How in the world was it Wednesday already? Oh right Chin-hwa gave me Monday off to spend time with mom even after I begged him to let me work. As great as he was I still wasn’t sure how much I trusted him to cover for me for missing a day or two. He almost gave me Tuesday off but Skyler took the day instead to have some ‘Skyler and momma Crawford bonding’. A part of me was certain he was trying to get mom off my case about Ben and the other was certain they spent the whole day watching chick flicks and talking. Either way I didn’t ask. And now mom was off at the spa for a full day of treatment. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about her while I was here. 

I do have to admit yesterday was nice, Ben came back early from Busan and we went out for a late dinner and a walk in the park. In some ways I felt like we were getting closer but at the same time I was terrified of a rift growing between us with both of us so busy. But I figured we could get through it, we’ve been through worse. 

The second I got into the recording room Chin-hwa motioned for me to sit down and I saw that he was still looking at my draft for my showcase and one of the songs for my portfolio here. “Okay, your entire portfolio is fine. Honestly I don’t think you have much competition, especially in the English parts and Cube looks for that. But your showcase song,” he trailed off and rubbed his hand over his face, “I’m worried. Maybe you should change to something else. Should you be accepted, this showcase needs to go off without a hitch. Cube will not tolerate anything less than the best from a future employee.”

How was it that Jae-Sun had been telling me the same thing for the past two weeks and it took Chin-hwa a person I didn’t trust as much to knock some sense into me? “I understand…but I want to try and do something that not a lot of people are going to do for this showcase.”

Chin-hwa tapped his pencil against some of the papers that were sprawled out over the free space on the desk and sighed, why do I always hate it when people sigh? “Well then what about just a dance song?  Right now life for you doesn’t seem to fit this song and you need to fit what you’re feeling. As an experienced composer you should know this.”

“So just scrap the whole song?”

“I think keep it for now but don’t use it for the showcase. We can work together to figure out something that really fits you okay?”

What exactly could I say to him? No I don’t want to follow your advice because you’ve been in this business for twenty years and clearly don’t know best? Oh or how about, no I want to be stubborn and stupid and throw all my hopes at this job down the drain. Yeah that sounded wonderful. I’m not bitter, what are you talking about?  “Alright, but do you really have time to help me?”

He smiled softly and tossed his planner behind him. “I’m making time.” He scooted closer to the sound board and the Mac, “Now I was thinking something electro the one you have in your portfolio is addictive.” So we go from telling me that I wrote a crappy song to having an addictive electro one?  Hm, I can live with this.

I have to admit I was honestly surprised. He didn’t leave once, and ignored his phone the majority of the time. By the end of the day we had decided on a chorus and the bridge before he was finally forced to go to a meeting. I stayed back though after calling my mother and telling her that I wouldn’t be home till late but we could still watch The Phantom of the Opera when I got home. She was a night owl just like me. Again I cancelled my meeting with Jae-Sun after arguing with him over the phone that I was redoing the song and I’d give him the final in a week for him to go over. What surprised me was I didn’t hear a single thing from Ben. He said that he had some important business to do sure but he could still at least let me know he was alive.

Trying to not think too much about everyone else I worked on one of the portfolio songs I made. A simple ballad that I thought would fit well with the style of Cube artists. I had just finished the chorus when my phone buzzed, probably Ben. Rapunzel should let down her hair or at least unlock the door. Okay definitely not Ben. Smiling I walked out of the booth and to the main door to the studio and opened it to find Kikwang standing there with a bag of food and a tired smile on his face. Bulgogi? Seriously this boy knew way too much about me. “What in the world are you doing here?”

“Being an awesome friend and bringing you food to make up for not talking to you much for the past three weeks.” He smiled and held up the box while I moved to let him in. Normally I would tell him that he didn’t have to but he didn’t even let me get a word in edgewise, “Before you say know I know you haven’t ate today the secretary said you didn’t come in with food and no one left the studio to get food.” He chuckled and sat down, “I swear you would just starve yourself if I wasn’t around. And a chef boyfriend? Tsk tsk if I was him I would make you food every day.” 

Hesitating a little, I sat down next to him and helped him set all the food up on the small table. “You know he told me that he doesn’t want me talking to you?” He looked over with clear surprise on his face, “Apparently he didn’t appreciate I had a conversation with you at three in the morning.”

I’d be lying if I said the confused expression on his face wasn’t adorable. “And what did you tell him?” 

“To calm himself and that he needed to have a little trust in me. Well,” I scratched the back of my head and grinned, “after I told him that I was going to talk to whoever I damn well pleased and that it wasn’t your fault the only time that I get to talk to you is late.” I also said that it wasn’t like I was ing you and that he couldn’t stand it that I had a friend who was ier than he was. But I was so not going to tell Kikwang that.

He laughed and handed me a pair of chopsticks, “I have to admit I don’t blame him. I mean with a girl like you any guy would be nervous.

Raising a brow I almost laughed at him, “A girl like me?”

Nodding, he smiled and poked my cheek with his chopsticks.  “Yeah, you’re beautiful, sweet, a cook, patient, wise and you don’t take any crap. Any guy would be worried about losing you. Not to say you’d leave easily just that someone might come along and take you.” He leaned back into the couch and looked up at the ceiling, “There aren’t many girls out there like you anymore Anais.” What in the world could I even say to that? 

Okay think of something quick before this turns awkward. Turning back to the food I took some and used it as an excuse to lengthen the silence. “Your pronunciation of my name got better good job Kikwang.”  Laughing a little I mentally kicked myself, out of all the things I could say that’s what I chose? Good God. 

Grinning, he shrugged and started to eat himself. “I have an amazing teacher what can I say?”

Damn him. “Oh you’re using someone else behind my back? Kikwang I’m shocked!” Where was this coming from?

He puffed up his cheeks and pouted, “Hey that’s mean! I would never use someone behind your back you’re my only teacher.” Now he was grinning, proud of himself that I had nothing else to say to that.  You’re lucky you’re cute. 

“I better be.” 

We both laughed for a little while before finally digging into the bulgogi, rice and kimchi that he brought.  In a way I felt awkward for having someone who wasn’t my boyfriend and I wasn’t even that close bringing me food and caring about my wellbeing this much. But from what I’ve seen he does that with a lot of people. I did see him bring food for the secretary one time so I guess there was nothing out of the ordinary with it. Still, that was someone he knew pretty well and I was just some random white girl from the plane. But I like to overthink everything. 

After we had about half the food finished he leaned back again and patted his stomach. “You know, hyung was grumpy with me earlier because I said I liked your tattoo better.” 

He talked about me to his band mates? I shouldn’t be surprised. “What this little thing?” I pulled up my sleeve, revealing my tattoo for a second, “You kidding? His is ten times better than mine. You’re just trying to make him not like me when I haven’t even met him yet!” I teased, sticking my tongue out and punching his shoulder lightly. 

Stretching and making himself comfortable he glanced over at me again, “Oh, so you want to meet my band member?” There was that grin again.

Crap, crap, crap no I don’t want to meet your y band mates I will be beside myself. I’d probably be weird and creepy. “What? No I’m just saying for, um emphasis?” What in the hell was I saying?

He frowned and poked my side, right where he knew I was ticklish. I tried not to jump though as he poked my side again. “You don’t want to meet my band members? Do you not like them?”

Stop pouting you. Why can I resist my little brother’s pout but not yours? “No! I’m sure they’re great and everything but I-”

“Then you should meet them!”

“What?”

He bounced on the couch a little and scooted closer. “Yeah! They’d like you I’m sure! You play football right? Doojoon-hyung will totally love you and Junhyung-hyung will be all like help me with my lyrics and Yoseob-hyung will-”

Placing a finger over his lips I couldn’t help but laugh, he looked like such a kid in a candy store. “Okay I get it you want me to meet them.”

“Please noona!”  I swear he’s taking lessons from Yoseob, those eye smiles are too cute. 

“Fine, but if they hate me I’m beating you with Skyler’s stuffed animals.”

Kikwang had heard the ‘horror’ stories of Skyler’s stuffed animals so he looked a little shocked for a moment before smiling and poking my cheek. “They’ll love you!”

Seriously, sometimes this boy is too smiley.  “You’re too hyper did you spike this bulgogi with sugar?”

He smiled and shrugged carelessly before taking the last of the rice, “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”

Oh like he needed the sugar boost. “Like you need sugar. What you need is rest I mean look at those dark circles when’s the last time you got a decent sleep?” I pointed to his eyes and for a second his expression fell. Okay maybe I hit a nerve? 

Scratching the back of his head he smiled a little sheepishly, “Trainee days?”

Oh God resist the rant resist it he doesn’t need to know your stand on how idols are treated. “Good point.”

We got to talk for a little while longer mostly about Kikwang’s activities and my own work. He tried desperately to snatch some of my lyrics away which turned into a tickle fight very quickly. Though tickle fights with me usually turn into me just trying to defend myself from an onslaught. I really hate being so ticklish, really, really hate it. He managed to get me flat on my back and pinned my legs down with his own while holding my arms above my head. “Ah-ha I got you!”  Dear God if someone walks in right now I may very well shoot myself. 

“That may be but how are you gonna tickle me?  You’re holding my arms.” He glanced up and moved both of my wrists into one hand. Yeah I really hate tickle fights. I tried my hardest to squirm away and just when his hand reached my side his phone vibrated against my hip. Thank you, whoever you are. When he saw who the caller was, instantly he pulled back and answered. The caller was male, probably a manager, and though I could tell they were yelling I wasn’t able to make out what he was saying. 

Kikwang apologized helplessly as the other man continued on. I almost wanted to snatch the phone from him and tell whoever it was to take the stick out of their but it wasn’t my place to do so. Carefully he got off me and motioned for a hug. “Yeah I’ll go down to the studio now hyung and I’ll practice it. I’m sorry.” He didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye after he hung up, instead he hugged me quickly and darted out the door. I still wanted to wring the neck of the person that yelled at him. 

“Well then,” I glanced back at my work and then the clock and sighed, “might as well head home.” I cleaned up and texted Skyler that I would be leaving soon. They were probably getting worried anyway.  Right when I was at the exit Skyler texted me and asked me to pick up a couple of CD’s he left in the studio. Of course I would, hell I probably would have walked all the way back from the bus stop to get them for him. 

I was about to go into the first studio, where he always was, when he texted me that he left them in the last studio on the left. Making me walk farther? I disapprove of this. Of course I really didn’t mind but I just had to . Just get them please you’ll be my best friend for all of time <3 Silly boy you’re already my best friend. I will I will what kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t? I heard the faint sound of music coming from the studio and sure enough Kikwang was there, dancing of course. I hesitated opening the door, as he tried a move a couple of times before falling on his back and I couldn’t help but wince at the impact. He didn’t get up right away instead he rolled over to his stomach and hit the floor a couple of times before moving back to a sitting position. 

As quietly as I opened the door and walked over to where he was. I wasn’t sure if he knew I was there or not but he didn’t make a move to acknowledge my presence when I sat next to him. “You know I think you’re a great dancer.” Carefully I placed a hand on his shoulder and he flinched a little, though he tried his best to hide his face from me I still saw the tiny tears fall from his eyes and my heart clenched.  “Kikwang…” hesitantly I moved until I was sitting in front of him and placed both hands on his cheeks, “you always let everyone lean on you, even me, you know, it’s okay to lean on someone for a little while.” 

“I’m fi-”

“Don’t lie to me Kikwang not after seeing you like this.”  I tried to sound strong and demanding but I barely managed a whisper.

That seemed to do it. He fell forward and though I nearly fell over from his weight I managed to stay up and hugged him as tight as I could while he cried in my shoulder and hugged me tightly. Just what in the world was the boy going through to make him break down like this? I didn’t speak though, just rubbed his back every now and then and let him cry to his heart’s content. An overwhelming urge to protect him gnawed at my stomach and I wanted to cry with him and yell at whoever hurt him at the same time. 

I wasn’t sure how long he cried for I’m pretty sure a while since the CD suddenly blasting the first song that I came in at made both of us flinch a little bit. His crying and hiccupping has reduced to light shudders and shallow breathing as he slowly pulled back rubbing his eyes. When he started to rub his nose as well I turned to my purse and pulled out the packet of Kleenexes I always carried with me. He accepted them with a grateful but sad smile and turned away. “Kikwang I…” I chewed on my lower lip trying to think of what I could say, “I’m sorry. You’re always taking care of me but I never once thought about you or how you were feeling. I promise you I’ll be a better friend from now on and,” I fiddled with the edge of my shirt, “and I won’t tell anyone if you’re worried about it.”

He turned back to me and though his eyes were puffy and red and his cheeks were a little flushed he still managed to smile a little. Scooting closer he tsked me and wiped a few tears off my face as well. Wait tears? I hadn’t even realized I was crying. “Thank you Anais,” he leaned forward and hugged me tightly for a few seconds, “but you really should get going. Your phone went off three times.”

“Huh?” Again I hadn’t even realized it. Fishing my phone out of my purse I saw a missed call from Skyler and a text from him as well. Quickly, I texted him that I was hit with some inspiration for my song and that I was about to pick up his CD’s. “You sure you’re alright?” I tried to stifle a yawn as I spoke but failed miserably. 

Kikwang chuckled a little and briefly hugged me with one arm. “I’ll be fine. You need to sleep and I need to practice. I’ll see you later though okay? And don’t forget you will meet my members one of these days when we all have a day off.” 

“Alright but don’t stay here too late you need sleep just as much as I do if not more.” He didn’t respond, instead he linked pinkies with me before trying to shoo me out the door again. I let him after I grabbed the CD’s on the table in the corner and held my pinkie up as a reminder to him. 

The walk and bus ride back home I switched between concern and anger, happiness that he trusted me and nervousness for some reason that I couldn’t place.  A part of me wondered if we would be awkward with each other after this or if we would get closer. Skyler I think could tell something was off but he knew not to say anything around my mom and mom opted, after greeting me, to go to bed and promised we would watch the movie later. Fine by me getting home and knowing my bed was so close my limbs felt heavy and I could barely keep my eyes open. 

Just when I was about to fall asleep my phone vibrated.  Grumbling a little I squinted at the bright screen in the darkness, Sorry if I woke you but if you’re my shoulder let me be yours too. Come to me first whenever you’re sad no matter what. I had to re-read it about three times before his words finally sunk in and I nearly shot out of bed in surprise. I was going to pretend that didn’t make my stomach do flips. I promise.