“Things stood still,

when you, who'd always treat me coldly,

smiled at me that day.”

WHITE LOVE STORY - AS ONE

Two and a half day - that’s all it took for Hayoung to give up and come to Sehun.

She wanted to distance herself from Oh Sehun and the other seniors, she wanted nothing to do with them and whatever relationships and secrets they shared – Hayoung didn’t want to be a part of it at all. She liked her quiet, normal life, and she wanted to keep it that way.

Hayoung also felt upset. She knew Hyeri and Jongin might get suspended or even expelled if she told people about what she knew, and it’s guaranteed that people would talk about why Naeun needed anti-depressant pills, Hayoung was not stupid. She’s not that low – she wouldn’t tell anyone. But not only Sehun didn’t believe her, he had to go as far as saying they’re cousins in order to keep her close, making sure she kept her words.

Behind those polite smiles, Oh Sehun was not someone you should take lightly.

But Hayoung had to break her own promise to stay away from Sehun, because her friends’ curiosity regarding Sehun and his friends was too much. They approached Hayoung on every chance they got, asking for the seniors’ number, their address, their relationships, their favorite food, whether Hayoung could help them hooking up with the seniors or not. Hayoung even got stopped and asked by students from other classes and from her seniors, and everything was starting to overwhelm her.

That day, she just wanted to have a nice lunch like she used to do, but when she turned around after queueing for lunch, her usual table had filled with her ‘Aren’t we best friends, Hayoung-ah?’ classmates, waiting for her to sat down with them so they could dig up more gossips about the seniors. Sooyoung, who went earlier than her, was surrounded by their friends and she could only stare back at Hayoung with a helpless look, didn’t know how to handle the situation.

Hayoung forced herself to smile, glancing around the canteen to find a place when her gaze landed on Sehun’s table, the said senior’s watching her.

Sehun smiled and tilted his head to the empty seat beside him, looking nothing but amicable, yet his action still made Hayoung’s stomach lurched.

Yesterday Sehun had offered her to join them, but she had refused.

And now she had to take the refusal back.

With a heavy heart, Hayoung put down her tray beside Sehun’s, feeling somewhat losing a battle – and then feeling upset for even feeling like that. There’s no battle going between her and anyone.

“Dongsaeng-ah!” Hyeri, as usual, was the first to greet her with her endless amount of energy.

Naeun looked up with wide eyes and she flinched seeing Hayoung there, almost standing up and leaving as the reaction. But Jongin took her hand and held her back, leaning to her and whispered to her ear to calm her down. Hayoung watched as Naeun bit her lips, her breath’s steadying with time.  

“Naeun is very, very shy to strangers,” Hyeri said in a loud whisper to Hayoung. Jongin turned his head to flash them a toothy smile.

“I’m sorry for bothering, Sunbaenim,” Hayoung nodded her head to Naeun’s direction, and of course it was Jongin who replied instead of Naeun.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re not!” Jongin grinned, but despite his words, Hayoung could see his thumb drew comforting circles on Naeun’s backhand.

“You can eat with us every day,” Sehun said from her side without looking at Hayoung. There’s a certain confident and calmness in his voice. “If you want.”

What was it about Sehun that made Hayoung restless?

She made a small nod without a word, choosing to look down onto her tray and ate.

It wasn’t long until Jongin stood up, still holding Naeun’s hand in his. “Since we’re done, we will go first,” he said. “See you later in class. Bye, Hoobae!”

Hayoung wasn’t aware that she’s staring at Jongin’s and Naeun’s retreating back until Hyeri pointed it out. “Why are you staring, do you need something from Jongin?” she asked.

Startled, Hayoung looked back at Hyeri, realizing both seniors had their eyes on her now. She couldn’t pretend that she didn’t stare. “Oh. … No, it’s just… The girls ask me,” she didn’t think it’s appropriate to ask, but Hyeri was staring at her, waiting for an answer. “… If you’re dating each other.”

“Who?”Hyeri’s eyes widened a little, but she didn’t seem bothered with Hayoung’s question, more like curious. “Me and Sehun?” Hayoung squirmed in her seatwithout answering and Hyeri caught on. “Aaaah, the four of us? Like, is it me with Sehun and Naeun with Jongin, or me with Jongin, Naeun with Sehun?”

Hayoung glanced at Sehun first, checking his expression – and maybe hoping for a signal whether it’s okay to continue – before she nodded. 

“What was your answer?” Sehun asked.

“… I said I don’t know.”

“I guess people are really curious, huh, so nosy,” Hyeri dove back to her meal, finishing her soup. Her comment made Hayoung felt bad about bringing the topic up. “Next time, just say that the four of us are in an open relationship and we love to do a foursome every Saturday. They’d love that answer, they don’t want a boring one.”

Hayoung was flustered in an instant with the vulgar word but Sehun merely chuckled and flicked Hyeri’s forehead.

“Don’t talk like that, you’re scaring her,” Sehun said to the pouting Hyeri. He turned to Hayoung. “We’re not dating each other. Like I told you before, I’m not seeing anyone, so is Hyeri…,” Sehun glanced at Hyeri, waiting for her to correct him, but the girl didn’t. “Jongin is single by status, though it’s debatable. Naeun is the only one who’s in a relationship, but not with me or Jongin. You can tell people that. Is there anything else you want to ask about us?”

Slowly, Hayoung shook her head, trying to shake away the thought of falling deeper into a hole without any way out.

***

“I still think it’s a little bit weird of saying thank you, how Sehun Sunbae claims you two are cousins,” Junhong said, half-chewing his banana.

Hayoung had enough of prying eyes and fake smiles – she wanted to have a simple lunch without any burden, something that she wouldn’t get from eating with Sehun and his friends, and she managed to get Junhong to accompany her eating lunch at the school’s backyard.

“Maybe he doesn’t think it’ll end up like this?” 

Hayoung inserted the straw into a bottle of milk and took a sip before she replied, “… I don’t know.”

It’s not a new feeling, hiding things from Junhong, but she always tried not to lie. Then again, she didn’t think telling the truth was an option.

At least, not all of it.

She told him about helping Jongin, about the seniors asked her to keep it a secret, which Hayoung agreed on. Feeling indebted, as a return they wanted to be her friends, Hayoung could count on them if she ever needed help. But it would be too odd if suddenly Hayoung started to hang around the third years, in the end Sehun pretended to be Hayoung’s cousin so they could talk to each other without people wondering how they became friends.

In Hayoung’s opinion, it was a strange reason and she would never believe it if she was Junhong, but Junhong just nodded in understanding when Hayoung told him. Maybe because he didn’t think Hayoung would ever lie to him.

“Hey, are you going to eat that?” Junhong nodded to the chocolate bread that Hayoung had put aside so she could eat it between lessons. 

She stared at the bread before pushing it to Junhong. “… No. Take it.”

“Nice. Thanks, Youngie.”

Hayoung forced herself to smile.

Hayoung felt sorry.

***

Hayoung frowned and lifted her phone as soon as Super Junior’s Song For You started to play. It reminded her of Oh Sehun and she didn’t need any more image of the school’s vice-president in her head. She changed the playing song and her eyes landed on the clock on the screen; 11:54pm.

The last message was from Sooyoung at 9.12pm, asking Hayoung about the homework they had for tomorrow.

Hayoung closed her eyes for a few seconds, opening them again in determination as she pushed her headset deeper onto her ear and went back to read the book in her hands.

She was in the same 24-hour family diner she always visited, her school books scattered on the table she always used; in the middle, by the window. There’s a plate of unfinished seafood fried rice and kimchi, an empty glass of lemon tea, and another glass that was still half-empty.

She spent too much nights there.

Hayoung was flipping the page when she noticed someone slipped in onto the seat in front of her. She looked up with a schooled expression, ready to tell the person to pick another seat, but the words on the tip of her tongue died down with what, or rather, who, she saw.

This smiling Oh Sehun in front of her was definitely not a fragment of her imagination.

“Are you on a diet?” Sehun asked, glancing at the unfinished fried rice. “It’s not good to waste your food.” The music’s volume from her headset was not high enough to block his voice.

Hayoung blinked in confusion. “What—How…,” there’s too much questions on Hayoung’s head right now. She took out the earbud first and put it away, looking up to Sehun. “… Why are you here?”

Sehun asked back, “Why are you here?”

“Why—I’m working on my homework,” Hayoung said defensively, putting her book away from his sight. She really didn’t know why she had to explain herself to Sehun. He just had that effect on her.

“Then, are you done? I’ll take you home.” It was so effortless, the way he smiled, the way words flowed through his mouth, it just baffled Hayoung even more.

“Sunbaenim—”

“Oppa.”

“—I thought I already told you, you don’t have to do this,” she said, exasperated. “I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“You’re right, I probably don’t have to do this,” Sehun leaned back with ease, “But what if I want to?” And he stared right at Hayoung, as if to show her that he had nothing to hide. But that couldn’t be true. After a moment passed without Hayoung’s answering, Sehun smiled. “It’s already late. Better if we go home now.”

And just like that, Sehun stood up, walking to the cashier to pay for Hayoung’s meal. The situation felt incredulous for Hayoung, but seeing there’s no use in arguing Sehun, she packed her books. Dongwoon grinned to Hayoung on her way out, perhaps he thought Sehun was Hayoung’s boyfriend. They walked to the nearest parking lot where Sehun parked his car.

“How do you know I was there?” Hayoung found herself asking after the car was already on the road.

“Well…,” Sehun shifted the gear, raising the speed. “The place Hyeri likes is just around the corner, and she always takes this route. I just thought it’s very unusual for her to meet someone from school, so late in the night, considering there’s no cram school around here… Or a study lounge, a library… anything that might keep a student until late.”

Hayoung turned her head to look at Sehun, for once not shying away from the fact that blatantly staring because the other just admitted that he’s looking for her. “… Where I am, Sunbaenim, is my own business, and I’m not aware that I’m not allowed to go out late to study.”

“It’s Oppa. And I’m not saying you can’t,” Sehun turned the wheel, taking the familiar roads to Hayoung’s house. “But if it’s a habit of yours, going out alone until late… I told you to make use of my phone number, didn’t I.”

“I’m fine,” Hayoung threw her gaze out of the window. She felt bothered, it’s so easy for Sehun to agitate her. She was content with her life and Oh Sehun was poking her bubble, forcing his way in.

“I’m going to guess that you don’t even save my number,” Sehun said more to himself, sighing. Hayoung didn’t reply. “… You’re really interesting.”

Hayoung wanted to retort that no, she’s not interesting and Sehun should leave her alone, but she didn’t want to give Sehun the satisfaction of provoking her, so she kept quiet. Maybe if she ignored him, Sehun would realize that she’s not worthy of his curiosity.

“Thank you for the lift,” Hayoung said, unbuckling her seatbelt when they reached her home.

“We’re going to my place again tomorrow, want to join?” Sehun asked, stopping Hayoung from going out of his car. “It’s much better than studying alone. And it seems your parents don’t have problem with you staying outside until late…,” he glanced at Hayoung’s house, all lights were off. He made no further comment about it. “What time you’ll be done tomorrow?”

“… Seven, six. I don’t know.”

“Jongin also has practice until then, he’ll walk with you,” Sehun said. He looked up to Hayoung and smiled. “Good night, Hayoung.”

Hayoung only nodded to acknowledge him, closing the door after she stepped out.

She didn’t hear Sehun’s car leaving until she went inside.

***

Hayoung no longer had anything to do at school, but she still hadn’t decided whether to accept Sehun’s invitation or not so she took her time walking to the front door. When she reached it, she saw a rather familiar back sitting on the steps, playing with his phone.

“Sunbaenim,” Hayoung stopped short beside him. Jongin looked up.

“Hoobae!” he said with a wide grin, pocketing his phone and stood up. His hair was damp, and when Hayoung inhaled Jongin smelled like soap. It seemed he took a shower after his basketball practice. “You’re done?”

“Sunbaenim, … are you waiting for me?” Hayoung asked, but Jongin just shrugged.

There’s a moment of silence after, and Jongin scratched the back of his head. “Hey, listen. I’m not Sehun, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Hayoung looked at Jongin, not expecting him to say something like that.

Jongin shrugged again. “Look, I know it’s bothering you but Sehun is just looking out for us. And he does it with his own way, I don’t know what’s in his mind about you, but he probably thinks it’s the best for us. Although… I guess it’s not the best for you.” He grimaced when Hayoung casted her gaze down, unable to reply. “I’m sorry. I think it’s a bad luck for you to get involved with us.”

Jongin looked so apologetic that Hayoung ended up denying Jongin’s statement.

“No, it’s…,” but she couldn’t find the right word to express her feelings. “… It’s alright,” Hayoung finally settled with it.

“Really, it’s a bad luck for you, but we’re lucky that it’s you. I can’t even imagine what will happen to Naeun if…” Jongin sighed, pushing his damp hair back. “Anyway. I know it’s too much, but, can you, about Naeun… Can you keep it for yourself? You can talk anything you want about me, and Hyeri… Well, that girl can take care of herself,” he snorted as if the idea was funny to him. “But Naeun,” then he turned serious again. “Please? I beg you. She’s just… Actually, she’s just a little bit—”

“Sunbae, you don’t have to tell me,” Hayoung said before Jongin could finish his sentence. “I won’t tell anyone, Sunbaenim, it’s not my business. I know Son Naeun Sunbaenim has her reason, and I don’t want to know why.”

Jongin stared at Hayoung for a while, but not out of suspicion – he just seemed curious, but in the end he smiled at her.

 “… Thanks,” he patted Hayoung’s head and this time Hayoung let him, only because his smile looked so radiant. “So…Should I take you home? Or do you want to come?”

Hayoung remembered the other day when she stayed at Sehun’s place with the seniors. Then, without any control of it, her mind started to compare it with what she felt at her own house, what she felt whenever she’s out, alone.

Against her better judgment to stay away from Sehun, Hayoung nodded at the question. Jongin grinned, seemingly happy with her decision.

They walked to the bus station, the mood’s lighter now.

Jongin monopolized the conversation; complaining about how his grades should be irrelevant to his chance of playing in the next game, telling some random stories about the teachers then his opinion about the trending drama—anything.

Hayoung found it that being with Jongin was easier than being with Sehun.

Maybe because she didn’t feel the need to raise her guard – Jongin didn’t try to see through Hayoung, he let her in first. Where Sehun was calm and composed, Jongin was hyper and careless. He was animated when he talked, hands flew wildly to support his stories, full of energy.

He’s charming in a different way with Sehun, and Hayoung could understand why he’s the school’s favorite.

“Oh, we’re here already,” Jongin said, pulling Hayoung’s arm to get down from the bus. Hayoung didn’t even have the chance to second-guessing her choice with Jongin taking her attention with his stories.

She did wonder about it when they’re in the elevator, suddenly feeling nervous about meeting Sehun again. Hayoung knew the guy didn’t trust her, that he had a motive in inviting Hayoung like this… 

As if he could read her thoughts, Jongin opened his mouth. “Hey.”

Hayoung glanced at him.

“I know we’re already asking so much from you, but, don’t hate Sehunnie, alright? You’re a good kid, I’m sure Sehun will realize it soon too. Just give him some times. When he comes around…, he’ll let you in.” He flashed her a smile. “And soon you’ll found yourself getting tuck in at night with a goodnight kiss on the forehead, I tell Sehun multiple times that I don’t like it, but he insist with the kiss. Something with my handsome face, I think.”

She knew Jongin was exaggerating, still the image of Jongin got tuck in by Sehun and got a goodnight kiss from him made her smile.

“Oh, you’re smiling!” Jongin grinned, looking rather smug for making Hayoung smiled. Hayoung quickly ducked her head, covering with her fist. It only made Jongin even more pleased. “… Cute.”

Soon they’re in front of Sehun’s apartment, and when Jongin punched in the key code Hayoung looked away. “You can look, you know,” Jongin told her, but Hayoung kept her gaze to the ground.

Hyeri came to the front door to greet them, and she shouted as soon as she saw Hayoung behind Jongin. “Dongsaeng-ah! You came!”

“I’m sorry for intruding…,” Hayoung said, shuffling inside after Jongin who already took off his shoes and sauntered into the living room.

One look around the room told Hayoung that Naeun was not present. She wondered if it’s because of her that Naeun didn’t come. Sehun was in the kitchen, wearing a blue apron, seemingly busy making food that he only glanced and threw a brief smile when Hayoung and Jongin came. Although the sight of wearing-an-apron Sehun was a little bit distracting, Hayoung heard Hyeri’s explanation of, “Sehun is cooking kimchijeon and tteokbokki, I want to help but I’m banned from the kitchen.” 

Jongin snorted at his best friend. “Yeah, that’s because we cherish our life.” Hyeri punched him in the stomach for his comment.

After a while Sehun finally turned around and looked at them after he turned off the fire on the stove, smiling at Hayoung – the smile that made her stomach uneasy. “How good are you in the kitchen?”

“Um. Just fine,” she answered, getting a glimpse of memories, the days she’s sick of ramen and convenience store’s food and decided to cook by herself.

“That’s great,” Sehun grabbed another apron, and suddenly he’s already in front of Hayoung, tying the apron to her without permission.

Startled, Hayoung took a step back to distance herself from the guy, but Sehun’s arms around her waist trapped her, stopping her. Hayoung got a whiff of Sehun’s cologne – clean, fresh scent with traces of ocean air that reminded her of distant shores and faraway places – something that slowly became familiar to her, and she unconsciously held her breath until Sehun stopped intruding her personal space. “You can help me, then.” His voice was too close beside Hayoung’s ear, and she rubbed her neck when Sehun stepped back. 

Hayoung nodded, forcing her heart to beat like usual and followed Sehun to the kitchen.

***

It’s already dark outside when Hayoung opened her eyes. She needed a moment to remember where she was, and when she did, the first thing she did was checking her phone. The only message she got was from Junhong.

Hayoung threw the blanket that covered her body away, didn’t remember pulling it when she fell asleep before. Sometime after dinner she started to doze off and Hyeri dragged her to the guest room to sleep, and so Hayoung did, too sleepy to care about the foreign feeling of sleeping at an acquaintance’s house.     

She made her way out of the room. The TV was on with a low volume, showing a family drama on the screen, serving as background noise instead of being watched. Sehun was in the living room alone with a laptop on his lap, and he’s so engrossed in his work that he didn’t notice her until she sat on the other side of the couch.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Sehun said. Hayoung saw the symbol of their high school in the documents Sehun worked at.

“Jongin Sunbae and Hyeri Sunbae already go home?” Hayoung asked with a hoarse voice before she cleared .

“No, they’re sleeping too,” Sehun jerked his head to his bedroom and Hayoung glanced; the door was closed.

Hayoung’s mind recollected memory of Sehun’s bedroom; it was very neat there, almost bare from personal touch, resembling a hotel’s room. There’s a book shelf, a desk, a wardrobe.

And a queen-sized bed in the middle… 

She blinked away her drowsiness, opting to look at the TV rather than questioning out loud her assumption.

Silence engulfed between the two with the TV as the only source of sound in the room, until they heard the door to Sehun’s room opened. Hyeri still had her eyes closed when she slumped next to Sehun, resting her head on Sehun’s shoulder while Sehun leaned back onto her.

Hayoung stared hard at the mug on the coffee table, trying not to see what she saw from her peripheral vision.

“Jongin said he’ll walk home with me…,” Hyeri mumbled sleepily to the crook of Sehun’s neck. “But he’s sleeping like a log… I can’t wake him up.”

Sehun’s voice was soft when he said, “He must be tired, let him sleep. I’ll take you home.”

“… But Hayoung…?”

“Hayoung,” Sehun called, and Hayoung had to turn her head to acknowledge him. He looked at her, “Do you want to stay?”

Hayoung pondered the offer for a second before immediately backtracked; she must be still half awake to even considering Sehun’s offer to sleep over. “I’ll go home.”

“Then I’ll take the bus,” Hyeri said, sitting up straight and stretched out. “If you drive us both, you have to go around.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” Hyeri told him, scowling, much more awake now. “You need to write that proposal for the student council, right? You look tired, Sehunnie, just take Hayoung home, you can go home earlier and then sleep. I’ll be fine. Or I can wake up Jongin.”

“Don’t.” Sehun already saved his work and closed the laptop. “Don’t worry, the proposal is almost finish, and you know Jongin has been practicing real heard lately. Just let him rest, alright?”

Hyeri looked like she wanted to argue some more, but Sehun gave her a pointed look and she ended up huffing. “You’re spoiling him.”

“I’m spoiling you too,” he smiled and stood up, ruffling Hyeri’s hair on the way.

Hayoung, who only watched – or tried not to watch – the two silently before, opened , “I can take the bus…” It’s not that late compared to Hayoung’s usual routine.

Sehun didn’t even look at her way when he shot down her suggestion with a curt, “No,” as if the idea was ridiculous. It bothered her, but even Hyeri couldn’t make Sehun change his mind so Hayoung didn’t try.  

The ride to Hyeri’s house was quiet with Hyeri’s sleeping in the backseat, Hayoung being her usual reserved self whenever she’s around the seniors, and Sehun just drove without trying to make small talks like he normally did. Now when Hayoung paid close attention to him, Sehun indeed look like he needed to rest, his gaze was soulless and the bags under his eyes started to become prominent. He the radio but kept the volume to minimum, being considerate to the sleeping Hyeri.

He took real good care of the people around him…

… Why?

Sehun caught Hayoung staring, but instead of smiling like his usual response, he raised an eyebrow, asking without a word. Hayoung just shook her head.

What price she had to pay to get into Sehun’s side?

They dropped Hyeri at her home first, the girl bid them goodbye and waved with droopy eyes, and after another wordless ride they’re finally arrived at Hayoung’s place. As usual, there’s no light from inside the building, making it look like an empty, haunted house. Sehun still didn’t question it.

Instead, he looked away, rubbing his eyes. “If you want to come over anytime…” He didn’t finish his sentence but Hayoung understood the invitation behind it.    

“Thank you for the ride,” Hayoung said quietly, unbuckling her seatbelt. She took a quick peek at the vice president, taking in his appearance – his hair’s messy from being pushed back too many times, the deep eye-bags, the slight frown between his eyes. Hayoung hesitated for a second. “… Drive safely, Sunbaenim.”   

It was clear that Sehun didn’t expect those words from her since it took a second before he answered, this time back with his smile – maybe because he’s tired, but the smile wasn’t as guarded as usual. “I will. Good night, Hayoung.”

Hayoung nodded to him.

She tried to take normal steps to her house, resisting the stupid urge to stop and turn around, seeing Sehun off. Still she didn’t hear Sehun’s car’s leaving, much like the last time he took her home.  

Once she locked the door behind her, Hayoung rushed to her room in the second floor, wanting to catch a glimpse of Sehun’s car before he left.

Peeking from her window, she saw Sehun’s car was still in the same place, unmoving. Hayoung stared confusedly before a realization dawned to her.

Uncertain, Hayoung walked back to turn on the light in her room before she returned to the window.

When Sehun finally drove off after the light in Hayoung’s room was on, there’s a loud thump somewhere in Hayoung’s heart.

thank you for reading! ❤