It probably wasn’t my father, he had no reason to. He was probably living happily somewhere, not a care in the world for the family he had lost eight years ago.

“Oh yeah, here Mom,” I went to her bed and opened my bag to give her the candies I had gotten her yesterday.

“Yay!” she happily took them. “Thank you!”

She ripped open the package and handed one of the candies to me and Sehun each.

“I’m going to go ask the nurse. Look after her, will you?” I said to Sehun as I pocketed my candy.

“Sure,” Sehun said, popping his into his mouth after thanking my mom.

I walked out of her room and to the main desk where I found the nurse that had brought the package.

“Excuse me?”

She looked up at me from her clipboard, “Yes?”

“You know the package you just gave my mom?”

She nodded.

“Do you know who it’s from?”

“I’m afraid not, the delivery truck just came and they gave it to me,” she told me.

“Oh, okay thanks,” I nodded my head and went back to my mother’s room, where she was showing Sehun the leaves.

“She doesn’t know either,” I told Sehun, sitting on my mother’s other side, she was now soundly gazing out the window.

“Maybe it’s from one of those organizations that donate to hospitals?”

“They would at least put a sticker of the organization on the package,” I said.

“I’m tired,” my mom said and Sehun and I immediately got off the bed. My mother lay down in bed and I put the covers over her.

“Bye, sleep well,” I said and she wrapped her arm around my neck.

“Bye, Ms. Kim,” Sehun smiled, but my mom pulled him by the arm in her lying down position to give him a hug as well.

We said our final goodbyes and I informed the nurses that she was asleep before Sehun and I headed for the bus.

“I always feel like I’ve been purified after visiting your mom,” Sehun said happily as we sat down at the back of the bus.

I snorted, “Yeah; you, pure.”

“Shut up.”

“Come to my house,” I suggested. “Myungsoo’s got a night shift today, he can drop you off at home before he goes.”

“I don’t know….”

“I’ve got bare chips and Nutella,” I said, nudging him.

Sehun grinned, “I’m so there.”

---

We arrived at my house to find that it was empty, Grandpa was out with his friends (I swear he has more friends and acquaintances than I do).

“I’m raiding your kitchen,” Sehun said, throwing his bag onto the sofa and trudging into the kitchen.

“Raid away,” I said as I turned the TV on to watch a good movie.

Sehun came back with his arms full of chips and chocolate and dumped it on the coffee table.

I ripped open a bag of chips while Sehun went back into the kitchen, probably for bread and Nutella.

“Hurry up! The movie’s starting!” I called, throwing chips in my mouth. “And bring juice!”

Sehun took his time and strolled into the room five minutes later with a nutella sandwich, two glasses, and a large bottle of fruit punch. He slumped beside me, putting everything but his sandwich on the table in front of us.

---

“I am home!” Grandpa announced when he entered. We heard him taking his shoes off and limping into the living room.

Sehun and I greeted him and Grandpa was oh-so-happy that Sehun was here.

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” he exclaimed, giving Sehun a large slap on the back. “You know I bought a fresh tub of Nutella for you? Jongin threw away the old one.”

At that moment, Sehun and Grandpa turned to look at me with unimpressed, accusing eyes.

“It was dry! Who was going to eat that?!”

I don’t even like Nutella, Grandpa only buys it because Sehun likes it.

“Thanks Grandpa, it’s nice to know who really cares about me in this house,” Sehun sniffled. “I ate the Nutella very well.”

“Yeah,” I snorted. “Three sandwiches well.”

Grandpa sat down on the other sofa and smiled in content, “No place like home. Where’s Myungsoo?”

“Upstairs sleeping,” I replied.

“Well you two better go do your homework,” he said, taking the remote. “Don’t want to fail now, do we? Besides my game show is on.”

“Yeah, let’s go,” Sehun stood up and he and I went upstairs to my room. Grandpa never missed his game show, and this was a well-known fact.

“Only math homework, yay,” Sehun said as he settled himself at my desk, looking through his binders and me on my bed, sifting through unorganized papers. We worked through the math problems together, each of our textbooks in front of us so we could keep up with the other.

45 minutes later, we both closed our textbooks in triumph and went downstairs, feeling very proud that we had completed the homework in one shot. We headed straight into the kitchen again, teenage boys’ appetites can never be satisfied, to get another snack.

Myungsoo was in there, drinking his coffee while leaning against the counter and scrolling through his phone.

“Oh, hey Sehun,” he smiled when he saw us.

“Hi, Hyung.”

Sehun called Myungsoo ‘hyung’, I could really see the good version of me in him at these times. He really was like the maknae of our little group, bad, but not as bad as the rest of us.

“Can you drop Sehun off when you’re going to work?” I asked, opening the fridge and handing Sehun an ice cream bar.

“Yeah sure, we leave in ten,” Myungsoo said, putting his coffee cup in the sink.

“Thanks, hyung,” Sehun said and Myungsoo left to get his things.

“You’re so different from me, Sehun, how are we even friends?” I scoffed. But as soon as I said it I knew the answer, maybe because he was the best conscience I could get.

---

Friday morning at school, we were hanging out where we usually did, behind the school by the garages and dumpsters.

“How’s the community service going, boys?” Suho asked, sitting on a recycling bin.

“It’s not,” said Chanyeol, who had been assigned to a music class for pre-teens. He and Baekhyun were playing with a basketball.

“Not surprised,” Suho snickered. “How are the elderly doing, Sehun?”

“Shut up,” Sehun said, pretending to throw his textbook at him from the other recycling bin he was sitting on.

“I love how Kai was assigned to kids, he’s so awkward with them, it’s perfect,” Baekhyun grinned.

I told him to a part of my body that I generally did not display to the public. 

“I’m not awkward with kids,” I scoffed.

“Yeah you are,” all five of them in unison.

“You probably stand around all awkwardly, not talking to anyone,” D.O said, surveying me with amused eyes.

“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes, not confirming or denying what he said.

“So, we ready for tonight?” Suho asked, smirking.

“Ahhh yes, it’s been so long since we did something fun,” Baekhyun said wistfully. They were referring to our latest late night adventure that was scheduled for this evening. I had to admit, I was excited too, it had been quite a while since we went out and did something fun.

“I’ve got some other boys tagging along too,” Suho said. “They’re cool, they’ll help maximize impact.”

“Suho, your other boys are always weirdos-” Sehun started but stopped when he saw Choi walking towards us.

“Alrighty boys, time to wrap up your meetings here,” he said in his unpleasant voice. “This area is off limits now.”

“Says who?” Chanyeol snorted.

“Me,” Choi said grimly. “The VP of this school.”

“Acting like king, and for five minutes,” I said under my breath.

“Would you like to say that a little louder, Jongin?”

“Sure. I said you act like a king and that too, you’ve been for five minutes,” I said, straight forwardly.

“Inside, now,” he said, turning an ugly shade of purple. “And tuck in your shirts, all of you!”

“You heard the man, D.O, tuck in your damn shirt,” Baekhyun said seriously, looking at the one person out of the six of us with his shirt tucked in. My dress shirt couldn’t even be seen, I was wearing a hoodie over it (the same hoodie that Saehee girl had as a matter of fact).

The rest of us laughed loudly and walked past Choi.

He caught up with us and stood in our way right in front of the front entrance.

“Tuck in your shirts now, or into my office,” he said threateningly.  “And Mr. Kim, off with the sweater.”

“Gosh I had no idea we were committing a federal crime that’s causing the general population so much pain,” I said loudly, giving him a hard look.

Choi pressed his lips into a thin line. “All of you inside. And Mr. Kim you can come with me to my office.”

We went inside and I followed him into his office while my friends went to class, I caught a glimpse of Sehun looking at me worriedly.

I followed him to his office and settled myself into the seat opposite his desk. He sat down across from me.

“This big-headed, cocky act you’ve got going on needs to stop,” he said.

I shrugged, “You think it’s cocky, I think it’s unique.”

He slammed his fists on the table.

“I demand respect from you, young man!”

“You’re not really someone to make “demands” of me though,” I yawned and then added gleefully, “You really do act like a king.”

“Detention,” he said at once, obviously today he was in a rather tetchy mood too.

“You’ve already given me detentions, I’m due for another one today, remember?” I sneered. I put my hands together on his desk, “I think we should really sort out this little misunderstanding between us.”

“Which one? The one where you think you can undermine my authority or the one where you think you can get away with whatever you want?”

“Exactly,” I nodded in mock seriousness. “I strongly urge you to let go of this very loose grasp you have on my friends and I, it could end very badly for you.”

“Is that a threat?” his eyes narrowed.

“More like a warning,” I corrected. “You should thank me for telling you that Suho has a bit of a temper, and I’m afraid when it reaches its threshold level, someone always comes off worse. And it’s never Suho.”

“So,” he leaned back in his seat. “You’re warning me about some teenagers whom I’ve already managed to get into volunteer work and put in detention? I assure you Mr. Kim, I can take care of myself. I sure hope you can, because most unfortunately, you are on my bad side.”

“I don’t think it’s me who has a bad side to worry about,” I said, examining my fingers. “Not when at this very moment, Suho and Chanyeol are turning the science hall upside down.”

“What-”

His office phone rang before he could finish asking me what I was talking about and he picked it up, listened, and then hung up. He then surveyed me with curious eyes and I knew that the call had been about Suho and Chanyeol, who I knew had planned to destroy the science hallway today, and also knew that they did it right now instead of later to get me out of Choi’s office.

“I feel that we’ll have another little chat soon,” he said softly, his eyes turning hard again. “Now go to class and take off that sweater.”

I went to class, but didn’t take off my sweater.

---

When I got home from detention that day, Myungsoo was getting ready for work and called me into the kitchen.

“Yeees?” I said, leaning against the doorway frame.

“The school called, your VP to be exact,” he said, looking at me from zipping his bag up on the table.

“Ugh,” I rolled my eyes.

“Kai, you should respect him, he’s your principal,” Myungsoo said.

“He’s annoying and he specifically picks on me,” I said.

Myungsoo shook his head, “He was really unhappy and wanted to talk to Grandpa, but he wasn’t home.”

“Don’t tell him,” I said at once.

“I feel like I should, because your actions are not depicting the way he wanted you to turn out.”

“What’s wrong with me? I’m good to you, aren’t I? And to him,” I said stoutly.

“We’re not the only two people in this world, Kai,” he said quietly. “Neither are your friends, four of whom Grandpa and I do not like.”

“They’re harmless,” I said dryly.

“The man asked you to get into uniform, why couldn’t you just get into uniform?” Myungsoo said exasperatedly.

“Because I didn’t want to,” I shrugged.

“You can’t always do what you want to, this tough guy act needs to stop.”

“It’s not an act, it’s my nature,” I said as calmly as I could though I wasn’t feeling it.

“Why is that your nature?”

“Maybe because my mom’s a drugged up psycho and my dad’s a cowardly scumbag,” I snapped and we both stared at each other for the next minute.

“That’s not an excuse,” Myungsoo said quietly, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “It may have been when you were younger, but you turn 18 in January Kai, it’s time to grow up.”

I turned around and walked out the door once again, leaving me feeling irked in the middle of the kitchen. I’m so tired of people lecturing me wherever I go, telling me I need to change, that I’m not a good person.

Okay, maybe I’m not a good person, but I’m not a bad person. I could be a lot worse.

Suddenly not wanting to be in the house anymore, I walked to the bus stop and took a ride to Sehun and Baekhyun’s area, where there was a park that I liked to hang out at.

I sat down on a swing and looked around the deserted park, kids were still coming home from school but soon enough they would be here.

Sure enough, 15 minutes later kids were climbing slides, going down poles and I made my way towards Baekhyun’s apartment. He lived in a small place by himself, I have no idea how he managed to get his own place when he was underage.

I obnoxiously knocked on the door of his apartment when I got there and he swung the door open.

“Well this is a lovely surprise,” he grinned stupidly.

“Don’t pee your pants now,” I said, inviting myself in as Baekhyun closed the door.

“Sehun’s here too.”

“Sehun is always everywhere but home,” I snorted as we entered the living area and I got a clearer view of Sehun holding a bag of chips watching a movie on the floor in front of the TV, leaning against the coffee table that had snacks all over it.

“Shut up.”

“I feel so special, having the two tall, dark and mysterious seniors of our school in my apartment,” Baekhyun said in mock excitement.

I rolled my eyes while Sehun said, “You should.”

“Why’re you here Kai?” Baekhyun asked, throwing me an apple from the table. “Sehun’s avoiding his old man.”

“Avoiding everyone,” I said, taking a bite of the apple and sitting on a sofa. It was sour at first, but then sweet.

“Good kids, good kids,” Baekhyun nodded. “Ready for tonight?”

“Oh yeah, I need an adrenaline rush,” I said readily. “You have everything?”

“In there,” he nodded towards a bulging gym bag across the room. I felt an odd pleasantness go through me, this evening I would finally be doing something I wanted, without lecture, without force, without being told what to do and how to act.

---

We were breaking into the apartment of some sort of enemy of Suho’s. I didn’t really care who it was, the man had pissed Suho off so his mistake. Apparently, the other guys Suho knew were upset with this person as well.

“You’re sure he’s not home?” Sehun asked as we walked towards the apartment building.

“Yeah, he’s out clubbing,” Suho popped his bubble gum.

“You sure?”

“Don’t worry Sehunnie, I’ll make sure you come out of there in one piece,” Suho slapped the back of Sehun’s neck as we entered the building. Sehun mumbled something about that not being it as we piled into the elevator. Suho pressed the number five on the buttons and the elevator shot upwards.

When we arrived, the doors opened and there were at least ten or fifteen guys in front of us, all matching our description; black clothes, caps over their heads, covering their faces.

“Hey guys,” Suho high fived and greeted the guys, some of whom also knew Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

“This your crew?” one of the guys asked, peering at us from under his hat.

“Not bad,” he nodded in approval. “Now let’s go, Hoshik’s apartment is that way.”

And the guy led all of us to the apartment door of the poor guy who had made the grave mistake of getting on most of the people here’s bad side. A couple of pre -teens passed by us and gave us all scared looks, I suppose a bunch of tall guys dressed in black were kind of intimidating.

We arrived at the front of a door labelled 512, and Suho snorted at the lock on the door.

“Look at this man, didn’t even bother getting a passcode for his apartment,” he smirked and began picking the lock with a pin. Whereas all the other doors had passcode locks on them, this one had a key to open. I had to hand it to Suho, he may not have been smart enough to pass the twelfth grade the first time, but he did know his stuff seeing as in the next moment, the door swung open. All of us were crowded around the apartment, Sehun and I lingering at the back of the crowd.

“Alright ladies, go nuts,” Suho said, throwing the pin aside and crashing a nearby vase onto the floor, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. The guys hooted and screamed while charging into the apartment. Sehun and I followed, Sehun taking out the cans of spray paint from his pocket and handing one to me. We got started on the entrance mirror, writing things like “HOSHIK SHOULD STOP LIVING IN THE 70’S AND GET A NEW LOCK”.

The rest of the guys had already torn apart the kitchen and I heard the flushing of a toilet which meant that they had struck the bathroom as well. Baekhyn was on some guy’s shoulder, throwing open the cabinets of the kitchen and ing the contents onto the floor.

There was so much energy and liveliness in the room, it was crazy; I’m pretty sure at least seven or eight of the guys were high. I left Sehun to go explore the bedroom and joined some guys who were creating havoc in there.

“Bruh, this guy dresses like my Grandpa!” one guy, who was clearly high, screeched. I felt like I was high because he was high and began throwing down all the decorations on the walls.

I went back to the living room where it was already torn apart but I saw some freestanding picture frames on the fireplace mantle that I felt sure Suho wouldn’t appreciate. I grabbed the first among the many pictures and stopped as I stared at it; it was a picture of an old couple. I looked at the next picture and it was of the couple, looking younger with three people who looked like they were in their 20s and resembled the old couple. A third picture of the elderly couple, the people in the second picture looking older, and some little children. Down the mantle, continued pictures of little children and the old couple, no sign of a guy only one or two years older than me.

My stomach churned as realization hit at the exact moment someone yelled, “HOLY !”

I turned and saw the elderly man from the photos, looking very frightened and confused, holding a bag of groceries standing in the area between the entrance and the living room. Through the white plastic I saw the same vitamin drinks that I bought for my Grandpa.

“GO!” the leader of the other group said, and all at once everyone charged out of apartment, knocking over the old man in the process. I saw his mouth move and knew a gasp of pain had escaped him.

“NO!” I burst out unintentionally. “YOU IDIOTS!” No one heard me except perhaps Sehun who was staring thunderstruck at where the man lay on the floor.

I ran towards the man, he was whimpering and shaking, blood coming out of his nose.

“No, I’m sorry-” I said, trying to raise my voice louder than the others but the appearance of the man had made them even louder as they scurried to run out of the apartment.

“KAI! SEHUN! LET’S GO!” Baekhyun yelled and then I became aware of Sehun’s presence around me as well as the fact that the entire building had probably awoken.

But I didn’t move because the man withering on the floor kept me glued to the spot, a strange sensation flowing through me. Familiarity mixed with guilt and a “what-if-this-was-Grandpa” feeling?

However, it wasn’t just that that kept me rooted in my place, it was also the way those helpless eyes were surveying me. A new feeling rose inside of me, a longing to wipe that look off of his face, a need to explain myself so he wouldn’t think of me as a monstrous hoodlum.

The man was looking at me the same way he had been looking at all of us when he first walked in, as though we were untamed animals, and I hated that he was looking at me like that too. I wanted to sit there and assure him he would be okay, that I wasn’t like the others. He was scared and I wanted him not to be –

Someone grabbed me around the scruff of my shirt and half-dragged, half-pushed Sehun and I towards the door.

“No, he’s hurt, we have to go back…” I said, looking over my shoulder to see the old man struggling to get up, still whimpering in pain, and my heart broke.

---

I’m cold, I’m rude, I’m a brat, but I’m not a monster.

---

Damn

I haven't been on aff for months.

I don't know what to say, but I felt like it would be doing you guys an injustice if I updated half-heartedly. So, hopefully maybe by some small miracle you'll like this chapter? 

Since I've been MIA for so long, I'll give you some updates on my life :)

-I graduated high school! Yay!

-I was accepted into great universities and I'm pleased with the outcome of my grades ;)

-I will be starting university in two weeks! So excited and nervous but ready to move on from grade-school.

-I think I've gone through a hefty change since my first story(ies) on aff. I was 15 when I first started on aff and I have to admit, I am so not proud of my work from then and my taste has changed entirely. 

-I haven't wasted my time these past few months, I studied and read quite a few books so hopefully my writing skills have improved.

-I am currently trying to get my driver's license but it ain't working out so well because I don't want to study (I mean in my defense I do enough of that in school).

Leave a comment if ya don't already hate me, I have the next chapter written so I shall post it soon, pinky promise.

Good night! Or day, depending on when you read this :D