Yifan Oppa,

I get back to my seat after my presentation and I was not really satisfied with what I did. I cannot even remember the things I said and if the audience applauded the time I finished. There were more students who presented after me and there were a lot of really good presentations. I look at my draft speech and I was disappointed with myself. There were so many things I wanted to say but because of my nerves I manage to saw few of the ones I wrote.

The class ended and my friends were saying good for us who finished presenting and some regretted that they did not volunteer to present already but I on the other hand was envious of them for having to present the next meeting.at the hallway I heard Isan call my name. He told me I did well and I was really confident. He imitated my introduction and said it was powerful. I was thankful hearing that feedback, at least someone thought I did well and then his friend came to us and said the same thing. I thanked them still I know that I should have done better.

I went back to Krystal and our other friends to head somewhere we could eat. Jiyoon unni was reflecting her presentation at that time. Hers was a very sensitive topic and it was really moving. She is really a nice person and a strong one. She had gone through a lot and fighting an illness with a strong spirit. We were comforting her and then it came down to assessing the presentation of the ones who finished presenting among our circle of friends. Jiyoon unni, Jiwon and I were the ones who were finished. Jeohyun complemented me for doing well and I did not expect that. Most of the ones within our circle of friends are really good presenters Jeohyun, Krystal and Amber were the strongest. I was really surprised when Jeohyun said that my presentation was very catchy. Krystal also said my presentation was good.

I try recalling my presentation and realizing it was not that bad. Then I remembered something that I should be grateful for. That morning I was one my way to our classroom when I saw you oppa talking to someone saying you’ll be presenting also in your class later that morning. I entered the classroom and I was having second thoughts on checking out our locker just to see you again. I changed my shoes and decided that I will put my other pair of shoes in our locker. I went out of the room and I saw a pair of brown eyes looking at me. They were yours and I was so surprised I had to look away. I tried hard to compose myself to act normal and went to our locker to put in my shoes. I looked at your back before I opened our locker and as I remember you were just standing there. I don’t know if you were there to put something in your locker but then I again as I remember your locker was closed.  I sat facing our opened-locker for a second and thought what I am doing is so pathetic. I thought I cannot stay long and stood up to go back to our classroom. Oppa you gave me strength to do that presentation this morning and for that I am really thankful.

If I was not so surprised by you looking at me I could have gathered a lot of courage to smile at you once and for all. I hope at that time you’ll smile back at me and that would be the end of our awkward encounters. Maybe it would be the start of our active interactions and our endless conversations.

As usual I was waiting for you to come out of your class silently but I don’t know if you already noticed that. I hope that you do but I was afraid you’d think of me differently. Still there I was waiting for your classroom door to open and pretended to be passing by hoping that we’ll see each other. When the bell rang and the door opened I was waiting for the right time so that I could see and with an impulse I just started walking. I don’t know if I will be able to see you or not. I just took the chance. I purposely brought something heavy with me just to distract myself. As I was walking I noticed a familiar shirt behind me and I was hoping my instinct was right. I tried to stay calm. Then you began walking faster and you were already in front of me. I was still in my usual pace but inside I wanted to walk with you. My imagination started. You’d see I was carrying something heavy and you’d decide to help me with it saying you’ll be the one to carry it for me. I would be surprised and put on a shy smile while thanking you. We’d be walking side by side as we reach your classroom. You’ll be sorry for you could only help me this far and I would say it was alright. Then we’d say our goodbyes. Unfortunately I had my hopes high.

Honestly I prefer watching you like that, your back facing me. At least I can still see you and I know your right there rather than you behind my back not knowing when you’ll disappear. I watch you as you were on your way to your next class and I thank God for this wonderful day. Then I met two of your friends. Chen oppa and Luhan oppa, I am more comfortable with them compared to you and someday I hope I will be able to greet you the way we I greet them whenever I encounter them.

A while ago I was really happy to receive a message from Sehun oppa. It was his birthday yesterday and I sent him a message though he did not respond immediately I was happy he still responded. We continued discussing our favourite shows and our favourite artist. He is very amusing and entertaining to converse with. He admitted he was having difficulties in sharing his interest with other people for some of his friends would not understand. I was hoping he’d mention you but then again you were not as interested as we were.

Through our conversations he decided to call me noona when he’s older than me. I tried to correct him but I knew already why he wanted to call me that and I was right. He knows that it should be sunbae but he did not like it so he chose noona instead for I was more knowledgeable than him in our common interest. I agreed but I was hesitant at first for I was afraid what people might think.  Then again what matters were our intentions in doing so and for me I think it’s not a bad thing. Some people might find it weird and might assume something about it. For now only Mark, one of my closest friends, knows about it and I think he really doesn’t care. I do not want for my girl friends to know for it might come out weird and I don’t know how they will take it. Still I forward to having more conversations with him.

We have exams tomorrow and yet I was having fun chatting with him so I decided to chat with him as long as possible knowing I had to study later. He actually knew I was supposed to be studying but I wanted to talk to him just a little longer. Before we said our goodbyes, we agreed to learn from each other regarding the shows and artists we’re interested in.

Oppa, I hope we’ll do well with our exams tomorrow and I’ll understand if I won’t see you until the exams end. I want you to know I would miss you so much it it’ll be a lot of pain to withstand.

Shinhye,

September 24, 2014

3:24 am