What was I even supposed to say to that? Did he want me to beg him to stay? What could I even do?  “But…why?” I thought I would sound stronger but apparently not.

He crossed his arms over his chest and kept his voice grim and his lips in a firm line, “I’m finishing my studies this semester and there isn’t much reason for me to stay is there? Korea isn’t the place for me Anais.”

That hurt more than I thought it would. In a way I had expected this to happen but I didn’t think it would be so soon and I didn’t think it would hurt this much. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach over and over. “I thought…it could be our place.” Come on Crawford hold it together a strong woman doesn’t cry, not in front of them. 

Ben scoffed and for a second I swore I saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes but my hope was smashed when he started speaking again. “Come Anais be real. There are things I love about the area but honestly can you see someone like me living here?” No. “England is my home and I already told you that I was probably going to want to go home afterwards.” I remember him saying that sure but I remembered him also mentioning me in his plans. He said he would wait until I was ready. 

I couldn’t help but feel anger start to boil up in me as the memory started to come back to me. “So you don’t even want to talk to me about it?”

Now he looked sheepish. Oh hell no, he was not going to do that without me having my say so. “Well actually…that brings me to part two Anais I-”

Apparently he was. “No.”

“Anais-”

Growling I shoved him back and stamped my foot. Usually I would care about waking up my neighbors but right now my thought process wasn’t the best. “No you shut up Ben you do not have the right to do this to me! After everything I’ve done for you! I gave you everything,” and I mean everything you impatient , “and now your mother comes for a visit and you decide to throw all of that away? I even sat through you not caring about what was important for me and supported you endlessly when I don’t give a damn about your competitions.”

“It’s not like-”

“Don’t you dare, don’t you dare! Damn it Benjamin don’t try and avoid the real problem like you always do. From day one you’ve been a mother’s boy and I didn’t care about that because I loved you but damn it Benjamin it’s not fair that I can’t even hold a candle to your mother. When did I become so unimportant to you? Or was I ever even important to you? Was I just someone to fill time until your mother found someone better suited for her precious baby boy?” I wasn’t sure where all this sudden confidence was coming from but it felt like a weight was finally being lifted off my shoulder, revealing everything that had been bothering me for months.

“Anais please-”

I blinked a few times trying to fight back tears. I refused to let him see me cry. “No, how dare you throw away everything away like this. You…you didn’t even ask me. What makes you think I wouldn’t want to go back with you? And I remember a few months ago you loved Korea what the hell changed?”

He growled and stepped closer, holding out a finger. “Would you really leave this place? Would you Anais?!” When I didn’t speak instantly he scoffed and looked away, running his fingers through his hair.  “And you changed! All the sudden all you cared about was your music and that…that idol or whatever.”  His name is Kikwang and he’s been more support these past few months than you have been in the past three years. “Don’t think I haven’t seen the conversations you’ve had with him on your phone.” Okay you went through my phone? Okay . “I’m not going to be second place to someone that you barely know and I certainly won’t allow myself to be with someone who puts something that probably won’t even work out before me.” He thought my internship wasn’t going to work out? Okay what the hell happened to being supportive and a good boyfriend? Then again those were all probably just empty words to him. 

Don’t let him see you cry. Don’t let him see you cry. Blinking hard a few times I took a shaky breath and looked him straight in the eye, “Fine Ben. Fine you win. But don’t be such a you look me in the eye and you tell me that you don’t want to be with me. No excuses.”

He stepped forward and leaned down until our noses were almost touching, I knew I had hit a sensitive spot but I couldn’t bring myself to care anymore. “Anais Crawford I don’t love you anymore.” He sneered and stepped back, “How’s that for not being a .” 

Growling I slapped him right across the face, “I never loved you.” I wasn’t sure if that was a lie or not.  Using his shock I opened the door and dragged him inside. “You make sure he doesn’t leave.” I growled to Skyler who looked rather shocked but nodded. 

Wasting no time I grabbed a box and gathered everything that Ben ever gave me, all the necklaces, the stuffed animals, a shirt and the pictures we took together. When I was certain I had everything I stomped back to Ben and shoved the box into his arms. “Don’t even bother bringing my stuff back I don’t want anything that’s been around you.” He turned and left. Without thinking I ripped the door open and yelled, “I hope you find someone in England who is willing to be some pathetic little house wife for you and be just as good of a listener for you as I was!”  Slamming the door closed I stood there shaking for a little while unable to stop the anger flowing through me.

“Anais…baby doll.” Skyler’s soft words and placing a hand on my shoulder ruined my tough exterior. I crumbled to the floor and buried my face in my hands shaking as I cried loudly. Instantly Skyler had his arms around me and pulled me close. “He’s an baby it’s good you’re finally rid of him.”

A part of me agreed with him but right now it just hurt way too much. Why did he have to do this when I was having such a good day? “It-it h-hurts so bad.” I whined as I clung to his shirt tightly and sobbed in his shoulder.

“I know baby doll I know. But you’ll be alright you’re too strong to let him get to you for long.” He rubbed my back softly but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t calm down. “Just let it all out right now.” He added in a soft murmur. He didn’t have to tell me twice. After hiccupping a little I cried harder and wrapped my arms around his waist not even bothering to try and be somewhat quiet or calm down now.

What surprised me though was I wasn’t sure why exactly I was crying. I mean Annabelle cried when her boyfriend left her because she loved him but all I could think about was that I was going to be alone now not that I loved him and I would miss him. But I thought I did love him. Yet all I could feel was fear and anger. We sat there for a while; every now and then Skyler would whisper comforting words and threaten to kill Ben for me. 

When I finally calmed down my cries to nothing more than those annoying hiccups I pulled back for Skyler and he got some Kleenexes for me. “Good thing we used your waterproof eye liner huh?” I smiled a little at his attempt to lighten the mood. “Alright you, clean up, I’ll get ice cream and Mean Girls ready for some break up therapy.” 

Smiling was a little bit easier than I expected. I gave him brief hug before getting up and dragging myself into the bathroom. Right as I closed the door I heard a small shuffling by the door before suddenly Hey Jude started to play. Skyler I could kiss you. What little makeup I had, already had almost worn off but some streaks were visible. Have I mentioned I love that my face cleaner smells like grape fruits?  Something about that smell always makes me feel better. After brushing out my hair I opened the door only to be swept up by Skyler who started to lead me in a dance around the apartment to Hey Jude. I swear he’s the best friend ever. As I smiled he smiled and spun me towards the couch. “Now that’s my beautiful best friend. Now get in your pajamas best friend you won’t be able to fit in your jeans by the time I’m done stuffing ice cream and popcorn into you.”

Knowing him he would actually stuff me with that much ice cream. Then I probably wouldn’t go to work.  But in a way I think that was his plan. But I followed his ‘demand’ and changed while he went to get the popcorn. “Have I told you how amazing you are Skyler?”

“I know I am boo. Now sit down and let us spend the rest of the night pigging out and quoting our favorite movies.” He placed the popcorn on the coffee table before taking his spot next to me, bouncing a little. I know he’s tired and pretending to be as happy as he can to make me feel better. Admittedly it was working so I was selfish and didn’t point out his tiredness. I guess he would stay up anyway though; he is the best friend a person could ever have. 

Taking a large scoop of ice cream I couldn’t help but laugh, “You know most people would take their friend out drinking not stuff her with ice cream.”

“Ruin your brain cells and give you an awful hangover for work tomorrow? Pft I think not. Now eat up tonight we eat our feelings until we can’t eat them anymore.”

Just as I was about to take a bite I lowered my spoon and looked over at him quizzically. Was he hiding his issues from me to make me feel better? Crazy boy I’ll beat your tomorrow. “Wait, we?”

He scoffed and with a mouth full of ice cream spoke, “Yeah I have feelings too you know.”

He didn’t look too upset actually, just really annoyed. There could only be one reason why he was so annoyed. “Still haven’t gotten your instructor’s brother yet.”

Pouting and sinking into the couch further he took an even bigger scoop of ice cream. “Ugh he’s playing hard to get girl.”

Nudging his side and turning towards the movie I scooted closer to the ice cream and reassuringly replied, “I’ll be your wing woman later I promise.”

Smiling now he scooted closer as well and relaxed, “That’s my girl.”

About halfway through the movie I spotted my phone on the floor light up. Glancing over at Skyler I made sure he was absorbed in the movie before grabbing it. At first I thought that it would be Ben but instead I saw Kikwang’s name on the ID. All the painful knots in my stomach I had been trying to get rid of came back and despite my first instinct to toss the phone down and not look at it for the rest of the night I read the message. Do I need to sick Doojoon hyung and Junhyung hyung on him? Oh if you only knew the half of it Kikwang. No I’m alright, don’t worry about me. A lie but I figured I would be able to convince him otherwise and he would be too busy to get it out of me for a few days.