I am with you...

I am listening to you...

I care about you...

---

 

“You like here?”, Taeyeon asked to the little girl beside her.

 

 

Tonight, Taeyeon and Lucy decided to have a walk in the hospital’s mini garden, it was almost past eight in the evening.

Their hands were swaying together while scanning the familiar surroundings of the garden.

 

Lucy nodded, “I always like here eonnie”, and answered contentedly.

 

This is not their first time to be here, but for Lucy the simple beauty of this garden never fails to amaze her.

This is her favorite place; this is the side of the hospital that she liked the most, where she doesn’t feel scared at all.

This may not be the most beautiful garden you could think of, but for her and to the rest of the patients here, this is beautiful.

 

She loves how the simple garden in daytime could turn into a lovely and lively garden by nighttime.

There were lights on the plants and trees; there were available bench where you can seat all night long, and not minding others business, the sound of crickets chirping fills the quietness of the area, the flowers where still at its bloom while the others took their night sleep too. It’s cold outside but not too cold for you to shiver.

And most importantly it was peaceful. It was calm and quiet, almost deafening.

 

The sky is so clear. The moon almost always on its full size and its brightness is enough to give light to the darkness of the sky, of the place. The stars are all visible and they’re sparkling and twinkling so prettily.

Truly, this night was a different one. It feels surreal and good. They could see it and Lucy could feel it.

 

For Lucy, she feels good inside, and looks good outside.

No chemotherapy for this day and tomorrow, so no after effects to worry about.

She’s fortunate that she could still walk and move without all the apparatus hooked to her.

Only a secured heplock on her left hand were in place. The rest she feels free, strong, and alive.

These are the few days where Lucy is in a good condition, and could turn into a normal and healthy 8 year old girl again.

 

 

 

 “Waah, tomorrow will be sunny”, Lucy smiled to herself.

They finally found a spot that facing directly to the moon and chose to seat in there.

They’re no longer holding hands, but they were just sitting there comfortably and gazing up in the sky.

 

“How did you know?”, Taeyeon asked curiously.

The little girl giggled.

“Look eonnie the sky is so clear though it's dark, and all the stars showed up tonight!”, Lucy was truly fascinated on the scene before her eyes, “When it happens like that, that’s one of the surest sign that it’ll be sunny, and the weather's going to be good on the following day”, She said and smiled again.

 

Taeyeon heard it once before, but happened to forget; now she was reminded again of that simple prediction.

Somehow she felt good about it.

However, does it go like that always? What if it turns out to be different, instead of sunny, it was rainy and gloomy.

Will it give false hope instead?

But it’s just like you’re guessing based on how the sky and the stars would look like the night before.

What she hopes was that not only the weather’s going to be fine and good, but most importantly the lives of the patients here, even how unsure the circumstances, the future holds for them. Even how scary it gives them, not knowing if they will still be alive on the following day. Who knows? Well, no one knows.

It’s scary but, if the clear night sky tells it will going to be fine tomorrow, then they will hold onto it.

 

 

“Who told you that?”, Taeyeon asked again, she too starting to enjoy this simple moment they’re having as of now.

Though they just sneaked out, truth to be told, it is prohibited for the patient to go outside in this time of the night, knowing that they can easily get sick. They still did, Lucy wants it and needs it. Good thing she’s already done with her rounds, and her coworker allowed her to go. But they have to go immediately or else they’ll be dead. Kidding aside.

 

“Mommy told me about this when we had our star gazing before. The sky was crystal clear and the stars were twinkling. It was my first time hearing that eonnie, it was beautiful, and you know what happened the next morning eonnie?…”, Lucy asked and looked up again to the Lady with a bright smile on her face.

“Tell me then”, Taeyeon giggled on her cuteness. She saw pure happiness in her face; she then knew that it was indeed a great memory for her, which it turned out well that day. She can anticipate by now her next words.

“Mommy brought me to the amusement park!—“, Lucy clapped her hands together and looked up to the sky remembering the first time her mommy took her to that place, “The weather was nice, it was so sunny but not too hot to burn our skin and mommy had no work that time”, she added still reminiscing the great experience she had.

“It was true… it was real eonnie”, Lucy whispered to herself this time, her facial expression changed suddenly. Taeyeon heard and saw it, it was sad and not long after tears start to form in her eyes.

She’s holding it back hardly, she was shy and hesitant but the truth is she was crying.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”,  Taeyeon asked worriedly. She cupped her face to have a better look on her, while the other hand gently touching her tiny hands which were clenching tightly on her jacket.

“Lucy what’s wrong?” She repeated

“Eonnie…” she sobs, making it hard now for her to speak up

“Yes, what is it?”

“I wanna go to amusement park”

“To Amusement park?”

“Hmm…” she nodded, lowering her head at the same time

“Eonnie… will I… will I ever go back there again?”, she stated between her sobs. Taeyeon stopped her back, she knew that those words mean more than it was supposed to mean. She knew that the answer to her question might be painful and she might get disappointed instead.

“Will I ever go back there again with mommy? Or with you eonnie? Will they allow sick people to get inside? Will it going to be sunny again? Will I be… okay eonnie?”

Now, Lucy let herself to cry this time making Taeyeon’s uniform wet, but the Lady don’t mind it at all. She just hugged her tightly but carefully too. She was being vulnerable this time.

Silence fills them, it was a long silence.

She listens to the quietness of the night, she listens to their heartbeats, and it was loud and strong. She listens to the wind that blows to their skin.  And lastly, she listens to the girls’ silent cries. It was silent but painful, it was steady but heavy and it was sudden but meaningful.

Will it be too much to say that Lucy feared the tomorrow? Is it too much for her to ask that? Will it be too much for a kid to be happy again? Just a simple visit to the amusement park, is it too much?

No. Lucy deserves more than that. More than paying a visit to the amusement park, she deserves to go over the world, anywhere she wants.  She deserves to see the beauty of this world. She deserves to be happy.

If she could only control the time and the situation, she will bring her anywhere she wanted, to the happiest and beautiful places. She will make her happy only; she will make her experience what it is like being a kid, what it feels like to live free from a disease, though she barely know how live with herself, but this kid is an exception.

Kids like on her age supposed to play around, exploring her surroundings and making friends but not with her case, she was locked up in this place.

Her playground doesn’t have a seesaw but just a plain hallways of the hospital, and the supposedly amusement park she was admiring was just here, this mini garden of this place and yet it was enough for her and she was thankful for its existence.

She’s been living her whole life in this lonely white place and for the first time she confessed her longing of going out, seeing the outside world, and missing how it feels like to be a child, just like the rest in her age. And her, she too can’t do about it, even how she hopes for it.

Being in her deep thoughts, she didn’t notice that Lucy already fell asleep from crying.

She was still in her embrace, comforting the sick child but little did she know that she too starting to shed tears. It was collecting on the corner of her eyes. was aching from the lump that was formed a while ago, even though she tried to swallow it, the pain was still there.

She’s holding it back too, she was shy and hesitant and the truth is she is crying too.

Inwardly, she felt broken, she felt useless, she felt helpless but she can’t be hopeless no matter how small the chances are, she have to hold onto it, no matter how scared she is for the kid, she has to be strong.

She’s a nurse and she takes care of the sick. She’s been doing this for almost four years. She learnt it in classroom and she’s doing it in the actual scenario. She even read about it in many books, she learnt it by heart but she never gets used to it.

She was lacking and she knew it was her words.

 

 

 

 

 

“Need help?” said of the warm voice, seeing Taeyeon with the sleeping kid on her embrace.

Taeyeon startled a little and when she looked up she met with his dazzling eyes, at the same time it was calm and comforting.

Extending his arms, he took the sleeping kid into his side and rested her head on his warm chest.

He too, found it comforting while sitting in this bench directly facing with the moon.

 

“Dr. Byun you don’t have to do this” Taeyeon said still with tears in her eyes.

“Something bad happened?” He asked seeing the swollen eyes of the Lady obviously she’s still on the verge of crying but was stopped after his sudden appearance.

Taeyeon shook her head while blinking away the tears threatening to escape her eyes.

“Nothing … it’s just that Lucy is…” Taeyeon couldn’t continue to her words but seeing his gaze towards her, she knew he will understand, “Lucy wanted to go to the amusement park but she’s scared” then she turned to look down on the sleeping kid between them.

They haven’t said anything else to each other yet she understood the meaning of her cries, Lucy just wanted to have some fun, to experience what little kids experience but at the same time she is scared that it will never happen again.

 

“What did you tell her?” He asked not breaking his stare to the lady even though she’s not returning it.

He knew already the answer, he knew her.

Taeyeon shook her head again for a few times because she haven’t said anything to her, she didn’t even dare to answer her question though it’s not clear if Lucy wants her to answer that. But again she didn’t say anything she kept silent and listen to her soft cries. There were no words came out to her, there was nothing but silence.

Understanding her gesture, Dr. Byun patted her shoulder this time, “It’s okay”, then Taeyeon looked up to him for the second time since he came tonight, “Remember silent and listen?” He asked on purpose. Taeyeon nodded and a small smile curled up to her lips. How can she forget that?

“They uses the same letters, and somehow they convey the same meaning”, He stated with his voice so comforting and understanding.

 He wanted to remind her with these words, that whenever he came across with Taeyeon, these are the words that remind him of her. She knows how to be silent but knows as well when to speak up, and most importantly she knows how to listen.  

That’s her qualities he admired the most. She appeared to be strong and tough but she’s actually soft and shy. She always says that she’s bad at expressing herself but she didn’t realize that she’s not that bad after all. She has a different way to express herself and that is being there and sometimes through her songs. She looks reserved most of the times but she’s worth it.

She is precious.

 

 

“Thank you” Taeyeon muttered under her breath and this time her smile was real and sincere.

“I missed this” He whispered but enough for her to hear,  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I miss you”

And again silence filled them.

 

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New chap.

How was it??? I hope I could double update...U_U

See yah!