"I know it's not in my place to do this but I need you to listen to him okay? He’s coming in a few and you're not ready. I understand. But maybe... maybe it's time to trust again. I need you to trust me Kyungsoo. Will you?" Kris sat at the corner of Kyungsoo bed eyes imploring. Kyungsoo lay lifeless, tired from crying, emotionally exhausted. He did not respond so Kris continued.

"Jongin is coming to see you today. I asked him to and I believe he can fix you. You just have to let him. Listen to him."

Kyungsoo's face contorted into an expression of pain, nose scrunching up.

"No no no no... you don't understand Kris. You don't! You know I can't even be next to him without hyperventilating so why would you? Why would you do this to me? I told you to fix me, not him!" Kyungsoo fist was clenched, knuckles white, voice laced with something akin to betrayal. He had curled into a foetal position again, protective yet defenceless.

"Kyungsoo I am fixing you. You just have to trust me." Kris attempted to comfort Kyungsoo hands raised half through the air when Kyungsoo flinched from his touch. An ache resonated through Kris's chest.

"I trusted you."

A wave of dread washed over Kris. The use of past tense did not escape Kris notice but he did not comment on it. He wondered if he made the right choice of calling Jongin in. The issue started with Jongin so it should end with Jongin. The only way to solve the problem thoroughly was to target the root cause.

"I won't leave you. I'll be here if you need me." Kyungsoo was back to a relax position again, his gaze trace on the duvet. The snow has stopped, Sun rays splaying out on the sheets. The room was bright yet the atmosphere dark. Kyungsoo lifted his fingers, watched as the shadows dance as he moved his fingers. Darker shades bleed into the shadows, blotches that grew bigger as seconds ticked by.

Kyungsoo paid no heed as if he was not even aware. But the tears that forged tracks on his face were like knives to Kris. He had made Kyungsoo cry, albeit unintentionally. But is that not the same as everyone else who made Kyungsoo hurt? Has he lost the trust Kyungsoo placed in him?

Before Kris could make a further comment, the doorbell ringed a short ding, making Kris jump. Kyungsoo showed no response to it.

"His here. Do you want me up here?" Kyungsoo drew patterns on his mattress, unresponsive. The uncanny resemblance of someone on the brink of sanity disturbed Kris. Kyungsoo will be fine after the talk. He will be fine, Kris tried to reassure himself.

"Thanks for having me here. Is Kyungsoo okay?" Jongin was dressed for comfort today. He wore a knitted sweater with deer patterns, a suave burgundy that hugged his figure handsomely. The long john's that made everyone legs look swollen had no such effect on Jongin. Kris tried to swallow the envy.

"He's a little unstable at the moment but he will be fine. He’s upstairs waiting for you." Jongin nodded his head, lips pursed with determination. Kris offered him a kind grin for encouragement, urging him up the stairs.

This was as hard for Jongin as it was for Kyungsoo. The camp, Kyungsoo's love, his depression. They were overwhelming and Jongin has been escaping from it as long as he could. Until Kris came looking for him, knocking at his door late in the evening, demanding an explanation, the truth. The truth. It hurts to think about it, what could have been, what should have been; the plethora of possibilities if he had just told the truth.

"Kyungsoo?"

Jongin can't help but think that Kyungsoo looks angelic as the sun shone down on him. He moved forward to take his hands, feeble at the side. Still Kyungsoo did not respond.

"I didn't know you knew. It wasn't me Kyungsoo. It wasn't." He squeezed Kyungsoo's hand gently, hoping for a sign, some movement, anything.

"The camera, it was Sanghoon's idea. I found out about it and I tried to stop. I deleted the video, everything, Sanghoon didn't even get a chance to share it with anyone. I swear Kyungsoo, it wasn't me."

Jongin could tell that Kyungsoo was stunned, what with the tensed shoulders and his quickened breathing. Jongin waited, patient, as he allowed the news to sink in.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kyungsoo's voice was but a whisper.

"I thought it would hurt you if I had told you. But it didn't matter in the end."

"It does Jongin, it does."

With those words Jongin knew that Kyungsoo was on the verge of a breakdown. His body moved automatically, one hand circling around Kyungsoo's waist, the other cradling his head.

Embracing Kyungsoo, Jongin realised, there was that sense of familiarity. The scent of jasmine that he told Kyungsoo he liked hung like a cloak. Maybe Kyungsoo was still holding on with that little hope. Jongin was not sure, but his heart soared regardless.

They were loud and hoarse, the wails Kyungsoo made as he clutched desperately at Jongin's sweater, sobs muffled. They represent anguish, yet Kris thought as he listened to the cries, that he hears a silver lining of hope. It did work after all.

"I'm sorry Kyungsoo. I'm so sorry." Jongin's sounded too like he is going to cry but he held it in. It was not his turn to feel weak.

“T-thank you Jongin."

It was muffled but Jongin heard him loud and clear. With that, Jongin believes that both of them would sleep tonight without feeling the weight of the world on their shoulders anymore.

Kris on the other hand, felt like he would not be able to sleep that night.

Kris can't say that he was not happy with the outcome. Kyungsoo was so much happier now. His smiling more easily and when he smiles, majority of the time his eyes are bright too. Another client fixed, another success to his perfect record.

But he can't help but feel that this time was different. Kyungsoo was different. He didn't know specifically when, at which moment (he has a feeling that it's when he was lying on top in Kyungsoo in the office) did the way he feel about Kyungsoo changed, but it changed and now he has no excuse to be with Kyungsoo.

The payment for Kyungsoo's recovery came not a day after Jongin's visit and it sat heavily in Kris's bank, untouched and maybe a little unwanted. It felt wrong to put a price on the relationship both of them have established in that half a year. Kris did not know what to do with it. He had half the idea to direct it back to Kyungsoo's account, but then he felt like he was disrespecting Kyungsoo's problems and decided against it.

His taught not to make assumptions but after the much prolonged reunion of Kyungsoo and Jongin, Kris felt like he was in no place to segregate them in any way. They need time together, he reasons; time to catch up with all they had missed the past few years. He tries not to think that he is a coward for not fighting for Kyungsoo, that he should just do what his heart wants him to do.

Than the doubts he had would resurface. Kyungsoo would choose Jongin over you any day. The time he spent with you was paid and obligatory. He has no reason to like you.

Kris wonders where this negativity came from and since when did he have such low self-esteem?

For the second time in his life, Kris felt lost and lonely.