There is a thin line between dream and reality, Sehun realizes as he grabs hold of the hand nearest to his. Just seconds ago, he heard Luhan's voice and up until now, it still rings in his ears.

"Sehun? Sehun, thank god!" The voice cries but suddenly it's not the one he heard moments ago. It's Kyungsoo's voice, one of the last voices he heard before he crashed into that tree.

"Kyungsoo?" he shoots up from his bed, sending blood to rush into his head. He cringes in pain and Jongin calls for the nurse.

"Sehun! Don't ing try anything. Oh my god, I've been so, so worried." Kyungsoo hugs him and he mutters an 'Ow.'

"Oops, sorry!" Kyungsoo retracts and hugs Jongin instead. Kyungsoo can be as strict as can be but inside him is a loving person with quite the motherly instincts, one of the many reasons Jongin was drawn to him in college.

"Where's Luhan?" He musters, tears rolling down his cheek because he almost believed he was there.

"He's not here, Sehun. What made you think h--" Kyungsoo's voice is convincingly curious but Jongin cuts him short.

"Look, Sehun, he was here about thirty minutes ago." Jongin blurts out and Kyungsoo smacks his shoulder, eyes widening at the sudden outburst, "What do you think you're doing?"

"I can't lie, babe! He's our friend Oh Sehun, not Mama Kyungsoo's kid!"

"What the--Fine! You can walk home!" Kyungsoo shoves Jongin and storms out of the conversation, leaving a raged up Jongin and a confused Sehun in the hospital room. Sometimes, Sehun wonders how Kyungsoo and Jongin keeps it together, after all, he and Luhan had been the steadier couple from the start. Well, that was before he screwed it all up, he thinks.

"He was here?" He asks, sounding very desperate as he pulls Jongin by the shirt. Jongin nods but it's enough to send him to tears. His husband, the love of his life, whom he had been looking for for months now just visited him and he just missed it.

The odd thing about dreams is that a minute of sleep seems like hours in the dream. Or sometimes the other way around, like how he thinks he heard Luhan's voice which seemed like just a few seconds ago, but really, thirty minutes have passed according to Jongin.

"He was here. He came out of nowhere and it shocked us both. Kyungsoo couldn't even contain himself and kind of cried the whole time." Jongin tries to cheer him up by humoring him about Kyungsoo but they both know it's not going to keep his mind off the thought that Luhan was just there.

"How did you guys contact him? He never answers our calls! Where is he? Did he bring Ziyu?" The sudden outburst of questions prompts Jongin to call a nurse. The nurse gave him a dose of tranquilizers just to avoid him being hysterical and possibly running out of the hospital. After the nurse leaves, Jongin begins to explain. "Sehun, we weren't the ones who contacted him. After so many tries, we stopped. When he came, he told me you guys had a friend who's a doctor in this hospital, Doctor Byun Baekhyun, I think? Look I know they have no right to disclose info--"

"Baekhyun! Call Baekhyun!" He cuts Jongin short. Jongin just nods and calls for a nurse to contact the doctor.

When Baekhyun comes into the room with a grim look on his face, Sehun cringes. He isn't telling me anything, he thinks to himself. Baekhyun was their attending physician in the whole duration of Luhan's pregnancy and the two have become rather close. Sehun never got jealous, though, because Baekhyun is happily married to Chanyeol, the resident obstetrician.

"Sehun," The golden haired doctor says, "Calm down, too much stress is not good for your body. You're just recovering and--"

"Baekhyun, where's Luhan? I know you know where he is." Baekhyun just shrugs and looks away to check on Sehun's IV drop.

"Stay still unless you want this to come off," Baekhyun points to the needle connected to Sehun's hand. "You don't want to make a mess here, do you?"

As if on cue, Sehun grabs the tube sending Jongin's and Baekhyun's eyes to widen in shock. Sehun, by now, will do anything to find answers.

"If you don't tell me where he is, I'll yank it!" He threatens. Doctors are prepared for situations like this but Sehun is Baekhyun's friend and to have him do such a disruptive thing because of a personal matter involving them both doesn't sit well with his system.

"Calm down! Alright, I'll tell you. Just calm down." Baekhyun's exhausted. He's been up for almost 15 hours and the stress is taking a toll on him. Sehun feels guilty for threatening Baekhyun but he feels that if he doesn't do anything drastic then he'll never find an answer.

"Luhan, he's uhm. Look, he told me not to tell you of all things." Baekhyun backs out but Jongin gives him a look of urgency. He sighs long and hard at the thought of letting his friend down. "Fine, he's supposed to meet me later at dinner. I'll just tell him to meet me here at the hospital so you could talk to him. Happy? Now, please, hands off the tubes, Sehun."

--

Sehun can already feel Luhan the moment his taxi slows down by the hospital entrance. It's something he had always wondered about, how much he's affected by Luhan's presence whenever he's anywhere near. In fact, he thinks that maybe the reason he ever even woke up from the accident is because Luhan came to visit.

Baekhyun's guilt, on the other hand, is eating him up. What's supposed to be a meeting between him and Luhan turned into a dramatic encounter between two almost ex lovers. It's a bad decision, he thinks, but not as bad as letting a patient bleed himself to death for things like this. He consoles himself as Luhan steps out from the taxi. Luhan looks sharp and handsome as always but it seems that the glow he used to have has faded to a fake smile across his face.

"Baek!" Luhan hugs the man in a white lab gown. Sehun's heart stops the moment he sees him, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before wheeling his wheelchair forward, making his presence known to Luhan. His eyes meet Luhan's and he sees the surprised look on Luhan's face. They hold their gazes for a moment, unable to distinguish mixed feelings. Of the millions of words he had wanted to say to Luhan, nothing comes out. All he's able to do was call out his name.

"Luhan," Sehun stretches his strained arm to grab hold of his husband's hand but Luhan is quick to pull away before Sehun even gets the chance to brush his fingers on his skin. At this point, Sehun doesn't know which pain he's feeling, the pain from his aching body or that of loss. Both, he thinks, as he cringes, closing his eyes as if to momentarily displace himself from the situation of Luhan rejecting him. He doesn't move for a moment, but knowing Luhan isn't going to speak anytime soon either, he wills himself to look for the right words. "Luhan, where's Ziyu? I--I know you're here for Baekhyun but Jongin told me you visited me in my room earlier. I figured we--"

"Look, Sehun," Luhan sighs, moving away from Sehun, hands balling into fists, "I'm not here because I want to see you. I need to talk matters with you."

"What?" Sehun stutters because everything is becoming a puzzle. His hand still hasn't regained grip but he's already the bed sheets, white knuckling and feeling his blood rush to his head. Feeling the tension of the situation, Baekhyun decides it's his cue to leave and true enough, neither of the two notices him leaving.

"I'm here because we need to talk about Ziyu," Luhan sighs and looks down to his feet, "and more important things."

"Like what?"

"Like our divorce."

The term does not feel right at all and sends his heart into a fit. He's just been through an accident and all of a sudden, he's being hit with news that the person he loves came back only to tell him he's about to leave him. The idea of it all sends Sehun into a rage.

"That's why you came back? Wow, Luhan, great timing. You leave with no warning whatsoever and you come back with none either. At such a perfect time, too!" Sehun's starting to sound repulsive. It's one of his traits Luhan had always argued with him about, his temper and the way he makes people feel guilty for things that weren't event their fault. Sehun realizes what he's done as he sees the anguished expression on Luhan's face. He curses at himself for not being able to stop himself in moments like these, or more importantly, for not being able to think first and ending up hurting Luhan.

"I'm leaving, let's talk when you're stable." Luhan stands and picks his bag up but Sehun quickly grabs hold of his wrist.

"Wait, Luhan," Sehun suddenly becomes a lost puppy begging. When he gets like this, he always regrets it. He never means to hurt Luhan and he continues to curse himself because he always does so unconsciously. "I'm sorry. I'm just so confused. Why are we breaking up? Why can't we talk about this?"

"Because," Luhan still hasn't sat down and though he's facing other way, Sehun can see the tears that are starting to gather in his eyes. He can see Luhan look down on his feet, lips trembling as he speaks. "It's just not gonna happen anymore. I've come to a point where I already know you just can't change anymore."

"Luhan, please... I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." Sehun gets down on his knees, the stress is too much for his unrecovered body but to him that pain is nothing compared to Luhan leaving, his tears form in his eyes and he feels a lump in his throat as he calls out to Luhan. In utmost desperation, he grabs Luhan by the leg, willing him to stay. "Come back, Luhan, come home to me. I'll make up for all of it. Come and take Ziyu home. I can change. I'll change everything."

"Sehun, I am filing a divorce in weeks' time." He can hear the hesitation in Luhan's voice masked in the coldness, a part of Luhan he's not accustomed to at all. Luhan looks him straight in the eye. "If you want to see Ziyu, we'll be at Baekhyun and Chanyeol's."

●

Luhan knows what he did was the right thing to do. For him to let Sehun take over him again is just plain irrational and stupid. He knows that the good days are way over and that the Sehun he used to trust isn't the one he left in the hospital just minutes earlier. But as most things he doesn't understand, he still can't explain why despite all the logic he has worked up months and months in his head, it still feels wrong. To leave Sehun, the only man he's ever loved, puzzled and hopeless. It just feels plain wrong. But, then again he recalls all the things he had ever given, all of which Sehun had taken for granted, and he reminds himself that letting himself be fooled the first time is Sehun's fault but to be fooled a second time is his shame.

Luhan cries, trying to block out the familiar city noises of Seoul as he passes takes the freeway. He knows he can't fully deny Sehun of his right to see Ziyu and he forces himself to believe he'll be okay when Sehun comes to visit. It makes him cry more, tightening his grip on the steering wheel, his eyes almost like the windshield in the rain. The thought takes away what spirit he has left because he knows that whatever he makes himself believe, he knows he still loves Sehun. He loves him so much his own heart doesn't seem to be enough.

--

He turns right into Baekhyun's driveway and pulls over. He's arranged for them to stay in the addition at the back the Park household, kind of a shed turned guest room which no one uses. It's either this or renting an apartment. God knows he can afford the rent, but truthfully, he'd just rather stay with a friend. Only until everything's settled, he tells himself. At this hour, the house is still empty. Chanyeol's doing rounds in the maternity ward and Baekhyun's still in his office in the hospital. He usually hates being alone but he can't help but be thankful he's alone right now. He knocks on the door.

"Mr. Lu!" Mrs. Yin greets cheerfully. Mrs. Yin used to work for their household as a nanny whenever Sehun and he would go on late night dates. Mrs. Yin also hails from Luhan's hometown. She was recommended by Yixing's mom because she had taken care of Yixing's younger brothers when they were young as well. He's thankful he was able to save her contact number in his phone and asked her to baby sit Ziyu while he attends to errands. Baekhyun and Chanyeol agreed as well, finding her to be a lovely old lady and if they'd ever have kids on their own, they'd choose her as a nanny, too.

"Mrs. Yin, how's Ziyu?" Luhan smiles and gives her a hug. Mrs. Yin tells him about what Ziyu did this morning, what food he ate, what TV shows he watched. In a world where there's only disappointment, there's Ziyu, the only thing he ever looks forward to these days.

"Baba!" Ziyu comes running and Luhan meets him to lift him up and pepper kisses on his cheek. Mrs. Yin, oblivious as always, laughs and says, "Ziyu's been asking about Sehun. Is he still in the business trip?"

"Oh, uhm, yeah. Yeah he's still in Jeju." Luhan had made up lies about Sehun to avoid controversy. He had told Mrs. Yin that he couldn't stay at home because he didn't like being alone while Sehun's away (oddly enough, it's somewhat true). While he was in China, he'd told Ziyu quite the same thing, that his father was out in another country working hard and that they'd gone to China so that they could visit Uncle Yixing while Daddy's away. He remembers what had happened earlier in the hospital and he sighs. He knows it's inevitable for Sehun to visit soon and it scares him to bits. If seeing Sehun already makes his heart crumble, how much more if he has to see him holding Ziyu again. How much more if he has to see in front of him a vision of what could have been. He's stuck staring into a distance when Ziyu pokes his cheeks.

"I miss Daddy, Baba! It's been billions and hundreds and zillions of hours since we've seen him. Make him come home!" Ziyu complains, putting on a frown on his face to make his annoyance evident. I miss him, too, Luhan admits to himself. He pinches Ziyu's nose, trying to cheer him up as he tells him, "He'll be home soon, baby. Don't worry."

(a/n): it only goes up from here, thanks for all the support and I hope to turn this into a lighter fic? what'd u guys think? and also sorry for the grammatical errors, my vertigo is killing me ;_;

@ me on twitter: @hunhangst