You should really compliment yourself on your acting skills because as of now, you’ve become a full blown-out actress.

Well, not really, but with the way fake smiles easily form on your lips and bursts of pain struggle to show on your face, you could consider the career.

Jonghyun has never made it known whether he heard your confession or not on that oh-so-fateful day and with the way that he’s been around you, you don’t think he heard you. You impishly guess that your words might have gotten caught up in the wind or you just merely imagined yourself saying that because honestly, where and when the hell did you ever get the chutzpa to say that kind of internal damnation?

Exactly; never.

Jonghyun still makes it his life’s mission to come bother you in the mornings every two or three days, scourging for food in your refrigerator until you slightly regretfully slap him upside the head for taking your only means of survival.

One morning, you get up to go to the kitchen and find half of his body sticking out from behind the refrigerator door and give him his deserved slap. As he tunnels out from the ice box, he rubs his head in mock pain and you scoff and sneer at him.

“By the end of this year, you’re gonna lose all your brain cells because of me,” you remark, pushing past him to grab your carton of milk. “By the way, doesn’t your girlfriend get annoyed that you’re here every other morning?”

“She’s fine with it.”

“Uh huh,” you sarcastically assure, hand cocked on your hip as you hold the milk. “She doesn’t think I’m like seducing you?”

You are in short shorts and a tank top. It’s slightly comfortable. The only reason you’re wearing this is because your baggy t-shirts and basketball shorts are all in the hamper.

“She knows I don’t feel anything for you.”

Ouch.

Hiss.

Burn.

Apply cold water to burned area on the heart.

You abruptly spin back towards the refrigerator and pretend to look for something else. “Yeah. You’re faithful.”

Don’t get it wrong. You’re not trying to make him cheat, but if he liked you back, that’d be awesome.

Ten minutes later and much of the food gone, you shove him out the door and tell him to stop bothering you.

And you mean it.

Just hanging around Jonghyun makes your heart ache and your lungs fail and to know that he’s completely committed to his girlfriend makes it more understanding to you that whatever you hope happens will never occur in this lifetime.

Ever.

You’re a bit of a mechanic and tell yourself that you’re sick and completely fed up with your sticky door, so you go out and buy a new lock, spend a few hours getting it in and realize that your doorknob looks so out of place with the rest of the other doors in the apartment building. After standing in front of your door and staring at the doorknob for a good twenty minutes, you head out again to buy some paint to mix it, make it look more vintage, and paint it over the shiny silver color of the new doorknob. And then you realize you’re probably not supposed to change something without consent…but who cares?

Insert maniacal laugh.

Three days pass this time you note subconsciously when you wake up to the refrigerator door opening and closing all but ten minutes later and you groan before sitting up and stretching a bit before tossing on a large hoodie and basketball shorts and making your way to the kitchen. Your hand forcefully lands on his head and he hisses in pain before mustering a “good morning”. You wave him off, for some reason not in the mood to talk, and as you open the freezer to grab some frozen breakfast, he speaks.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to know something.”

“What?”

“Did you say something that day at the wedding? Because you just kind of ran off and I think I heard your voice…” he trails off as if he knows he’s treading on thin ice.

At this point, your hand poised and hanging in the freezer about to grab something, but the topic he just brought up is something that’s heartbreaking and earth-shattering.

Here are the pros and cons:

He doesn’t know you confessed, which is great because things could get awkward and you’d be stuck on a friendship, but Jonghyun wouldn’t keep that up for long because he doesn’t like messing up in things or living in between layers. With the way he’s brought it up, you can easily lie and tell him you said you had to go, nothing serious, or you can easily lie and spend the rest of your days avoiding him, which doesn’t sound entirely impossible because you did change the lock. But how—

“How the did you get in here?!” You unexpectedly roar. The neighbors next door are probably hiding under their pillows now. “I changed the lock!”

“Your spare is always in obvious places,” he muses, now completely laid back and leaning his shoulder against the door frame of the kitchen.

You loudly groan before grabbing the food, closing the door, and banging your head against the cool plastic. Jonghyun continues to creepily observe you as you warm up your breakfast and sit at the table to masticate and swallow the substance you need to get through the day. Who knows what your boss is going to ask you to do today?

“You know,” he starts while seating himself across from you. “You never answered my question.”

“What question?” You disgustingly ask over your mouthful of food.

“The wedding day…”

Here are the cons you haven’t listed yet:

Jonghyun is a good reader of books and people. He always knows what you’re feeling or what you’re thinking and you can’t tell a lie without getting caught by him thirty seconds later. So you can risk telling a lie and hope for the best, and if that doesn’t work, you’re pretty much forced to tell him what you really said (I love you) and risk the siblinghood. Or you can tell the truth, cross your fingers, and hope that he just blinks and tells you he loves you, too, with the whole “as a sister” clarification at the end. Then, and only then, would everything be safe and you guys can continue life as it is.

“Oh, uh, I had to go somewhere. Forgot I had an appointment.”

Jonghyun holds your gaze and your insides start to shrivel up from his heated thoughtfulness.

“You’re lying,” he declares.

, you internally think.

“Well, um, you know, it had been a while since I had last seen you, and we were super awkward at the wedding, so I just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

There goes the blinking.

“I love you, too, like a sister,” he smugly responds and you let out a breath of relief. “But that still doesn’t explain why you ran off and tripped on the way to your car.”

“Appointment.”

“Lies.”

“Not.”

“Are too.”

“Jonghyun.”

“_______.”

You angrily slam your hand on the table. “I am not lying! I had an appointment!”

With the bed, ice cream, and tissues.

See, you’re technically not lying.

“Fine,” he surrenders, holding his hands up in the act of doing so. “Also, I wanted to ask you something else.”

“Shoot.”

“What do you think of my girlfriend? We’ve been together for almost three years.”

You slowly stop chewing on your biscuit and force yourself to swallow the bulky pieces down your throat.

“She’s great,” your voice cracks and you cough to cover your little slip up.

“I’m thinking about proposing to her.”

This is when your world comes crashing down onto you like an unexpected meteor making it past the atmosphere of the Earth right to where you are. Not only that, you feel like the ground is trembling heavily, an earthquake inside your body and you’re just about ready to let the floor eat you up. The unmistakable pain of heartbreak shatters like glass hitting the floor with the sound reverberating inside your brain.

“Hello? _________-ah? Earth to ________!”

All the feelings come to a screeching halt and you bring yourself back from your despair. Your face weighs heavily on your heart and you quickly plaster a smile on your face.

“Go for it. You guys are wonderful with each other!”

Jonghyun’s smile is literally the ray of sunshine in your clouded world. Back in high school, it took just that one heart-stopping smile to make your days better and now, it still seems to be that way. Even though you’re devastated, broken, and numb, you can’t help but feel extremely happy for him. He looks elated, and who are you to interfere with his happiness?

“It means a lot coming from you, you know,” he supplies sentimentally while taking a sip of water from his glass. “You’re my best friend.”

A laugh bubbles from your chest and escapes. “Forever?”

“And ever,” he finishes habitually and crosses the distance between you two to pull you into a comfortable and familiar embrace.

“Thank you,” he breathes in your ear and you shiver.

“Anything for you.”

I love you.