“  hyung I can’t really come to my schedule today! Can you just spare me from it ! “ Siwon said over the phone

“ oh really ? why ? are you oka---hello hello “ the other man from the other line said but couldn’t get any response

Siwon laid down on his bed , surrounded by darkness and absolute silence , he had given up his schedule for the day which is something he didn’t do for about 2 years . he had a lot of thinking to do and he knew it , he just didn’t want to admit it , his life was a chaos , ever since he lost her , he didn’t know which way his life is taking , everything just happened so quickly , 2 years passed at the speed of a light.. Siwon tried his best not to think about her for this hole time thinking that maybe if he does that than maybe , maybe he’ll forget about her and wouldn’t feel any pain of losing such precious person to his heart , he did his best to do so , he even given up on coming back to his house cause it’s full of memories , cause every time he does that he feels like she’s still in that house .

He tossed in bed several times trying to run away from his thought but in vain , he clenched to his blanket feeling that the room that used to feel warm and cozy , now is totally cold and sad , which didn’t do him any good he looked at the window beside him that was covered by the curtains , he had to admit , he can’t remember the last he opened those curtains and looked at the beautiful view he bought this house for , he looked back at the ceiling and sighed as every little inch of this place had it’s own memory . he sat again and decided he should get up and take a shower and leave this place before he loose it .

 It was already evening , Siwon walked the cold streets of Seoul all alone , his hands inside his coat pocket , a hat covered his hair and a scarf that covers the half of his face , he looked around trying to get a better view of what surrounds him , it’s his first time in a long period that he goes out in the day light not Super Junior Choi Siwon but as Choi Siwon , and it seems that no one took notice of him which made him let out a sigh of relief , he didn’t want to bothered , he needed sometime alone , even know his mind didn’t know where his  feet were taking him he just kept going he didn’t have any place in mind so why not just go with the flow ?

As soon as he came across some gates he got a pretty idea of where he is , his feet and his body took him to the one place he tried to stay away from this whole time , he felt guilty for doing so but he had no choice . he took a deep amount of air before taking the next step , his heart started beating so fast , he had this weird feeling inside his stomach just like someone who’s about to take an important exam , with every step he felt himself out of breath , but when he came in front of her grave , his mind stopped , his thought and all the thing he had prepared to say were gone .

He took his time to look at her grave before finding some words to say “ I see you’re doing well ! “ he murmured “ somebody has been taking care of you and visiting you ! I think you’re not lonely after all ! “ he added when he saw some flowers in front of her grave

“ I hope you’re doing good out there ! “ he looked down “ I think you already know how I’m doing I’m getting married ! it’s Jessica she’s a nice person , she stood beside me all the way when I didn’t want to take any professional help … she kept me sane ! “ he gave a small smile “ the guys are fine ! they all miss you “ he said and stopped “ I miss you ! “

He looked down at his hands when he felt something liquid and cold on it , he realized it was water he looked at the sky it wasn’t raining , then he realized he was crying all the time , he whipped the tears and gathered his strength

“ I thought I forgot about you but I didn’t ! I thought that if I drown myself in work and stay away from anything that can remind me of you I would forget about you and move on ! but I didn’t I never did ! “

He sighed “ I’m sorry … I’m really sorry ! … I’m sorry never coming to see you  ! I’m sorry for betraying you … I’m sorry for everything ! “ he stopped and went closer to the stone and went down on his knees and touched  the craved name “ Ra In “

 “ from now on I’ll be coming more often and don’t worry I’ll get you some flowers ! roses you’re favorites ! “ he smiled and got up on his feet , he took one last glance at Ra In’s grave then walked away , he was still confused but felt a little bit better now  , he still had a lot to say but he decided on keeping them for himself . as soon as he got out from the cemitry , he looked left and right trying to decide which way should he take , before he was interrupted by the vibrating of his phone , he took it out of his pockets and looked at the caller ID , it’s Jessica, he sighed before pressing the red button and turning off his phone , he knew exactly why she was calling , it’s not that he forgot about the wedding planner meeting but he just didn’t feel like meeting anyone right , he felt like his in no state to talk about the wedding plans , in fact he hated it , every time Jessica would start talking about it , he’ll try his best to change the subject , until now , he wasn’t a great help for her , and it seems like she knows it since she'll just nag at him from time to time but ends up doing everything on her own .

‘ she managed everything on her own until now , she can do this too ! ‘ he thought and started walking .

‘ what’s more peaceful and beautiful than watching the sunset from the Han River ! ‘ Siwon thought while looking at this beautiful view , he thought about snapping a picture and putting it on his SNS to share it with his fans but then the members would know where he is , and so goes for Jessica so he decided on contenting himself by just looking .

“ omo … jagii .. this is beautiful ! “ he heard someone say from beside him , he looked to see who was talking , to find two couples , in the arms of each other a smile plastered on their faces , that reminded him of the times he came here with Ra In , and how they use to stay at that place for a long time talking and laughing about everything and nothing . he was happy that he was with her and she was too !

He looked down , and let out a small smile about those memories but that smile didn’t last long since he felt like crying again ! he wanted those moments to comeback but it was impossible , he wanted to have that smile on his face again but he can’t , he wanted to see her smile at him again , but he can’t , he wanted her back but she won’t comeback ! he sighed at this realization and turned around to leave .

Siwon kept on walking until it was dark , he was hungry but didn’t feel like eating alone , in fact he was craving for company this whole time but just didn’t feel like calling anyone he knows well , he sat down on a bench in the usual park he use to go too in the morning to exercise , this time it was him that decided to go to this place , he wanted to come back to this place , the place where he first met Ra In , the first time where his heart skipped a beat for a girl , he looked around him , the park was empty as always , no one would come to this place at a time like this  ! he looked at the sky , it was cloudless yet he felt cold just like the night he had a coffee with you , he smiled at the thoughts , ever since he met you , he started to think a lot about Ra In , before he couldn’t even say her name , but when you appeared , he felt like Ra In came back again into his life !

He took out his cell phone from his pocket and dialed your number but there was no response , he tried again but there was no response , he sighed , you were his last hope for a good company ! he decided he’ll try one last time before he’d given up on you

“ hello ! “ you said

“ oh hye ! I’ve been calling you for hours but you didn’t reply ! I was starting to worry ! "Siwon said ‘ I wasn’t calling for hours but exaggeration is needed in some cases ! ‘

“ oh I’m sorry ! I was busy with all the work in the bakery and I forgot that I had my phone on silent mode ! “

Siwon nodded his head as if you were facing him , he looked around him then spoke “ what are you doing now ? “

“ um … now … I was heading home ! “

“ well do you have time to meet me ? … “ he asked and waited for you to answer him impatiently ,

“ I’m going to China tomorrow for some schedule there so … “he said and crossed his fingers hoping that you will accept  than smiled when he heard your response

“ oh yeah ! I’ll meet you ! where are you ? “ you answered

Siwon gave you the address and hang up , he didn’t know why but he started to feel happy for no reason , he wanted to show the place where he met Ra In and hang out with you a little bit , you reminded him of her , he wanted to listen to her stories , he wanted to listen to you so he won’t listen to his own thoughts anymore . Siwon sat there waiting for you to appear for half an hour before he felt his phone vibrating again

“ya !where are you I’ve been calling for the past hours !  aren’t you gonna comeback back now ? you’re flight is in 4 hours !” the manager scolded from the other line

“ what ? “

“ yeah now comeback now so we can be at the airport on time ! …oh and you better do something about Jessica she’s really angry ! “ he added and ended the phone call .

Siwon stood up and walked out of the park trying to find a taxi , luckily there was one passing by , he rode it and dallied your number but it just kept ringing with no response ! 

hey guys ! i'm reaaaaaaaally sorry for the late update .... i hope you don't hate me for making you wait all this time ! i'm reaaaaaaally sorry ! i hate authors who make their readers wait for a long time so now i really really hate myself for becoming one ! but i had no choice it all happened so fast ,high school already started in my country and i'm in my senior year so i have a lot of work and catching up to do so please understand + i'm a slow writer i don't get ideas very easily

 i'm reaaaaaaally sorry !  * bows *

i hope this chapter isn't a very big  disappointment  ! cause i feel like it is ! i'm not really proud of it i kind of wrote it while studying so ... 

thank you for my new and old subscribers ! please keep commenting and subscribing even know i will be less active than i already am ! * bows again *

oh yeah and congrats to our babies they did it ! yeeeeeey !