Content, a word usually used to describe a happy feeling or a feeling of indescribable satisfaction and comfort.

Content was not what I was feeling as I stood in the playroom, waiting for Mrs. Jang to arrive with the kids next Saturday. I was really regretting having done something so stupid and been caught at that moment, though I could be in a worse situation like poor Sehun who was swimming with old people in a pool.

I was admiring the soles of my shoes when I heard chirpy, chatty, content voices coming towards the room I was situated in.

First came in Mrs. Jang, followed by the two girls and Wookyung and Jaehwa who was holding Saehee’s hand. I took all measures to avoid Jaehwa’s eyes in case I began to lose my mind.

Which I think I was going to do anyway as Mrs. Jang explained to me and Saehee our jobs as the kids played by themselves.

“First, do an introductory circle,” Mrs. Jang said, handing us both a paper that looked more like a to-do essay rather than list. “Then play a word game and the ball game, then musical chairs, and some more things you can find on this paper.”

I looked at the long list of activities and silently groaned, I was beginning to feel very sorry for myself.

“And after that?” Saehee, who didn’t look as miserable as I felt, said cheerfully.

“You clean up and make sure the kids get safely back to their rooms and have everything they need,” Mrs. Jang informed. She looked between us, “Understood?”

We both nodded, though they were very different; my nod was curt and hard while hers was understanding and excited.

Such a weird female.

Mrs. Jang left while Saehee looked up at me with her normal sized, brown eyes. They were very brown, not light, but like a creamy brown and right now they were shining with excitement and hope.

“So, shall we get started?” she asked, giving me a small smile.

“Uh, yeah you can start,” I shrugged as I turned away and walked towards the window ledge that nicely fitted me.

She turned to the kids on the jungle gym and smiled at them, “Hey, guys! Come over here, we’re going to do some fun things today.”

The kids scrambled off the jungle gym, some faster than others. Jaehwa had been sitting on top of a rather small and useless slide and quickly slid down it and was first to sit on the rubber, cushiony mat in the center of the room. The kids sat down in a circle leaving room for two more people to sit (though they had incorrectly judged who would be participating in the activities with them).

Saehee sat down in one spot and then looked expectantly at me while patting the seat beside her. “Come on!”

I shook my head once and she blinked, she was really quite dense when it came to figuring out my excitement and enthusiasm level for this place.

The kids, sensing no movement or sound, all looked over and once again those familiar eyes found their way into mine and a shiver went down my spine. The curious one, Wookyung, was examining me as though he was trying to figure out an extremely difficult puzzle. Haneul took more verbal action, “Kai oppa! Come sit with us!”

The brown eyes that were burning holes in me somehow lured me to the spot beside Saehee and I was gazing uncomfortably at a crease Sara’s pants.

“Okay so, let’s do the introductory circle,” Saehee said. “You have to say your name, age, and something you like and something you dislike.”

“Sounds fun,” Haneul nodded, she had expressed the adjective that was the exact opposite of the one I had in mind.

“I’ll go first,” Saehee smiled. “Well you know my name; Saehee. I’m 16, in grade eleven. I really like food and I don’t like homework.”

Her response earned a few chuckles form the kids, I was thinking she hadn’t been entirely honest with her answer on what she didn’t like but then again what could she say in front of sick kids?

She looked sideways at me, perhaps to suggest that I go next, but then halted when she saw the look on my face. She turned the other way, “You next.”

“My name is Haneul, I’m eight years old and I talk a lot,” she grinned a toothy grin. “I really like talking and I don’t like silence.”

Saehee laughed and ruffled her hair, “Good job, you next Sara.”

The quiet, shy girl, who was still sporting the two pigtails hairstyle spoke in her soft, fragile voice, “My name is Sara, I’m seven and I like making things and I don’t like it when people are mean to me.”

“No one likes mean people Sara, don’t worry, no one here is going to be mean to you,” Saehee reassured before urging Wookyung to introduce himself.

“I’m Wookyung, eight years old. I like to read and analyze things and I don’t like unanswered questions.”

Here I was expecting things they didn’t like to include spiders, crabs, or Chanyeol trying to act cute but these were some deep kids.

“Very nice,” Saehee nodded. “Your turn, Jaehwa.”

The boy looked as though he felt out of place and uncomfortable. Then he spoke in a calm, light voice that captured my ears.

“I’m Jaehwa, eight years old. I like to learn things and I don’t like being cold.”

There’s the childish answer I was expecting from the kids; I suppose this kiddo hasn’t really done a good job with all the learning he seemed so keen to do.

It was much later when I realized that his answer had been the deepest of all.

---

---

They all looked at me next and I couldn’t escape all their annoyingly curious eyes that were on me.

“I’m Kai, 17, I like hanging out with my friends, I don’t like playing games.”

There was a bit of an awkward silence after that and I felt like I shouldn’t have said what I did, but I was just being honest.

Saehee slowly progressed through the rest of the games and activities we were supposed to be doing with the kids. I went back to the window ledge after the stupid introductory circle and pretended to be preoccupied. No one seemed to miss me though. Occasionally, one of the kids would throw me a glance but I closed my eyes as I leaned against the window.

“Why isn’t he playing with us?” Haneul asked finally and under my closed eyelids I felt really irked at this kid that said whatever she wanted.

“He’s going to play with us next week, he’s just watching for today because he hasn’t quite got the grasp of this hospital yet,” Saehee said and I had to acknowledge her lying skills; and if she wasn’t lying she was worryingly naïve.

The games and activities, as we did in training, were boring and didn’t involve much movement. Saehee was laughing and having a good time with the kids, which was good for her I guess.

Lunchtime arrived and we were supposed to give the kids their specified hospital food.

“Let’s go to the cafeteria!” Saehee chimed and she got the kids in a line and I was following them out to go to the cafeteria. I really was having the dullest time of my entire life and I felt like I was slowly being into a black hole.

The cafeteria was empty, it was a little larger than the playroom and there was a long counter separating the eating area and the kitchen that was on the other side of the wall. I could hear voices from the kitchen and the clanging of pots and pans.

 “Sit down, I’ll get you guys something to eat,” Saehee smiled at them after they sat down at a table for four. The boys were sitting opposite the girls. Sara, it seemed, wasn’t very comfortable with them and mainly stuck with Haneul.

I decided that since I had been acting like a lazy, no-good jerk the entire day I could help give the kids some food. I followed Saehee to the opening that led to the kitchen and found a couple of old women cooking and yelling.

“Need more salt in the soup!”

“Get me the oven mits!”

“This is too sweet!”

“Ah, look at this, it’s Saehee!” a loud voice with a bit of an accent yelled excitedly. We looked over and found a rather chubby woman with a full face, wearing a hair net and a big smile walking towards us.

“Hi, Ahjumma!” Saehee greeted. “How are you?”

“Wonderful wonderful, darling, what about you?” she asked, giving Saehee a one armed hug.

“Great thanks,” she smiled and I noticed that it was a bit strained. I held back a laugh as I realized that the old lady was squeezing Saehee so hard that her elbow was being pushed into her chest.

The woman let go of her and I heard Saehee let out a silent but long breath.

“And who is this young man?” she asked, looking me up and down and then proceeding to come to her own conclusions. “About time, Saehee! But I thought you and Daehyun would end up together.”

“Er, no ahjumma,” Saehee laughed, not looking really embarrassed as I expected her to act. “This is Kai, he’s my partner for the activity days on Saturday.”

“Oh okay,” the woman nodded. “So it is you and Daehyun?”

“NO!” Saehee shook her head, chuckling. “Ahjumma, your head is full of weird things.”

“Ah well, I can hope, can’t I?” she laughed. “Alright, take what you need, holler if you need me.”

“Okay,” Saehee smiled and led me to the back to get trays to put the food in. “Let’s do the girls first? I’ll take Sara, you take Haneul?”

“Sure,” I shrugged. Near the trays were baskets of different small snacks and to the left side of the room was where the women were cooking and to the right was where the finished food was going. The counter that held the cafeteria on the other side was opposite to the trays and snacks counter.

“Okay so take two snacks and a drink and then we’ll get the meal from over there,” she pointed to the right side.

I put in a packet of creamed cookies and one of crackers in one of the sections of the tray. Then I put in a juice box of sweetened fruit punch and was waiting for Saehee to finish with her tray before going to the other side of the room. I didn’t want to go by myself because I wasn’t sure how this whole food system worked.

Saehee was taking her sweet time, looking at every package carefully and I bet she was analyzing the nutritional facts too. I mean, this is a hospital, surely there is no such thing as dangerous food?

But judging by the colour of the food, there was such thing as disgusting food. Even the packaged crackers looked unappetizing as I read their salt/sugar free labels. It would appear that they were also taste-free.

After what seemed like an eternity, Saehee added crackers and a packet of fruit gummies along with apple juice.

She stopped in front of me and stared at my tray.

“Is that what you’re getting for Haneul?”

“Yeah,” I replied, not sure why she was staring at my tray as if it contained a bucket of fried chicken and a can of beer.

“Haneul is diabetic, you can’t give her sweetened juice or creamed cookies,” Saehee said. “We’re not supposed to give her anything sweet since we can’t monitor her sugar intake so we just give her normal things. Didn’t Mrs. Jang tell you she was diabetic?”

I vaguely remembered Mrs. Jang explaining all the kids and their problems to me. But there are so many kids how am I supposed to remember each of their damn problems?

“Here,” she took my tray and put hers in my hand. “Put in a sandwich, any kind, and the soup.”

I was actually really annoyed with this know-it-all as I watched her go back and switch my fun snacks with roasted corn and orange juice. I cocked my right eyebrow up as I made my way to the made food side of the kitchen. I threw in a sandwich and poured some soup in a bowl before dropping a spoon in it and putting it between the sandwich and juice. The sandwiches were whole wheat (gross) with vegetables in them.

Saehee joined me and she did the same thing as me, except she gently and neatly put the sandwich and soup in the tray and even mixed the soup once before putting the finished tray on the front counter. I followed her and put my tray there too.

“I’ll do Wookyung, you do Jaehwa,” she said. “Jaehwa was just diagnosed with leukemia so he needs ultra-healthy food.”

“Okay,” I said and I put an apple, granola bar and apple juice in the tray and then threw in a sandwich and the bowl of chicken corn soup. I put the tray on the counter with the girls’ food and waited for Saehee to finish scrutinizing the amount of calories or whatever in the snacks.

“Let’s go,” she said when she stood in front of me and picked the other tray up. I picked the remaining two trays up and followed her to where the kids were sitting. They were all having a conversation, not including Sara of course.

I put Jaehwa and Haneul’s trays in front of them and they didn’t look too pleased with the food. At first I thought maybe I hadn’t done something right but then I saw Sara and Wookyung’s expressions looked the same.

“What’s wrong guys?” Sara asked, looking concerned.

“Is this all they have?” Haneul asked, examining the roasted corn.

“I don’t like grape juice, I like orange juice,” Wookyung said, looking at the juice box with dislike.

“Orange juice isn’t good for you, Wookyung,” Saehee said and I detected the sympathy in her voice. “This is what we had to get you guys, I’m sorry.”

They looked very dejected and unhappy as they began their meal and I felt a tad bit of sympathy for them. It must be hard living off of the no-fun foods, especially at the age where they were supposed to be losing their baby teeth because they ate so many sweets.

I decided to let them eat and sat down at the table behind them while Saehee continued to watch over them. She was taking this job way too seriously.

Is our Jongin actually working today?

I rolled my eyes at Sehun’s text and replied, Yes, he is and he wishes the doctors here would kill him.

, bro. Maybe Jongin shouldn’t have thrown Sungjong off a classroom window.

JONGIN DIDN’T.

Whatever helps Jongin sleep at night :]

Shut up.

Why is Jongin speaking in the third person?

Because Sehun started it.

Oh. Well when do you end? I want to watch a movie.

I end at seven, I’ll meet you at 7:30?

Kay.           

I put my phone away with higher spirits, finally having something to look forward to. Sehun and I hadn’t hung out by ourselves in a while, the two of us would once in a while do something together where we weren’t terrorizing someone, like watching a movie without throwing popcorn at strangers in the theatre.

“All done? Let’s get to your rooms,” Saehee said as she picked their trays up. I stood up too and went to their tables to help clean up. Five minutes later, we were heading out the cafeteria.

“We’ll just both drop them off?” Saehee said, looking at me. I shrugged, “Sure.”

“Jaehwa!” a voice called. We all looked forward and saw a guy walking towards us. He was of average height and had different shades of brown as his hair colour. He was wearing black jeans and a t-shirt under a black jacket and was waving at our group.

“Hyung,” Jaehwa said, and it was the first time I heard relief in his voice as he ran towards the guy.

“How ya doing, buddy?” the guy ruffled his hair as Jaehwa caught up to him. We neared them and the guy looked at Saehee with a large smile on his face.

“Hey Saehee,” he said with twinkling eyes.

“Hiya, Daehyun oppa,” she smiled back.

I, for one, had never heard anyone say ‘Hiya’, hiya sounded like a word that was born in and should have stayed in the sixties.

“You’ll take Jaehwa?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he nodded and in an undertone added, “The doctors want to see him.”

Saehee nodded and then held her hand out to Jaehwa, “Bye, kiddo! I hope you had fun today.”

Jaehwa high fived her and gave her what I knew was a rare smile. I awkwardly looked away and pretended to be occupied with a poster on anemia that was on the wall beside me.

“Saehee, I’ll call you in a bit, yeah?” Daehyun said as he held Jaehwa’s hand.

Saehee nodded and the two, brothers I suppose, left in the nearby elevator. I accidentally met eyes with the kid again just before the doors of the elevators closed and was once again startled.

There’s something about that kid that gets to me.

---

---

We dropped the rest of the kids off in their rooms. Their parents or guardians or siblings had been waiting for them and thanked the two of us for playing with them. Saehee actively said goodbye to the kids while I just stood off to the side.

After that we were separated, no complaints there, to run different errands around the hospital. It was quite annoying really, being the hospital busboy and I only did the work because Mrs. Jang was on my tail the entire time.

It seemed like it had been a millennium before seven o’clock arrived and I was heading towards the movie theatre to meet up with Sehun.

I called Grandpa as I stood on the bus, he liked it when I gave him updates on where I was.

“HELLO?”

He always spoke loudly when he first picked up the phone, I suppose maybe because he wanted to make sure the person on the other end could hear him.

“Grandpa,” I said. “I’m done at the hospital, I’m going to the movies with Sehun.”

“Sehunnie?” Grandpa repeated. “Oh okay, have fun. Bring me some vitamin drinks.”

“Kay,” I said. “See you.”

“Mhmm.”

I hung up and put my phone in my pocket. Grandpa had always liked Sehun, he always thought of Sehun as an innocent little boy. Technically, Sehun was because of his soft heart and proneness to swaying, but he also wasn’t considering all the crap he did with our friends.

 When I got off the bus and into the theatre I found Sehun waiting by the ticket line, looking at the movies we could watch.

“Sup,” I hit his arm when I walked over. “Anything good?”

“Chick flicks-”

“Gross.”

“Sci-fi-”

“Had enough of that from grade nine.”

“Mystery-”

“The mystery ends up being something stupid.”

“Horror-”

“Ding ding ding, we have a winner,” I said and Sehun laughed and nodded.

“I’ll get the tickets, you get food,” Sehun said.

“Kay, meet you in front of the snacks place,” I said and he nodded before getting in line.

As I stood in line for popcorn, candy, and drinks, deciding what to order and remembering that Sehun didn’t like popcorn, someone tapped my shoulder.

I turned around and was staring at a boy with square glasses and an unpleasant expression on his face.

 “You’re Kai, aren’t you?” he asked. He looked familiar, I felt like I had seen him before.

“Yes, I am,” I replied, not unused to this kind of thing. There were many people who knew me but I didn’t know back.

“Hoya,” the guy said and then I recognized him. He went to our school and was a total geek.

“Nice to know.”

“I’m a friend of Sungjong’s,” he said and I tried not to look too tired.

“That’s also nice to know,” I said even though in reality I didn’t really care.

“I think it was really low of you to have Sungjong do something like that. He hurt himself really badly,” Hoya said, a frown forming on his face.

“It wasn’t just me,” I stated. “And we didn’t force Sungjong to come with us.”

He squinted his eyes at me, “Sungjong’s really naïve and you took advantage of that to have a laugh.”

“It wasn’t just me,” I repeated, annoyed that the blame was only being pinned on me.

“So? You could have stopped it, you know it was a stupid thing to do,” Hoya said.

“I don’t need a lecture from you, buddy,” I said, my anger rising at the fact that this nerd was trying to discipline me.

“Well you obviously need it from someone considering you’re such a cowardly bag,” Hoya snapped.

This guy just got on the wrong side of me.

“You wouldn’t say if Suho was with me, would you? How do you know he’s not buying the tickets? Should I call him? Do you want to end up in a hospital bed next to Sungjong?”

“You guys are all the same, get a life,” Hoya said, looking disgusted. “You need to change before you get yourself into some real .”

He threw me a dirty look and then walked away, leaving me boiling with anger.

---

I hate it when people call me names I don’t deserve; I hate it when people try to lecture me, especially if they’re someone unimportant.

You can’t change at my age, with my experiences in life. I am who I am now, it’s too late to change or learn different values and morals. If I’m a ty person now, I’m going to stay as a ty person, there’s no changing it. I’m a cold-hearted delinquent for life.

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Hello~

I tried to write a long chapter since I don't update that much.

Hope you like the story! Leave a comment:)