I never realized how difficult it was to avoid someone. I even went to meetings with Chin-hwa. How in the world can those be so incredibly boring? Maybe because I wasn’t a part of the official team yet? But all that would be decided today. After talking about it for the past week judgment day was finally here. God that was terrifying. About twenty minutes ago I had gotten out of my ‘presentation’ and now they were looking through my portfolio deciding if it was good enough. Kevin was the only other one left and he looked just as terrified as me when he came out of his own meeting. 

They asked me to wait in the lobby but there were just too many people for me I felt like they were all judging me and waiting for failure. Sometimes I really hate my brain when I’m nervous. I couldn’t even bring myself to eat the cookies that I had bought from the vending machine. “You know you’re nervous when you can’t eat.” I mumbled to myself while poking at the small cookies on the plastic wrap. I had to eat something though I hadn’t eaten yet today. 

“So this is where you’ve been hiding for the past week.” Oh God. I knew he would find me at some point but I didn’t expect it to be so soon. Turning, I smiled guiltily as he crossed his arms over his chest and stepped closer a displeased frown on his lips. And there were those stupid knots again. 

Letting out a nervous chuckle I turned back to my untouched cookies and he took a seat next to me.  “You’ve caught me.” 

“But why were you avoiding me?” Stop sounding like a hurt puppy dog it makes me feel even worse. Not that I could blame him. After someone got close to me and then avoided me for a week for seemingly no reason I would be pretty hurt too. 

I wasn’t even sure what I could say to him. Oh you know I didn’t want to bother you with my boyfriend of three years becoming my ex-boyfriend. Finally looking up to meet his eyes I realized how much of a mistake it was but I couldn’t bring myself to look away. “I well I...when-”

He leaned one elbow on the table and rested his chin on his palm, never taking his eyes off me. “As far as I can tell Ben did something stupid and you don’t want to tell me. But you should tell me anyway because I told you that I would be your shoulder to lean on.”

I knew he wasn’t going to give up on it no matter how much I tried avoiding the question. Might as well rip it off like you do a band aid right? “He broke up with me because he said that I cared more about a job than him.” That was surprisingly easy. Kikwang stared at me in disbelief for a minute or so before scooting closer and placed a hand over mine. His hands were warm; odd he always struck me as the type to have cold hands. Is that weird? 

“And what did you do?”

“I slapped him and told him that if I ever saw him again that he’d regret it. Humpf break up with my cause your mom says I’m crazy will you? She’s the crazy one.” I grumbled the last bit more to myself but considering how close Kikwang was I was certain he heard. 

His grip on my hand tightened and his eyes turned blank for a moment. “You want me to go beat him up for you?” Judging by his tone he was serious but honestly I couldn’t imagine Kikwang fighting anyone, especially Ben who wasn’t even worth it. 

“Even if I wanted you to, which I don’t, he’s back in England by now.” A part of me wondered if Kikwang would actually go out there if I asked him to. “It just…you know what about this whole thing? I don’t even feel anything.” I moved my hand away from Kikwang’s and wrung my fingers together. “I swear I should at least be happy but I don’t feel anything. I mean at least when Carter skipped town I was sad and that didn’t even mean anything that was just a stupid arranged marriage back when my dad was trying to get a business partner and-”

Kikwang coughed loudly and I looked over to see him wide eyed and slack jawed.  “Wait you were in an arranged marriage?”

Oh yeah I hadn’t told him about that yet. Well, this is going to be an interesting conversation. Common sense told me to find a way to avoid talking about it but I figured after all of this he deserved to know.  “Yeah…that’s the secret you wanted to know on the plane. Why I hate planning so much. When I was sixteen they tried to set up one for when I was eighteen.” That had been the worst day ever. I just found out that a boy from my class that I thought was pretty cute liked me and then my parents threw that in my face. Needless to say we weren’t on the best of terms for a while. “His parents were fine with it, but he skipped town a few weeks later apparently I’m ‘crazy’ or something.” I put air quotes with crazy and scoffed a little, “So I went crazy big deal. But at least I felt something. Now it’s like I don’t even care and it’s scary.” I couldn’t even meet Kikwang’s eyes now. He probably thought I was nuts or something.  Either that or my brain was just in overdrive again.

“He’s not worth caring for anyone who would choose their mother over a girl like you isn’t worth the time of day.” Seriously, he wasn’t going to talk about the whole Carter thing? Did he really not care or, was he just trying to do a favor and not push the issue further?

“I guess so.”

He smiled and poked my shoulder, almost teasingly. “I know so. Come on Anais there are about a million other guys out there like Ben and what’s his face but there aren’t many girls like you. You’ve just got to find that one that knows how to treat you right.”

Why couldn’t I just believe him? “Ha until then I’m just going to be bitter that almost all my family is dating or married and I’m going to end up with twenty cats. I don’t even like cats that much.”

Pouting a little he tugged on my shirt sleeve until I looked over at him again. “Then don’t resign yourself to twenty cats. And forget about what your family thinks for once. From what you’ve told me you haven’t let them rule your life yet so why start now?” 

How come he always made such valid points? Stupid adorable idol not letting me be sad and angry. Just let me wallow for a little bit darn you. “Don’t you have a practice to get to?”

I expected him to be like ‘oh yeah I do’ but instead he shook his head and tried to push up the corners of my lips. “Not till you smile.”

Stubborn boy. “But-”

He kept trying to push up the corners of my mouth, “Smile,” I rolled my eyes at him but he was just too good at being adorable I couldn’t stop the smile from coming up, “see happiness looks good on you.”  Do you seriously have to say things like that?

“I’ll smile once I get word that I have a job here and my showcase is over.”

“I know you’ll get it.” He smiled and leaned back into his chair seemingly content now. “Your showcase is next week right?”

How in the world did he remember that? I don’t even remember telling him the date of it either. Maybe Skyler told him? “Yeah.”

He glanced at his watch and then the door. “Just checking.” Standing, he stretched a little and smiled, “I’ll see you later I’ve got to get to practice.” He leaned down and hugged me briefly before heading for the door.

“You might not.” I reminded him just as he reached the door.

Smirking a little he turned and shook his head, “I’ll see you later Anais.” He repeated with a wink before leaving. Either he knew something I didn’t or he really had that much confidence in me. 

About fifteen minutes later I tossed the untouched cookies away and made my way back to the lobby.  There weren’t as many people there now, thank God, so I didn’t feel as nervous taking a seat on one of the couches. Not even a minute after I sat down Chin-hwa came running out of the elevator and up to me waving my folder excitedly. He didn’t say a word when he reached me, just handed me my folder. When I saw the stamp on the front of the folder I couldn’t speak either. Inhuman sounds left me as I tried to confirm that this was real and all Chin-hwa could do was nod and grin happily. Well I’ll be damned; Kikwang really was going to see me later then.

~~~~~~

To say the next week and a half was a whirlwind would be a total understatement. After having a mini freak out over being accepted I was taken immediately to the seventh floor where majority of the people I would be working with were. I couldn’t even remember half their names but I didn’t want to be rude and ask again and again. Skyler and I didn’t even have a chance to celebrate our new jobs until a few days later. I swear I don’t think I’ve been to so many meetings in my life. Thankfully, we would be working the same hours as before until after our final semester was over. Which was two weeks from now. 

But now those nervous butterflies were back as I walked off the stage from introducing my song. As excited as I was for this showcase now that it was here I thought I was going to pass out. Skyler and a few of his friends were dancing for the song and they were nervous which made me feel like I was going crazy. I swear this will be the longest three minutes and twenty seconds of my life. Honestly I couldn’t even watch. Retreating to the back of the auditorium I took a seat at one of the seats in the corner.  Thankfully there were only a few people on my row and the row in front of me was empty.

“So I’m just in time.” I don’t believe it. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and laced them together while resting his chin on my head. “I thought I was going to be late.” Your whispering is not helping me sir.  What in the world was he even doing here?

I tried to turn and look up at him but I couldn’t even make my fingers move I wasn’t sure if it was shock or something else. “Kikwang seriously what are you doing here? Don’t you have schedules? I saw you guys had schedules almost all day today.”

Finally I managed to turn a little and saw he was watching Skyler and the others dance, his eyes never flickered away from the stage once. “Oh so you didn’t want me to come then?”

“I did but…are you sure you’re allowed to be here?”

He smiled and shrugged, “I don’t have another schedule for a few hours, but I do have a disguise and I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Finally he looked down at me and smirked a bit. “Any other questions?” 

Oh two could play at that game sir. Smirking up at him I poked his arm and nodded towards the seat next to me. “Yeah, are you going to sit down or not?” 

Laughing quietly he removed his arms from around me and poked my cheek. A few seconds later he was by me, placing his bag down and taking a seat. A part of me wondered if when the lights went up who would recognize him. “Your song was good by the way. You evil girl not letting me hear it sooner.” 

I hadn’t even been paying attention to the song. I’d have to thank Kikwang later for distracting me.  Turning back to the stage I saw Skyler and the others walking off with confident smiles on their face. Too bad for whatever company that tried to recruit him he was already taken. “Just to let you know if you get attacked by fangirls I’m leaving your .”

As the next act came up he put his hand over his heart and gasped ‘offended’, “Avoid my question and threaten me with betrayal, ouch.”

I tried to laugh quietly so no attention would be drawn to us. “I keep telling you I’m no good but you just stick around crazy boy.”

I saw him smirk out of the corner of the eye and he reached over, ruffling my hair. “You’re the crazy one wanting to ditch me. I’m wonderful why ditch me?”

Snorting I punched his arm, “Okay someone needs to deflate your ego just a little bit.”

He chuckled and relaxed back into his seat. I’ll never understand how he can be so comfortable no matter where he was. That’s something I’ll always envy about him I guess. “And that someone would be you?”

Chuckling softly I turned back towards the stage and fiddled with one of my belt loops distractedly. “I will take the responsibility with great honor.”

I assume he was actually enjoying the next act since he was silent throughout and I swear out of the corner of my eye I saw him mumbling along to the words. As soon as the act ended though he spoke again, “How much time is left?”

Carefully I pulled out my phone and squinting at the bright screen I mumbled the time before glancing over at Kikwang, smirking a bit. “There is still about forty minutes left, think you can survive?”

As the next act was introduced he shrugged and picked at the chair in front of him. “Hmmm, I don’t know, whispering for that long is no fun.”

Raising a brow, incredulous, I shook my head and swatted his hand away from the chair. “So you’d rather get kicked out?”

Smiling widely he shrugged, “I’d rather be carried out.”

“You’re crazy. Now shush I actually wanna watch some of these.”

As he turned back to the stage I saw he was smirking once again. “What’s stopping you?” I should have known that would happen. I didn’t bother responding though. Instead I reached over and tried to place a finger over his lips without looking, instead I got his cheek. Close enough. Pushing it lightly he laughed quietly and I smiled a bit. We were relatively silent for the rest of the showcase, except for the occasional comment on a song that neither of us liked. 

When the show ended he pulled his hoodie up and kept his head down while I led him backstage. I tried to leave him in the front but apparently he didn’t want to be left alone and wouldn’t take no for an answer.  Skyler spotted us towards the entrance and said a quick goodbye to the other dancers before running over and hugging me tightly. Sweaty boy. “Best friend your song was perfect. Minyong already has an offer from Japan and they gave Kajin a spot for another company in Japan.”

“That’s great! I know she was practically pulling her hair out over it. Any questions about the composer?”

“Yes, I said I was your representative and apparently two smaller companies one in Japan and one here in Seoul wants your body girl.” He laughed and handed me the cards they had given him, it would figure that Skyler would deem himself my representative. After I took the cards from him he spotted Kikwang behind me and smirked. Oh God, here we go. “And I see we have company. What’s up man?”

“Just came from a schedule to see you guys. You did awesome you finally got that turn you’ve been worried about down right.” I looked between them as they both grinned and Skyler looked far too pleased. Seriously, how much did these boys talk to each other? 

“Yeah I always perform better on stage. Hey, we’re gonna go down to Hongdae and go to a club and maybe some karaoke you wanna come?” He knew I wouldn’t, this was probably all part of some sort of plan he had brewing up in that mind of his. That boy knows I don’t like Hongdae and I’d feel bad leaving Kikwang. 

“Nah it’s cool I’m a little tired and you know you don’t want to hear me sing. Go have fun with all your dancer friends. And was that your instructor’s brother I saw in the crowd?” I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively and he punched my shoulder while smiling and blushing a little. 

“Shut up before I beat you,” he looked over at Kikwang, “you don’t mind being stuck with this party pooper do you?” He swiftly stepped away from my attempts to hit him in protest while grinning. 

Kikwang looked over at me and smiled brightly, “I don’t mind at all.”

I really think he’s trying to make some stupid plan of his work. “Good! Now don’t keep her out too late. If I get home before her then I’m gonna find you and beat you with my stuffed animals.”

Seriously? Kikwang heard the stories but did he expect the boy to be scared of a bear? “Skyler that threat doesn’t work on everyone.”

“Then why does he look scared hmmm?”

“Maybe because you’re looking at him like you’re going to kill him?”

“Whatever you say boo.” One of the dancers called him and he turned around and waved with a small smile, “Well I’m off kiddies. Be good best friend I’ll see you later.” He hugged me and Kikwang quickly before darting off to where Kajin was. 

That boy really liked clubbing too much. Turning to Kikwang I jutted my thumb towards some of the scouts I spotted. “So do you want to watch me kiss up to scouts or shall we high tail it out of here faster than you can say I like you best?”

“References to our song, hm I like it.” Grinning he looped his arm through mine and led me towards the exit. Just as we were about to leave he pulled me back and pouted. Just when I was about to ask him what was wrong he tied my scarf together and zipped up my coat. “What am I going to do with you?  Crazy girl, it’s freezing outside.” This time he laced our fingers together and we walked out. I wasn’t really sure how to feel though, that was out of the ordinary, even for him. 

Thankfully nothing else out of the ordinary happened. We walked to the closest coffee shop in a comfortable silence that I was getting used to more and more. Usually I wanted to say something since I hated walking with someone and not talking. Even when we got our coffee the conversation was sparse, but again I didn’t mind. Once we got to the bus stop I noticed my visible breath for the first time and laughed. “You know I used to try and make smoke rings when the air got like this.” 

He laughed as well and shook his head, “You know a few months ago that would have surprised me when I first sat next to you on the plane you seemed all mature and reserved but now,” he grinned and poked my cheek, “I know just how crazy and silly you are.” 

Pouting I poked his cheek and some air towards him, “I’m not sure how I should take that sir.”

Again he grinned and turned back to the bus as it pulled up to the curb. “Never said I didn’t like it.” You enjoy making me confused don’t you? I’m starting to think he’s picked it up as a hobby or something.  Ridiculous boy. 

“Darn right you like me and my craziness I’m amazing.”

Shaking his head he took a seat in the back of the bus and raised a brow at me. “Who’s the one that needs to get an ego check now?”

Smirking I sat next to him and shrugged, “Still you.”

“Hey!”

“Well you do.”

Scoffing he turned away from me and took a sip of his coffee. “Okay little miss I’m amazing.”

Poking his side I couldn’t help but smile, he knew I wasn’t serious or at least he should by now.  “Someone is jealous of me.”

Turning back to me he smirked and poked my forehead lightly, “Oh I’m jealous of you now? Okay you definitely need an ego check.”

“I’m shaking in my boots.”

“You should be,”

“We’ll see about that pretty boy.”

“Oh I’m a pretty boy now?” Oh lord I know he’ll find some way to hold that over me for a while. 

Shrugging I played it off and took a sip of coffee, “I’m sure I’ve told you this many times.”

“But I’m an attractive and wonderful pretty boy.”

A stray giggle escaped me before I replied in a sing-song voice, “Ego check.”

Trying to fight off a grin, and failing, he replied the same way “You need it more than me.”

Pouting I tried to push him away, damn him being stronger than me. “Someone is trying to steal my comeback methods.”

Suddenly becoming serious, he frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. “No I’m not.”

I have to admit, he caught me off guard with that. Wait a minute! “Well played sir, well played.” Our banter continued throughout the bus ride and when we stopped to get some sausage from a stand near my apartment after we finished our coffee. Actually it continued until we reached my apartment and had fresh cups of coffee in hand. 

“Just accept the fact I’m awesome and then I won’t have to beat you with pillows.”

“No you accept that I’m more awesome and I won’t beat you with pillows.” 

Huffing I walked towards the couch, “Lee Kikwang you’re impossible.”

I didn’t have to look at him to know that he was grinning. He was probably so darn proud of himself ‘beating’ me. A part of me found it annoying but mostly it was cute, I wasn’t sure which emotion I liked less. “Does that mean you finally give up?”

Pouting I placed the cup on the coffee table and took the corner of the couch, burying my face in the back. “Fine, fine let me go wallow in misery at my loss.” Despite my attempts to pretend to be sad I started laughing and turned around to grab my cup again.

Kikwang laughed a little bit before sitting down and placing his cup next to mine. He didn’t speak for a few minutes and that serious look was back on his face. Something told me I wouldn’t like where this was going. “You know it’s alright to be sad.”

Yup I didn’t like it at all. “What are you going on about?”

He turned with narrowed eyes, okay wasn’t expecting that. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Knowing him he had been waiting to get me to a place where I wouldn’t be able to run away. Smart boy usually I would like that but right now I wish there was a place I would be able to run and hide.  “Kikwang…really I’m fine like I said last week I didn’t really-”

He groaned in frustration and ran his fingers through his hair, “Because you don’t want to care, I know you better than you think Anais and it’s not hard to tell when you come to work with your eyes all puffy.”  He sighed and scooted a little closer when he realized I couldn’t move back any. “How many times do I have to tell you to lean on me?” He honestly sounded so disappointed and hurt I almost felt bad, almost.

“Maybe I don’t want to think about it huh? Ever think of that?” My defensive switches had and again I almost felt bad for snapping at him. Almost.

He scooted closer, narrowed his eyes and growled a little in frustration, “So then why do you keep coming to work looking like you just cried and every time you think someone isn’t looking you space out more than usual? I told you I pay more attention than what people give me credit for.”

Pushing him away I stood, “I don’t want anyone to bother with it alright? Skyler is playing pretend, why can’t you?”

Before I could walk away he grabbed my wrist and tugged me back. Again I felt bad with how worried he looked. “Because I can’t. Don’t ask me why, I just can’t.” Carefully he let my wrist go and held his arms out. “Now stop pretending you’re Superwoman and get over here and hug me.” Instinct told me to snap back that I didn’t have to but I had learned in the past few months that Kikwang was just as stubborn as I was. Not to mention his hugs were always the best. “Come here before I tackle you and make you hug me woman.” 

Just as he started to stand up I finally gave in and hugged him. We sat there for a little while when he suddenly hugged me tighter. “You know you’re hair smells nice.” I don’t think I can even explain why I started crying when he said that. Somehow I thought of Ben and I don’t even know what happened. But he didn’t say a word as I cried, just rubbed my back and hummed softly.

“I-I’m st-still mad at you.” I tried to sound angry but hiccupping really takes away that effect. He just shushed me and pulled me closer mumbling something I couldn’t hear. How can I possibly stay mad at someone who had done so much for me? He never even asked anything from me in return. Crazy boy.  Sniffling a little I tried to say something but he shushed me again, still rubbing my back.  I have to admit his shoulder was a lot better to cry on than a pillow.