I became used to your carelessness

And it’s so wrong
It’s been so long

She who is in your eyes right now
Can you feel the excitement that you have been longing for so long?

She who is beautiful
Probably doesn’t have such things like tears for you
Neither this long, long wait

Good girls like bad boys, why
Bad boys like bad girls, why

So I love you like this
But why can’t you see my feelings for you

You liked how soft my skin was against your hands, letting your fingertips gingerly them while we were being cautious as not to get caught.

Our new space was more open since we were starting a new year, which meant that the common room for the students of our grades was different.

I could feel the hem of my skirt lift up by your hand that was grazing my skin, letting those fingers go up past my thigh as you sat down on the staircase, right in front of me while I stood up and watched you.

But you were looking elsewhere, your eyes scanning the area to make sure that nobody was there but just us.

“Guk?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you like my skin that much?~” I pretended to be playful and from that smirk you showed me, it looks like you were amused. You lifted your head up while looking at me and suddenly placed your hands behind my thighs, pushing me towards you where I kneeled on the flight of stairs to be eye-leveled with you.

You stole a few kisses off my lips while feeling me up, letting my skin burn at your touch. You stared down my cleavage and your lips. Our school uniform shirt consisted of a blouse, so it was easy to undress.

I wanted to tease you, to make you want me, to make you crave for more of me, so I acted boldly, because maybe you liked girls better like this than shy ones like me.

I pulled myself away and got back up on my feet, walking backwards until I was leaning my back against the wall behind me. I hovered my fingers over the first couple of buttons of my shirt, barely revealing any skin. That crooked smile appeared again and you got up, nonchalantly strolling your way to me.

“Do you want me to go on or should I stop?”

“Baby, I’ll take over if you want to stop~”

“Mhmm, sounds tempting, but you know… class is about to start.”

I buttoned up back my blouse and quickly pecked your lips before walking away from you, swaying my hips just for show. I heard you chuckle and simply kept walking until I knew I was out of your sight. I had let out the breath I was holding and walked back to my locker as if the past few seconds never happened.

“Hey! ____!”

I turned away from my locker and saw you coming my way. Was this actually happening?

“What’s up?”

I kept my cool, not because I wanted too but because I had too. We were still a secret after all.

“Do you want to come over to my place after school?”

“Huh? What’s the occasion?”

I looked at you, trying to look curious about your offer but a part of me knew exactly where you were going with this.

My heart skipped a beat.

You were about to go on when we suddenly got interrupted by another one of your classmates, someone that I should’ve feared would take you away from me. But I didn’t know her, so I didn’t really care at that time, but once again, I saw that twinkle in your eyes, the same one you had when you were with that ex last year, and that’s when fear struck me.

You liked her, which meant that I was still nothing to you, that I had a lot more to do to get the attention I wanted.

 Was I being selfish for wanting you all to myself?

“I’ll see you later ____!”

And just like that you disappeared with her, leaving me without even telling me that you wanted more of me. I was baffled by how quick you dropped me, not giving a care in the world. But I had to brush it off, pretend as if what just happened meant nothing to me.

Because I still wanted to believe that you maybe liked me, but you were to shy to admit it. Maybe that’s why we kept whatever we had between each other going, just so you could have the chance to get close to me. But… you could’ve just asked me to be yours, I would’ve said yes.

Because I was still fourteen and still foolishly stupid.

“You like her, don’t you?”

“She’s pretty cool. Why?”

“Just curious~”

“Ah~ You’re not getting jealous, are you?”

“Pfft! As if! I have better fish to fry than being jealous.”

But I was and it was tearing me apart, because I was still madly in love with you. I didn’t want to care, I couldn’t allow myself to care. It was nothing new after all, right?

It wasn’t the first time this sort of thing happened and it wasn’t going to be the last.

“I got to go prepare my books for my morning classes, see you later.” I quickly walked away from you, holding my tears inside so nobody could know how heartbroken I was. I rushed everything and dashed out when I saw you coming towards me.

I was this close to cry in front of you and I wasn’t going to let that happen.

Because that meant that I had to confess, to tell you how I truly felt about us. It also meant that once the truth was out, everything would be over between us and I couldn’t let that happen. I still wanted you, I still had that little voice inside my head that told me you might have feelings for me, so I held on and hid everything from you.

The end of the week came by and to such a surprise, you asked her out and she said yes. Once again, your carelessness was all I was left with. Once again, I tried to move on, maybe if I go out with my friends more often, I could find someone else, someone who would actually want to be with me but to no such luck, I couldn’t find one.

One month passed and to my genuine surprise, you texted me.

You were single again, my heart relieved from the news.

This was my chance to make you look at me. To make you see me differently.

I decided to give you a call, to pretend to care about your broken heart. “Guk? How are you holding up?”

“What are you doing this weekend?”

“Hmm, I guess just enjoying the absence of my parents since they’re away, why?”

My heart fluttered because I somehow knew what you were going to ask me. I sat up on my bed, anticipating for you to word out everything so I would just say yes.

You needed me, I knew that, but not in the way I was praying for. It didn’t matter, you still called me because you wanted me.

“How about spending the day tomorrow with me then?”

“Hmm, sure, why not~”

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

And then you hung up.

I remember being so nervous after that call.

Everything changed for me since then.

A/N: 

Good To You - 2NE1