Have you ever met someone who has such a beautiful smile and bright eyes? That person is always full of smiles and laughter and you have never seen them cry. You look up to them greatly and wonder how someone could be so unaffected with life. You have always thought that good things happen to them and you wish that you could become like them. You wish you have a good life like they do.

However, one day, you find out the truth about that person and the image that has been carved into your mind about him has shattered. You have always thought of him as a cheerful person, as someone who has never gone through any kind of hardship, as someone who has an easy life. But then you find out that that is simply a façade. The person that you have always looked up to as a star is actually broken and scarred. Behind those bright eyes, there lies pain. A lot of pain. The kind of pain that you will never be able to understand unless you have gone through it before.

That is how Kyungsoo honestly feels about Jongdae. He has always looked at his favourite singer with adoration and admiration. Jongdae is kind and full of mischief on television. He puts up a brave front and never lets anything affect him. Kyungsoo would never have guessed that he has been before. He would never have thought that Jongdae had gone through a trauma in his life.The thought that Jongdae was actually badly abused before would never have crossed his mind.

"But I can tell you that what happened was really horrible and Jongdae almost lost his beautiful smile because of that." Baekhyun's words ring in his ear. Kyungsoo knows that what happened when Jongin was twelve had something to do with Jongdae too. He has never known that it was that mortifying. He has always thought that Jongin was the one who received the worse end of things because of his mental illness. He thought that Jongin was the one who went through the traumatising incident. Well, what happened to Jongin was traumatising too but Jongin was only a spectator. The one who went through the pain was surely the one who was supposed to be more traumatised.

Kyungsoo wonders why Jongin was the one who developed another personality instead of Jongdae. He wonders how Jongdae managed to get on with his life after going through all the pain. If he were in his favourite singer's shoes, he does not think he would be able to get over it. He has a thousand questions going through his mind right at this moment as he looks at Jongdae intently while sitting on the sofa at the living room but he does not have enough guts to voice them out loud. Well, you do not just ask sensitive questions to people. That is just plain rude.

But maybe, Baekhyun was right. Jongin was much younger than Jongdae when that incident happened so it is understandable that Jongin is the one who is not able to let go. Jongdae was more mature than Jongin was at that time so maybe he was able to deal with it better.

"Jongin said that he already told you briefly about what happened when he was twelve," Jongdae utters casually with a small smile on his face. "Is that why you're staring at me like that?"

Again, Kyungsoo wonders how the singer is able to bring up the subject in a carefree manner like it does not affect him at all. "Like what?" he asks instead.

A small smile forms on Jongdae's kitten-like lips and he shrugs nonchalantly. "Like I'm not a human being. Like I'm abnormal. Like I have two heads," he replies in a half-joking tone.

Unable to stop himself, Kyungsoo smiles slightly at that. He lets out a small sigh before shaking his head. "I'm sorry if you feel offended by my stare. I didn't mean to do that," he apologises sincerely. "I was just wondering how you managed to get on with your life easily."

The bright light in Jongdae's eyes dims a little bit at Kyungsoo's statement and the psychology major feels panic rise in his chest. Did he say something wrong? He is afraid of offending the guy in front of him. He does not want to hurt Jongdae's feelings. It is then Dr. Wu Yifan's advice flashes in his mind. The professional psychiatrist told him and Zitao that they should not treat mentally ill patients like they are fragile. But how is he supposed to do that when it is just human's nature to be careful around broken people?

"Maybe I've never gotten over it," Jongdae says with no trace of emotion in his voice. His tone is flat, almost like he is holding himself back from bursting out. "Maybe the incident haunts me in my dreams every single night. Maybe I can still feel the ghost of his touches on my body. Maybe I can still remember what happened vividly. Maybe that ing incident is still imprinted in my mind and I still think about it every single day of my life." At the end of his sentence, his voice rises slightly and Kyungsoo immediately regrets his earlier words.

The university student opens his mouth to say something but Jongdae cuts him off, "Just because I act like I'm okay, like everything is perfectly fine, like I'm so goddamn happy, doesn't mean I am." By this time, tears have already formed in his eyes. It is then Kyungsoo realises how broken Jongdae actually is beneath his bright eyes and cheerful smile.

"I'm sorry," the psychology major whispers softly, not knowing what else to do.

The singer blinks back his tears fiercely before smiling his usual kind and beautiful smile. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have burst out like that," he says quietly. Before Kyungsoo is able to protest, Jongdae continues, "You should probably talk to Jongin now. I'll be fine. I have Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Jongin only has Sehun."

***

​Kyungsoo trudges upstairs to head to the direction of Jongin's bedroom with a heavy heart. He feels guilty for making Jongdae snap earlier. He did not mean to do that. He was simply curious about how Jongdae dealt with the incident. He has never expected that Jongdae is still affected by it. It is then he knows that he should not judge a book by its cover. Everyone has their own demons to fight and chase down. Each and every single person on this little planet called earth has gone through a lot of pain. Sometimes, the pain is well hidden by a mask. A mask so carefully put on that it is rare for anyone to see what lies behind that mask.

Letting out a small sigh, Kyungsoo opens the door to Jongin's room. He feels slightly surprised as soon as he sees Sehun in the room. The last time he saw Sehun was during the time they talked about why Jongin wanted to commit suicide. No one acknowledges his presence as soon as he lets himself in the room. It is then he notices that Sehun's eyes are bloodshot like he has been crying. Jongin is patting his best friend's back soothingly.

The psychology major awkwardly sits at the small couch on the corner of Jongin's room and takes out his laptop from his sling bag. This project is due in a few days' time and he still has not started his Powerpoint slides and his report is still unwritten. He decides to write the report first since it is much easier as he only has to analyse Jongin's character in it. He has done this multiple times with Zitao while watching television. They would analyse everyone who appears on the screen from the way they act as a practice.

Kyungsoo ignores the two and begins writing his report. Initially, he thought that Sehun would wipe his tears and decide to leave the room as soon as Kyungsoo entered but he thought wrong. Sehun continues to cry like there are only him and Jongin in the room. The psychology major feels like he is invading their privacy but since none of them tells him to leave, he decides to stay here and mind his own business.

"It hurts, Jongin," Sehun whimpers softly. "It really does."

"I know. I know it does," Jongin replies quietly. "Breakups always hurt. You'll get through this, okay? You'll be able to forget him."

The university stops writing his report and looks at the two best friends curiously. He bites his lower lip. He should not be doing this right now. He should not be eavesdropping on this private conversation. Just as he is about to close his laptop and leave, Jongin shakes his head no, indicating that it is okay for him to stay. Kyungsoo feels bad about it but he decides to do as he is told.

"I thought Luhan would understand," Sehun chokes out between his sobs. "I thought he would understand that I just want to try to be a good friend. I thought he would understand that I want to be there for you. I thought he would understand but why?"

Jongin lets out a small impatient sigh but he hides it by trying to comfort his best friend. Kyungsoo shakes his head in slight amusement. He can see that Jongin feels uncomfortable with being in this situation but there is nothing he could do about it except to face it.

"Nobody likes to be neglected, Sehun," the patient tells him softly. "It hurts to be neglected. No matter how much you love someone, how much you would do everything for them and how you are willing to give up everything in your life for them, it still hurts to be neglected. Sometimes, you have to leave what is hurting you in order to make you feel better. Sometimes, it is better to let things go even though you would end up losing the person who means the world to you. Sometimes, we have to have enough self-respect for ourselves so that we would not be treated like . You hurt Luhan. It is understandable why he broke up with you. If you still love him, chase after him. Apologise. Tell him to give you another chance and make sure you treat him better. Fight for him, Sehun."

Sehun smiles bitterly at that. "If I do that, I would neglect you instead. I don't want to do that. Not anymore," he responds.

Jongin just shrugs nonchalantly. Then, with a small smile, he says, "As long as you visit me three to four times a week, I'm good." He turns to look at Kyungsoo directly in his eyes, causing shivers to run down the university student's spine. "Besides, I've got Kyungsoo here to keep me company, right?"

Kyungsoo feels a little bit surprised at his patient's statement. Well, since this is Jongin and not Kai, it should not be much of a surprise. Sehun turns around to look at him for affirmation. The psychology major nods his head yes even though deep down, he cannot help but think that he only has three days left with Jongin.

Only three days.

Kyungsoo lets out a small sad sigh.

Only left with three chapters. Damn, I feel sad that this story is ending soon enough.