Premonitions Of The End. (Edited Ver.)

Forget Me Not: Journey Of Memories
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While all of them are still trapped within the maze, the Horvejkuls - Khun, Jessica, L, Hara and Seira - were now gathered on the living room upstairs.



"Hey, I need to annunce something." Hara spoke while the others were either spacing out or doing something by themselves. She was outraged when she saw how everyone else, even Seira, ignore her. "YAH! ARE YOU ALL LISTENING TO ME?!" She hissed, making everyone face and widen their eyes at her. "Good. Now that you ALL are paying attention, I guess I should share my thoughts." She crossed her hands like a boss. "And what do you wanna blabber about, huh BRAT?" L glared at her while sitting on one of the couches.

HARA:

L:


"I wanted to tell all of you something...important." She said in a soft voice. Khun, who sensed something bothering teh usually tough and straight-minded Hara, then called everyone's attention, "Hey y'all better listen. Hara might say something REALLY IMPORTANT." He said while looking at Hara intently. "T-They have e-escaped." She silently muttered, however, it was enough for everyone else to hear.

KHUN:

JESSICA:

SEIRA:


"WHAT?!" Jessica hissed, while Seira gasped, obviously everyone had the same reaction with Seira. "HOW? WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED?!" Jessica acted as if someone just stole her clothes. "Well, it's best if you just shut up noona. Instead of ranting on and on about how annoyed you are, we better do something about it." L spoke with a calm voice yet  he looked at Jessica mockingly. "Sadist. Okay then, if you're so smart, how do we get them?" Jessica shot back with a glare. "I dunno, I didn't sa anything about suggesting entrapment operations, didn't I?" He said again, this time with a chuckle. Jessica was only THIS close to slapping his pretty face but she knew she should have a grip on herself.

Everything was pure, awkward silence. "Hm, what if we do this?" Seira spoke, holding out

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Little-Red
P.S. If you'd all like to read my other fics, YOu'RE ALL WELCOME AND LOVE DIF YOU DO SO~ LOL! XD

Comments

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Vampirexy192
#1
Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D
Vampirexy192
#2
Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)
exolovechick
#3
yea i was surprised to see exolovechick i would recommend to name the main character but other than that, i am looking forward in reading this fic :)
rukehna #4
scared the crap out of me when i see my username lol
yoonaaegyo
#5
Its realy funny because my username is also yoonaaegyo but otherwise I am looking forward to reading this fanfics :)
ILoveKitCats
#6
Chapter 19: this story is so mysterious . i must keep reading to know the ans .. jinjja daebak !!
chimaniecricket
#7
always sj15forever!!!!
x3Yoongiex3
#8
Chapter 125: i just finished your story & really liked it (:
jonginies #9
okay! ^^
Little-Red
#10
@kpopaholic121: SEE YOU AT THE OTHER STORIES CHINGGU~ :D