention to his obsession pastime - the maknae is openly scornful of any racing game (I am not! First-person shooters are just so much better! - Sehun). 

Seeing as Sehun's brain-dead - too. much. Mario Kart aaargh tell my mother i love her - Baekhyun wraps him up in the woolen blanket someone's grandma knitted and gave them. He thinks it was Chanyeol's when he was small - not that the giant ever was small. Mutant freak. Why does he have to be so tall?

Baekhyun contemplates what he's about to do for a minute - what? what is he about to do? I hear you ask. All shall be revealed in the next paragraph. Assuming there is a next paragraph in this chapter....

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Hey!Thanks for reading!

Everything shall be revealed later muahaha....

Baekhyun is not going to kill anyone just so you know.

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