Time heals all wounds. So what are you supposed to do when the hands of time seem to have arthritis?  Never, in my life, had one year been such a for lack of a better word whirlwind. Mother had tried her hardest to get me to move back home after I told her about what happened with Ben. I guess she was afraid that I would relapse. Then, telling her that I had Kikwang to help me, she went into a crazed frenzy.  Apparently, becoming friends with an idol was frowned upon in this family. Though I guess I could understand where she was coming from, didn’t mean I had to like it though.

Honestly I’m a little scared of relying too much on him. I didn’t think about Ben as much sure but I think in a way I had gotten too selfish when it came to Kikwang and the rest of Beast actually. I was the songwriter for Gina but I still spent a lot of time with the Beast boys, especially Junhyung and his own composing. Probably helped that Skyler would shift between working with 4Minute and the Beast boys as a dancer instructor. So when Skyler was out on dates with Du-Ho I was out with Kikwang and the others, usually working but, sometimes Mario Kart took precedence over songwriting. 

It was when I was home alone, which was more often than not now that I didn’t want to be the third wheel, I felt like I was going crazy. Sure, I went out on dates but none of them seemed to ‘fit’ right.  But I guess that sounds crazy too.  And, when I found out Tanner and Amanda were actually engaged to someone I nearly lost my mind. I was the last one in our family in the twenties range to get married and I’m twenty-three almost twenty-four. Actually, tomorrow I’ll be twenty-four, God I feel old. Maybe I’ll get some Halloween candy deals to make me feel better that’s one of the best things about being a Halloween baby. 

For now though I needed to focus on Gina’s new album and then get ready for my date tonight. Or maybe I would just work on another song for her and skip the date. Wouldn’t be the first time I used that tactic. But I couldn’t keep using the excuse that I was sick or caught up in the office forever.  It wasn’t like Sunghyun was a bad guy he just wasn’t-

“So I was thinking for the chorus we should really focus on her dance ability and vocal stamina.”

Blinking and shaking my head I looked over to the other composer that worked with Gina, Kyoung he had been working with her since her debut days. “Huh? Oh um yeah I think that’s good but we don’t want something too powerful that makes the rest of the song seem bland I was thinking we save the high notes until the end.  Maybe layer in a few background vocals of hers for the bridge as well.”

“That works, but what vocals do you think would go good with the background?”

Shifting through a few of my folders I couldn’t find it anywhere.  Why in the world am I so out of it today? I could have sworn I had chosen most of the background music last night.  Maybe I left it at home?  Come up with a quick lie and search for it when I get home no big. “Honestly I haven’t been able to settle on a beat that I like well enough to go in the background yet but I’ll figure some vocals and music out tomorrow. I think for now we need to focus on the lyrics.”

“But isn’t your birthday tomorrow?”

Why does everyone have to bring it up? I can feel the wrinkles coming up, God. “Your point?”

Oh now he was going to be all concerned and crap. Why am I so weird for wanting to work on my birthday? Tons of people do it. Is it different because I’m white? Stupid little-nope I cannot let my angry and easily offended side take over I must remain calm. “CEO already said that you could have it off.”

Waving him off I scratched out one of the lines we wrote and tapped my pencil against the paper. “Details, I’d rather be here not to mention there isn’t anyone that I can celebrate it with until after work hours anyway.”

He looked uncertain and I really wished that I was able to tell him to drop it and it would be appropriate. Sadly life is not as nice like that. “Well as long as you’re okay with it I guess.”

Of course I’m okay with it that’s why I’m doing it. “I am, so let’s get back to work shall we? When Gina gets back see if she wants to have more synth in the background for her third track okay? I’m going to go pick up her lunch in a little bit so I won’t be able to tell her myself.”

“Sure. If you’re going to the galbi restaurant across the street would you get me something as well? I’ll pay for it.”

“Yeah I figured she would want some variety and sure I’ll get you something but don’t worry about paying.” After he wrote down his order and we went over a few more lines I slipped out the room. I swear he’s a good composer but he can be so nosey sometimes. Ha, maybe I’m just so fascinating that he wanted to know a lot about me. Sure, that’s it. When I got to the lobby my phone vibrated and I was half tempted to ignore it assuming that it was Kyoung wanting more food. But I resisted the urge and checked only to be surprised to see Kikwang’s number show up. Are you busy? I told him that I was just going to get food and before I could even get to the door my phone buzzed again. Wait for me please~~ I’ll be out in like two minutes. What could I say to that? No I’m impatient two minutes is too long to wait when I’m just walking across the street? What seemed like a few seconds later, he slid next to me breathing a little heavy, a hat over his head and sunglasses on. He really ran here? Crazy boy. 

Glancing at my phone I grinned, “You did that in one.”

He grinned as well and stretched his arms above his head. “What can I say, I’m pretty fantastic.”

Smirking I turned away from him, “Okay someone needs another ego check.”

“Mmm after food.”  And before I could even protest he grabbed my hand and dragged me out to the street. As soon as we were outside I pulled my hand away, he seriously needed to be more careful. The fans that would wait outside the company sometimes were used to seeing me with him and the rest of the members but I always made sure to keep my distance. 

Once we were in the restaurant and waiting in lined I poked his shoulder, “I still say you need an ego check right now.” 

“And take longer to get food? Don’t think I didn’t hear your stomach growling.”

“I’ve been around you five minutes and already I’m questioning why I hang out with you.”

“’Cause you love me.” He didn’t even look at me as he spoke; instead he looked at the menu with a soft smile on his face. I had gotten use to his automatic response over time. Usually Skyler was the only guy friend I had that would say that and I didn’t feel weird but it was Kikwang and he’s turned into an exception for almost every rule of mine.

Smiling I pushed him out of the line a bit and headed up to the counter. “Nope you love me.” Without glancing back at what I was sure him pouting I ordered Gina’s food and my own. When I turned to ask Kikwang what he wanted I ended up hitting his chest. Okay my nose kind of hurts now and my cheeks feel like they’re on fire, great. I didn’t need to look up to know that he was smirking and probably trying not to laugh.

As he ordered I turned back to the counter, thankfully the girl wasn’t paying much attention to me she was too focused on Kikwang. Sadly that didn’t make the blush on my face disappear any faster. Right after he ordered I practically shoved the money at the girl and retreated to a less busy side of the restaurant.  “You know if you want to see my chest there are easier ways.” Oh God I knew that was coming. 

Scowling I flicked his forehead, “Yes I could just watch the thousands of fan cams you guys have where you rip off your shirt.  And again I say it,” I flicked his forehead again, “ego check.” 

“Enough about me,” he swatted my hand away when I tried to flick him again, “what about you birthday girl?” He must have noticed my surprise and laughed lightly. “Come on you think I would forget your birthday? I’ve only been asking you every day what you want for it.”

“And I told you I-”

He rolled his eyes and poked my side, “Want nothing because you think you still have to pay me back for buying you food when you were an intern. How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t have to?”

“I’ll never listen.”

He let out a frustrated groan and took his hat off, swatting at me with it. “Why won’t you listen to me?”

Shrugging I picked at the stray fabric of my shirt. “Because you’re crazy.”

“Bull, you’re the crazy one.  I mean you scared that poor intern to death when he came to you for advice on how to make his portfolio.”

“And where is he now? That’s right, composing your band’s new album. My methods build character.”

“Your methods build something.”

Shoving him away I started to walk up to the counter hoping to grab the food first when one of the men behind the counter called out our number. “Okay you’re not getting your food now.”

He was right behind me though, and just as I grabbed the bag he grabbed it as well. “Aren’t you supposed to be nice to people younger than you?”

Scoffing I tried to tug the bag from his grasp but he held on fast and smirked knowingly at me. “You’re barely younger than me.”

He tugged lightly on the bag and leaned closer his smirk morphing into a small smile. “But you’re still my noona.” No, no, no do not be so cute it’s not fair. Sighing I gave up and let him take the bag from me. Smiling in victory he headed towards the door with me trudging after him. I can never argue with him it’s not fair. He knew all my weak spots. The worst part was I couldn’t bring myself to care.

Grumbling I took the bag from him and walked ahead, not bothering to hold the door open for him.  “I’m not old.” 

He laughed and grabbed his food from the bag. “Never said you were,” He laughed again and kissed my cheek, “bye noona!” 

“Hey!” I called after him but he was already half way down the hall and it wasn’t like I could run after him without looking like an idiot. Plus Gina and Kyoung were probably wondering what was taking me so long. 

Knowing that Kikwang was probably laughing still and sharing his food with his band mates I grumbled all the way up to the studio. And, sure enough, as I got in Kyoung asked what took me so long. People are like clockwork. After mumbling that the line was long we went right back to work and with Gina there it was ten times more productive than before. 

~~~~~

Sometimes I really hate being stubborn. Wait, no I hate people who stand others up more. In a way I didn’t even want to go out tonight but at least I would have called him. .  And not only was I stubborn I was hungry. At least we had agreed to meet at the restaurant and it was within even my budget. After I texted Skyler to let him know I would be coming home in a foul mood I ordered Spicy Clam Linguine and debated on what I could do afterwards. I knew that Skyler was at the apartment with his own date and I was not about to come home before the time I said I would. Maybe I could go down to the park or get those new shoes I had been keeping an eye on. 

For a little bit I debated on texting Kikwang to see what he was doing and if I could steal him for a while but then I remembered he had a flight early in the morning. If memory served me right they were heading to New York for a concert with some other artists. Wonder if Tanner is going to go. If he is I should make him buy me stuff. Maybe a light stick or a t-shirt hm no light sticks would be cheaper here I’ll make him get me a shirt. But then I might wish that I was able to actually go instead of just getting a shirt. I’ll make him take pictures and fancams with his awesome camera then. Nope I’ll still wish I was there. Damn it. Screw it I’m going to make him get me a shirt anyway.

I’m certain some of the people looking over at me thought I was nuts. Some little white girl grumbling in Korean and devouring her clams and pasta like no tomorrow probably was a foreign sight for them. A part of me was tempted to act even weirder but this pasta was just too good to have someone complain about me and get in trouble. Maybe I’ll come with Skyler next time that might not look so weird.

“I didn’t know you liked clams.” 

Coughing I reached for my water and looked up to find that, sure enough, Kikwang was standing there.  He had his glasses on and a dark blue long sleeved shirt with his coat under his arm and a smirk on his face. I drank my water as a way to avoid looking at him and when I recovered I looked down at my pasta suddenly feeling very embarrassed. “You never asked.”

He chuckled and glanced around the restaurant, probably happy that no one seemed to be bothering him yet. Turning back to me he flashed a charming grin and gestured to the chair. “Is this seat taken?” 

I could have been cute and said, “it is by you now” or just, “no not at all” instead the first thing out of my mouth was, “Don’t you have to be resting for your plan ride tomorrow?” Out of all the things I could say that’s what comes out of my mouth? Seriously?

Again he laughed, not troubled at all by my response and took it as an invitation to sit down. Throwing his coat carelessly over the chair he leaned one elbow on the table and rested his chin on his open palm.  “And let a pretty girl sit all by herself while surrounded by judging eyes? Seems like a crime to me.”

Blushing I twirled my pasta around, no longer hungry. “How did you know I was here though?”

Surprisingly a scowl crossed his face, “Ran into Skyler when he was out with Du-ho getting dinner and we saw your…date apparently he seems to like blondes better.” It would figure something like that would happen. 

Scoffing I stabbed at the pasta, wincing a little when the fork slid across the plate making a screeching sound.  “Who doesn’t?”

“I don’t.”

Of course not, just make yourself seem more amazing and make me want to hate other guys why don’t you? “So you decided to sit on my invisible date? You’re hurting his feelings you know he was trying his darndest to woo me and take me home.” I gestured to him before fiddling with the rest of my pasta again.  Just when he was about to respond the waiter came by and I almost laughed at how surprised he was to see Kikwang there. Kikwang, of course, didn’t miss a beat and quickly asked for a water and “the same thing she’s having”. 

When the stunned waiter left he turned back to me with a smile, “Well I’m not sorry to your invisible date he sounds like a bad guy. But if you’re really worried about it how about I get you ice cream for you after this?” When did he get so confident? And why is his smile affecting me more and more? 

Say no say no say no say no say no- “Strawberry?” Damn it.

He shook his head, still smiling and leaned back in the chair. “You and your strawberry ice cream.”

“You and your bland vanilla but wait just a second it’s negative one out there I’m not so sure that ice cream is the best choice.”

“Hm good point, coffee then?”

That smile, he knows me too well. “You know I won’t turn down free coffee.”

“Exactly.” That’s it I’m not answering the phone when you call in the middle of the night anymore because all it’s going to turn into is you knowing how to get me to do things. Darn my love for coffee.

“Is this a weird attempt to get me to hang out with you? Bribing me with coffee?”

He laughed and said a quick thank you to the waiter that brought his water and informed him that his food would be out soon. Turning back to me he shrugged and sipped on his water a bit. “Well since I squashed your date and I’m paying for things technically I’m taking you on a date Ms. Crawford.” 

Oh dear God. “Well aren’t you just so excited? You get to go out on a date with me.” Cockily I brushed off my shoulders and leaned back in my chair.

Kikwang stared at me oddly for a few seconds before we both fell into fits of laughter trying desperately to keep as quiet as possible to not draw attention to ourselves. He was the first to calm down. “Just eat your food and hush.” He swatted at me when I stuck out my tongue out at him giggling. 

After a few minutes I calmed down and waved him off. “Not until your food gets here or I’ll feel really obnoxious.”

He scoffed and tried to push my plate closer to me. “So you’re just going to let your food get cold?”

“Yes.”

“That’s stupid.”

“That’s mean.”

“Stubborn.”

“Meanie.”

He scowled and pointed the chopsticks on the table at me. “Listen you-” before he could finish the waiter returned with the pasta and a fork for him as well. Smiling in victory he thanked the waiter before mixing up his pasta a bit. “And now you have to eat if your food is cold it’s not my fault, you’re just too stubborn.” 

Chuckling lightly I hesitated for a second before wrapping a few noodles around my fork again and glanced to make sure that he had taken a bite before eating again. As expected my noodles were cold but I was not going to tell him that. 

We ate quietly for a while until he pulled a clam too hard and it landed on his forehead, which instantly put me in a fit of giggles. “That’s not funny!” he whined while pulling the piece of meat off his forehead. I didn’t stop laughing though even though I tried. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just your-your- face.” I started laughing again and buried my face in my elbow on the table hoping that if I didn’t look at him I would stop laughing. 

“No coffee for you.” He grumbled darkly. 

Usually that would stop my laughing. I looked up and just as I expected he was pouting and his arms were crossed over his chest and I felt another wave of laughter bubbling to the surface. Lip quivering I stifled a few giggles and kicked at his foot. “Don’t speak such nonsense and eat before your food gets cold.” 

He didn’t respond but kicked my foot which incited a foot war that I knew I would lose. I’ll just say it’s because he has bigger feet than me. Yeah that’s it. “Feel bad stealing my line now, don’t you?”

“Hush before I leave you with the bill.”

Scoffing he picked at his food, “Who said I was going to let you pay anyway?”

“You are not paying for my food stop talking nonsense.” I mumbled before stuffing more food in my mouth. When he didn’t start eating I rolled my eyes and kicked at his food again. “Eat you.” 

I wish I could say that he dropped the subject after that but nope every once in a while he would mention it. He always timed it just right to where my mouth was full of food and I wouldn’t be able to yell at him. Punk. This continued throughout the entire meal much to my dismay and when the waiter came back with the check I thought I was ready, thought so anyway. Just as I grabbed the check and pulled out my card Kikwang snatched my card from me. Which turned into a small fight for the card with our forks but I shouldn’t have left one of his hands open because he grabbed his own card and handed it to the once again stunned waiter.   

As soon as the waiter left I hit his hand with the fork again. “Why did you do that? I could have paid for it myself just fine.”

“Birthday girls should not pay for anything.”

Seriously? Groaning, I slapped my forehead. “Kikwang it’s not even my birthday yet.”

He pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine I’ll tell you happy birthday in,” he glanced at his watch, “four hours.” 

“In four hours I plan to be in bed if you wake me up I’ll walk to your dorm and kick your .” I grumbled while putting my coat and hat on. He just smiled knowingly and I almost asked him what he was thinking but decided against it. When the waiter came back Kikwang thanked him and threw his coat on before standing and offering his arm. Which I admit, I took without thinking. Before I could pull away and pretend to be mad about him taking the check he laced his fingers with mine and dragged me out to the street. 

Smiling he turned left and looked around at the many shops and cafes on the street. “Now where should we get that coffee I promised?” I was still too stunned he was this bold when he wasn’t wearing a disguise and I hadn’t pulled away to answer. When I didn’t speak for a while he smiled and tightened his grip on my hand, probably knowing I would try to pull away. “Starbucks it is.” There were a million things I could say. “I really think your company won’t like an employee going out with you” or “are you crazy if I get attacked by fangirls I’m killing you” but I couldn’t get the words from my throat to my mouth no matter how hard I tried. And a part of my brain, the one beating out logic constantly, told me to enjoy it while it lasted. 

To my surprise and admittedly pleasure I wasn’t asleep in four hours. Close enough I guess since I was at my apartment door saying goodbye to Kikwang. Well sort of. “And three…two…one okay can I say happy birthday now?” He looked up from his watch with a grin. 

“Fine, fine, say it so I can go to bed.”

“Someone is a grumpy birthday girl.”

Scowling I poked his stomach. “No I’m a tired birthday girl.” 

I pushed him away from the door lightly and just as I was about to enter the code he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back a bit. “No you can’t leave yet without birthday hugs! I’m not going to see you for the rest of the day who else is going to give you birthday hugs?”

Kikwang you’re adorable but if I don’t go to sleep soon I’m going to rip your head off. “Skyler? Besides once you turn eighteen no one does birthday hugs or slaps anymore.”

“Unacceptable.” 

I knew that even if I went inside just knowing that he was standing outside the door pouting would make me feel bad. “Alright fine, but this counts as two.” He grumbled a little bit but agreed and counted along with each hug. The last one was the longest and for a second I almost pulled him back into another hug. After saying goodnight once again I turned and opened my door.

Just as I got in and the door was about to close he reached out and grabbed it. “Oh um Anais?” Turning I saw him holding out a small box, “Happy birthday.” Gently he placed the box in my hand and before I could even open my mouth he leaned forward and kissed me. I couldn’t even wrap my mind around what was happening fully until he pulled away and darted down the hall. I wanted to scream, kick myself and chase after him but I couldn’t get my mouth to open or my legs to cooperate. All I could do was thinking about how soft his lips were and that I wanted to kiss him again. 

A while later, I wasn’t really sure how long, Skyler opened the door humming happily to himself and surprisingly his date wasn’t in tow. Not realizing I was standing there he nearly ran into me. “Whoa okay did not expect my little white girl roomie to be standing here looking like she’s seen a ghost.”

“He kissed me.”

Skyler coughed and gently pushed me out of the entryway and towards the couch. “Beg your pardon?”

“He gave me birthday hugs and a present and then he kissed me.” I let Skyler lead me to the couch and even let him push me down. I still couldn’t really wrap my mind around it he showed no indication of changed emotion towards me that I could see he was just being friendly as always. And sure I thought he was attractive and sweet and maybe if he wasn’t an idol I’d let myself develop a-

“Well it’s about damn time.” What is with everyone interrupting my train of thought lately? Jesus. When I raised a brow at him he gave me a ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ look, “The boy has been nuts for you for like forever and you are so thick headed you didn’t notice.” 

Scowling and blushing lightly I shoved him into the couch. “Shut up I don’t want to be with him like that-what don’t give me that look, I don’t! He’s sweet but it wouldn’t work out and you know it.” I tried to be firm but clearly Skyler was not going to be swayed otherwise, at least not tonight.

“You’re just being stubborn.”

Oh yeah I’m being stubborn. Excuse me for being realistic you jerk. “No Skyler you are. If it makes you feel better I’ll talk to him when he gets back from the US alright?”

“Yeah you better.”

“I will.” I hugged him lightly, “Tell me about your date tomorrow I’m super tired.”

“Fine, fine just one more question. How was the kiss?”

I could feel another blush rush to my face as I turned from a cackling Skyler and towards my bedroom.  “Goodnight Skyler.” I snapped before shutting the door hard behind me and leaned against the frame. I hesitated for a moment before opening the small box Kikwang had given me. 

Gasping softly the lid fell to the floor and I leaned against the door more. “I don’t believe it.” Resting against a velvet interior was a silver charm bracelet with a sixteenth note, an eighth note, a grand piano, whole note and guitar charm. The same charm bracelet that I had spent nearly twenty minutes staring at because I couldn’t afford it when we went out together a couple of months ago. So he went back and got this for me? Under the bracelet was a note. 

Happy birthday Anais I’m sorry I can’t be here this year maybe next I’ll make it up to you?

Love,

Kikwang 

A part of me wanted to squeal in joy the other part wanted to cry. Why did he have to be so sweet to me? Shuffling over to my bed I placed the box on the dresser and pulled out my phone. I loved the present Kikwang but um…can we talk when you get back? As soon as I sent it I regretted it and just when I was trying to type up a message to say forget it he texted me back. I’m glad you liked it but I wanted to talk to you anyway. Now I’m not sure how much I’ll look forward to his return.