Yifan Oppa,

It’s been a while since I was able to talk to you and as I look back I was so proud of myself I did it. I still remembered how nervous I was as I spoke to you. It was an acquaintance party and I never thought that night would be so special.

The acquaintance party was sort of a Halloween party as well for our year and I knew that it would be possible you wouldn’t come. For one, this year’s party is expected to be less enjoyable compared to the years before because of the new administration handling the event. I still wanted to go for all of my friends will attend. Last year I was sick so I was not able to attend and this year will be the last year I am able to enjoy such events having my friends around.  I dressed as the as a Greek goddess for it was all I can think of. I know, very original but it looked good so yeah. I had little time preparing for the event because of the classes I had.

I arrived at the venue a little bit earlier than expected. Some of my friends were already there, later Luhan oppa also arrived and we went to see him. I was so busy listening to Luhan Oppa when suddenly I just had the instinct to look at a familiar figure and there you were walking towards us. My gaze was fixed on you for no apparent reason come as you closer.  You were already talking to Luhan Oppa as you were on your way to him and he was kind of by my side and I thought you would walk in front of us. My body tensed as you walk behind me to get to Luhan oppa and I just could not move. I did not know what to do and I looked at my friends as I try to act natural which by the way as I can remember it was a total failure.

I also had a crush on Luhan oppa during my second year and similar as to now, I was not able to talk to him. Unlike now, my feelings for Luahn oppa are not as strong as what I feel for you. He is now happy with his girlfriend and I am also happy for him. The thing is he was the first one to talk to me. He was friends with Krystal and the others and he started talking to me casually and eventually I can now talk to him casually. It took a long time for me to loosen up and be casual with him though right now there are times that I am still hesitant in interacting with him.  I am glad that I can see he’s comfortable in interacting with me and it really helped me a lot being comfortable with him. I can say that we’re now good friends. I guess that is part of me is a justification of how introvert I am.

Going back to our story, Naemi one of our friends gave me a naughty look and grabbed Krystal saying that they should leave me there. That naughty look insinuated ‘Come on Krystal we should leave Shinhye here alone with the guy she likes.” well actually together with Luhan oppa. The stupid thing is I whined in a most unnatural way. It seemed like I was confirming what Naemi was implying. It was just so stupid. I left the scene also in a most unnatural way of course. That side of me only unleashes itself when you’re around and it’s very very very embarrassing.

There were two parts of the program. First was the formal ne and second was actually the party and both parts were held in the same area but in different venues. When the first part was finished we were headed to the next venue when I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned around to see who it was. I immediately turned my head around when I saw you. I did not see who the other guy was- the guy with the familiar voice for I was so surprised seeing you. I started losing myself again and I started fidgeting. I blabbered a lot of things. It was so bad and so embarrassing. I was actually having second thoughts on turning around and if our eyes met I would like to smile at you for a start. Again I was so scared that you might find it weird or what if you ignore me.

On our way to the second venue we went ahead for we had to go to the comfort room. I went with Jeohyun. Jeohyun and I were the only ones in that bathroom and we started talking about you, she asked me how things were and I told her almost everything. She is one of the closest people to me and I tell her things I could not tell most of our friends. I really missed her.

There was a time that she had a misunderstanding with Krystal, though it was over and resolved, it was kind of different between the two of them now compared before. It was hard to reach out to her that time but now I can see she’s trying her best to reach out to us and I was just so happy I was able to talk to her again like this and I was able to tell somebody my struggles especially about you.

Jeohyun was not allowed by her parents to attend the second part of the program so I went to the venue alone. I was rushing for I know I’ll be late and suddenly someone called me. I turned to the guy who called me and it was Minguk oppa- Krystal’s boyfriend and a close friend of yours. Behind him, you there, catching up to him. Minguk Oppa asked me where Krystal was and I said that maybe they were already in the venue and he left you saying that he needed to bring something for Krystal so he went ahead. We looked at each other and again I froze. I could not move. I do not know what to do! Let me tell you the coldness of the night was not really helping. I said to myself to say something before I ran out of chances to talk to you. I was supposed to say something when you uttered something. All I could say was ‘Huh?’, I did not catch what you were saying for one I was so lost battling with myself on what to say and second, the moment something came out of your lips it seemed like I couldn’t hear anything and everything slowed down. You repeated what you said ‘I was saying let’s go?’ ‘Oh, yeah.’ Was all I can say and I managed to smile on my face and you smiled back. I could not lift my head and I was staring on the floor as the smile on my face was getting wider. I walk by your side going to the next venue.

I cannot believe that that’s how it all started and it was the start of a great night. 

Shinhye

October 9, 2014

9:40 pm