The Maze Within A Maze. (Edited Ver.)

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They finally entered the labyrinth.

"Whatever happens, don't let your heart falter. Be strong and remember the REAL REASON as to why you decided to get in this troublesome decision." Jinyoung reminded everyone as they started to walk through the hedges. "Shall we split up? So that we could have a faster way." Hongki suggested. "I see, that's given. Are we gonna have the same groups?" Gikwang asked. before anyone could even answer him, the others started to form the usual groups. "Fine, no other choice." He muttered as he walked over to Jinyoung and Hongki. "I see we're stuck with each other again eh?" Hongki stared at Gikwang. "Tch, if only I had a choice, I wouldn't settle for this." Gikwang rolled his eyes.

GROUPINGS:
Donghae and
Joon and Jiyeon
Gikwang, Hongki and Jinyoung
Junhyung, Yuri and Taeyeon

"We all set?" Donghae asked the others and received nods. "Alright, here we go." They all took a deep sigh before passing through different pathways. Donghae and went through the center, Joon and Jiyeon on took a turn on the left, Hongki, Jinyoung and Gikwang on the third passage while Junhyung, Yuri and Taeyeon checked their gears before going through the last passage.

"Everything SHALL NOW begin."

HE smirked as he watched the team separate into groups. As he waved his hand on the air, the maze shifted its position. "YOU'LL ALL BE PLAYING RIGHT THROUGH MY HANDS." HE laughed as he took a sip on his wine. "I won't let any single one of you, IMBECILES, get through my way into FINALLY ruling THE DIMENSIONS." He snarled evilly before throwing teh wine glass on teh cold cement floor. The guy HAS FINALLY LOST HIS SANITY.

~Donghae and ~

"O-oppa, I'm scared." You shivered while holding onto Donghae's hand firmly. He looked at your cautious and fearful eyes before cupping your cheeks. "Princess, nothing bad's gonna happen, okay? Don't be afraid. as long as you put it in here," He points to our heart and gives you a smile, "As long as you always tell your heart to be strong, nothing bad's gonna happen." He then gave you a kiss on your forehead.

As the two of you ventured deeper to the maze, you two noticed the continuous drop of the temperature. Since you were wearing a dress, you shivered in the cold. 'No. I'm gonna be fine. I will reach throughout this maze. I can make it...because I brought so much mess into people's lives. I must fight until I finish this.' You thought, unconsciously shivering from the cold. When Donghae noticed, he took off a layer of his clothes and made you wear one.

YOU:<

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Vampirexy192 #1 Dec 9, 2015 06:44:47

Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D

Vampirexy192 #2 Dec 9, 2015 06:39:34

Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)