“I didn't even know this was love,

and that's how things were.”

I  L O V E  Y O U  -  Y O O N  M I R A E

Just like every day, today, too, Hayoung woke up by herself, being greeted by the ticking sound of the clock on the wall. She glanced at it; today, she woke up fifteen minutes before her alarm.

She laid motionless on her bed, just breathing and listening to the sounds of the city’s waking up. Hayoung lived in a residential area, so it’s common to hear a baby’s cry, a dog’s bark, a mother’s yelling out her child’s name. But it’s always quiet in her house.

Hayoung stood up when her alarm rang, preparing herself to go to school. Taking a shower, fixing her blazer, brushing her hair, she did them all without a sense of hurry. The same things every day.

When staring at her reflection on the mirror, however, Hayoung remembered Oh Sehun.

Perhaps his mornings were like hers too; empty.

She caught her father when she walked down to the first floor. The man was in his crisp suit, carrying the morning paper while drinking a cup of coffee, standing near the kitchen counter. No time for dining table, no time for a breakfast.   

“Oh, Hayoung-ah,” her father looked up to her, a little bit startled. He checked his watch. “I’m running late, I don’t think I can drive you to school.”

“… It’s alright, Dad,” Hayoung smiled, trying to reassure her father.

“There’s some… left-over in the fridge, I think, you can heat it up,” her father nodded vaguely to the refrigerator. “I’m going now.”

Hayoung stepped closer, just in case her father wanted to kiss her goodbye, but the man just grabbed his briefcase and made his way to the front door, car key’s dangling on the other hand. Suddenly, he turned around, “Ah, I forgot.” Hayoung looked up, wishful. “Do you still have enough money this week?” 

Her father didn’t notice her crestfallen expression – or if he did, he didn’t mention anything about it. “Yes. Um, Dad, dinner—”

But he already turned his back around. “I’ll be home late, so eat dinner without me, okay?”

Hayoung pressed her lips thin, sighing as she watched her father closed the front door without looking back.

 At least she could see her father today.

***

Sehun circled a misspelled word on the paper he’s reading with a red pen, unconsciously tapping his left foot to the beat of the music playing. He’s checking the proposals the second year made for the first year’s field trip – they were supposed to take over the student council in a couple of months, and Sehun wanted to make sure they were capable to.

The student council’s room was filled with music from Youngjae’s computer and Namjoon’s voice as he passionately sang along to whatever song currently playing on Namjoon’s Jam playlist, while Soojung used her own headphone to block Namjoon’s voice. It didn’t seem to work, since the Treasurer glared at the oblivious President from time to time.

Shoving a spoonful of a chocolate pudding into his mouth, Sehun’s eyes scanned the lines in the proposal. He spotted a couple of awkward words and mistakes, but nothing was too serious. He finished with the last proposal and put it down on the desk, taking Namjoon’s attention from the proposal he’s checking. 

Namjoon stopped in the middle of screaming Girl’s Day’s Minah’s line, “Nothing! Is something! Sto—Oh Hun-ah, you’re done?”

“Yeah. They’re pretty good, but I still want them to fix it, especially about the budget. I know they assume the worst case scenario but the prices they put are a little bit ridiculous,” he said as he scrapped the last bit of pudding in his cup. He threw it away and reached out for another cup – he bought a lot from the mini market yesterday.

“I agree, and I don’t think the teachers will let them have the party in the… end…,” Namjoon trailed off and Sehun glanced up to him, wondering why he stopped talking. Namjoon was staring at the cup of pudding in his hand. “What’s that?”

Sehun looked down to his hand. “Pudding. Chocolate. You want one?”

“Oh!” Youngjae, who apparently had been listening to their conversation, raised his hand before Namjoon could answer, and Sehun threw a cup of pudding to him. “Nice. Thanks.”

“Me too!” Namjoo shouted with big eyes. Sehun gave out another cup to the boy.

He rummaged through the plastic bag with the intention to give one to Soojung too, only to realize that he ran out of the pudding. Sehun looked up to the girl. “Soojung, sorry, that’s the last one.”

The girl stared blankly at him, and Sehun translated it well as ‘Do I look like I want one’ but Namjoon had a different interpretation, standing on his feet and scurrying to Soojung’s side. “Don’t worry, we can share!” he chirped. “Soojung-ah, say ‘aaah’!”

Soojung frowned and she opened . “I’m not—”

They didn’t hear the rest of her protest since Namjoon took the chance to feed her a generous amount of pudding. Youngjae snorted into his own cup while Sehun stifled a smile, looking away when Soojung glared at him.

“Since when do you eat something so childish like this,” Youngjae questioned, inspecting the ingredients on the pudding’s cup with mild interest.

Sehun clucked in disapproval. “What do you mean childish, it’s delicious.”

“But usually you don’t—No, Namjoon, I don’t want more…,” Soojung leaned back on her chair when Namjoon tried to feed her more of the pudding. She glanced up, finding a rejected look on the boy’s face. “Oh for God’s sake!” and then she opened reluctantly for a happy Namjoon.

Youngjae coughed from his place, but his cough sounding very much like, “Whipped!”

Soojung almost threw her wireless mouse to him.

“Oh, I forgot, Youngjae-ah,” Namjoon invited himself to sit on Soojung’s chair’s armrest as he ate the remaining pudding, “What about the poll for the first year’s trip? Do we get a result?”

“About that,” Youngjae clicked his mouse several times and read something on his computer’s screen before turned back to Namjoon. “The options that get the most votes are the mountain and the beach, and it’s basically a tie between them. Based on the budget, it’s relatively the same too. Should we do another poll with just those two options?”

Sehun casted his eyes down before he pulled out his phone and typed a quick message.

To: Oh Hayoung

Mountain or beach?

“Re-doing the poll will take another week,” Soojung said. “Do we really have the time, and what about the money if we push all the schedules. Why don’t we go with the first place?” She looked up to Namjoon, asking for his opinion.

“Then it’s the beach,” Youngjae said before Namjoon could ask him about the first position in the poll for first year’s field trip next summer break.

Namjoon thought about it for a while. “Hmm, I think we can go with the beach. What do you think, Sehun?” 

“Wait a second.” His friends stared while Sehun put his focus on his phone. Thankfully the one he texted was willing to answer his text messages now, so Sehun didn’t have to wait for long.

From: Oh Hayoung

Is this about the poll for the field trip? I choose the beach.

Sehun smiled to himself when he peeled his eyes away from the phone’s screen to answer Namjoon. “The beach it is.”

Soojung narrowed her eyes at him, suspicious. “Did you… You asked for your cousin’s opinion to decide this matter, didn’t you?” What she received as the answer was a big, so innocent, so uncharacteristically-Sehun smile. “Yah you! You can’t…! Is he allowed to do that?” Soojung turned back to Namjoon, seeking support.

The president just shrugged. “You said it yourself, we don’t have the time for a re-poll, and the beach is the winning option anyway. Beside, isn’t it cute how Sehun look out for his sister? I saw her yesterday, she looks like Sehun! I would look out for her too if she’s my cousin!” Namjoon grinned, nudging Soojung’s shoulder with his elbow. “Have you seen her, Soojung-ah? She’s pretty right?”

“… How should I know?!” she snapped, ignoring the pouting Namjoon beside her.

Youngjae changed his playlist to Taming Jung Soojung.

***

Hayoung stepped down from the second floor to the dining room, her eyes landing on the untouched meal on the table. She exhaled, taking the plate to the kitchen and threw the food away to the waste bin. She rinsed the utensils and cleaned up the table, knowing that if she didn’t do it now they would still be in there in the morning.

She glanced to her parent’s room once before she walked out from the house, locking the door behind her.

Oh Sehun was standing on her front yard in a comfortable tee under a black jacket and a pair of jeans, hands on his pocket, looking down to the ground with a blank stare. He looked up hearing the sound of the locking door.

“Already eat?” was Sehun’s first question to her, and Hayoung wondered how their relationship ended up like this, both complicated and easy at the same time – it wasn’t simple, yet it wasn’t hard either.

Hayoung shook her head and asked a beat too late, “What… What about you, Sunbaenim?” She still didn’t know how to treat or how to act around him. Hayoung felt they had passed each other’s first wall the other night when Hayoung invited him to her room, but she also knew that both of them were like an onion; you peeled a layer just to find another waiting. There’s more to Oh Sehun, just like there’s more to her than she let Sehun knew.

Sehun also shook his head. “Dinner, then?”

But for now, they were this.

A text message out of the blue, Sehun asked about her plan for the night, and suddenly he’s here, and even though Hayoung was never the first to text, she knew that she could.

She could ask Sehun to be with her on her lonely nights.

Hayoung supposed Sehun no longer thought of her as a threat to his friends, since now he didn’t put the perfect smile of the model student. He still smiled, and it’s still a smile that had been practiced over the years, but it’s different. Hayoung couldn’t explain it, she just felt it, and she wondered whether she read into the matter too much.

Sehun didn’t bring his car, he took the bus there, and so they walked with no destination, just strolling around.

“Hayoung,” suddenly Sehun stopped walking, his hand on Hayoung’s elbow. “Is it okay if we eat here?”

They were in front of a 24/7 convenience store, and Hayoung nodded. She didn’t crave for anything special, besides, any other place might feel too much like a date – although it’s a little bit weird seeing Sehun waiting for his food to ready in front of the microwave.

All the students in their school looked up to Sehun; while Kim Namjoon the student council president felt like a neighborhood senior you can rely on, Oh Sehun was more like the unreachable person you idolize. Hayoung, too, thought the same of him, even after she’s been in his car, his house, Oh Sehun still felt out of reach.

He’s handsome, he’s smart, he carried himself well, never made problems instead he solved them. And when he smiled, when sometimes he forgot to impress people, when he smiled to his friends…

The microwave dinged and Sehun took out his meal, glancing up to Hayoung. He smiled at Hayoung’s choice for dinner, the kid package with dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Hayoung tried to act nonchalant, shoving her own dinner to the microwave to heat it.

The truth was, Oh Hayoung was among the ones who chose Oh Sehun’s smile over Kim Jongin’s charm.

She thought he was unreachable, and yet now they’re this, sitting side by side on the chairs by the window, watching the passer-by outside. It’s almost like she just needed to stretch out her hand to reach him. Almost.

“Do you always eat at that dining place, The Pine Tree?” Sehun broke his chopsticks apart and rubbed them together, looking at Hayoung.

“Not always… It’s just comfortable there,” Hayoung did the same, and out of respect she took a piece of kimchi they bought and placed it on top of Sehun’s rice. Sehun smiled a little, thanking her. “There’s a waiter there… The first time I ate there, I stayed until late and he was worried, but when another waitress asked about me, he said I’m his family, so I could stay there as long as I wanted. He takes care of me without asking too much questions.”

“Hmm… I think I know which one he is. He thinks I’m your boyfriend.”

Hayoung didn’t answer to that, slicing a piece of nugget in her plate.

“So what do you usually do, beside hanging around at The Pine Tree, and watch movie by yourself at random cinema to avoid me?” There’s an underlying teasing tone on Sehun’s question and Hayoung tried hard not to blush in embarrassment.

“People watch movies on cinema, they don’t pay attention to their surroundings,” Hayoung defended herself. “Sometimes I go to the library. But I can’t eat there… Internet café, book rental…,” she shrugged, silently saying anywhere but home.

“… What about your friends? What about Junhong?”

“Junhong…,” Hayoung uncapped her water bottle. “Junhong doesn’t need to know.” She took a big gulp of water, ignoring the look Sehun gave from her side.

Sehun nodded at her answer.

They bought ice cream for dessert and Sehun paid for them all, even asking whether Hayoung ran out of her pudding supply or not as he himself bought five cups of pudding, saying that Namjoon ate half of his stock. Outside, they continued their aimless stroll.

“… Let’s take this,” Hayoung pointed to a coming bus. She walked ahead of Sehun to the bus stop in front of them.

“Where to?” Sehun asked, following Hayoung boarding the vehicle.

“I don’t know. ... Places.” Hayoung could feel Sehun’s smile behind her even though she couldn’t see him.

She picked the seat near the back door, pressing herself as close as possible to the window side, still her shoulder touched Sehun’s when he sat down next to her. Hayoung couldn’t help but to think of Sehun’s profile, his broad shoulders that made their school uniform looked better than it was. Trying not to think about how attractive Sehun was, she focused on the street lights outside.

However, as she rested her gaze to the window, Sehun was reflected there; expressionless, empty eyes.

The smiles disappeared when no one's looking.

“Sunbaenim,” Hayoung said without a second thought. She turned her head and Sehun's already looking at her, the faintest smile on his lips. Hayoung didn't quite like it. She remembered that she had called Sehun. “Sunbaenim, you… What do you usually do... at night?”

“Hm? Study, mostly. Work on school's stuff. Read,” Sehun shrugged. He glanced briefly at Hayoung, raking his hair. “Don't you feel lonelier when you're outside? You're by yourself, while the people around you...”

They're not alone.

“I suppose…,” Hayoung answered, turning her head away from Sehun again. “… But it’s lonelier when you’re not alone, yet it still feels like you are.”

From the reflection in the window glass, Hayoung could tell Sehun was staring at her.

It was almost thirty minutes later – thirty minutes of silence, just Hayoung keeping her eyes on the city outside passing by, thinking about nothing – when Hayoung felt like they’ve been on the bus long enough. She was about to tell Sehun that they probably should get down in the next stop, but when she turned around, the sight that welcomed her took her off guard.

Arms crossed in front, head tilted down, breath even and closed eyes, there’s no mistake that Sehun was sleeping. His fringe fell forward, covering his eyes, and his head nodded every now and then following the vehicle’s movement. He looked serene, peaceful, and Hayoung forgot to remember.

This time, she allowed herself to stare, even though it made her feel like a creep. She decided to let him sleep, because he looked like he needed it, and because she liked how he looked when he’s sleeping.

The moment didn’t last very long, the bus halted when they approached a bus stop and the jerking movement woke Sehun up, his eyes fluttering open slowly.

The boy blinked himself awake, looking up in a snap in a realization that he had fallen asleep, and quickly turned to the side. “Where are we? Do we need to get down now?” he asked, bewildered.

Before Hayoung could answer, the door already closed and the bus took off again, and Sehun almost stood up seeing it. “No, it’s fine, Sunbaenim,” Hayoung assured him in a hurry. “We can get down two stops after this. It’s easier to change line there anyway.”

“Really? Are you sure?” he asked once more and after Hayoung nodded, Sehun rubbed his face, probably still trying to gather his thoughts after sleeping. “… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” 

“Isn’t it good that you’re able to sleep?”

“Still…” Sehun rubbed his face for the second time. He was quiet for a moment before muttering under his breath.“… like a baby…”

“What did you say, Sunbaenim?” Hayoung caught Sehun’s murmur a little bit too late.

Sehun had a strange look on his face, and when he spoke, he put a fist in front of his mouth to cover his expression. “You…,” he started, hesitant. He never hesitated. “… You smell like a baby.”

Hayoung’s eyes widened as she still proceeded what Sehun had said, but when Sehun glanced at her, she immediately looked away.

Sehun cleared his throat.

“Oh. I…,” Hayoung focused her mind back, “… I use baby cologne…”

“So…, that’s why…”

Hayoung nodded without a word, sneaking a glance to the boy beside her after a few beats. He still had his fist in front of his mouth.

It’s strange seeing Oh Sehun flustered.

And he smelled her.

They changed bus, searching for the one who would bring them back to Hayoung’s house, and through the rest of the night, both of them didn’t say anything more. Hayoung could tell that Sehun struggled to keep himself awake on the bus, rubbing his eyes every so often, tilting his head side to side to stretch.

When they finally reached the front porch of her home, Sehun stopped in his track, nodding to the building. “See you at school.”

Hayoung looked at her house, and then she looked back to Sehun. Usually around this time she’s still outside, but it’s not just the fact that made her reluctant to go inside, it’s…

Sehun saw her and he shook his head, chuckling a little. “… Don’t make that kind of face, you make it hard for me to leave you.”

Bewildered with the accusation, Hayoung shot back, “I’m not making any face—!”

She closed when Sehun patted her head, his hand lingered there. He looked down at her, head’s tilting. “… Must be my imagination, then…,” he murmured gently, eyes on her.

Hayoung stilled, the weight of Sehun’s stare on her was too heavy to ignore.

All of the sudden he smiled, taking back his hand. “Thanks for tonight, Hayoung. … I hope you have a good night.”

Hayoung couldn’t even say it back to him, only able to stare at Sehun’s back as he walked away.

Right now, they’re this, and Hayoung didn’t know what to call this.

***

“Jongin, come on, Coach is already calling!”

“Okay! Just one sec!” Jongin waved his phone to his friend, indicating that he had something he needed to do.

His friend nodded and left the changing room, leaving Jongin alone there. He’s dressed in his school team’s uniform, white with red linings, Kim Jongin written on his back above the number 10. Jongin sat down on a bench, for a moment ignoring the loud chatters from the basketball court outside. His match would start soon, but his mind was somewhere else.

His thumb brushed over his phone screen, contemplating, before he chose to open the new message.

Even though he already knew, even though Jongin told himself that he shouldn’t hope, still he couldn’t help the pang of disappointment that came right after he read the message.

From: Naeunnie

Jongin-ah, I’m sorry, again, I can’t come to your match.

You’ll do well, right? I’ll call tonight.

Good luck.

Jongin closed his eyes, imagining a younger Naeun sat on the bleachers as she waved the banner she made for him with an excited smile. And his best friend was there, too, because the three of them were always together, and Jongin grinned to them from the court, making a V-sign when they took his picture.

He heaved a long sigh, shoving his phone to his bag before he stood up and walked out from the changing room.

The bleachers were full and the spectators erupted in a big cheer seeing him entering the court, Jongin recognizing the faces from their school. If they won this match they would go to the semi-final and the opponent was a mortal enemy of them, so Jongin wasn’t surprised with the enthusiasm.

“Kim Jongin!” he heard someone yelled his name from the supporters’ direction, louder than the rest. Jongin turned his head, finding Hyeri in the middle of the bleachers.

All of their supporters wore the same white tee with bright Chungdam High School Army in red on the front, but Hyeri modified her tee. She cut the sleeves and making it more fitting, twisting the hem and pulling it up to reveal her mid, and she also wore a headband with devil horns on it, it’s easy to spot her. She brought two balloons cheering-stick in her hands, leading the crowd behind her to cheer for their school.

The sight made Jongin grinned, and in return his grin made the crowd cheered even more.

Jongin spotted Sehun at the front, along with Yoo Youngjae and Kim Namjoon, and he also saw Hayoung in the back, sitting next to her friend Park Sooyoung. Sooyoung tied her hair in two, passionately yelling their school’s chant following Hyeri’s instruction.

All these people and Jongin only wished for one.

But he used to it, because he’s Naeun’s best friend, and as a best friend, he should understand that the crowd could make her overwhelmed.

With another intake of breath, Jongin’s mind was back in the game.

He did well, making their team leading the game with the score 52 – 39. It’ll be hard for their opponent to catch up, especially now that there were only a couple of minutes left and their tactic was full on defense mode and stalling time.

Their rival knew this too and they resolved to violence, playing dirty with purposely bumping shoulders or doing minor offensives to rile them up. But Jongin’s captain was a cool-headed man and he patted their back, without a word telling them to it up and be patient for a couple more minutes.

With another foul from the opponent, Chungdam High School got two free throws, and Jongin waited on the side, ready to catch the bouncing ball. He pushed his wet fringe back, catching movements from the corner of his eyes.

It was an enemy – the one who’s probably assigned to guard him since he’s been shadowing Jongin from earlier. Jongin paid him no attention even though he’s being pressed close from behind.

“The famous Kim Jongin,” he heard the opponent said in a mock-whisper behind him. “Must be great having that face, it’s easy to get girls spread their legs, hm?”

Knowing the other’s intention to irk him, Jongin moved to the side and focused his eyes on the ball, but he was followed.

“Heard you knock up a university student. And you had to sell your body to pay for the abortion. Oh wait, was it you? Or was it your friend over there who got knocked up? Look at her dressing like a …”

“Shut your ing mouth,” Jongin hissed under his breath, starting to push his opponent with his shoulder. The first throw was done and now his team mate was ready to throw the second ball. He balled his fists, knowing very well that the enemy counted on his bad temper.

“But it’s not like you’re any better. You did it, didn’t you? You around with your friends—”

Before he could finish his sentence, Jongin already spun around, grabbing him by his collar and pulling him up. He had a fist raised when he heard the whistle being blown by the referee, and Jongin clenched his jaw, letting go of his opponent who smirked obnoxiously.

“Jongin, the hell,” his captain came, pushing him away from the enemy. Jongin still glared at him. “Just three more minutes! And you can’t wait until then?!”

“Sorry,” Jongin muttered, looking away. He saw Sehun in the bleachers, already standing in his place, ready to clean up whatever mess Jongin made. He subtly shook his head. “Sorry,” he muttered again, “Just take me off the game.”

Without waiting for an answer he turned around, his coach staring hard at him but decided to deal with him later, arranging for a new player to substitute Jongin.

He still heard the supporters chanting his name when he walked out of the court.

The changing room was as empty as when Jongin left it before, and he slumped down to the bench, resting his elbows on his knees and cradle his head with his hands. He wasn’t sure was it the noise from the outside or was it the hammering of his heart against his rib cage that made his head pounded. Whatever it was, Jongin wished for it to stop, but the words from his opponent earlier was on repeat inside his head.

‘You did it, didn’t you? You around with your friends—‘

Jongin had changed.

Looking at Sehun made him controlled his temper better. Looking at Hyeri made Jongin started to laugh off stupid rumors instead of using his fist. Looking at Naeun made him wanted to be a better person.

But there’s one thing, one thing that Jongin couldn’t let go, one thing that Jongin wanted to erase from his memory. One thing that he was more than regret, and it’s one thing that would always haunt him.

The anger and regret started to creep up under his skin, making him felt angrier, hot under his collar. Rubbing his face harshly, Jongin took off his uniform and wiped his body carelessly, didn’t bother to wash up since he didn’t want to stay any longer. Before he packed up to leave, Jongin checked his phone.

He had a new message from his best friend.

Jonginnie! What are you doing?

Naeunnie said she wants bossam so bossam she gets~ 

There’s a file attached to the message, a photo of Naeun, apparently didn’t know beforehand that she would get her picture taken since she stared blankly at the camera in the middle of wrapping a meat. She looked innocent, and it able to made Jongin smiled even for the slightest.

His best friend was a little like that, always taunting him with the things he couldn’t have, ever since they’re kids.

He didn’t wait for his team members or the game’s result, simply exiting the stadium through the back door, dressing in casual clothes now. Once outside, Jongin fished out his phone once more. He browsed through the contacts until he found one that looked promising.

Looking up to the sky, Jongin spoke to the receiver as he watched the moving clouds. The gentle breeze caressed his skin which was still warm from the previous game. “Hey, Noona, are you free?  Hm, I know you are, your boyfriend is busy, right? Why don’t you play with me, I’m bored. … Yeah?” He started walking away, ignoring the boom of cheers from inside the building. “Buy me bossam, Noona. … Have I told you that I like you the best?”

If he couldn’t have what he wanted, Jongin took what he could.

***

“Oh, that’s my bus!” Sooyoung exclaimed, smile bright as she pointed to the bus behind them, turning her head to Hayoung. “Hayoung-ah, thanks again for accompanying me, tell me if you want to go back for that shirt!”

Hayoung chuckled, pushing Sooyoung lightly to the bus that slowing down. “I will, now hurry and go! You’ll miss your bus.” 

Sooyoung grinned, pulling out her wallet from her bag. “Alright, I’m going first, text me when you’re home!” The bus stopped and Sooyoung climbed into it, tapping her card to the machine and picked a seat before she looked back outside, waving at Hayoung.

Hayoung waved back, and she waited until the bus left before she turned around, walking to her own bus stop in the opposite direction. With the summer break approaching, and it’s already announced that the first year would have their field trip to the beach, Sooyoung was more than excited, dragging Hayoung to the shopping district to hunt for new tees and shorts.

But for Hayoung, there’s something else that she needed to buy before new tees or shorts for the field trip, and that was a birthday present for Hyeri. Two days before she had invited her for a birthday party at Sehun’s place, on the beginning of the summer break.

It was a sleep-over invitation.

Hayoung decided that she would worry about whether she would stay the night at Sehun’s place later, right now she needed to find something for the older girl. She didn’t know much about Hyeri or the things she liked, and when she asked Sehun the boy just told her that anything was fine, Hyeri would still accept it happily. Jongin was less helpful, saying that she didn’t need to bring anything for the spoiled princess – Jongin’s words, of course, not Hayoung’s.  

Actually, Hyeri had hinted – more like announced – what she wanted for a present, and it was a set of nail polish and kits from a specific brand. Upon hearing the price, that Hyeri also kindly told them, Jongin raised his eyebrows and scoffed, “Ask for something that makes sense, Lee! Why would I spend that much money for nail polish?”

“Because you love me,” Hyeri had said, smiling sweetly while flaunting her fingers in front of Jongin’s face, showing him her polished nails, before the annoyed boy swatted her hand away.   

Sehun just shook his head while Naeun ate her meal quietly – she still ignored Hayoung like she didn’t exist when she’s around, but at least she didn’t look as terrified as before.

Since she’s not in a hurry to get home Hayoung decided to walk around some more, trying to find a make-up store, wanting to check the nail polish set Hyeri wanted. She didn’t immediately notice the little commotion ahead of her, but then Hayoung saw someone with her school’s uniform.

It’s a girl, crouching on the ground and hugging herself while a couple of boys around her age surrounded her, and she’s shaking hard. One of the boys looked at her with concern and tried to touch her shoulder but the action made the girl flinched.

“We didn’t do anything!” his friend said when more people came, staring at them with accusation in their eyes and disapproval frowns. “We’re just asking for direction—”

“And she suddenly screamed and, and…”

A man came up, bending down to the girl’s level. “Young lady, what happened—”

She jerked away from the touch, a hand on top of her chest now, bewildered expression as she’s gasping for air. 

When the girl turned her head to the side, Hayoung recognized Son Naeun. And she thought she knew what happened with her.

“Excuse me!” Hayoung ran forward, pushing the bystander away. “Please give her some space, she’s not feeling well, I’m sorry!” She bowed to the man who tried to help Naeun, gesturing for him to step back, also to the boys who stared at Naeun like she’s an alien.

Dropping down to her knees, Hayoung tried to meet Naeun’s eyes which were unfocused right now, careful as to not touch her. “Sunbaenim? This is Hayoung, Oh Hayoung,” she whispered the words carefully, punctuating each syllable, making sure Naeun could see and hear her. “Hayoung. You know me.”

Naeun’s breath was erratic and she’s still clutching onto her shirt above her heart, but after a while, she nodded. 

“I’m going to take you to a quiet place. Is that okay?” Hayoung watched sweats trickled down Naeun’s forehead as she nodded once more. “Now, I will help you to stand up. I’m going to touch your shoulders.” She stopped, looking for permission, and after another small nod, Hayoung placed her hands on Naeun’s shoulders, holding her secure on her arms and hoisted her up. “You’re doing great, Sunbaenim, focus on your breathing.”

“W-wait,” the boy from before stopped Hayoung. He handed her a paper bag. “This is her bag. We’re sorry, I swear we just touch her arm…”

Hayoung took the paper bag and bowed. “No, it’s not your fault. Thank you.”

Thankfully there’s an empty park near the place, and Hayoung brought Naeun there, seating her in one secluded bench where there’s no people around to give them a judging stare. Naeun still looked like she’s in pain, short breaths and trembling hands.

“Sunbaenim, do you need to take your medicine?” Hayoung asked, kneeling in front of Naeun so she could see her face.

This time Naeun shook her head.

“… I won’t leave you,” Hayoung told her, words firm and genuine. “You’re safe with me. … It is scary, but it will over soon. You can do it. Let’s breathe slowly, alright? Let’s count to ten…”

Hayoung stayed in her position, breathing deeply alongside Naeun, telling her that she’s doing a good job in between. She asked her to do simple things and to repeat them, such as raising her arm above the head or opening and clenching her fist.

After a couple of minutes the attack seemed to end, and Hayoung smiled to Naeun. “You did it, Sunbaenim. I’m so proud of you.”

This time, no longer preoccupied with her own terrifying thoughts, Naeun looked away, a realization of what just happened came out in the form of dark shade of red on her face. They both knew that the words were needed; Naeun needed to hear them, and whether Hayoung really meant it or not was another matter that wasn’t needed to be talk about now.

Hayoung didn’t mind the sudden change of attitude from Naeun, she stood up and brushed the dirt from her knees, stretching a bit when the blood rushed to her legs. Normal people would ask, she supposed, remembering Sehun’s words from before, but she was not normal people, so she’s not going to ask.

She asked another thing. “… Did you buy a present for Hyeri Unnie?” Her eyes were on the paper bag the boy gave them. The brand of the nail polish Hyeri wanted was printed big and clear on the bag.

Naeun made a slow nod, didn’t meeting Hayoung’s eyes.

“Ah…” That would explain why she’s alone. “Sunbaenim, do you need me to call…,” Hayoung hesitated for a second, “… Sehun Sunbae? Or Jongin Sunbae—”

“Don’t,” finally Naeun spoke, her voice cracked and she coughed up to clear . “They’re busy…,” she murmured. They were indeed busy, as far as Hayoung knew, Jongin had to stay behind for a make-up test while Sehun with his student council activity.

Hayoung glanced down at how Naeun gripped the edge of the bench tighter. “… Sunbae, do you want me to accompany you home?”

Naeun looked up, apparently unable to believe Hayoung’s offer since a tinge of doubt reflected on her eyes. “But your house… is in the opposite direction.” Yet, Hayoung noticed, she didn’t say no.  

“It’s alright, Sunbaenim.”

On the way, Hayoung made sure to keep Naeun away from people by shielding her – she didn’t know what triggered Naeun’s panic attack, but she had a guess by seeing the frightened expression on Naeun’s face when they walked into the crowded street. She walked on the outer side or in front of Naeun, but still making sure she’s right behind her, careful not to touch the girl herself.

Naeun didn’t say anything, not when they took the bus and Hayoung purposely choose the seat near the hallway, sitting on the edge to make a gap between them, not when Hayoung followed her getting down from the bus and walked to her house.

“… Thank you,” she only said the words quietly after they’re in front of her house. Naeun lived in a rich neighborhood, the tall brick fence surrounding the building spoke of its league. She could see a well-groomed garden behind the fence, with flowers and plants that as far as Hayong remembered were expensive. The houses around weren’t any different.

“It’s nothing,” Hayoung smiled, trying to reassure the older girl. She was about to bow and take her leave, but then the look on Naeun’s face stopped her. Her forehead creased, her fists clenched. It seemed that Naeun was only a normal person, after all, because she’s going to ask. Hayoung could tell.

“… Who…,” Naeun asked, voice barely above a whisper, shaky and trembling. “… Who has it…?”

She didn’t need to ask the complete question, Hayoung knew what she meant. Because not everyone knew how to handle a person with a panic attack, yet she did, and she’s also aware that she was too calm at handling Naeun before – as if she had done it before, countless time.

Perhaps it’s because she did.

She didn’t have to answer, Sehun said. She could give a vague answer, too.

But Naeun had mustered the courage to ask, and for some reasons, maybe it’s because she’s tired of Naeun treated her like either she’s contagious or invisible, maybe because deep inside she wanted to be a part of them – something that would never happened if Naeun didn’t accept her, maybe because Hayoung was just tired and she, too, needed to say it, needed to tell someone about the truth that she never told anyone before; maybe because of all those reasons together, Hayoung told her.

“It’s my mother.”