“Luhan hyung. Luhan hyung. Luhan hyung~”


“Will you please shut up? Can’t you see that he’s hurting?”


“Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I’m just worried, he still hasn’t woken up yet.”


I could hear many familiar voices buzz around me. I wondered where I was, why they were talking about me and why it was so hard to open my eyes. Just when I felt something warm on my body did my eyes pop open by themselves.


“Waahh guys he’s awake!” one of them exclaimed. My blurry gaze was immediately filled by many heads staring down at me. There was also a lady there; a familiar lady.


“Hello, Luhan ge,” the pretty lady smiled softly at me as she moved her hand up and down my bare torso. I also wondered who she was, how she knew my name, why I didn’t have my shirt on me and what she was actually doing with her hand on me. I stared blankly at her with my heavy puffy eyes, and then I slowly moved my gaze down, and then up again to her face. She was wearing white clothes and she was holding a warm wet towel in her hand. I slowly figured out she was a nurse, doing her job to clean me up. But she looked familiar.


“Do you remember me?” she asked, I answered by shaking my head weakly. I unintentionally made the other surprised and even more worried.


“He has lost his memory too,” said a voice of a boy on the side, making sounds like a fake sob.


“Ya, it’s not the right time to joke. It’s a serious matter.”


“Yeah, besides, she said they met three years ago. No wonder if Luhan hyung doesn’t really remember her.”


I blinked at the nurse several times as she kept smiling at me while wiping my body. After trying to remember for quite a while, my eyes rounded as a name popped out in my head.


“Z-Zaoxing?” I croaked. Her eyes lit up recognizing her own name as she beamed and nodded eagerly.


“Yes, that’s my name! I came to your house three years ago. Remember?” She was one of the girls that Mom had tried to match with me back then. I even still had her number on my phone, if she hadn’t changed it. She looked more mature than what I could remember, her long black hair was pulled up into a bun, showing her smooth jawlines. Back then her face had been a bit rounder.


Trying to figure out why there was a nurse with me, I blinked a few more times and then tried to sit up, but she held me down immediately, together with the pain on my lower back. I looked around to see many guys, whom I recognized as my friends, watch me with sad smiles on their faces. Suddenly I got a panic attack.


“Z-Zaoxing, where am I? Why am I here? W-What happened? Why is everyone here-“


“Sshh, Lu ge, it’s okay,” she held my shoulders gently, but I kept on trying to get up. I stared up and my eyes met with hers; her soft gaze somehow could calm me down and eventually I stopped struggling against her hold. With my eyes still locked on her pretty brown orbs, everything slowly seeped back into my mind. All that had happened replayed in my head like a flashback movie, and before I knew it, my tears were already streaming down my face all over again. I really wished it all had only been a nightmare.


“W-Where’s Sehunnie?” I shakily asked between my quiet sobs. She brought the towel to my face and gently dabbed my tears with it.


“He’s at this hospital too,” she said with a soothing smile. "Don’t worry, he’s still alive.”


I couldn’t believe what I heard that I stopped crying for a brief moment. “H-He… He is?”


“His heart stopped beating for a short while, but they could save him with that shocking thing,” said a hoarse voice. I turned my head and found Jongin sitting in the corner, looking depressed like a man in huge debt. His eyes were kind of swollen.


“They’ve just finished with his surgery. He got many stitches and he’s covered in tubes now,” Chanyeol said, “Some bones are broken too.”


I felt like crying an ocean yet didn’t have the energy to do so, my body felt so weak. “Has he woken up yet? Mom and Dad, where are they?”


All heads were down when I asked them that, even Zaoxing stopped wiping me to sigh sadly.


“W-What’s wrong?” I began to panic again, “My mom, she’s still alive, isn’t she?”


Because no one dared to answer, Zaoxing the nurse decided to speak up for the others. “Yes, Lu ge, your mother is still alive, but I’m so sorry to say that’s she’s still in a very critical condition. They’re still trying to save her, I guess.” She bowed her head and absentmindedly played with the towel, “The paramedics said when they found your parents in the car, your father was covering your mother with his body, but both of them had so many pieces of glasses all over their bodies. They lost so much blood. Your father,” she gulped hard, “he had passed away when they pulled him out.”


I cried silently and some of the boys teared up a little as well. “W-What about Sehunnie? Is he awake now?” I asked.


Everyone went silent again, giving me goosebumps and making me feel even worse.


“The doctor said he’s in a coma now,” Tao spat out and slowly started to wail in Kris’ arms, “They don’t even know when he’ll wake up. I asked them but they said they didn’t know.”


“Sshh,” Kris hushed him and patted his back, while he himself was trying hard to blink back his tears.


“They have done many tests on him today,” Zaoxing explained to me as she turned my body ever so carefully to wipe my back, “the results will probably come out tomorrow. The doctor said his head injury was a bad one, but we should hope for the best.”


“But he’ll wake up again, won’t he?” I asked her with sad glistening puppy eyes. “I want to apologize to him and tell him about many things.”


“I’m sure he’ll wake up again to hear what you need to say,” Zaoxing smiled and softly wiped my face with the towel in her hand, and then proceeded to put my shirt back on. She did it so gently and carefully, like I were her baby or such. “There, I’m done cleaning you. You shouldn’t move too much, Lu ge, you’ve got a waist injury. Apparently Sehunnie pushed you pretty hard. You need to stay at least one night here to make sure you're okay enough to move around. But take this as a good thing, you’re still alive now!” She said cheerfully and I nodded a little in response.


“Thank you, Zaoxing. Can I see my mom?”


“I’ll see if the surgery is done yet, and then I’ll tell you later. Please don’t move out of the bed by yourself, just press that button behind your bed if you need anything and I’ll come to help you. I’ll bring you to your mother with a wheelchair so you won’t have to walk around and hurt your waist more.”


I sighed and nodded weakly. “Alright, please tell me soon. Thank you.”


After Zaoxing had left, the other boys flocked up around me again while I cried a little bit more. Kyungsoo sat on the edge of the bed and kept patting my arm to soothe me down, once in a while reaching out his hand to help me get rid of my tears and my snot with some tissues. After I had calmed down a little bit, Jongin took a glass of water and brought it to me, letting me drink through the straw. I hadn’t realized I was that thirsty, the glass was empty in no time. “Slowly, hyung,” he smiled at me as I wiped my lips with the back of my hand.


They all offered me sympathetic and apologetic smiles that I returned with a sad and hesitant one. The eight of my friends were all there, at least I wasn’t alone. With swollen eyes I flew my gaze across their faces, until it stopped on the one who stood in front of the bed, right facing me. Minseok had his head down all the time, yet I caught him steal sad glances at me with his bottom lip jutted out slightly. He had someone else’s arm around his shoulders. It was Chen, standing so close to him, but strangely I didn’t feel any jealousy anymore.


“We’re sorry about the accident, hyung,” Baekhyun said, the others nodded in support.


“Thank you,” I said with husky voice. “What time is it now?”


“Five past eight at night,” Kyungsoo said, glancing at the digital watch above my head behind the bed. I nodded and set my eyes on Minseok, who was still acting like a scolded puppy.


“What about… The party?” At that time, our engagement party was supposed to have run for an hour already.


“We and my parents have told some of the guests not to come,” Minseok bowed his head deeper, “but because there are too many of them, some others were still coming to the hotel. My parents are still there to tell the guests what happened.”


Gloomy silence fell upon us. “Come here.” I opened my arms, letting Minseok come to me for a hug. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault,” I whispered to him.


“No,” he pulled back to show his pout and glassy eyes to me, “it’s not. Please stop blaming yourself.”


“I’m so sorry, Minseok-ah.” He sighed and leaned down to place a kiss softly on my forehead.


While we were waiting for any information from Zaoxing, I went into a blank state, emptily staring at the ceiling, and the others sat and got comfortable around the room, all with depressed and mourning faces. When the door finally opened, everyone jumped up to a standing position and waited expectantly, but turned out it was only a fat nurse bringing some food for me. It was not the time to eat, but the nurse said Zaoxing had requested for some food to be brought to my room, since I hadn’t eaten anything all day. Zaoxing had always been a nice girl, I was really touched by her attention. But I was completely not in the mood to eat.


“Come on, Luhan-ah, eat just a little bit,” Minseok tried to feed me, “You need some energy so your body won’t be so weak. Don’t you want to see your Mom? And Sehunnie too?”


Just after he had mentioned Mom and Sehun did I open my mouth hesitantly, letting him feed me with some soup and other food on the tray. It was slowly getting easier for him because it turned out that I was actually very hungry. Right after I finished my food, Zaoxing finally came with a wheelchair.


“Luhan ge, your mother has been moved to the ICU. Sehun is there too, so you can see him as well. The visit hours have ended yet, but I’ve asked for the permission. You can come, but should not spend too long in there. Are you ready to go now?”


“Yes, yes please bring me there,” I answered eagerly and tried to sit up. The boys came to me and helped me move to the wheelchair. I was glad Zaoxing brought it for me, I thought I could barely walk with my waist and my back hurting like that. The young nurse pushed me out of my room with the other eight trailing behind us.


On our way, we bumped into two men in white coats whom were greeted by Zaoxing in a very friendly way. “Hello Yixing ge, hello Junmyeon oppa!”


“Oh hi, Zaoxing! Is it my patient’s brother that you’re carrying?” the shorter doctor asked. Zaoxing stopped pushing me so the doctor could take a closer look at me. He bent down and flashed a warm friendly smile at me as if I were a little kid. “Hello, are you Oh Luhan?”


“Y-Yes, are you Sehunnie’s doctor? H-How is he now?” I asked, straightening my back by instinct, but then immediately sank back into the wheelchair because of the sudden pain on my lower back.


“Careful, Lu ge,” Zaoxing warned me softly, while the short billionaire-faced doctor chuckled and nodded his head.


“Yes, I’m Kim Junmyeon, the neurologist who handles your brother! He had a tough long surgery earlier, I was in charge for the neurosurgery. I worked on his head and his brain, to put it simple. I can’t be really sure about his condition now, I still need the test results for further diagnosis. I’ll have to talk to you after everything is ready, okay?”


I nodded and nervously played with my fingers. “Please make him wake up soon, Doctor Kim.”


“He’ll wake up for you,” the other black-haired doctor winked at me. He talked a bit like Zaoxing and he looked somewhat like her, also there was a “-xing” in his name too, so I supposed he was Zaoxing’s brother. “I’m Zhang Yixing, by the way, your nurse’s brother. I once heard about you from Zaoxing!” he gave me his hand, I took it and he shook mine while flashing a friendly smile. “Oh, and I’m not a brain doctor like Junmyeon hyung. I’m an obstetrician, I deal with pregnant women! Just come to me if anyone gets pregnant.”


“Don’t do self-promotion here, gege,” Zaoxing giggled, “We should get to the ICU now. See you guys later.”


As we continued our trip to the ICU, Jongin waved and said to the obstetrician, “Don’t worry, Doc, I’ll bring my babe to you when he gets our baby in his tummy!”, getting a slap on the arm from his embarrassed boyfriend.


“How can you still act like that at times like this? Earlier you cried and acted all serious but now your mouth is loose again. Please behave,” I heard Kyungsoo whisper his scolding to Jongin. They reminded me of Sehun and myself; sometimes I scolded Sehun too whenever his bratty self came to surface. He’d either pout and show his aegyo or smile mockingly at me whenever I lectured him. Recalling that made me really sad, I missed him so bad already.


Since the visit hours had ended, they only let one person in, so the others had to wait outside while Zaoxing pushed me into the ICU. “Lu ge, look, your mother is over there. But a doctor and the nurses are still with her, do you want to see your brother first?”


I felt like I was still not ready to see Sehun, but at the same time I also wanted to see and feel him so bad. “Y-Yes, please.”


Zaoxing brought me to one of the few rooms there. There were a few beds outside, but they placed Sehun and Mom in separated individual rooms. I could see Sehun’s body through the transparent glass walls of his room, he was surrounded by many devices. The closer I got to him, the faster my heart beat and the wider my eyes grew. I held my breath when Zaoxing opened the glass sliding door and slowly pushed me in.


“Sehun-ah,” I whispered in disbelief, my eyes bulging out of their sacks. He looked so horrible, his handsome face was full of wounds and covered by tubes going into him through his mouth and his nose, even the top of his head too. His broken right arm and left leg were bandaged and he had some stitches on his head and his body. I didn’t want to believe that it was really him, but the board attached to the bed clearly stated his name, Oh Sehun. The Chinese nurse stopped my wheelchair by the bed, closed the curtains halfway and left back to the door.


“Lu ge, they give you half an hour at maximum. I’ll leave you two alone now, just come out when you’re done, okay?”


I could barely answer to that, only nodding in my dazed state, not even turning my head to see her. After I was left alone, I reached out my shaky hand to hold Sehun’s and squeaked his name, “Sehun-ah?”


There were no replies, he remained still and his eyes remained closed. Thinking that I wouldn’t be hearing his voice and seeing his eye smile anymore, at least until he woke up, my eyes became watery all over again. “Sehun-ah, it’s me, Luhan. Can you hear me?” I kissed his hand, “I’m sorry… I’m really sorry for this. I’ve caused all of this to you. I’m really sorry, please wake up. I miss you already. This is all my fault, you- You can hit me as hard and as many times as you want, I deserve that.” I squeezed his hand softly and bit my quivering lip. “I know you can hear me. You won’t leave me, will you? I’ll wait until you wake up no matter how long it takes.”


I leaned forward and carefully wrapped my arm around his body, leaning my head on the edge of the bed. As if he were awake, I started to tell him about things, just like telling him a story. “My waist and my back hurt, but overall I’m okay, you don’t need to worry about me. Thank you for saving me, Sehunnie, I owe you my life. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the truck hit you so hard. You’re my brave hero. My throat is a bit sore too, I guess I cried and screamed a little too much. Don’t worry, my voice is still good. When my throat gets better, I can still sing for you. Maybe you’ll wake up faster that way? Now it’s night already, my party has been cancelled, but our friends are here waiting outside. They all care about you, you know that? You should open your eyes really soon because they miss their cute maknae. Now there are only three of us, Sehun-ah; you, Mom and I. I haven’t seen Mom yet, but I hope she’s okay. I feel so sorry because I haven’t been the best son for Dad. Let’s not be sad for too long about this, okay? We can be strong together. But you have to wake up first. Now you and Mom are the only hopes left for me, Sehunnie.” I paused and a teardrop escaped the corner of my eye, slowly sliding down my cheek. “I miss you already. I… I love you. Can you hear that? I’m dumb because I tried to deny that. I'm.. I'm really sorry for abandoning and ignoring your feelings all along. I love you, Oh Sehun. Please don’t let this confession become too late. I want to say it again when you’re awake. You may laugh at me, but I really mean it. I’ve never been so sure before.” I ĺifted my head to see his face and continued with somewhat shaky voice, "I... I don't care if you're my brother, I still love you like I used to."


I took his hand and kissed it once again before pulling away from him. "I'll see you again later, okay, baby? I want to see Mom too. You have to be strong, I'll be waiting for you to wake up from your sleep." I smiled sadly at him, "Bye now."


I turned my wheelchair and went to the door. Zaoxing was waiting outside, when she saw me, she opened the door for me and helped me get out of the room. "Luhan ge, are you okay?"


I looked up at her and flashed a small smile. "Yes, I think so." She smiled back at me and gently patted me on the arm before carrying me to my mom.


Mom's condition was as bad as Sehun's, only she had more stitches here and there, but there weren't many tubes around her head, just an oxygen mask covering her nose and . I had never imagined her to be in such position. I became so emotional when I held her weak hand, but I tried to hold my tears back. I had cried too much for a man. Just like what I did to Sehun, I apologized to her and told her about what had happened. Without myself realizing, my speech gradually changed; some chinese words slipped between my fluent Korean until I completely talked in Chinese.


"Mom... Mama, I'm sorry for not being a good son for you. I still remember, before Baba left us and died in the airplane crash, he asked me to promise that I'd protect and take care of you for him. Now look what have happened to you, you got into an accident and your pretty face is full of scars now. How should I explain this to Baba? I've broken too many promises. I should have showed more love to you. Earlier today your beautiful smile was still there, you were happily watching over my party's preparation together with Dad. But how did I respond to your excitement? I even got a little pissed off when you called me and Minseok. I'm so sorry, I'm such a bad son. Mama, please hold on, I'm still far from ready to be left alone. Dad is gone now, I only have you and Sehunnie. Well I have my friends too out there, but it's just not the same. You won't leave your baby Xiao Lu alone, right? You're the best mother I could ask for. I love you, Mama."


After giving her hand a kiss as well, I pulled back hesitantly but to my surprise, her hand twitched and squeezed mine weakly, stopping me from moving away. I gasped and unconsciously held my breath. "M-Mama? Mama, are y