Wrapped in your bed sheets, I woke up to find your side of the bed empty, leaving me to find you by your desk, writing something down.

I got used to your absence whenever I would wake up. It’s been going on for months and every single time I was still blown away by how cherished you made me feel.

“Writing again?” I wrapped my arms around your neck as I bent down to rest my chin on your shoulder, looking at what you were doing. “Who’s ____?” I could feel my heart squeeze because I knew who she was, or at least what she meant to you.

“It’s someone I want to ask out.”

“O-oh… Like on a date?”

“Mhmm.” I still haven’t succeeded into making you fall in love with me, or was it your way of making me jealous? “What if she says no?”

“She won’t. I know she likes me, her friend said so.”

“And you like her too? Or are you just doing this because she’s into you?”

“Both ways I guess.”

I wanted you to take your mind off of her so I started to distract you, kissing your neck and nibbling on your skin to leave a mark, something that was coming from me. I heard you chuckle and smiled by how amused you were. I went to sit on your lap, leaving me to face you as I grinded faintly against you. You groaned out in pleasure and grabbed my bum to make me do it again and again. “What if I was the one into you, Guk?”

“Mhmm, I’d like that very much ____~” You took it that way when I meant it as something else but I was too afraid to voice it out because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. You started kissing me softly, your hands cupping my cheeks while I held onto the back of the chair, pressing my body further against yours. Pulling away from my lips, you ran your fingers through my hair and from the way you were looking at me, I knew that you had something to say, and I knew what it was. “You know that… if things work out, we won’t be able to have fun anymore.”

“I know.”

“We’ll have to stay friends… ‘normal’ friends…”

“I know… How much time do I have left then?”

“Until Monday.”

I got up from your lap and started picking up my clothes as I dressed myself up. I knew you were looking at me and heard you get up from your chair where I felt your hands on my shoulders, stopping me. “We still have time, why are you dressing up?”

“I-I just remembered that I had some… homework to finish and a test to study for.”

I picked up my purse and left you as I rushed out of your bedroom, putting my shoes back on and dashing out into the hallway to go straight to the elevator.

I snapped. I couldn’t do this anymore. I was holding onto hope all this time, praying that it might work out between us, but you kept giving me reasons to believe that everything was just a myth. That your kindness, your words, anything nice that you were doing to me had no meaning at all.

I was just another one of your friend.

I’ll never be more than that and it was aching my heart. I hated you for making me like this but I also hated myself more because I went this far. I let something I knew would led me to feel nothing but pain to torture me for almost two years now. “____! Wait!”

You caught my hand and made me face you, and that’s when I lost it.

For the first time, I was crying in front of you. I remember seeing the shock on your face, taken aback by my meltdown. “Why a-are you crying? Did I do something wrong?”

“I think we should just end things here. For good.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Breaking up with you?! How the hell is this breaking up when we were never together!”

“Why are you shouting at me?!”

“Because you’re a f* idiot!” I pushed myself away from you because I couldn’t handle things anymore. I was losing it and I felt like I was going to pass out anytime. I remember feeling nauseated to the pit of my being but I don’t remember why.

I guess I was love sick.

“Do you love me Yongguk?”

“Huh? Of course I do-”

“You’re not listening Guk. Do you… love me? Like… Do you have any feelings for me at all?” You didn’t answer me, but its not like I needed an answer so I just let you be and walked away, hearing my name echo through your voice before it completely disappeared once I stepped inside the elevator and let the doors slide closed.

One year later, high school was finally over and right now, the senior class was celebrating on prom night.

I came in with no date but with my friends by my side while you came with your girlfriend. Not the same one as last year though. The one you were holding onto right now wasn’t even from our school.

You looked so handsome in that suit, I could barely keep my eyes away from you.

I remember crossing path with you on that night. We took a picture together, just as friends, with your mother holding up the camera photo. It had no meaning behind it actually, your mother saw me and since we practically grew up together since we were five years old, I guess she saw it as a good way to keep memory of our friendship… Or whatever was left of it.

We never spoke again after the night I walked out. Just like you said, you went on the next Monday and asked her out, and of course, the girl said yes.

You broke my heart once again and I was left devastated.

I was depressed because you didn’t even do anything to keep in touch with me, to talk to me and figure out what happened for me to snap at you the way I did.

Did you even care at all about me?

Do you know how much I suffered after we ended things? How much I cried in my sleep praying that you would just tell me you loved me? How much I hated myself for falling for you when I knew better, when I knew that the hope I was feeling was just a corrupted emotion that brought nothing but heartache and sorrow.

I hated you because of what you did to me. I tried to fall in love again but I got so scared. I couldn’t trust anything from any boy after you.

That’s how screwed up I was.

Four years later and I’m still left with an ache buried somewhere inside my heart.

The same questions are coming up to me over and over again and I’m still left clueless and foolish for believing that you had something for me, at least some small part of you that loved me but there wasn’t anything for me, was there?

I never saw you again, nor did we ever spoke to each other anymore. You quickly became a memory that can’t be erased. Not because I didn’t want too but because I couldn’t shake you off. You were impossible to get rid off. I spent the last four years, and even more trying to get over you, to move passed whatever twisted and sick relationship we had but you broke me and I still haven’t been fixed.

I just want you out of my life; I don’t want you to exist anymore. I’m tired of fighting to forget about you.

The worst part is that on my better days, when there is no thoughts of you whatsoever, you suddenly pop out of nowhere and destroy the wall that I built to block you from me. Dreaming about you is worse because it brings me back to the time where I got to feel you against me.

Day by day, our moments together become a blur, a faint memory that is hard to relive and where it becomes difficult to remember with what happened exactly. Some things might have happened and some didn’t, I can’t really tell anymore.

Writing this down today, I was hoping it would help me have closure but it did the opposite. I’m never going to get over this, am I? I never realized I was this gullible until you came.

Because I’m twenty-one and still stupid, holding onto that false hope that one day you’ll call me out of the blue just because you missed me.

“____? I-it’s me… Yongguk.”

“Bang Yongguk?”

“The one and only!”

“Wow… hmm, is everything okay?”

“Yes! Of course, why do you ask?”

“Because you called me...”

“O-oh yea, hmm, well I just wanted to hear news about you and see how you were doing… After prom, you completely disappeared off the face of the earth.”

“You should thank college for that~”

“____?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want to hang out soon?”

“Are you asking me out Bang Yongguk?”

“I-I guess… I really want to see you. I missed you.”

But then again, this conversation is all in my head, because the reality is that I don’t exist to you anymore.

Everything was just… false hope.

A/N: Tada! It's over... already ><

Hmm, I hope you guys liked it and I want to thank you a lot for the comments and subscription ^.^

I hope it wasn't too disappointing even though there isn't a happy ending to this story (sorry) ><

Lots of love, xo

P.S - I'm planning on doing another Yongguk story and this time it will be more romantic comedy type hehe :3

Stay tuned~