“It's already past evening,

the world silently closes its eyes,

only I can't sleep because of you.”

SLEEPLESS NIGHT - CRUSH FT. PUNCH

Sehun flipped through several channels, trying to find something to watch for more than five seconds but he’s tired and agitated, he gave up trying and turned off the TV instead. He threw the remote to the side where it bounced on the cushion before landing on the carpet with a dull thud. Sehun let it there.

There’s a small bottle on the coffee table in front of him; Sehun’s eyes fixated on it. There was a period of time when he was quite dependent on sleeping pills, unable to sleep without the help of the medicine, but he managed to stop and he didn’t want to go back to consuming them. Now days, however, he hadn’t been able to get a slumber, always waking up after an hour or less. Not even with the help of his friends.

Massaging the space between his eyes, Sehun leaned his head back, closing his eyes and tried to relax. Maybe he should try learning meditation.

His effort to relax was interrupted by the ringtone from his phone, indicating an incoming call. The boy opened his eyes, on alert, and by reflex he glanced to the clock before he picked up. It’s past midnight, Ahn Seonsaengnim is calling on his phone’s screen – it’s not hard to fill the blank. 

He cursed himself inwardly. He should have seen this coming, but he’s too distracted with his sleeping problem to remember the date.

“Seonsaengnim,” he spoke to the receiver, already feeling exhausted even before he heard the problem, getting up from the couch to change his pants.

“Sehun. I’m sorry for calling so late.”

It’s been a while since the man called Sehun. “It’s fine, Seonsaengnim,” he replied, almost like a default answer now rather than the fact, pinning his phone between his shoulder and his cheek so he could put his jeans on at the same time.

“Hyeri…,” the man stopped with a sigh. He sounded half-troubled, half-apologetic, but Sehun’s sympathy for him had long gone. He simply treated him polite enough to avoid any trouble. “She’s here, and I tried talking to her but she just doesn’t want to leave…”

Grabbing a random jacket, Sehun was already on his way out when he answered, “I understand, I’ll be there soon.”

“Thank you, Sehun.”

It’s Hyeri’s birthday today.

***

Driving to his former teacher’s house shouldn’t be a routine, but unfortunately it almost was, and even though it bothered Sehun that she kept on coming back there again and again, at least Hyeri didn’t end up in some stranger’s place when she’s drunk. Count your blessings, not your problems, they said, and Sehun did. He tried.

He’s driving on automatic, everything outside was a passing blur in his eyes when his mind’s not on the road, and that’s why he almost missed the hunched figure on the corner of the road near his teacher’s residence. It’s his best friend, leaning back to the stone wall behind him, a cigarette between his fingers.

Jongin looked up when Sehun’s car passed by and he watched him parked his car. Their former teacher’s house was still down the road, the road was too small for cars to go through.

Sehun climbed down from his car, closing the door with a frown, staring back at Jongin. “So you’re here,” he said, didn’t bother try to hide his irritation that he’s pretty sure was shown in the way he spoke.

He glanced down to the ground – there were some cigarette butts on the ground around Jongin, indicating that he had been there for quite a time. Jongin, realizing his gaze, had sense to throw the cigarette in his hand and stepped on it, putting it off.

“… I’m sorry that you have to come,” Jongin said in a small voice.

Sehun ignored his apology. “If you’re here, why you didn’t bring Hyeri home?”

Jongin didn’t answer immediately, instead he looked down, scrubbing the toes of his shoe to the asphalt. After a moment he murmured, “… I can’t.”

“… What?”

This time Jongin looked up to Sehun with guilt clouded his eyes. “Hyeri…,” he hesitated before letting out a frustrated groan. “She’s—She’s sober. I can’t. Sehun, how—How can I drag her away, when she clearly knows what she’s doing, what she wants? This is not the alcohol’s talking, this is her true feelings.”

Rage filled Sehun’s insides as soon as he heard Jongin and he opened his mouth – it’s not nice things that was on the tip of his tongue, but in the last second he regained his composure and Sehun closed his eyes, didn’t want to see Jongin’s guilty look.

Sehun was tired.

Usually, Jongin was the one who’s harsh on Hyeri and her drinking habits, scolding her after every episode. They often got into real arguments because Jongin was too mean with his words and Hyeri was too stubborn for her own good.  

But in the end of the day, they were best friends and they were on the same boat, helplessly in love with people they couldn’t have, probably understand the other’s feeling better than others, so Jongin’s sentiment to Hyeri was understandable – Sehun just wished it didn’t come out now.

Sehun felt a hand on his arm, squeezing. “Sehun, I’m sorry.”

He didn’t answer, trying to breathe slowly and even, counting and calculating in his head. Sehun’s upset – but lashing out at Jongin wouldn’t give him any benefit, and it certainly wouldn’t fix the problem.

“… It’s fine,” he said, pulling his arm away from Jongin’s grip.

Somehow his answer didn’t please Jongin, because the boy’s clenching his jaw. “Sehun-ah.” There’s something raw and rough in the way Jongin called Sehun’s name. It’s too honest. Using too much feeling. “It’s not fine—”

“Not now, Jongin,” Sehun cut him harsh and turned around, starting to walk to his teacher’s house. Jongin had no other choice but to follow after him.

When Sehun reached the house, Hyeri was sitting right in front of Ahn’s front door, hugging her knees and resting her chin there. She looked small and vulnerable – two things that usually wouldn’t be associated with Lee Hyeri.

She glanced up at the sound of Sehun’s footsteps and her eyes widened, almost like she’s caught red handed in something she shouldn’t do.

She stood up and before Sehun could say anything to her, telling him in a rush, “Sehun, look, I’m not drunk, okay? I know what I’m doing, and it’ll be fine! I won’t cause any problem, cause, I’m not drunk—”

“Hyeri.”

“—and, I already think about this before, it’s safe here so it’s okay if I stay here all night, I won’t yell or scream and disturb the neighbours, I swear—”

Sehun tried to raise his voice. “Hyeri.”

“—I didn’t even bang at the door! I just, Hun-ah, please, I just want to talk to him—”

“Hyeri!” Sehun finally shouted over Hyeri’s word, shutting her up. In the back, Jongin flinched but he kept his eyes trained to the ground. Having Hyeri’s attention, Sehun continued, “Ahn Seonsaengnim called me. He wants me to take you home.”

There’s a pause, and even if it’s only shown for a split second, the crestfallen and hurt expression on Hyeri’s face was unmistakeable.

She forced herself to smile. “… Really? It… It doesn’t make sense. There—There’s must be a mistake,” Hyeri swallowed, eyes wavering. “Maybe he’s just—Maybe he doesn’t remember? That it’s—It’s my birthday today! And I’m an adult now, we don’t have…” Hyeri shook her head, refusing to accept reality. “Listen, he’s not our teacher anymore and I’m an adult. There won’t be any problem for us to be together. I know he wanted to protect me before, that’s why he left, but now… Maybe he’s—I think—Maybe—Just, let me talk to him again—”

Hyeri turned around – no doubt about to knock on Ahn's door and tried to talk to him – but Sehun grabber her arm, keeping her in her place.

Sehun was tired, he’s tired tired tired – Hyeri’s rambling and stubbornness didn’t help, and why she just couldn’t see—

For the first time ever since they’re friends, Sehun snapped at Hyeri.

“Lee Hyeri, don’t you understand?!” he shouted. “Why he left you, why he never replied to your messages, you seriously think it’s because he wants to protect you?! When will you grow up and realize? There’s no other reason, Hyeri, he just doesn’t love you! He—doesn’t—love you!”

It’s not even five seconds later after his outburst that Sehun realized what he did.

Hyeri was staring at him with blown-up pupils, blood drained from her face, and it’s as if she’s hearing those words for the first time in her life – as if Sehun just gave her a slap right across her cheek.

It probably wouldn’t hurt as much if Sehun had slapped her for real.

“God,” Sehun hissed, reaching out and pulling the shocked girl in front of him into his embrace. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m really sorry, Hyeri-ah, I’m sorry…”

Hyeri was limp in his arm, unresponsive. But then her body started to shake, tears running down from her eyes. She’s crumbling down, leaning forward and let Sehun hold her up.

Hyeri’s cry, even though muffled by Sehun’s chest, was heart-breaking. There’s no word in her cry, she’s just bawling, her arms dangling lifelessly beside her while Sehun hugged her tighter, whispering sorry over and over again.

He’s sorry for his thoughtless words, he’s sorry that she had to hear it, and he’s even sorrier because it’s the truth.

Hyeri probably thought of countless reasons, trying to rationalize why Ahn’s not with her, trying to make up stories in her head to make herself felt better, except for the one reason; he didn’t love her.

Jongin inhaled and stepped up, patting Sehun’s back with one hand while he cradled Hyeri’s head with the other, kissing the top of her head and whispered, “… It’ll be okay, Lee,” to comfort her.

“I’ll drive,” Jongin added in a mumble to Sehun.

Hyeri was still crying, hiccupping really bad, but she didn’t resist when Sehun guided her back to the car. Together they sat on the back seat, Sehun still half-hugging her and whispering apologizes.

By the time they reached Sehun’s apartment Hyeri was already fallen asleep, tiring herself out from crying. Jongin picked her up and tucked her in while Sehun changed clothes and climbed to his bed, setting the alarm since they still had school in a few hours.

He’s… tired.

He had been tired for quite some times now.

Sehun had an arm above his eyes, but the rustling sounds inside the room told him that Jongin had entered, and soon there’s a dip on the bed beside him.

“I messed up,” Sehun muttered without looking at his best friend.

“No you don’t,” Jongin replied, equally quiet. “Sooner or later someone had to say it her… I’m sorry that I don’t have the guts to tell her that. I should be the bad cop.”

Sehun snorted at Jongin’s lame attempt to lighten up the mood.

“Seriously, though,” Jongin spoke again. “You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t you dare beating yourself up over this. Hyeri will be okay. And I’m—” Jongin paused. “I’m really sorry, Sehun-ah. … Don’t say that it’s fine.”

There’s that feeling again, Sehun didn’t like it.

But it’s late and Sehun didn’t want to argue. He’s also drowsy and couldn’t think clear. It’s ridiculous. “… Jongin-ah, if you’re sorry…”

Jongin rose, propping himself up with his elbows and waited for Sehun’s next words.

“… Can you run to the nearest store and buy all available products for babies? … Especially baby cologne.”

***

“Yoyoyoooow, make way for the Queen! Move aside, you ugly people!” Hyeri’s laugh was loud and clear even in the bustling canteen, and heads were turning to her direction immediately with the commotion.

Hayoung too, was included among those people. She was eating her lunch with her friends when Hyeri bursting in into the canteen like a VIP, escorted by some of her classmates who played along and wore sunglasses like they were Hyeri’s bodyguards.

The birthday girl was wearing an obnoxious headband that had ‘Queen Hyeri’ made from cardboard on it, decorated by pink and blue glitter. It’s unclear whether she made it herself or not – though it’s unlikely, judging by Hyeri’s personality. But Hayoung spotted Naeun was staring from another table with something akin to fondness in her eyes, and Hayoung wondered if she made the headband for Hyeri, knowing that Hyeri would love it.

“... I want meat! And yoghurt milk. Go get them!” Hyeri ordered her bodyguards around, enjoying every part of the role-playing as she sported a huge grin on her face.

“Ah right, today is Hyeri Sunbae birthday,” Sooyoung swallowed her soup and looked at Hayoung. “You already bought a present?”

Hayoung nodded. “I decided the buy that dress… The one you picked? The blue one. Thanks, Sooyoung-ah,” she smiled to the girl. Sooyoung flashed a thumb up.   

“Yah, look at her,” someone from the end of the table scoffed. “Acting like a queen, does she think her friends are fools?” The girl, one of Hayoung’s friend, was glaring at Hyeri’s table.

“I know, right? Look at her make-up, don’t you think it’s really thick today?” another one added.

“Sssh, she needs it, you know she’s really ugly without them,” one person said and the others giggled in agreement. Sooyoung shifted uncomfortably in her seat, stealing glances at Hayoung who kept quiet.

“Honestly, Son Naeun is prettier, why Lee Hyeri acts as if she owns all the boys in her hand?” Hayoung could swear the one who said that was also the same person who badmouthed Naeun just a few days back.

“Yah, you all know the rumour of her and the teacher, right? I bet she seduced him to get better grade, she seems like the type. And the way she acts around Sehun Sunbaenim and Jongin Sunbaenim, totally fake. She’s a fox, I tell you! … Probably want to sleep with both of them. Such a .”

Hayoung lost it at the word.

She stood up, slamming his spoon to the table – it clanked with the tray, making her friends turned their heads at her. They seemed to just realize now that she’s there and she could hear them.

“Hayoung-ah,” one of them said, smiling and trying to do damage control. “We were just joking, you know? The seniors also said the same thing, so we… Ah, anyway, it’s nothing, so… Um, don’t tell it to her?”

She tightened her jaw, for once feeling like she wanted to hit someone. She stared at her friend on the eyes.

“… If you don’t know the truth, please don’t assume as you wish. You don’t know anything.”

Hayoung didn’t wait to hear her friends’ explanation – she heard someone scoffed after she turned her back. She walked out from the canteen and she didn’t stop walking for a long time, until she realized that she had reached the school’s yard. How did she end up here?

She saw the bench under the tree – the senior’s bench – and sat there, her anger’s seeping out as the times went by. She was still upset and she didn’t regret standing up for Hyeri, even though her ‘friends’ would probably dislike her after this, talking behind her back. It’s alright, they weren’t her friends in the beginning, they only started to hang around her after Sehun said she’s his cousin.

But there’s just this one thing…

Normal people kept quiet, and they agreed with what majority said.

Hayoung looked up, in time to catch a falling petal from the tree above, the very last remnant from Spring. It made her remember Sehun…

Him, in her room, sitting on her windowsill.

Him, on the bus, sleeping next to her.

Him, in front of her, smiling.

Hayoung exhaled.

Guess there’s no turning back now…

***

The hallway was empty and it’s eerily quiet Hayoung couldn’t hear the traffic from the main road, the floor was squeaky clean and it smelled like antiseptic, probably the floor cleaner. She stood in front of room 1204, her backpack filled with spare clothes and toiletries and even her homework – just in case she didn’t have anything to do – like she’s ready to stay the night, still Hayoung questioned her own decision.

She’s biting her own lips, chewing on it while contemplating once again – it’s not too late to bolt right now, she could give Hyeri’s gift another day, she could go to Sooyoung’s place instead and maybe did her homework there, yet somehow it didn’t settle well with her heart either.

Because, if Hayoung was honest with herself, she wanted to belong…

Taking a deep breath, Hayoung pressed the bell and waited. She heard the bell rang inside the apartment followed by someone’s muffled yell, “Coming!” that sounded like Hyeri. There’s a click on the door, and soon it was opened from inside, Hyeri’s head peeking out.

“Dongsaeng-ah!” She shouted as soon as she saw Hayoung, face bright with the big smile. Hyeri looked extra pretty that day, hair tied into a tight ponytail.

“Unnie,” Hayoung said, “Happy birthday.”

“You already congratulated me before~ Thank you! Come in, come in!” Hyeri pulled her inside but suddenly stopped her when she’s taking off her shoes. “You’re staying right?”

“Um.” Hayoung grabbed her backpack’s strap, her heart stopped beating for a second. “… Yes. It’s that okay?” 

“Of course it’s okay! I invited you, didn’t I?” Hyeri slung an arm around her shoulders and squeezed hard – the gesture that indicated she was welcomed made Hayoung felt thankful for the older girl. “Naeun is cooking and the boys are still preparing the decoration, can you believe that? Shouldn’t they prepare it before? Like, last night?” Hyeri was complaining, but Hayoung could tell that there was no real bite behind it. “Hayoungie is here!” Hyeri announced her when they entered the living room.

Sehun and Jongin were sitting on the carpeted floor, Sehun’s blowing a balloon while Jongin tying one. Around them colourful balloons were scattered, the decoration for the party was half-done since gold balloons that spelled ‘HYERI 18’ were already hanging on the wall. The ‘Y’ and ‘I’ were crooked a little, giving Hayoung the impression that it was Jongin who put them on. There’s a stack of party hats on the coffee table that were pushed aside to make space in the living room, and there were other plastic bags that presumably containing more party props lying around on the couch.  

Sehun paused to give Hayoung a light smile. “Hey.”

“Don’t worry, Hoobae, we’re almost done,” Jongin told her when Hayoung made a move to help. “We could finish earlier, but someone decided that she wouldn’t help and play around instead, so yeah, here we are, blowing balloons like this is a child’s party…”

Hyeri shrugged, completely unapologetic. “It’s my party. I can ask what I want.”    

“What even we’re doing, we should start the holiday with staying on bed all day…,” Jongin grumbled under his breath but Sehun shoved him another balloon to be tied.

Hyeri jumped to the couch and she started to talk to the boys, still not helping them, leaving Hayoung standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. She put her bag aside and glanced to the kitchen where she could see Naeun from behind in front of the stove, an apron circled her waist, the air filled with something sharp and mouth-watering.

At that time Naeun turned around and their eyes met, startling both of them. Hayoung hesitated – they hadn’t interact since the last time when Hayoung helped Naeun with her panic attack, took her home and told her about her mother, and now Hayoung wasn’t sure where they stood, what Naeun thought of her.

Naeun broke eye-contact by looking down and Hayoung felt a tiny prick of disappointment.

But then she heard it.

“Ha-Hayoung.”

It was so quiet, almost like a whisper and Naeun didn’t even look at her that Hayoung almost sure she heard it wrong.

Naeun raised her face – she still looked a little bit terrified like always, although this time she looked directly at Hayoung on her own will – and swallowed before she said, “Hayoung. Can you… Can you help me… cook?”

Hayoung’s eyes widened. From her peripheral sight she could tell Hyeri and the boys too, all turned their heads, stunned hearing Naeun’s request to Hayoung.

Snapping herself awake, Hayoung quickly nodded her head, didn’t want Naeun to change her mind if she hesitated longer even for a second. “Yes! I mean, I can…” She entered the kitchen, still couldn’t believe it that Naeun talked to her and asked for her help.

The girl handed her a knife, her hand’s shaking a bit but her grip on the handle was tight. “… Can you, uh, … cut the vegetables…?”

“I can do that, Sunbaenim.” She carefully took the knife away from Naeun – the girl looked relieved as soon as she did that and she turned around back to the stoves. Hayoung could only imagine how hard it was for Naeun to reach out to her first.

“Aaah,” Jongin suddenly exclaimed from the living room, taking their attention. “Seems like this year’s summer will be great, don’t you think?”

When Hayoung looked up, no one’s staring at them anymore – Hyeri was hugging a cushion, Sehun was tying one last balloon, and Jongin was leaning back, propping himself with his hands while looking outside the window.

They all had a smile on their lips.

Hayoung looked back down, ready to cut the potatoes, and couldn’t help but to smile herself.

***

“Oh Gooood,” Hyeri moaned, “I’m so full I won’t eat for three days.” She put down the small spoon she just used to eat her birthday cake – her third slices tonight.

Jongin scoffed. “You’ve been saying that since an hour ago but you keep eating anyway.” He nudged the girl with his elbow, his left hand was raised with his pinky finger stood out, the others folded. “It’s your turn now, hurry.”

“Ah, right. Wait.” Hyeri gulped down a glass of water and put it down on the coffee table behind her. Then she turned back to them, scrutinizing their faces one by one as if she’s deciding who to prey on.

After dinner, they decided to play games and they’ve played a lot, from playing boxing with Sehun’s Wii to an intense one hour long Monopoly before Hyeri decided they should stop since she’s losing. When they got tired they switched to small games, and now they’re sitting on the carpeted floor, playing Never Have I Ever – Hyeri and Sehun had 2 fingers left, Jongin had one, while both Naeun and Hayoung still had three fingers raised.

“Princess Lee,” Jongin cooed, batting his eyelashes when Hyeri looked at him, using flattery to be saved from punishment. “You’re preeeetty today.”

“Hah, I’m pretty every day,” Hyeri flipped her hair in an exaggerated manner. “Let’s see… Hm.” There’s a mischievous smile on her lips that Hayoung thought she’s going to ask another silly question – her previous was ‘fold your finger if you’ve farted and blamed other people before’ – but then she smiled, a little bit crooked, not as wide as her usual smile.

 “Fold your finger if you still like your first love.”

It seemed like no one anticipated that, because for a few seconds no one did anything.

Naeun was the first to move, folding a finger without hesitation. Hyeri had a smug smile on her face, as if she knew she would get more than one person with her statement. She looked around, and her eyes fell down at Hayoung’s hand.

“Hayoung-ah, what about you?” she asked, suddenly looked eager. “You're already over your first love? Was it a neighbor oppa? A senior? Your childhood friend?”

“I…–” Hayoung stopped when she realized that all eyes were on her now, even Sehun's. She returned her gaze to Hyeri, avoiding the curious gazes. “... I don't have... any... I don't have first love.”

“What, really?” Jongin asked.

She shook her head.

“Not even a crush? Someone that gives butterflies in your stomach? Someone that makes your heart flutter? Someone who shakes your heart?” Hyeri kept on asking, slapping Jongin's thigh when the boy snorted at her choice of words.

Hayoung shook her head for the second time.

“Someone that you think is cool?”

She bit her lips, thinking. “Um. ... Yoo Seungho?”

Hyeri's curious face turned bland. “Sweetie, my child, celebrity crush doesn't count.”

Thankfully Hayoung didn't have to answer anymore question since Jongin, who had put his hand down, nudged Hyeri. ”Yah, anyway, that applied to you too, why you didn't fold your finger?”

“Me? Why should I? I don't like my first love anymore.”

When Jongin about to open his mouth to counter, Hyeri cut him off. “I'm a mature adult now, a completely different person. One hundred percent. That's right! I don't like him anymore. Why are you looking at me like that, do you prefer I'm out there, embarrassing myself?”

Hyeri had her chin tilted up as if she challenged Jongin to say anything about it.

Hayoung's eyes darted between the two seniors. Of course she remembered that day when she found Hyeri, drunk and out of her mind, muttering curses and confession to someone. Back then, she wondered if it was Sehun or Jongin - now she knew for sure that it's neither.

From the corner of her eyes she saw Naeun sitting with her legs pulled up to her chest, hugging her knees, and she’s looking down to her toes but it's clear that she was listening. Sehun appeared to be apathetic, but the way he avoided looking at Hyeri told Hayoung that he’s anything but. It seemed something had happened between them.

Hayoung glanced back to Hyeri and Jongin.

“... Okay, you mature adult!” Jongin stood up and ruffled Hyeri’s hair roughly, ignoring the girl’s squeak as he did so.

Just like that, the tense atmosphere between them disappeared; Naeun raised her head while Sehun's shoulders relaxed. “You're the one who said it yourself, I'm gonna remind you every time you act like a kid! Now go to sleep guys, I'll wash the dishes,” he said with a loud sigh.

They had agreed before that the punishment for the loser would be washing all the dishes from tonight.

Jongin looked around at all the scattered plates and glasses, then to the kitchen, where some utensils were still left soaking in the sink, waiting to be cleaned. “Damn... Are you sure I can't do it tomorrow? My stomach doesn't think moving is a good thing right now.”

“No!” Naeun shouted, startling Hayoung. That was the loudest – and the most confident single thing – she had ever heard from the quiet girl. Jongin, on the other hand, didn't seem to think it's a rare event as he had an amused grin on his face. Naeun stood up and grabbed his arm, dragging him to the kitchen. “We have to clean it tonight, the kitchen will smell if you don't clean them up... and what if there are ants and flies...”

"Hey, my apartment is free from bugs, you know," Sehun said over his shoulder to Naeun's back. He turned back to Hayoung, and her confusion must be apparent because he smiled at her. “That's Naeun. You're going to meet her a lot from now on.”

Together they all tidied up the living room, bringing the dishes for Jongin to wash while Naeun cleaned the kitchen.

It wasn't until later that Hayoung realized...

She never saw whether Sehun folded his finger or not.

***

“Since it's my birthday, I'll get to be in the middle!” Hyeri said, jumping to Sehun's bed and wiggled to get under the duvet.

The girls had Sehun's room while the boys stayed in the guest room, and Hayoung had been wondering about the sleeping arrangement since the evening. She's the youngest, she supposed it should be her who sleeps in the middle, the most uncomfortable place. But she didn't know if Naeun would want to sleep beside her when she's still struggled talking to her.

“Unnie, it's hot in the middle... You should take the side,” Hayoung offered. She took a quick glance at Naeun who's still folding her clothes.

“Nooo, I want to be in the middle! I want to be surrounded by my friends,” she grinned at both of them. Naeun didn't reply, but she had that fond expression on her face again.

Hyeri's and Naeun's personalities were total opposites and people liked to pit them against each other, comparing them and making assumptions about how they must be faking their friendship, but if only they bother to look closer, they’d know those weren’t true. They took care of each other, even if Naeun expressed her fondness differently from Hyeri.

Finally the three of them settled on Sehun's bed – Hayoung couldn't deny that the thought almost made her flustered, the fact that she's lying down in the same bed that Sehun used every night...

Even though they’re entering summer, it’s late enough that it’s dark outside, and they the night lamp on Sehun’s desk – its light was dim and calming.

Hayoung stared at the ceiling, didn't feel the tiniest bit sleepy. It's been a while since she had a sleepover, and somehow it felt both thrilling and relieving that she's not at her home at night.

“Hayoung-ah,” Hyeri called.

“Yes?”

“You really, really, never fall in love before?”

“Um... No, I don't think so...”

“Huh... That must be nice...,” the senior muttered under her breath. “Hayoug-ah, are you already sleepy? Is it okay if told you a story before you sleep?”

Hayoung nodded, fixing her position to get a more comfortable position to listen to Hyeri's story.

“Alright. Here it goes. Ahem,” Hyeri pretended to clear as if she's going to start an important speech. “... Back when I was a very cute, very adorable first year...,” she paused. “Huh, it's nice there's no Jongin here to tell me off. I should stop hanging out with him, he brings negativity into my life.”

When she heard Naeun chuckled, Hayoung almost wanted to sit up to see it with her own eyes.

“Aaanyway, back then, before I have Naeun, Sehun and Kim Jongin, I was, how do you said it? A free spirit? A rebel? Well, simply put, I had troubles at home, and I brought it to school. I didn't work on my homework, I slept during the day, I skipped classes... I was teacher's favorite kid, they liked me sooo much they kept on calling me to the teacher's lounge.

“It felt like no one understands me..., that kind of feeling? When I got scolded, I rebelled even more. I was a nightmare. But then...,” Hyeri's voice softened, “... but then there's someone who's willing to try to reach out to me... He was so patient with me, kept on trying to talk to me, helped me get out of troubles, and he listened to me. Most importantly... He was there when I needed someone.

“So naturally I trusted him, and I believed in him... So much, until I gave my all to him. He's my first love.”

Naeun turned to her side to hug Hyeri’s arm, and the girl smiled, patting Naeun's hand. To Hayoung, she said, “He's a teacher. You probably heard the rumors.”

Hayoung didn't say anything, but she started to connect the dots. One of Hyeri's biggest rumors was she liked to seduce older men, and she made a teacher resigned before. Hearing the story from Hyeri's point of view, however, changed the whole perception.

“I knew it's wrong, but I didn't want to acknowledge it, you know? I thought to myself, we love each other, age is just a number, he cares for me and I care for him, and that's all that matter...” Hyeri laughed, but it sounded hollow. “How naive of me...”

“The school heard about our relationship, and they called us to interrogate. I could get expelled, he could get fired, and it would be worse for him since he's an adult, he could go to jail. I was so scared, but I also wanted to protect him, I didn’t know what to do. … That’s when Jongin came and saved the day. He told the teachers that he's my boyfriend.”

The night when she went out with Jongin came back to Hayoung's mind. Jongin, sitting by her side, sharing his cookies with her, telling her the story of how the four of them became friends. “I lied to the teachers to save her .”

“Did Sehun ever tell you this?” suddenly Hyeri asked.

“No… Jongin Sunbae did. But he only told me that you were in a trouble and he tried to help you...”

Hyeri stared for a moment before she smiled, shaking her head. “Yeah, he did. Even though the teachers didn't believe him, if it's not for Jongin, I wouldn't be here right now. I guess I owe him a lot, don't I?”

Naeun hugged Hyeri tighter as if to convey her unspoken feelings.

Son Naeun, who trembled at the sight of a stranger, initiated skinship with Hyeri. If that didn't speak of their friendship, Hayoung didn't know what did.

“I must have saved a nation in my previous life, right? Because, ah it’s so crazy, Oh Sehun, the principal’s son, helped me too! He even became my friends even though he knew the truth... You too, Naeun-ah,” Hyeri squeezed Naeun’s hand now, replying the silent expression of trust. “The only people who don’t judge me and accepted me for who I am… And for some reasons they want to keep me around, even when I was being stupid, believing that person loves me too, instead of seeing it as it is... That he was just using me, abusing his position as a teacher. That he didn't... doesn't love me.”

Now Hayoung began to understand what was it all about, the statement about forgetting first love back during the game.

“... But Hayoung,” Hyeri started to speak but stopped, swallowing, all of the sudden looking unsure. “I'm telling you this, not to make you uncomfortable. If you don't want to be my friend anymore... I'll understand.”

“… I don’t care,” the words slipped out from without Hayoung needed to think about it. It’s always the truth, that Hayoung did not care, but this time, she meant it much more than just that. It’s not only because Hayoung didn’t care, but it’s also because she didn’t mind. What Hyeri had did before, they didn't change the fact that the Lee Hyeri Hayoung knew was a bright, kind soul, the one who welcomed her into their life first with open arms and a wide smile. “Unnie... Thank you. For telling me this.”

A smile bloomed on Hyeri's face before it fully turned into a grin. “You're welcome, thank you for listening... Now, should we sleep? I swear I can hear Jongin's snore... Good night, Naeunnie, … Hayoungie."

Naeun mumbled back her good night, mentioning Hayoung's name quietly in the end, and Hayoung replied too. She closed her eyes, feeling warmest she had ever feel for the last couple years, and she was sure it had nothing to do with the changing season.

***

Hayoung was wide awake.

She didn't know the exact time, but she guessed an hour had passed since they stopped talking. She could hear Hyeri's soft breathing and Naeun had stayed still for a while, both girls had fallen asleep. Hayoung thought her legs had started to itch, demanding to be moved, but she was afraid to make even the slightest move in case she would wake Hyeri and Naeun up.

It was dim and it was quiet, she could even hear the faint ticks from Sehun's clock from somewhere in the room, perhaps from his desk since Hayoung couldn't see it.

Her body was tired; she didn’t had a good night sleep the night before because she was too nervous about sleeping over at Sehun’s place with the seniors, and she had been awake since early morning, preparing her clothes but then changing her mind every minutes, then when she arrived she helped Naeun cooked dinner, all of them watched movies before dinner came, followed by cutting Hyeri's cakes and played games.

There were so much happened in one day, the excitement still thrumming inside Hayoung it made her unable to sleep.

She was glad that she decided to come, though. It was... nice, for the lack of better words.

Thinking that maybe a glass of water could help her sleep, Hayoung decided to get up from bed, carefully putting the blanket away and trying not to make any sound in the progress.
 

She went out from Sehun's room, and she had closed the door behind her before she realized there's a dark figure standing in the kitchen.

Sehun turned his head when he heard her – there's a can of energy drink on the kitchen counter nearby, opened. His hair was messy but his eyes were alert, it didn't seem like he had just woken up to drink.

He fully turned to face her. “... What's the matter, do you need something?”

Whenever they were together, Hayoung always felt a strange sense of both familiarity and foreignness mixed together, tugging at her heart. Because they're not supposed to be like this, comfortable with each other, it just didn't make sense whatsoever, but they did.

They had gone out more a couple of times.

Mostly they didn't do much, just wandering side by side, eating late dinner without speaking. Sehun had stopped trying to keep his facade as the perfect student, he had stopped trying to pry into her life and she had stopped putting her guard so high, finding herself accepting Sehun's presence next to her.

But sometimes, there were times her heart thudded a little bit louder than necessary...

“Just, water, please...,” she said, stepping to the kitchen.

Sehun picked up a glass and filled it with water from the sink. “Can't sleep?”

“Yes...”

“That makes the two of us.”

“But—,” Hayoung said before she could stop herself. Sehun glanced over his shoulder before he turned back. “But Jongin Sunbae is with you...” She accepted the glass Sehun handed to her.

“He also happens to be snoring,” Sehun said, and Hayoung almost choked up from refraining a laugh, snorting into her glass. Sehun stared lingered at her before he continued. “... Some nights are worse than others. It just happened, sometimes.”

Hayoung had a feeling he wasn't talking about Jongin's habit of snoring.

Sehun picked up his can, drinking some more. It seemed that he had a habit of drinking energy drink, cause it’s not the first time Hayoung saw him did it.

“That doesn’t help with sleeping,” she blurted out.

Sehun stopped to acknowledge her. “… No,” he admitted. “But it helps for the day after… Want to watch the TV?”

“… Okay.”

It's funny, whether they're out on the streets or at Sehun's apartment, they're still killing times together, unable to sleep.

They hadn't put the coffee table back in the middle, and Sehun chose to sit on the floor, leaning to the couch behind him. Hayoung followed suit, leaving a space between them. She pulled a cushion to her lap, hugging it.

Sehun set the channel to some late-night talk show, but Hayoung knew neither of them paid attention to it. Sehun, especially, didn't seem like he was there, at all.

And Hayoung might hate the way Sehun faked his smile, but she also didn’t like it when he pulled into himself like this.

“Hyeri Unnie told me,” she said. A distraction. “About her first love.”

Sehun was not smiling. “... That person doesn't deserve the title.” This was the first time Sehun openly showed his resentment to someone. Hayoung guessed there’s more than what Hyeri had told her, but she held her tongue.

“Does that mean... I have to tell Hyeri Unnie too? About me?” Instead, the question came out, and now she sounded like a confused child, asking for explanation from her teacher.

This time, her question succeeded at making Sehun smiled at her. “Did she ask you to?”

“... No.”

“Then you don't have to. Hayoung, that's not how it works.”

Ignoring the slight nagging feeling of consciousness of how Sehun just said her name, Hayoung asked, “What is?”

“Friendship. You can't always take, but it doesn't mean that you are always obliged to give. What it means, is that Hyeri trusts you. It means that she wouldn't mind if you come to her and share your problems. It doesn't mean that you have to, but I'm sure she would be happy if you do.”

She remembered Junhong…

“Sometimes you can a little bit… distant? It’s like you’re not here. I don’t know what you feel or what you think.”

“Speaking of,” Sehun's voice brought Hayoung back to present, “I see that you already made Naeun talks to you. I recon something happened?”

Hayoung blinked. She thought the four shared everything, she had assumed Naeun told them about their meeting and perhaps even about what she told her about her mother's condition.

“Naeun Sunbaenim... didn't tell you?”

Sehun shrugged. “Not even Jongin knows.”

She barely stopped herself from sticking her tongue out. “... Then I won't tell you.” Somehow it felt satisfying, finding that no, they didn't tell each other everything all the time. The fact that Naeun had kept their meeting secret made Hayoung liked the senior more.

She probably smiled without even realizing it, because Sehun took a look at her face and smiled, looking away. “Well played, Oh Hayoung.”

They went back to staring at the TV, the talk show had ended and Sehun changed the channel to some re-run of an old drama, starring Yoo Seungho. It made her recalled the past events of the day.

“... How does it feel?”

“Hm?”

 
Hayong hesitated before asking. “Falling in love.” She turned her head to Sehun. “How does it feel to fall in love?”

Sehun stared at her for a second – but it didn't seem like he's looking at her, more like he’s remembering something. Then, he looked back to the front. “... Don't,” was all he said. “It's terrible.”

Those were the last words he said that night.

***
 

When Hayoung opened her eyes, her mind was still clouded with sleepiness that she didn't realize it immediately.

The sun must have rose, because its light was seeping through the curtains, lighting up the living room. There's no sound from the TV, someone must had turned it off. There's a thin blanket draped over her torso, covering her from the morning chills, and there's a cushion under her head.

She's still in the living room, lying on the carpet.

And there's Sehun, in front of her, sleeping.

He's facing her, clad in a white sleeveless undershirt from last night, folding his arms under the same blanket with his mouth slightly parted, lips thin and pink while his chest rose up and down rhythmically along his breathing.

Hayoung's world seemed to stop, there and then, with only her and Sehun in it.

She thought Sehun looked the most peaceful when he's asleep, like this, when he couldn't pretend, when he didn't think and didn't have to carry the burden of his friends and his own.

And when he's so close like this...

... it's almost like she just needed to stretch out her hand to reach him...

Hayoung's hand stopped in front of Sehun's face, fingers mere away from touching his cheek.

She pulled back her hand – and balled it up.

But she didn’t stop staring, and she continued to do it until her eyes fluttered close, sleepiness catching up.

The next time Hayoung opened her eyes, she was alone, and she's on Sehun's bed.

If you’re still reading this, you’re the best. Seriously, thank you thank you thank you.

Freaking finally, I can continue this, and Hyeri’s past is revealed!!! For you who don’t know, Ahn Seonsaengnim is Tony Ahn. Before, there’s a reader who thought it would be Jongin/Hyeri, and I couldn’t say no because honestly I love writing friendship and intimate, rather questionable moments between the four hahah.

Tell me what do you think about this chapter? (Secretly hoping Sehun/Hayoung small moment can make you squeal).

Always, thank you for reading!