Taeyeon’s POV

I entered this field because it was my dream. I can’t remember when singing became my passion instead of a hobby but once I realized I couldn’t live without singing for the rest of my life, I was determined to capture this dream no matter the obstacles. Luckily my dad’s dream was also to become a singer, but he didn’t make it into that field so he encouraged me instead to go for my passion. I did just that. It took many years of vocal training but I was a natural so I exceled at an alarming rate. Maybe that is why I took first in a singing competition and got hired by SM entertainment.

After putting my foot into the door of opportunities, I knew nothing would stop my dream of becoming a singer for the rest of my life. I knew not everything about this job would be glamorous and privacy was not to be expected, but we all have to give up something if we want something so desperately.  The hard road is more rewarding in the end.

After several years of training, SM decided to debut me as a solo singer. I wanted to be in a group but they said that my talent was rare and was better publicized individually. They were my owners, so like a lost puppy I had to follow.

I guess that brings me to where I am now. It is hard to believe that it has been 4 years since I debuted and established myself as one of the nation’s top stars. I didn’t know that my fame would happen this fast but with all the OSTs that I did, it really didn’t come as a huge surprise. The OST queen is what they were calling me these days. It was nice to be known for something specific but the road as a solo singer was lonely.

Sure I was beautiful and I can’t deny that many men lusted after me. I didn’t want their attention though. I had a secret. I hid it well but that created several problems. The main one being that I will probably be alone for the rest of my singing career.

I am not sure when it started but I noticed that I found only my female teachers, singers and actresses attractive.  My eyes were always on them but with my career I made of several actors that I admired to be my “ideal” type but that was far from the truth. I liked girls and that made life difficult. I mean I am running out of ways to turn down the list of guys that are asking me out!

Oh…I need to snap out of my thoughts since it is time to get out on stage.

I saw my manager approach my door saying it is time. I have never been more confident in my life than when it comes to how I will perform on stage. The emotions for each song came naturally.

I was promoting the new song that I had. It was not unusual to have a duet with a fellow singer from my company since I was a solo singer. This time I was promoting a song with Jonghyun from one of the boy groups named Shinee. I have to agree that the boy had a good voice which made practice easier but he was one of my fan boys which made life off the stage difficult.

I remember that he tried asking me out during our training days but like usual I turned him down. I had to even laugh during our interview because he tried to show he didn’t know much about me but we both knew that he followed my activities like a hawk.

“Taeyeon you were flawless again.”

“Thanks Jonghyun.”

“Are you ready for our fan meet tomorrow? We practically get to spend the whole day together.”

I smiled although I was forcing it, “Thrilled.” Right then a camera came into our face.

“Are you two worried about winning tonight? You are against some tough competition.”

I let Jonghyun answer, “We gave it our best. That is all we can do.”

“People have been saying that you are the perfect couple with your charming singing voices.”

I scoffed inside but I saw Jonghyun give a wide grin, “Taeyeon does have an amazing voice.”

Of course I had to keep up an image, “Jonghyun also has a very good voice.” Luckily the MC left and we could return to our individual waiting rooms. Too much time with Jonghyun could be suffocating.

After a while I heard a knock on my door which opened without me saying a word. I smiled widely when I saw the familiar face, “TaeTae!!”

I jumped up and hugged my eye-smiling friend, “Tiff!!! I didn’t know you were here!”

After our excitement died down, we took a seat to catch up, “I would like to say that I came to visit you but actually Nichkhun is here with some of the members.”

It is no secret between us that those two are dating so that didn’t surprise me that she would be here when her boyfriend was around. Tiffany is from SM also but in a small group of girls. We joined the company around the same time so it didn’t take long for us to become friends but I never had feelings for her when I knew how boy-crazy she was. She dated a bit but this Nichkhun guy has lasted much longer than any other boy.

However, I got a sour feeling when I heard the other members were lurking around. The group they were apart of was known as a beastly idol group, 2pm. They were all pretty ripped but all the fangirling went to their heads and they thought they could have any girl that crossed their path, including me. Most were cool with me not taking their advances except Jun K. I swear that guy is one of the biggest playboys and he still tries to take advances even though I don’t want him.

“TaeTae I think they are calling you back on stage.” I was so happy to hear that. I mean I wanted to spend more time with Tiffany but knowing Jun K could be around, made me want to escape this place even more.

I walked out of my room and saw Jonghyun which was like a breath of fresh air compared to Jun K. We made it onto the stage for the announcement of the winner for the show. Unfortunately we lost but all is well since I make money and still get to sing regardless of the result. Also no after party with the staff and Jonghyun which would be nice.

I went to my couch and laid down to relax from a hard day of practice and performances. Promoting a new song made my body and voice suffer the most but I loved every minute of it. After a while of being lazy I decided to look at my iPad and check my messages on my fan sites. So many people say they love me but do they really? Do any of them actually know me? The real me?

I read the comments of boys and girls saying they love me. I started to believe that Korea is full of people who don’t know the meaning of true love. How can they blindly say they are in love with someone without having a true conversation or even meeting the person? Maybe I am being hypocritical. I also say I love my fans but I never met most of them either.

I put down my iPad because all this thinking about love was making me tired and I knew tomorrow would turn into another tiring day for me.

The next day I got into the van on the way to the fan meet after going to the salon. Jonghyun was there before me although I know his hair also takes a long time to prepare. “Taeyeon! You look good today!”

I looked to see if there was any changes but I was in the same attire I wore for all the promotions of this song, “You look good yourself?” I wasn’t sure what to say really. I watched the staff busily preparing for the fan meet while we waited behind the stage. I could hear my fans waiting and cheering when they were ready to announce our arrival on the stage.

It wasn’t long before Jonghyun and I came out. So many screaming fans made my ears go deaf for several seconds. I could see signs for me but I think there were more fans for Jonghyun at this fan meet. After giving us markers and papers to sign, the people came.

Fan meets were actually very fun. I love meeting my fans in person and hearing them say things to me. Mostly how they admire or love my voice. It was like an endless line of people but I signed away and greeted all of them generously.

It had been an hour of signing and I could feel my hand getting tired but I was still happy to give my signature to my fans. I finished signing for the one fan and then looked up to see something special. It was like the gods blessed my sight with something rare and beautiful. I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My first thought was, ‘why is she one of my fans? Is she not a model?’

“Hello unnie! I really love your voice!” I could see that she was acting shyly like all my other fans but why did she make me breathless and unable to speak? This was not something I had happen to me before. She saw me spacing out, “Unnie? Can I have your signature?” I looked at Jonghyun who was also looking at me curiously.

I looked down at the paper and then back up at her, “Yes…Umm what is your name?”

I can’t believe I just stuttered, “Jessica! My name is Jessica.”

I smiled while writing her beautiful name down on my paper, “Are you from the states?”

She smiled at me with those white glossy teeth, “I was born there but moved back here.”

Not sure why but my heart jumped for joy when I heard that she was here and not leaving. I looked back down at the paper and jotted down my phone number…it was risky to give such valuable information but I couldn’t have her escape. I really wasn’t sure what was happening to me and why I was taking new risks such as this but I couldn’t let something like this slip through my fingers.

I saw her take the paper and then look at me curiously for answers. I gave her one of the biggest smiles I could make, “Really…I really mean it.”

I saw her blush and quickly put the paper in her bag like she was hiding something precious. I watched her walk away but was sadly disrupted by the next fan that came to see me.

I returned to my apartment drained from the extra activities today. After going to my couch I closed my eyes and remembered the events today regarding a certain person named Jessica. I remember after the fan meet I tried looking in the crowd for her but to no avail. My eyes have also been glued to my phone hoping for a message or a call from her. I regretted that I didn’t get her number too. Having the choice to get in contact with me in her hands made me anxious like I won’t get the chance to choose my fate.

Day two…I checked my phone over and over but no message from Jessica.

Day three…I panicked when I found out that my phone was left at home. However, I returned and no call from Jessica.

Day four…it was then that the unexpected happened. She called.

“Umm unnie? This is Jessica.”

I didn’t want to sound too anxious but I was more than excited by the sound of her voice on the other side of the phone, “I remember. So umm this is your number.” I slapped myself on the forehead for asking an obvious and stupid question.

“Y-yes it is.”

Since we were both an emotional mess, I took the initiative, “Did you want to have coffee with me sometime?”

I was squeezing my phone like I was trying to hold on the hope that she would accept, “Of course I will!”

The shy girl just blurted those words out at me which almost gave me a heart attack but I couldn’t hold back the laughter. I knew she was embarrassed on the other side of the phone but she was very amusing, “Alright. Does tomorrow morning at 9am work for you?”

I could hear her fidgeting with papers, “I can make it work.”

I smiled knowing that she was making time for me, “I will text you the location later.”

“O-okay…bye…”

“Jessica?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for what?”

“Calling me back…I will see you tomorrow.” I hung up the phone smiling and giving a sigh of relief. In the world people do crazy things but it is the risks that can give you the best rewards. A motto that will define our relationship.