Passionate Battles Of Shattered Hearts. (Edited Ver.)

Forget Me Not: Journey Of Memories
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**IN THE UOC HQ**

3RD POV:   Crashes and Burns.    Alarms signalling everyone to back away.    Everything is blaring and so confusing.    "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE BASTARD?!" Donghae yelled on top of his lungs as he saw HIM. "Well, I just can't let you all have the HAPPIEST ENDING without me in it right?" HE smirked, causing the last drop of patience left within Donghae to spill out. "Y-you." said, scared and backed away slowly as her eyes met with HIS STARE. Out of much shock and fear, she stumbled by a step and fell on a broken piece of glass.   "AH!" yelped softly. HE, who saw how his very presence scared the wits out of her, felt his stupid guilt rise up in his conscience. 'No. Not now.' He muttered, clenching his hands into a fist. "Yah, Khun-ah. AREN'T YOU TIRED YET?!" Donghae snapped. "BOTH YOU AND ME KNOW HOW NICHKHUN HORVEJKUL REALLY IS!" He growled. As Khun heard his former best friend say those, he smirked, 'You still know me so well...Even after 10 years.' He sighed silently. "And mabe you get to encounter the WRONG SIDE of me then." Both shot the other glares full of determination and challenge.   DONGHAE: KHUN:   'It ain't a JUST fight between our clans...It's a fight for HER.' They both thought while summoning their swords. After the summoning spells were cast, sheaths were thrown aside, they gripped their swords tightly and awaited for A NEW CLASH.   **IN THE POLICE STATION**      Shattered glass windows.   Busted prison cells.   Jessica Jung.       "Who are YOU, damn B*TCH?! YOU dared to cause a catasrophe?! SH*T! Now we'll have to clean upafter your mess!" Junhyung hissed as he pointed his very-ready pistol at the intruder's direction. "Oh c'mon. YOU shooting me Yong Junhyung?! You must be kidding me." She scoffed and flipped her hair, mocking the policeman quickly. "JUNG SOOYEON!" Yuri came in the scene and held an identical pistol as Junhyung's.    PISTOL:   Jiyeon and Joon heard the alarm blaring before them and went out of the File Keeper's Area. They ran back to check out what happened in the Main Desk - where Yuri and Junhyung had been. Their eyes widened at the sight of 'The Jungs' Traitor' after leaving 10 years ago, putting 's life in full danger. "JUNG SOOYEON! YOU B*TCH!" Jiyeon cursed on top of her lungs, as if she had to explode or else she'll lose her own sanity if she kept still even for one more second. She looked like she was ready to pounce on her and start the 'CLAWING GAME' that girls always have, but Joon held her back by grabbing her wrist. "Yeon, no...don't. Don't snap at her now." He looked at Jiyeon's eyes worriedly, and the girl softened at the sight of this.   Both Yuri and Junhyung froze as another fight rose up in front of them. "Y-you guys know her?" Yuri asked, still cautious as she pointed the pistol at Jessica, who just shrugged it as if it was a little kid's water gun. Jiyeon quickly nodded while summoning her naginata and Joon summoned his sword. As they communicated with simple gestures, the tension began to grow like the silence in the wrecked room. "So, we're just gonna stand her ALL DAY LONG?" Jessica strated throwing annoying lines at the four, who amazingly kept their cool while formulating their team attack mentally.   JOON:   JIYEON:   As the intruder took a step toward them, Joon pulled strings of light from his fingers, causing Jessica to be trapped by a captive spell. He did a quick mental spell and left his sword attached to his bel
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Little-Red
P.S. If you'd all like to read my other fics, YOu'RE ALL WELCOME AND LOVE DIF YOU DO SO~ LOL! XD

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Vampirexy192
#1
Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D
Vampirexy192
#2
Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)
exolovechick
#3
yea i was surprised to see exolovechick i would recommend to name the main character but other than that, i am looking forward in reading this fic :)
rukehna #4
scared the crap out of me when i see my username lol
yoonaaegyo
#5
Its realy funny because my username is also yoonaaegyo but otherwise I am looking forward to reading this fanfics :)
ILoveKitCats
#6
Chapter 19: this story is so mysterious . i must keep reading to know the ans .. jinjja daebak !!
chimaniecricket
#7
always sj15forever!!!!
x3Yoongiex3
#8
Chapter 125: i just finished your story & really liked it (:
jonginies #9
okay! ^^
Little-Red
#10
@kpopaholic121: SEE YOU AT THE OTHER STORIES CHINGGU~ :D