Just once, look at me. Only for you, I’ll give you my heart.
Do you really not see me?
Me who really wants you and wants you, I can’t even love.
My heart hurts this much.
I’ll hold your hands tightly so I can rely my feelings.
Come back to me

Mornings in high school became my most anticipated moment of the day.

A few weeks after the end of spring break, it became a habit for us to hide in that special spot you found for us, secluded from the rest of the people from our school.

We would be barely speaking but whenever we did, nothing interesting nor important was said, there were just random topic of conversations that would come up.

Sometimes we would make out like there was no tomorrow, pressing me against the wall while your hands would caress my body up and down leaving a tingle to course inside of me. This left the born hunger to grow every time, greed becoming its child as it affected the way my heart would beat whenever I would feel your body heat against me, taking my breath away.

“G-Guk… We sh-should go. Class is about to s-start…”

Your hands traveled down, cupping my bum as you gave it a light squeeze. Gasping from the touch, I felt your tongue slide against mine as you pushed my lower body against yours making me arch my back away from the wall. You weren’t letting go of my lips and I wondered if it was because you couldn’t get enough.

Were you loving my body this much, you didn’t want to let go?

As hard as it was, I pushed you away. We weren’t in the same class, which made our intimate moments much more precious.

To me they were anyways.

“I’ll leave first and then come out like two-three minutes later, ‘kay?”

“Y-yea…”

It went on like this for a while, but then things started to change. It happened less, not because I didn’t want too but because you found someone you liked. I’ll have to admit she was pretty, but what did she had that I didn’t? What was missing so I would be the one you liked the same way you did for her?

It angered me that you couldn’t see how hurt I was from the way you talked about her, trying to get my opinion on what you should do to make her become your girlfriend. But I always let go of that anger when you started kissing me.

And despite that, we still kept our friendship like it used to be when we were in front of our group of friends, joking around like it was the most natural thing in the world between us.

It’s funny how you were able to make me smile like no other boy ever did and yet I was never yours while you were everything to me.

It’s understandable.

I was fourteen years old and stupid.

Seeing you so smitten by her presence squeezed my heart because you were actually sincere about her feelings while with me, it was just for the fun of it. This was when I realized I was falling for you, when my heart was beating so fast because I was actually falling in love with you.

I was desperate because I wanted you to feel the same thing. To think about me 24/7, to give me a call or simply text me in the middle of the night because you missed me. I wanted you to look at me the same way you were looking at her.

“So… how is it going with that girl?”

“It’s going fine, I’d like to think that I’m making some progress~”

“Which means that once you succeed, you won’t n-need me anymore. Well, I wish you the best of luck~”

I’ve never faked a smile until that day. You seemed to have believed me and thanked me before you left me and walked out, leaving me to wait again before coming out of our hiding. Little did I knew that it was going to be the last time before you finally got what you wanted.

The last few months that were left before the school year was over were the most dreadful. I could barely concentrate in class and lets just say that I wasn’t the happiest nor cheerful anymore. We weren’t in the same class but it didn’t mean that I saw you less; you were everywhere I turned too. Left or right, you would pop out of nowhere and holding her hand in the hallway while changing classrooms.

We also talked less.

We didn’t have much to say to each other anymore and I thought that I could take this time to forget about you and move on but boy, was I wrong. How could you not know that you were torturing me with your presence?

When you would smile at her, softly caress her cheek with the back of your hand, hug her tightly against your chest and whisper sweet nothings to her ear.

Oh, how I wish I was at her place.

It was only in my wildest dreams that I got to notice how crazy you were about me and how I was everything to you.

Summer eventually came, which meant that the school year was finally over. I had the chance to fly out for vacation so I wouldn’t have to hear nor see you for two whole months. In the beginning, it still stung a little, but with the days passing by it became easier.

Until I saw you again on our first day back.

Everything started all over again.

You wanted me back and I said yes.

Because I was still fourteen and still stupid.

A/N: 

Even In My Dreams - G.O (MBLAQ)