Minseok knows the change started some time back when they were in high school. At first he did not put any thought into it, but as everything progressed and their relationship turned into a more than friends but less than lovers state, he’s distressed to say the least.

It started with the skinship. Luhan’s naturally touchy even with all their friends but when it comes to Minseok, he becomes extremely touchy. From holding his arms, to putting an arm around his shoulder to even giving him back hugs from time to time, all of these Minseok sees. Minseok is definitely not naive to not notice the changes.

At first he dismissed it as Luhan just being clingy but as months passed, a clingy Luhan became a part of his daily life. He’s been asked by some of his friends secretly if there’s something going on between them but Minseok simply shakes his head with a smile.

He’s not naive and he’s definitely not stupid. He knows there’s more into Luhan’s actions but he’s also not delusional. He does not want to assume things because he does not want to be disappointed so he just lets Luhan have his way and continue in this strange relationship they have. He does not want to think that Luhan has more than platonic feelings for him unless he hears it straight from Luhan’s mouth.

However here comes Minseok's dilemma. What if Luhan does say something to him? What would he respond? “Thanks?” 

Minseok always stop his thoughts whenever this appears on his head though. He doesn’t want to dwell into it too much when Luhan himself is not saying anything. He needs assurance, a tangible one, for the gears in his mind to start working. 

He doesn’t expect but he hopes.

But then comes the end of senior year of high school, he gets his proof in a way. He was outside Luhan’s apartment, about to ring the bell when he hears raised voices.

"I don’t get you young man! You know your father’s contract is bound to end this year and we’ve been planning to move back to Beijing once you graduate. Why are you now so insistent in staying here?" Minseok recognizes the voice as Luhan’s mom.

"I already applied for a university here and I passed. I want to study in their dance program!" Luhan retorts, voice a bit calmer but nonetheless loud enough.

"There are also a lot of prestigious dance schools in China! Why don’t you consi—"

"I can’t leave Minseok!" Minseok hears Luhan blurt out. He’s stunned to hear his name in the conversation. He was actually about to step back and return to the building’s lobby and just come back a few minutes later but now, he’s curious more than ever. He knows it’s rude to eavesdrop but he cannot suppress his curiosity.

However, he fails to understand more of it as they start talking in Mandarin. He hears Luhan’s mother’s faltering and soft voice a few minutes after. Minseok assumes it's a sign that she gave in to Luhan’s decision. 

He waits for ten more minutes before he rings the bell. 

Luhan grabs his hand upon seeing him and closes the door before pulling him towards the elevator. They continue walking with Luhan still holding Minseok’s hand even when they got outside the building. 

Minseok remains silent, not knowing what to do or how to react. He steals a glance at Luhan’s face and wince at the slight grimace he saw. They end up at a nearby park which is pretty crowded since it’s a weekend.

Luhan chooses a relatively secluded place below a large tree. It’s slightly hidden from most of the people’s view but anyone who passes by the tree would definitely see them. 

Luhan takes a seat and rests his back on the tree trunk. Minseok is about to sit beside him when Luhan grasps his arm and guides him to sit in between his legs, slightly pulling Minseok’s shoulders towards him so the older would rest on Luhan’s chest.

Minseok blushes and gulps at the thought of how intimate this looks like for two people who are supposedly friends but he complies. Why he did, he’s not too sure. Maybe he wants to just do what Luhan wants because he knows the younger feels bad but an inner voice in him is saying it’s much more than that.

Luhan further puts them in a more compromising position when he hugs Minseok’s waist from the back. This triggers an alarm within Minseok. He frantically looks if there’s someone looking at them and was about to tug the male’s arms off when he hears a sniff. He feels Luhan settling his head on his nape and he hears more sniffing. He gathers Luhan’s arms around him and secures it around him more tightly. He doesn’t know what is going through Luhan’s mind but what’s going through his is clear.

'Boundaries be damned. Luhan just fought his way just to stay here even if it's probably out of his comfort zone. What's a few weird glances thrown their way if it's for Luhan's sake?'

That day Minseok decided he just won’t take and take what Luhan gives to him. He willingly starts to reciprocate and thus the beginning of their more bizarre relationship.

***

Minseok does not get too shocked anymore when some of their friends ask him more questions. He just smiles and dismisses the questions thrown his way. Sometimes he wants to strangle them and shout at them to ask Luhan instead but he suppresses the urge. He’s not that ready to face disappointment. He’s too afraid of rejection.

And yes, however Minseok thinks about it, he’s developed feelings for the younger. Whether it’s plain adoration, a crush or even love, he’s not too sure himself. He just lets the river flow and continues his affectionate interactions with Luhan despite some raised eyebrows from people who do not know them. If Luhan doesn’t seem bothered, why would he be?

And so he ignores bewildered looks during their freshman year. Ignores the whispers caused by Luhan dropping him in front of his classroom, ignores the raised brows whenever Luhan hugs him in public and ignores their friends’ snickers when Luhan feeds him in the cafeteria. He also ignores the fact that his roommate, Yixing, may be weirded out by them.

He’s awfully relieved when Yixing does not bat an eyelash when Luhan cuddles with him when they’re watching a movie in their dorm room. Yixing just smiled when he first asked permission if Luhan could sleep over. He’s grateful Yixing does not blurt out the question Minseok knows is at the tip of his tongue. He’s thankful because as much as he wants to say a “yes” he knows the real answer is no.

***

Minseok begs to argue whenever Chanyeol whispers to him on how Luhan looks so whipped and lovesick. He wants to counter it because he knows he’s not any better (in the assumption that Luhan really is whipped) but he stays silent.

He wants to ask Chanyeol badly if Luhan mentioned anything about the two of them but he doesn’t. He’s still afraid. Afraid that his hope will be crushed. 

Instead he basks on Luhan’s attention and touch. He never pulls away whenever Luhan intertwines their fingers. He never shrugs Luhan’s arms off whenever he puts it on his shoulders nor does he stop Luhan from babying him too much. He will never admit it out loud but he likes having Luhan’s attention very much.

He likes it whenever Luhan helps him carry his books, whenever the male brings him coffee, whenever he invites him to the movies with just the two of them. It sounds stupid but Minseok lets himself daydream and pretend.

***

When Luhan started sleeping over at his house back in high school, he was flabbergasted. They are not really close yet during that time but he relents. However, he puts a barrier between them by not allowing him to sleep on his bed. He reasons it’s because he feels uncomfortable and it’s partially true save for the part that he’s sure Luhan would be too touchy and cuddly while they were sleeping. 

However, he kind of regrets putting that barrier when he realized his feelings. Maybe he had already looked at the younger at a different way even back then that’s why he did that. Maybe he’s too preoccupied by that baby face and large eyes and he’s too scared he will admit the physical attraction he felt for the other. That is why settles for looking. 

Whenever Luhan sleeps on their dorm room’s floor he’s tempted to say that Luhan can sleep on his bed but is too wary of how Yixing might feel if he does so. He does not want to push Yixing’s boundaries too much. The male might be quiet and continously patient and far from being prying but Minseok knows all people have limits. He’s still not ready to answer any question especially from Yixing who seems to see through his thoughts despite his attempts at hiding it.

So whenever Luhan’s light snoring floods their room, he settles for staring. He’s near but not near enough. Minseok doesn’t care if he loses some sleep time, this limited time of freely looking at Luhan’s face is more important. Just as how other situations when Luhan thinks he’s not looking.

Situations such as him sneaking some time to glance at the other when they’re in the library. Whenever he feels Luhan’s stare on him he feels conscious and he feels the urge to stare back. So he makes excuses such as getting a new book just so he could look at him through the small gaps in the bookshelves.

Minseok always looks. He’s just good at hiding it.

***

In this friendship (or whatever the heck this is), Luhan’s not the only one who is possessive. Minseok’s just better when it comes to handling his emotions, careful not to show his jealous side whenever Luhan befriends other people. He enjoys Luhan’s attention but he’s not too selfish as to proclaim all of it as his. That’s why he’s surprised to find himself still a tiny bit irked by the fact that Luhan has been spending more time with someone not so close to him.

Since Shixun or Shihoon or whatever his real name is (he knows it’s Sehun but he’s annoyed so whatever) enrolled in their university and Yixing got Luhan’s help to assist the younger boy, he finds that their hangout time is decreasing and he’s not the least bit thrilled about it. 

He’s used being with Luhan almost 24/7 that this sudden shift makes him heave heavy sighs whenever he’s alone. It didn’t bother him at the beginning because everything’s just usual. Luhan slips away for a bit from time to time to help Sehun when he’s lost somewhere around Seoul. Minseok even found it endearing whenever Luhan goes out of his way to help him but he must admit, he felt bad at what happened the last time last week. He still feels stupid for actually waiting for Luhan to fetch him even if several hours already passed.  He knows he should not be and it’s a minor screw-up which they don’t really have any control of. He also knows he has no right to monopolize Luhan’s time.

That’s why he hinted to Luhan that he could hang out with anyone he pleases. Saying “you don't need to always be around me” is something he means but he still feels bad. Because no matter what, he wants being with the other male. Even if it’s just sitting in a library and doing their class requirements, it’s simple things like that that Minseok treasures greatly.

Moreover he’s so annoyed at himself. He keeps popping questions such as “Why didn’t he even try to call me?” or “Why did he have to take what I said so seriously? or the most annoying ones like “Why does he have to spend so much time with Sehun?",  "Is Sehun his new best friend now?", "What happened to Minseok being his favorite person?” 

Minseok knows he’s jealous, he admits. He just feels so angry and irked and confused as to why he is when every question is so trivial and all the negative thoughts swirling inside his head are baseless. 

It’s only been a week but Minseok tries not to show he’s affected. He’s all smiles whenever he sees Luhan around. He does not want to be such a baby that frowns and whines when he doesn’t get his much-needed attention. He does not want Luhan to hang out more with him out of guilt that Minseok is sad or whatever. And so he pretends.

***

It’s Friday and he’s eating some snacks with Chanyeol and Yixing at a bench. It’s late afternoon and they’re enjoying the weather as they munch on their cookies and sandwiches. Minseok’s genuinely enjoying himself but he cannot help but display a straight face when Sehun approaches them.

"Yixing-ge!" Sehun greets then gives a small bow towards Minseok and Chanyeol. "Hello Minseok-hyung! Chanyeol-hyung!"

"Where are you off to?" Yixing asks the youngest, eyeing his wardrobe that’s a little bit formal.

"A gallery. Some friends invited me," Sehun answers.

"Friends?"

"Yep. Jongdae-hyung and Joonmyun-hyung," Sehun supplies. The worried lines on Yixing’s face disappear upon hearing the name of Sehun’s companies.

"Oh, enjoy yourself then."

"I will," Sehun says then adds "Oh, Minseok-hyung, did Luhan-hyung already got his phone back?"

Minseok sends a confused look to the younger.

"Huh? Did he lost it?" Minseok asks. Luhan still sends some messages to him from time to time though.

"Didn’t you know? His phone fell on the water fountain last week."

"Last week? When?" Minseok asks, an assumption building up within him.

"Uh…thursday I think?"

That was the day he waited for Luhan in the library. 

"But he’s still texting and calling me."

"Ah, that must be his spare phone. He bought a really cheap one the next day," Sehun explains. 

Minseok nods and drifts out of the conversation. The next thing he knows, Sehun’s a few feet away from them and waving them goodbye.

The information he just heard got one thorn out of his chest. But the realization that he only came to know of these things, much more from another person, is a bigger thorn that’s stuck in his throat. 

***

Minseok tries to concentrate for the past hour or so but he ultimately fails. He’s not even certain if he’s really highlighting the important things anymore. His mind is filled with Luhan, Luhan, Luhan.

He’s relieved to know that it was not really Luhan’s intention to make him wait the other day but now he feels guilty for doubting Luhan. He feels like he’s looking into things too much and that leads to him assuming things that he knows Luhan would never do. This gap between them, however small, is his fault and there’s no other way around it. He was the one who questioned and pushed Luhan away in the subtlest way possible. His head is starting to ache with all the negativity in his mind and he knows he’ll get no work done.

He’s about to torture himself from more self-blaming when he hears a knock on the door.

He’s very surprised to see Luhan on the other side but he doesn’t let it show. Instead, he greets the younger like usual and lets him in.

"Wrong timing?" he hears the younger ask while he gathers his things.

"Not really, I was actually about to call it a night. My head’s aching," he laughs as he puts his books on one corner and drops his highlighters in a mug pen holder.

He’s surprised to suddenly see Luhan already beside him when he turned around.

"Your head hurts? Do you need some medicine? I can get some for you I have them in my room," Luhan offers.

Luhan pulls him a bit to face him then the younger male puts his thumbs on either of his temples. Minseok fights against a shiver as he relishes on Luhan’s touch.

"Don’t worry, just a very mild headache. Nothing a good sleep can’t heal," Minseok says but he doesn’t shrug the hands off his face. He just feels Luhan pushing him until the back of his knees hits the bed and he takes that as a cue for him to sit down. Luhan sits beside him almost immediately and resumes what he was doing.

"It feels good," Minseok closes his eyes. He fears he might get too shaken at the sight of Luhan’s face so close to his.

He hears Luhan hum and he swears he missed the other boy so much. They still see each other, yes. But the fact that Luhan doesn’t touch him as much he always does took a toll on Minseok’s sanity that even this slight skinship makes his heart beat so fast and breaths short.

When he deems himself stable enough, he opens his eyes to find Luhan gazing at the floor.

"You okay? You’re so quiet," Minseok jokes as he grins.

"I’m okay. I just missed you Seok-ah," he hears Luhan say. The warmth and pressure in his temples is suddenly gone replaced by the secured feeling of being in Luhan’s arms. He breathes a sigh of relief when he feels Luhan nuzzling his neck. This is familiar to Minseok. This, he will never get tired of.

Minseok likes to pretend and right now he’s pretending. He’s thinking that they’re a couple sharing a sweet moment together after not seeing each other for a long time. He chuckles when he hears Luhan sniffing his neck. It’s weird but he finds it cute so he hugs Luhan back.

"We see each other everyday though. We even ate lunch together earlier," Minseok says, trying to pull himself from his fantasy but he’s failing miserably as he automatically puts his chin on top of Luhan’s head who’s now resting on his chest.

Luhan murmurs something that he does not understand.

"What did you say?"

"I said I don’t care, I still miss you," Luhan pulls away for a second to repeat what he said before settling on him again.

Minseok is definitely praying to all magical beings that Luhan does not feel the way his heart is beating faster by the second right now.

"Hmmm, so soft," Luhan murmurs.

"Tch, sometimes I think you’re just using me as your personal pillow," Minseok teases, hitting Luhan on his lower back lightly with his right hand.

Luhan shakes his head in protest and declares how he’s much better than all of other pillows out there and he wants to bury his face in any pillow right now because everything’s just rainbows and butterflies and fluffy and mushy and—

He cannot stifle his yawn, after all he’s a bit tired.

"You should sleep Seok-ah. Here, I’ll massage your temples so you can sleep better," Luhan offers. 

"You sleeping over?" Minseok asks once he’s all ready for his good night sleep.

"Hmm, of course. I can’t let my best friend lose some sleep over some pesky headache," Luhan replies waking Minseok up from his daydream and effectively cutting him from all his pretensions. He blinks to stop himself from tearing up and he forces a smile. Best friends. Right, they are best friends. 

"I shall sleep now then," Minseok says.

"You should," Luhan taps Minseok’s right cheek lightly before proceeding to massage the elder’s temples.

 
***
It's Monday morning and Minseok's walking aimlessly along their dorm corridors, taking his time to go outside the building where Luhan is waiting for him.

Minseok still feels guilty about Luhan’s small bruise on his head but he really cannot take all the blame when he’s so shocked seeing Luhan’s face so close to him first thing in the morning. It’s just instinct that worked and a second after, he just realized that he kicked the poor boy out of his bed.

Nonetheless, it was Luhan who apologized to him nonstop for accidentally sleeping on his bed.

His gaze breaks when he sees Sehun in his view, waving to him from the end of the hallway. The boy is adorable, he’ll give him that. Maybe that’s why he really can’t be annoyed at him.

They meet somewhere in the middle and only now does he see that Sehun has company.

"Minseok-hyung hello!" Sehun hugs him lightly, bright smile never fading.

"Hello Sehun-ah," he greets back in return.

"Oh, hyung let me introduce you. This is my roommate Jongdae-hyung!" Sehun gestures to his right and he sees a slightly stunned male who’s kind of staring at him. 

He fights the blush that creeps on his cheeks but anyone who is being stared at by a handsome male would definitely redden on the spot, regardless of or gender.

Sehun clears his throat in an exaggerated way to get Jongdae’s attention.

"Oh, hi Minseok-ssi, I’m Jongdae," the man says in his smooth voice as he bows towards the elder.

"Nice meeting you, I’m Minseok and you can just call me Minseok-hyung," Minseok smiles.

"Hyung? But I think I’m older than you."

"He’s a junior Jongdae-hyung," Sehun supplies as he smirks. Jongdae turns to him in bewilderment before looking at Minseok again.

"Really?"

He gets a nod from Minseok as an affirmative.

"Wow. You look even younger than Sehun."

"Yah!" Sehun protests, nudging Jongdae by the arm. Jongdae pushes back jokingly as they share a short laughter.

Minseok looks away and suddenly finds the wall interesting when he catches Jongdae blatantly staring at him. 

Now this, is something he doesn’t think he could get used to. 

Hello! Now this is kind of Minseok's POV and it's a bit long since I compressed a lot of info. I hope you enjoyed reading it though.

Btw, if you happen to spot any typos, grammar errors and contradicting situations then please inform me. I proofread my posts but I don't get to see every error so your help would be greatly appreciated. 

Many thanks to new subscribers, comments and upvotes!