Kris POV: 

Well, Hello. My name is Kris Wu. I'm 18 years old and currently attending Exo High School. I live with my single father. My mom died when I was 15. He blamed me for it. Ever since that day he abuses me, to remind me what a failure and murderer I am. I can clearly remember the day it happened. My mom wanted to go to the shop quickly. But since we lived in a rather dangerous province she told me to go with her. That's what I did. Dad was at work. I didnt want her to go alone. Just as we wanted to cross the street, a black car stopped in front of us. Tall, muscular guys stepped out and walked towards us. I instantly stepped in front of my mother to protect her. But one of the guys easily pushed me away. I watched how those man killed my mother. They stabbed her in front of my eyes and I couldnt do anything. They placed her dead body near a wall. By the time I was able to get near my mom, the guys were already gone.  I called for help and tried to wake up my mom. But she wouldnt wake up. The last thing I remembered were people trying to touch me before I passed out.

I awoke in the hospital the next day. They already contacted my dad. But he never came to visit me. I had to stay in the hospital for 3 days. I apparently hit my head when one of those man pushed me away from my mom. I cried my eyes out 3 days straight. My dad didnt even pick me up from the hospital 3 days later. So I ended up taking the bus. 

As soon as I stepped into the house I was greated with my dad being drunk. He kept yelling at me, how it was my fault, how I should have done anything.How I killed her by not protecting her good enough.That was the first time he layed his hand on me.After that day, it began a routine to get beaten up. 

So a year later he lost his job. We moved from China to Seoul. I had a hard time when I first came here. I couldnt speak any korean. In school people laughed at me. From the beginning I entered that school, I wasnt liked.

A month later, dad had me. He came into my room on a sunday night. He reeked of alcohol. I wanted to vomit. He lay down next to me and began touching me where I didnt want to be touched. Not by him at least. He told me he'll make me feel good. He started kissing me and touching my private part. I begged him to stop.But he wouldnt. By the time he managed to fully undress me, I was already a crying mess.

He didnt even prepare me.He just shoved his inside me.When I screamed he slapped me and told me to shut up.He said "A doesn't deserve anything else than pain" And I believed him. 

The next day in school I was limping.Noone cared tho. They laughed at me. Some guy even said I limp because I am gay and probably got ed to hard.Well it was partly true. I did get ed too hard by my own father. But I wasnt gay.Not yet...

it was 3 months later when the kingka's, Sehun, Lay, Kai, Suho, Luhan , Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Xiumin , Chen , Tao and Kyungsoo, laid their eyes on me. Not in a good way.  They found out I was falling in love with Chanyeol. Yes I fell in love with a guy. I became gay. I kept a diary back then. Kai found out and read every entry out loud at lunch. People laughed and insulted me.Chanyeol came up to me and threw his spaghetti at me,staining my uniform.I was beaten up by my dad for staining my uniform. 

a year passed and I was now 17.Nothing changed. Even tho I was bullied and abused, I kept my grades to straight A's. I was not only a , but also a nerd. 

I clearly remember it. The first time I took a blade to my wrist. I came home from school , again after getting food thrown at me. My dad beat me up of course. Like always. But this time he said something he never said before. He said something which broke my tiny heart completely.

" I wish you were dead" 

Thats what he said. I've had enough that day. All the emotions I kept hidden began coming out and I started crying loudly.I never learned about self harm. I never heared of it. I went into the kitchen and took a knife. I ran back into my room and locked the door. That day 3 red lines appeared on my left wrist.

Now im 18 and it would be a lie to say that my life got better. It got even worse. Not onky my dad, but also the whole school was against me. When my dad found out I was gay he me.He said "You like it when daddy s you deep,right you ?" He was wrong.It disgusted me so much and I spent 3 hours under the shower, trying to get clean. He beat me up aswell.He said I deserve it. A deserve to be beaten. But this time I was sure he broke something when I felt my ribs crack.

The next day in school I could barely stay awake. I havent slept all night, my chest hurt as and my arm stung from the new deep cut I had made before class started.I sat at the back of my class and pulled the hoodie over , trying to hide my hideous self, I didnt pay attention to class. In my chair, I pulled my too skinny legs to my chest and hugged them.Dad said I dont need to eat at home if I eat in school. So I only have lunch in school. Well... if a half eaten sandwich is considered a lunch. So I pulled my knees closer and stared out of the window. As tears began to roll down my pale cheeks, I began to wonder what my reason to live is. I mean the whole school hates me, My dad hates me...So why am I alive.? I wiped my tears away and continued looking out of the window.I didnt notice that Chanyeol kept looking at me with a rather worried expression. 

Chanyeol Pov: 

The first time I met Kris, I had never seen such a beautiful man. When he was introduced in our class noone really welcomed him and I could see the look of pain in his eyes as he walked to his seat at the back of the class. Noone liked him but noone even tried getting to know him.The day where Kai found his diary and read out loud I was just angry.How can a man love another man? I went to Kris and threw my spaghetti in his face.The next day he came to school with a bruise on his face.I wondered what happened but I didnt really care.

Months passed and Kris had changed.He began  wearing long sleeved hoodies even in summer. He always had the hoodie pulled over his head and kept looking down. Every time I was able to see his face he had new bruises and became paler and paler. But I didnt care, right? Today it was far the worst day when I saw him. He looked like he was about to pass out. I could hear he had problems with breathting. Again he had the hoodie pulled over his face, he hugged his knees in his chair. How can he do that in such a tiny chair? Now that I look closer, he seems really skinny. Kris, what are you doing to me? Why do I begin to care about you?