A Mini-Chat With The Captives. (Edited Ver.)

Forget Me Not: Journey Of Memories
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After the two boys escaped the party intended for them, they headed underground - To the Prison Cells of their freshly-captured captives.

"You know what, hyung? Sometimes, I really get to think why I never fit in with the rest of the Horvejkuls." L softly sighed while they leisurely walked down the rocky path. "Don't feel alone, always remember, I feel just THE SAME." Khun retorted while giving his dongsaeng a cocky smirk. They arrived the gate to the Prison Area, "Guess this is the very first party that we celebrate with our so-called TARGETS?" L asked with a grin, Khun nodded with excitement on his face.   The moment the door opened, the two went in with hearts ready for their former friends' predicted mockery. "Hey! Look who's here! My DEAR cousins, L and Khun-hyung." Jinyoung hissed as he saw the view from his prison cell. "So the two of them are one of  THOSE GUYS who messed with our -ie?" Taeyeon snarled while Yuri shot the two steady and heated glares while their eyes follwed the two boys' every move.   L stopped by Gikwang's cell and squatted down to see his past friend's pathetic situation. "Hey Lee Gikwang. Look at you. You're such a mess right now." He spoke in a rather mockingly way which made Gikwang glare at him with both of his brows about to form a bridge. "Tch, don't talk to me, you traitor." Gikwang sneered with a dark smirk on his usually bright and happy face. "You better stay away from me L, not unless you'd want me to kill you straight once I get out of these stupid boundaries." Gikwang eyed Khun shortly and then exchanged glares with L, who stood up calmly and headed for the door. He started to lean on the wall, waiting for Khun to finish whatever he has to do.   "Way to go Gikwang-ah. We know how much you all would've hated us by now, b
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Little-Red
P.S. If you'd all like to read my other fics, YOu'RE ALL WELCOME AND LOVE DIF YOU DO SO~ LOL! XD

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Vampirexy192
#1
Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D
Vampirexy192
#2
Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)
exolovechick
#3
yea i was surprised to see exolovechick i would recommend to name the main character but other than that, i am looking forward in reading this fic :)
rukehna #4
scared the crap out of me when i see my username lol
yoonaaegyo
#5
Its realy funny because my username is also yoonaaegyo but otherwise I am looking forward to reading this fanfics :)
ILoveKitCats
#6
Chapter 19: this story is so mysterious . i must keep reading to know the ans .. jinjja daebak !!
chimaniecricket
#7
always sj15forever!!!!
x3Yoongiex3
#8
Chapter 125: i just finished your story & really liked it (:
jonginies #9
okay! ^^
Little-Red
#10
@kpopaholic121: SEE YOU AT THE OTHER STORIES CHINGGU~ :D