002
World Spins Madly OnThere are just some moments where you finally find a release, or some sort of absolution. Most of the time, these moments lead to the clarification of puzzling events or to finally finding out the answer to questions that have been bothering you. Unfortunately for Luhan, this isn't one of them.
His heart races at the sight of the text message sent to his husband. "Thanks for last night. :*" he reads through it again and again. It was an unknown number but the message speaks for itself. He feels a lump in his throat, his grip on Sehun’s phone getting tighter by the second. Trying not to create any noise as he is still wrapped around Sehun's embrace, he scrolls through the rest of Sehun's messages and there he saw everything.
Received: 11:43 pm
Yes dont txt me here. on my way
Sent: 11:44
I'm waiting babe :-)
Received: 11:44
All kinds of thoughts fill Luhan's head and it sends the tears to form on the corners of his eyes. He closes them and sighs heavily, sending the warm tears to stream down his face. He can't believe what's infront of him. Sehun had carelessly left his phone unlocked and a part of Luhan wishes he hadn't checked it in the first place. He had seen this coming the first night Sehun started going home later than midnight but no matter how prepared he was for this kind of situation, it still hurt. The first time it happened, he immediately dismissed the thought of Sehun betraying him. Maybe he really is just working really hard for that promotion, he had said. The first few times, he would be eager to see Sehun in the mornings and he would ask him how work was, even cleaning up the house and preparing meals for Sehun. Sehun must be really tired, I should make curry for him. I should clean the place so that he can rest when he gets home, he would tell himself. Those nights, he would tuck Ziyu in at night, telling him that he shouldn't wait up for his father because he's late working hard for the both of them.
But the late nights started becoming more frequent and the excuse of "hard work" became less and less plausible everytime. Every single time, he'd ask Sehun where he came from and Sehun would say the same excuse. I just helped Mr. Lee with the run-through. Marketing plan this, run-throughs that. He would tell Luhan that what he's doing is for the best and that he only worked late hours so that he could provide for Ziyu and him. It hurt Luhan that all this was some sort of lie to cover up for what distasteful things Sehun really did at night. It hurt him because he had believed Sehun every single time he gave those excuses. It hurt him because he, for the first time, disregarded his own intuition. This was the first time it actually hurt to admit that he was right about something. And it hurt a lot.
"Lu? Honey?" Sehun says, his voice raspy.
Luhan immediately presses the lock button on top of Sehun's phone so the screen would shut. He quickly places it back where it originally was, making no sound or whatsoever Sehun could hear. He pretends to rub his eyes after stretching when really, he was wiping the tears away, leaving no mark or sign of the emotional distress he just went through. He isn't going to tell Sehun he knows what's happening then and there because he has to find out whoever this person is. If he told Sehun now, Sehun would do what it takes so Luhan wouldn't find out. Luhan can't have that happening. He can't let whoever this homewrecker is get away so easily.
"I should check up on Ziyu." Luhan tells Sehun, acting as normal as he could. Not yet. Not now, he thinks to himself.
He pulls away from Sehun's embrace and looks him in the eye. In his mind, he is screaming. Tell me now, Sehun. Tell me about it and tell me you're sorry. Tell me you'll stop because you only love me. Tell me it was just a mistake, that it won't happen again. His eyes pierces through Sehun in hope that maybe Sehun will take the cue. But Sehun reads nothing and sees nothing. Realizing Sehun will not say anything soon, he looks away and heads to Ziyu's bedroom. Heart heavy and knees weak.
"Baby, good morning." He says as he sees the only ray of sunshine left in his life. He leans against the doorway, crossing his arms and smiling at Ziyu. He isn't okay, not at all, but he can't let Ziyu see that. He has to be strong for Ziyu. He takes this as his last stronghold, keeping him from breaking down completely.
"Baba, did you make waffles?"
"I'm sorry, baby, Baba fell asleep! I'll make them now."
"Is Daddy home? Ask him what he wants. I bet he wants fried tofu. Daddy told me he loves the fried tofu you cook, Baba."
Oh, Ziyu, baby, you're such a bright kid. If only you knew, Daddy might be eating fried tofu in somebody else's house that we don't know about.
"Okay, baby, Baba'll ask Daddy. Come on, why don't you help me make waffles?" Ziyu runs up to Luhan and he carries him to the dining area, handing him the waffle mix. He's taught Ziyu how to mix the water and powder out of the many times Sehun's left Ziyu and him alone at home. Luhan has always been a responsible parent, more so a responsible husband. He is the kind of person to think of others before himself, putting other people's wishes before his own. He felt like it was enough for the people he loved to stay with him even if they don't do anything for him in return.
---
Luhan has this memory book where he records special events and happenings from when Sehun and him started dating, to when they got married and had Ziyu. Through time, it seemed like the pictures got fewer and fewer. Back in the day, Sehun would hold Luhan tight around the waist, he would squeeze him in when they took pictures. Now, he barely holds Luhan and the smile that used to show all his teeth is barely even a curving of the lips.
How people change through time. Luhan sighs and he can’t help but feel nostalgic. Sometimes in life, you come to a point where you ask yourself why things turned out the way they did. Luhan often wondered why love had to be so hard to sustain when everything started out easy and perfect. Years ago, he would tell himself that Sehun was the perfect man, that there is no way he could ever hurt Luhan. With that thought in mind, he said it was only right that he gave Sehun all of him because he thought he didn’t deserve someone as perfect as him. He lived for Sehun more than he lived for himself. He started compromising his wishes to please Sehun. He gave up so many things, he now thinks. At one point, he was offered a scholarship to study music in a university he had once only dreamed of but, without much thought, he turned it down because it would mean he would be away from Sehun. He now wonders if what he gave was insufficient to have avoided this situation. The more he thinks about it, though, the less he understands. He doesn't understand why the more love he gives, the more Sehun strays.
---
Luhan places on the table the waffles that he and Ziyu had made along with the fried tofu. Sehun’s favorite, according to Ziyu. He tells Ziyu to fetch Sehun and to tell him that breakfast is ready. Ziyu obliges and excitedly drags Sehun into the dining table.
“Wow, this is wonderful!” Sehun remarks. Luhan can’t help but start to notice the ingenuity in Sehun’s voice. He cringes at the thought of Sehun lying to his face and putting on a show. If only Sehun knew that Luhan knows.
They were halfway through their meal when Ziyu breaks the silence. “Daddy, can we go and see fishes today?” He asks. Grinning from the excitement and anticipation for his father’s reply.
“Ziyu, uh, I don’t think we can today.” Sehun says. Luhan shoots him a look of disappointment. He cannot believe he can be more disappointed than he already is.
“Why not, Sehun? It’s Sunday. Didn’t we say we would always take Ziyu out on Sundays?” Luhan shoots at Sehun, one eyebrow raised and arms crossed.
“Well, the project we were working on doesn't finish until Tuesday. I won't get that promtion if I don't work ahead of time, will I, honey?" Sehun defends. A bit too sarcastic for Luhan's taste.
"Well, what's the point of a promotion? We never get to feel it anyway. You never go out with us and you're never here either." Luhan shoots back, he knows it would cause Sehun to explode but there's only so much he can take.
"Jesus, Luhan! What do you want from me?!" Sehun shouts, making Ziyu cry out of fear and distress. Luhan takes Ziyu into his arms instantly, cradling his head and muttering the words it's okay, baby. He calms Ziyu down and looks up at Sehun, shooting him a look of disdain, "I hope you're proud of yourself, Dad." He says the last word with sarcasm, hoping that his words would pierce through Sehun. He then takes Ziyu back into his room. Not looking back because if he did, he wouldn't be able to keep himself together.
---
That afternoon, Sehun heads off to work without saying good bye to neither Luhan nor Ziyu. It's not like Luhan wanted to send Sehun off to work either. Instead, he plans his own afternoon with his son. He decides to visit this cheesecake cafe he and Sehun used to visit years ago, without that thought in mind though, since all he's thinking of is how to make Ziyu forget about what happened earlier in the morning, plus he really needs the comfort of cake and coffee. He dresses Ziyu up in this plaid button up polo he bought for him last week. He dresses up, too, in his favorite blue dress shirt, tucking it in his black skinnies. He ruffles his hair, giving him this messy feel. He hasn't dressed up in a while but he does today. It's about time he shows off, he thinks to himself. He straps Ziyu's seatbelt on then his and drives off.
The cheesecake café is the same as he remembers. It still has that beautiful, homey ambiance. With garden lights and lanterns hanging around the edges of the window. The café is covered with trees, making the place seem like a hidden eden. Just like you, Luhan. He remembers Sehun's words. He can't help but feel a bit lonely but he brushes it off.
Luhan can feel eyes around him. Anyone who ever saw Luhan can testify. He is handsome but not just the kind of handsome you see in magazines, Luhan is the kind of handsome you would want to take home just so you can look at him all day, and when you sleep, you would wish there really is a God so that you can thank someone for giving you Luhan.
He heads back to his seat, the tray of cheesecake and caramel sundae with him. He places them on the table and hands Ziyu his ice cream. He then sighs, thinking he could finally think things through. Being on the balcony of the café, he looks down to survey the people. A couple here, a family there. He's halfway through the room when he sees a familiar face. A face imprinted in his mind even more than his own. The lump in his throat forms and his heart beats twice as fast. It's Sehun and he isn't alone.
Luhan shuffles through his bag quickly to get his phone, he dials Sehun's number and he feels his heart stop when Sehun picks up.
"Honey?" Sehun says. He sees Sehun putting his finger on his lip, motioning a 'shhh' to the woman he's with. He sees the woman pout.
"Hey. Where are you?" Luhan asks calmly. Sehun pauses for a while. Looking at the woman as if he's asking her what he should answer.
"I'm at the office, Lu, where do you think I am?" Sehun says, a bit too defensively.
"Right." He says. He feels his insides burn like a candle intensified by liquor. He hangs up the phone, "Ziyu, baby, wait for Baba."
Luhan walks down the balcony slowly but firmly. He has never walked head up high but now he does. He walks over to where Sehun and the woman are sitting, patting his dress shirt as if it's possible to make himself look any sharper than he already is. Luhan is like a tender, beautiful angel. But once the spark inside him is lit, he becomes this cunning and impulsive man.
He coughs to gather Sehun's attention and Sehun looks up to witness the biggest shock of his life.
"So, office work, I see? I see you also brought your, what should I call you? Assistant?" Luhan stays as firm as when he started talking, eyes from Sehun then to the woman then back. Sehun is taken aback and drops his knife to the ground. The woman, on the other hand, is speechless and is intimidated by Luhan's presence. With the way Luhan looks, it is impossible not to be.
Luhan eyes the woman from head to toe. Yes she's beautiful and the clothes suggest that the woman had a good upbringing. But he knows what kind of woman she is, the kind to throw herself onto married men out of desperation and stupidity, he thinks. Luhan looks at the ID card that's still pinned on the woman's blaizer's front pocket. Lee Ji Young. Sehun's boss's daughter.
"Oh wait," Luhan remarks, "Mr. Lee's daughter? I see! The project Sehun's been working on. You were the project. I wouldn't ask why, though. A woman like you really needs a lot of fixing up." He raises his eyebrow and Lee Ji Young is still too shocked and intimidated to answer.
Luhan then turns to Sehun alone, "Work hard! I'll be sure to tell everyone you've been working really hard." Giving Sehun a sarcastic curving of the lips in an attemp to smile, Luhan leaves. Sehun grabs onto Luhan's wrist and whispers with a look of desparation in his face, "Lu, honey, please! I can explain this!" But Luhan only pulls away to free himself from Sehun's hand. He walks swiftly to fetch Ziyu from upstairs and heads straight to the car, shrugging Sehun's pleads off with his hand, his face blank even though he is breaking from the inside.
He plugs his car keys in and switches the car engine on. He grabs onto the steering wheel and rests his head on it, letting the tears flow freely now, digging his head further against it. He's angry and betrayed, Luhan never thought it was possible for him to feel this much pain all at once.
"Baba, what happened?" Ziyu asks. Luhan kisses Ziyu and says, "I'm sorry, baby, it's nothing."
He wipes off his tears and starts to drive, sniffing and sobbing, he turns to Ziyu.
"Baby, is it okay? We're going to uncle Yixing's for a while."
"But, Baba, isn't uncle Yixing in China?"
"It's an emergency, baby, we'll drive by Uncle Jongin's first and stay there for a while. We'll leave in the morning."
"That means we'll ride a plane? What about Daddy?"
You'll understand soon, Ziyu.
Luhan and Ziyu do not go home. Luhan doesn't pick up his phone either, tons of messages and missed calls from Sehun asking him where he is but he doesn't reply.
---
Sehun eventually gives and, after checking their house and finding that no one's home, he decides he should spend the night at his mom's. She would take him in for sure. He should make sure not to tell his mother why he is staying there, though. Mrs. Oh loves Luhan. At times, it seems like she even loves Luhan more than his own son.
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