i'm no good| ft. lee jinki

I twirled the pencil in my hands , hoping for it to do something out of this world. But nothing was happening. It was just another boring day of class. The teacher babbled on about something we would never use in life. Sure I was one of the most academically  successful students in our school, but even I thought school work was useless at times. I wish something would just happen in this boring, ancient town.

Right then, a girl clad in all black strided into the classroom with effortless confidence. She had raven black wavy hair, with long legs, a sharp nose accompanied by a pair of prominent eyes that were encircled with black eyeliner.

"Ms. Kang! It's bad enough that you don't show up on the first few weeks of school, but at least try to come early!", the teacher stopped the lesson to scold her.

"You should be happy I showed up, ssaem*", she said with a smirk. Her voice was low and smooth, but somewhat menacing.

Ms. Park glared and continued,"What's this? Why aren't you wearing the school uniform?"

"I'm wearing the shirt aren't I?", she rolled her eyes.

"Where's the skirt?"

"I don't do short skirts. I have some dignity, unlike some girls at this school."

I looked down to see her ripped black skinny jeans, and combat boots. Girls would usually wear bows, hearts or something of that sort. This girl presented herself as if she's never heard of the word heart before.

"Go. To. Your. Seat."

"With pleasure, Ms. Park", the mysterious girl shot her a plastic, honey smile.

She made her way over to the desks, trying to find a place to seat. Whispers were heard but she disregarded them as if they were nothing; as if she's heard it all before. Her eyed landed on the desk next to mine, and my body tightened. The legs of the chair made a scraping noise as she sat down. Something about her I-don't-care attitude perplexed me. It made me feel inferior in her presence, and her confidence that radiated off of her.

She combed her hair back with her fingers, then she rested her head on her hand. I glanced at her from time to time. She made me nervous and I had no idea why. When the bell rang, I pulled all of my papers together and stuffed it into my book bag. She took one piece of paper she wrote notes on and crumpled it up.

I tried to rush out of the room, but I ended up tripping on the leg of the desk. I looked up to see her face hovering above mine.

"Are you okay?", her eyes burned with fire.

"Y-Yes", I stuttered like a fool.

She reached out her hand and helped me. I couldn't look her in the face. Had I just really tripped in front of her? My face became hot with embarrassment and I gulped down the lump in my throat.

She stared at me a moment longer before exiting. I saw disappearing silhouette and wished that I would have said something else, something more.

_______________________________

"Hey, Jinki! You gonna do my History project for me?", the class bully grabbed me by the shoulder.

I tensed up. It was always like this. Always being pushed around to do the dumb bully's homework. The worst part of it was, that I couldn't even defend myself.

"S-Sure."

"No he won't", the familiar voice from this morning said.

Hyun turned around with a flirtatious smile on his face.

"Babe, you're back", he opened his arms for a hug while still keeping his hold on me.

She walked past him and went right to my shoulder to claw his hand off.

"Don't call me that, Hyun, or else you'll lose this arm", she threw back his arm back to his side.

"Ooh~ I'm glad you haven't lost that y little attitude."

I glared at him. How dare he speak to a lady like that?

Her hand lunged toward his face and held it in a tight grip.

"You know what else I didn't lose? My will to tear your limbs off. So I suggest before you really do lose that arm, to get out of here and never bother him again."

She let go of her death grip. Hyun glared at me then her, straightened out his jacket, and headed back to his posse.

"T-Thank you", I said meekly.

"You can't let people push you around like that, Jinki-ah", she said in a serious tone while walking off. I saw her walk away once again, and wished I would've stopped her.

_____________________

The next day the teacher had suddenly decided to give us a pop quiz.. I finished before everyone else. The girl from yesterday, immediately went into napping position after hearing the word quiz. She hadn't even bothered to write her name. I stared at her paper  and then back at her. How did these kind of people exist in this world? I slid the paper from underneath her elbow, waking her up.

"What are you doing?", she said groggily.

I began to scribble down the answers on her paper, while the teacher wasn't looking. I could feel her gaze on me, which made me break out in cold sweat. I've never done something like this before. However, it felt exciting knowing that any minute I could get caught. I curtly gave the paper back to her.

She looked at me as if she was analyzing me. As if she was the one upset at me. I looked down; I could never meet her gaze for long because like I said, she made me nervous for unknown reasons.

The bell rang and we handed in our papers one by one. As I went through the door, I heard her voice behind me.

"You didn't have to do that, you know."

"Consider it a thank you."

"I'll get one good grade, what difference will it make?", she rolled her eyes.

"So, study. You'll get high marks on everything."

"Yeah, me and studying don't really fit well....", she chuckled.

"Meet me after school." What was I saying?

"Why?"

"I'm tutoring you." My heart did flips. I sounded SOOO smooth.

________________________

I tapped my pencil against the table, wanting the clock to tick faster. The bell roared through the classroom and bolted through the door.

I would wait for her, or so I thought. I saw her leaning against the school gates with a cigarette in her dainty hand. She took a long drag and slowly blew out the white smoke. She watched as it lingered in the air before taking in another drag. What was I getting myself involved with? I was raised in a good home, with a loving family. I've been taught to do the exact opposite of everything she does. Yet she pulled me in, there was something so much more than this bad facade. She was trouble, but I didn't care.

I walked up to her and snatched the cancer stick out out of her hand while it was still in contact with her lips.

"What are you doing?", she said, in an icy cold voice.

"Smoking is bad."

"Gee, thanks captain obvious. I'll remember that next time I buy a pack of cigarettes."

I sighed and she started to walk forward.

"Where are we going?", I hoped she was less annoyed than before.

"To the library."

"Ugh, I can't believe you're making me do this."

As soon as we got to the library, I told her to sit down as I picked a book from the shelf. I opened it, and placed in front of her.

"See this? These are LUNGS; a very important organ for us human beings. Especially when you want to live.", I said mirroring her previous sarcasm.

"Not interesting. Let's start with something else."

I frowned and slid my hand down my face.

"Ah~! I don't get it!", she threw the book across the table. Everything had been running smoothly until we came to a difficult math problem.

"SHH!", the librarian scolded.

"You 'SHH''!", she threw back.

I held her shoulder to calm her down.

"Why did we come here in the first place?"

"We're going to keep coming here until you get full marks on a test."

"I never agreed to that!"

"Oh come on! It can't be that bad", I nudged her with my elbow. I was starting to become more comfortable with her, realizing she wasn't as threatening as she looked. She just had bit  of an anger problem.

"Fine, fine! Come on, Jinki, it's getting late", she said, stretching out her arms.

"You can call me Onew", I gave her a friendly smile.

"Suits you. Either that or Dubu."

"Dubu?!"

"Yeah, you're squishy and easy to break or push around."

I found myself blushing heavily at what she said.

________________________

So just like that, everyday we went to the library after school and it was the only thing I had to look forward to.

"You weren't in class today", I say as I see her in front of the school.

"Eh, I cut class", she shrugged.

I crossed my arms against my chest like an upset mother.

"What?", she asked innocently.

"How do you expect your tutoring to stop when you don't even show up to class?"

"Who said I wanted it to stop?"

I felt my heart literally stop, and my body stiffened. Did I just hear correctly? Someone wake me up from this beautiful dream.

She grabbed my hand and dragged me along, seeing that I was nowhere near moving.

Never mind. Don't wake me up.

"Let's not go to the library today.", I stated firmly.

"Why?", she let go of my hand and I wish I had glue to put it back where it was rightfully meant to be.

"Let's go to Hongdae*.", she said with a charming smile.

"Sure."

After a long day of hanging out and eating, we decided to walk home. It was a long way back, but it was clear we liked each other's company.

"You're house is around here right? I'll drop you off."

"Isn't the boy supposed to do that to the girl?"

"Who cares about doing things the regular way? Plus, it's not like we're together."

Her last words really took a toll on me. Enough to silence me the rest of the way. It was true; we weren't together, I just wish we were. Ever since the first day, I'd been drawn to her. I hope she felt the same way.

"Here we are. Bye, Onew."

Instead of responding, I looked at the concrete sidewalk. I didn't know what to tell her. How much longer could I bottle up these feelings?

"What's wrong?"

"You know how feel about you right?"

"Onew..."

"It's okay if you don't feel the same way, I still want you to know how much I like you."

"You're too good for me." That had caught my attention.

"N-No I'm not!"

"You are. I'm a bad person, Jinki. You should meet someone as nice and caring as you."

"You are nice and caring!!"

She took out a piece of paper from her pocket. It was the test we took recently, and she had gotten a hundred.

"Thank you, for spending all those days tutoring me. I guess you don't have to do it anymore."

I took the paper, and stared at it blankly. She slowly started to walk away and once again all  I could was watch her leave. My hands curled into fists and tears started to form in my eyes. I liked her so much, no matter what everyone said about her, about what she said about herself. She was a good person; I knew she was. I pressed the paper against my heart, cherishing the last memory I had of her.

________________________

I walked through the school gates, to see her on the steps surrounded by the bad kids in our school. She took a long drag from her cigarette and blew it into the sky. For the short time we had hung out, she didn't even touch a cigarette.

"Hey, isn't that your boy toy?", Hyun jerked his head toward me.

"I barely know him", she gave me a brief glance. The sentence was terse and poisonous. She had no idea how much those four words hurt me. I had suddenly became a stranger to her after confessing my feelings?

I walked in to the building with nothing to say and a torn up heart.

Later that day, as I was putting books into my locker, I hear footsteps behind me. I turned around to see mousy looking girl, so thin she could break.

"Onew o-oppa, please accept my feelings", she held out a baby pink envelope.

"I'm sorry, I already have someone I like."

She looked down in disappointment.

"But I will read your letter", I took it from her hands.

"Thank you oppa!", she chirped and skipped down the hallway.

I leaned against the lockers and sighed. I wish she accepted my feelings like that.

"You should've given her a chance.", I heard a voice next to me. I saw her, and like every time we meet, my heart skipped a beat.

I stayed silent.

"Are you mad at me?", she asked.

No response.

"I like this guy...."

"Who is he?", the words flew right out before I could stop them.

"He's this really nice guy, with high grades, a dubu like personality, and he even took the time to tutor me but...."

"But?"

"He doesn't believe me when I say he's too good for me."

"You should give him a chance. He really really wants to be with you."

"That depends. Is he willing to give me a second chance?"

I turned to her, "Yes! Yes, he is!"

"Great."

She grabbed the back of my head and slowly pulled me in for a kiss. Her lips were pink and soft, like cotton candy. As we pulled apart, my eyes fluttered open and I felt a little woozy.

I gave her a sweet smile, before I fainted of pure bliss.

ssaem=teacher

Hongdae=popular place in Korea

Onew=gentle in Korean

dubu=TOFUUUUUUU!