Jiyong stood in front of the mirror looking straight at his reflection that stared right back at him. Little color was visible in this likeness of his, only the dark circles underneath his eyes that could rival his little brother Seungri’s. He could see all the lines that had formed on his face in the last week.

He couldn’t believe it; he’s aged in a matter of days.

Taking one last gander as he tightened his black tie, he thought maybe he should’ve bought a whole orange orchard for her, he could’ve done it. He could afford it. Anything he could afford for her, this beautiful house was for her; why not an orchard?

A small knock at the door came,

“Jiyong we’re gonna be late. Seungri’s gone ahead, are you ready?” Dara asked with searching eyes.

He nodded and grabbed his black coat that would frame his crisp white button up. Walking over to her, he gave her a small smile. She caressed his cheek gently before taking his arm. No words, not even thoughts were forming in his mind as they rode on the back of the black SUV. People say that you are at your bravest when you weren’t thinking of anything.

“In this moment your wife would tell you, “You can do it.”” Dara pauses before squeezing his hand, “You can do it Ji.” she smiles tenderly.

As soon as they had arrived at their destination they were both greeted warmly, too warm even, that at some point Jiyong had to excuse himself because it was smothering.

“It was a beautiful ceremony.” Seunghyun, his best friend said with a soft clap on his back, “My wife did a good job officiating, don’t you think?” again Jiyong nodded, it seems like that was all that he could bring himself to do today.

“Anything else Bom and I could do for you, just tell us.” Seunghyun took a puff of his cigarette, “We’re always a phone call away.” but before he could start his way back into the church Jiyong thought he would take him up on his offer;

“Would you listen to a voicemail with me? I left one voicemail of hers half unheard.” Jiyong croaked hoarsely. “I thought about playing it for everyone, but Bom was always against it in our counseling sessions.” he pronounced dryly.

“Perhaps it was for the best. They would just hear her nagging about the oranges I forgot to buy.”

Seunghyun sympathized with his friend who looked gaunt from not having an appetite based on Dara’s recent account about her little brother.

Jiyong was unsure if he could bring himself to let the recording continue to play, but his hands had a mind of its own and before he knew it he had hit the play button on his phone.

“Jingyo oppa! I’m picking up the oranges that you forgot to get this morning; you know sometimes you forget and I have to cover your for it. I don’t think your future daughter would like it if her appa forgets a promised tea party. Haha. I’m just kidding. Anyway, don’t forget to come home early for dinner since I’m making such a huge fuss about it right now. OK. I gotta go, I’m crossing the street now. Call me before you leave the office. I love you baby.”

He felt his best friend’s gaze on him and he knew immediately what his questioning eyes were asking. A question Seunghyun could not bring his lips to ask;

“I kept pausing it in the middle because if I listen to the rest of it, that would mean she won’t have anything else to tell me. And that it would make real that she’s gone forever." Jiyong continued his head now hung low, hands clutching on to the fence, his knuckles turning white.

"My wife’s last words to me would’ve been babbling about those damned oranges.” Hot pools of tears began to emerge from his eyes cushioned by the dark circles before finally sliding down his cheeks as he uttered;

“I wouldn't have made it through to today if it wasn't for the thought of Chaerin still having “I love you” left to say to me.”

He should’ve remembered those oranges.

He should’ve bought her that orchard.

He should’ve.

– END –